


Of Daughters & Mothers

by LittleSwanLover



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - In Storybrooke | Cursed, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bit of a ghost story too, Child Snow, Cover Art, Daniel is Daniella in Regina’s past, F/F, Healing, Medieval Enchanted Forest Flashbacks, Mommy Issues, Multi, Parent Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Parent-Child Relationship, Snow and Regina work through their past, Trust Issues, Young Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, mild spanking, mommy Regina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-09-14 09:11:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 100,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16910148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSwanLover/pseuds/LittleSwanLover
Summary: Regina & Snow White, both at their most vulnerable, must learn to work together to heal the broken past between them in a most unconventional way. Will they survive each other and learn how to forgive or remain trapped in their worst nightmare?Set mid S.2 right at the death of Cora. Mother’s last words, “you would have been enough,” begins a journey back in time to a cursed Storybrooke, before Henry, where Regina awakens to find the woman who killed her Mother, now a child she is responsible for.:::::::::::::::::::A/N - I have always felt that OUAT left too many loose threads between Snow and Regina. Not enough of their relationship when Snow was a child was highlighted or even worked through to the depth that it deserved when Snow was an adult, in my opinion. This is my take on their story.





	1. Choices

**Author's Note:**

> A/N – This will loosely follow major canon plot points up until mid season two right at the death of Cora. A/U and not all is as it seems. I put a very medieval spin on flashbacks to the Enchanted Forest on societal views of women and children. Fitting those times there is mild spanking done to a minor in this story. 
> 
> For the sake of this story the following is true – Regina met Snow when Snow was five instead of ten and was forced to marry Leopold after saving the child’s life. Cora lived with them at the castle. 
> 
> ::::::::::::::::
> 
> Dedication:
> 
> For anyone who has ever wondered if you are enough…  
> Beautiful soul; yes, you are enough.
> 
>  
> 
> “A Mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” –Agatha Christie

 

 

Chapter Title:

Choices

 

Chapter Summary:

_“Sometimes the smallest of choices can change a life forever.”_

_::::::::::::::::::_

 

The Dark One’s dagger slipped from a gloved hand and dropped to the rug of Gold’s Pawn Shop with a deafening thud. Cora hissed. Her back arching like a snake that was stepped on as she registered a foreign heat in her chest. Rumple’s eyes blown wide in shock on her. And from them she staggered back away, rage pushing to spill at the interruption to her moment of absolute power. She froze.

 

 It began beating.

 

Gasping, Cora clutched her chest fixing eyes on Regina as ache clouded her vision. Then her heart burst sending wave after wave of pure addictive emotion through her veins. She was high on feeling. The taste of it; devotion and affection, of sacrifice and betrayal. The full spectrum of _love_ so long repressed for the first time in decades drenched her senses and soaked her soul. Cora was floating, then drowning, drowning in it. _‘Regina.’_ Then there she was at arm’s length. Her little girl.

 

Cora smiled blind to the rest of the room.

 

In turn Regina gave one right back. Hopeful and in need. “Mother?”

 

The Queen of Hearts took a step forward, arms outstretched. Desire to hold her child, her Regina overwhelming. Visions of her daughter as a baby, fresh and new to a world washed a soothing balm over her insides used to nothing but power and hate. Mixed emotions scratched against the others for dominance, clawing to get to the new heat pumping in her chest. Memories flashed of presenting her child for the masses to adore. Hope for her daughter to have everything she never had, to command power and respect as a right; to one day rule as Queen.

 

But her child, now a Queen looking back at her had wanted none of that. She never understood the why behind Regina’s adamant rebellion against the glory of power or their society’s customs. Still Cora had meddled, twisted, and baited until the broken woman looking back at her was what her spite had created. One thing Regina had only ever wanted since an infant in arms had simply been her. Power focused and not the way of the law of the land, Cora had never understood her daughter’s need there. Women were granted few rights in the Enchanted Forest and she had earned every hard fought step on the tier for dominance in the man’s world they were born into. Her little girl gone—now a woman blurring in front of her.

 

Now, was their second chance. Maybe things could be different between them. Cora wanted them to be oh so different. Her mind spun with these thoughts as the fullness of feeling took over. Then her heart began beating slower in her chest and with it blood began to seep through the dark lapel of her jacket. Stumbling Cora looked down, lifting the flap. Scarlet tears dripped down, down, down soaking the fabric as her hands tried to stop it. Life drained from a wound she didn’t know she had.

 

Sharp cut and all of these awakened feelings were flowing out fast. Too fast and losing. Cora was losing her newfound self. She took a step forward and her foot missed the ground. The ground came for her as the hungry darkness of death chewed at the corners of her eyes. Lungs beginning to collapse as she did right into her child’s arms.

 

“Mother?” Regina went with Cora to the floor as it slammed into her knees. Frantic eyes searched her mother over for hurt. “ _Mother_! What’s wrong?” Cradling the woman in her arm, tears pushed behind her lids.

 

Limp and head rolling, Cora forced her eyes to focus on her daughter’s. “This…” Searching sweet feeling amber pools she had long missed the depths of. “Would have been enough…” No, not clear yet as Regina’s face dimmed before her. Cold, so cold she felt, but her words were not. Warm and open she tried one last time. “You…”

 

 Cora tried to reach a hand up that refused to move on its own to a cheek in need of a caress, a simple act of kindness she had never been able to give. Stolen love from her child in this life, she decided then and there she would not be a thief when she went to the next. Last regrets consuming Cora did not want Regina to continue to suffer for her need of hate and power; for love or a chance of what might be left of it to be scattered to the winds. Choice, she had to give her daughter.

 

A choice.

 

Cora summoned all of her magical strength from her core to the surface, a great bubble of power about to be lost to the void of nothing she suspected awaiting her. It pillowed gently waiting to burst just beneath her tongue, one gift, her only gift to her daughter, popped with her last breath. “ _You_ would have been enough.” Magic released her eyes rolled back.

 

Shaking. Regina was shaking. “Mother? Mother…” Hearing shuffling behind her, fallen Queen turned sharply, then pleading up to the Dark One. “What’s going on?” His stare, almost kind gave a final answer that broke her heart. Whipping back and stroking a chilly cheek she began crying. Begging as she had done as a child. “Mother, nooo… Don’t leave me _please_.” Ripping, she was breaking at the seams. Pulling the woman who gave her life close to her chest as she had always longed to do she rocked in mourning. Whispering. “What am I going to do?” The truth would die with Cora and any chance she had of getting Henry back would be lost. Of Snow believing—

 

“Your mother did you no favors.” Cruel as they sounded Rumple hadn’t meant them to be. Regina’s outrage tore through him and he almost felt something stir. A twinge, guilt maybe on a good day and right now, alive in Cora’s place, it was a good day.

 

“Shut up!” Screamed up from the base of his feet, a man’s feet, where she said she would never be again. Regina recoiled in disgust as she took in the Imp that had twisted her Mother into something unnatural, something inhumane. Angry. “You stole her life!” Then breaking again. “You cast some spell.” Sure of the fact as she was that she was breathing and her Mother was not.

 

“I did nothing.” Razor thin cuts and too many, his truth caused.

 

And it salted at the hole gaping in Regina. _‘If not him, then who…’_

 

“REGINA! Stop!” Bounding in and sliding to a complete halt with Charming right on her heels Snow White yelled and floundered at the scene before her. Too late too late too late— _No_! Heart beat madly in her chest and something deep, dark within it grew teeth. Those jagged fangs tore a piece of red beating flesh out to consume when Regina’s cold pain looked up and through her.

 

Regina lost herself. “ _You_ did this?!” Shock and certainty; a double edged sword of pain.

 

Gaping in horror Snow burned under the ice filled gaze. “I…”

 

Black sparks snapped up around them popping against the floor as the lights flashed wickedly. Ground rumbled its displeasure sending everyone standing to their knees as thick ropes of black smoky magic spiraled in from the corners of the room, wrapping around each of them; tight and tighter suffocating. Regina clung to her Mother’s body as someone’s hand found her ankle. Shadows stole consciousness as her Mother’s last words echoed in mind, a rolling thunder taking them all to task under the mask of darkness.

 

::::::::::::::::::

 

Crushing.

 

Someone was crushing her heart.

 

Regina’s eyes popped open, body slamming upright gasping for air. Fingers clawed her throat as she struggled to breathe. Realizing she could aching eyes took in the room.

 

Her room.

 

At home in the mansion.

 

Quiet she listened. Sounds of the house, of the heat kicking on, and faintly of cars passing outside. Something creaked across the room and her head snapped right thinking she saw shadow passing. Then left as the curtains fluttered from the open window. Shivering, she was suddenly freezing.

 

 _‘I was dreaming.’_ Wilting in thought Regina rubbed her face. Hard. Willing her body to register reality. _‘Just a dream.’_ Though her eyes hurt and her chest. Massaging both she yawned and took in the time. _‘What day is it?’_ Feeling off in more than one way as her feet found the soft cream carpet. Going right to the window she shut it wondering when in the night she had opened it. Almost dizzy she went into the bathroom just off of her closet. Light on, she searched for anything as different as she suddenly felt.

 

Nothing out of the ordinary. Same fixtures, makeup in drawer and her tasteful yet sparse decorations adorned the counter and walls. She took a few minutes to splash cold water on her face and run a brush through her hair. Taking her time to brush her teeth and put on her favorite apple scented hand cream, Regina fluffed her hair once and killed the light.

 

_‘What a horrible dream.’_

Today she had to put a stop to Mother’s game. Played along as best she could the last few weeks with Cora’s return to Storybrooke with that pirate in order to keep that dark woman away from Henry. Regina braced herself in the doorway thinking of him and the way he used to look at her with such adoration.

 

Now she was lucky to get a glare her way in passing. But Henry was tucked safely away with Miss Swan and the Charmings, just as she had planned. Still it was too familiar. Little eyes glaring in misunderstanding and hate. Hated her he did for something he didn’t fully understand. She didn’t blame him or even the Charming brood. As fault often did, it lay with her Mother and in her own inability to stop that dark force of nature from consuming those she loved.

 

Regardless Regina would work to contain the terror that was her Mother like she always had, but as it was now the stakes were too high—she needed help. Trying. She had been trying so hard to show them, all of them, she was not what they thought she was. What that damn book called her. Then Mother came to town and she had been framed for Archie’s murder. And they turned on her. Every single one of them.

 

Again.

 

Regina’s shoulder hit hard against the door frame.

 

Her plan had been to keep Mother occupied, play into the need of a Mother’s love Cora was using as bait to manipulate her. Regina would never be used again. Had learned and sacrificed too much to be a pawn in another game for the Queen of Hearts. And that red _Queen_ was the epitome of twisted without being the Dark One. Cora’s goal had been made clear to her when she and Mother were standing the abandoned library with the pirate unconscious in the corner. Standing face to face and playing along as she had been was working to get at the rotten core where her Mother’s heart should be. Her words and Cora’s blurred across her mind.

 

 

_“Is this what this whole thing has been about?” She asked. “Getting Rumple’s dagger so you could obtain his dark powers?”_

_Cora gave a tolerant smile and had spoken simply as if she were a child hard of understanding. “If we possess the dagger we control the Dark One. And we can command him to make everyone understand the truth. Isn’t that what you want? For them all to look at you and see you for who you really are Regina?”_

_A gloved hand reached to ~~soothe~~ fix her dark hair and for just a moment Regina had thought it would be a long awaited caress._

_Cora continued. “You will be blameless and in the eyes of the only one who matters now.”_

 

It was there her Mother was wrong. Henry wasn’t the only one who mattered, but nod in acquisition Regina had and went along with the role of dutiful daughter. Cora’s smile black and straight had glittered wickedly in want. Becoming the Dark One as she suspected her Mother was plotting to do would destroy the realms and any hope she had of getting her son back and maybe even of healing some of the past with another.

 

Regina shook her head. That healing would never happen. Too much pain poisoned the water under the white bridge. Water still flowing made it uncross-able. No. Mother must not get the dagger today, but she couldn’t stop her Mother on her own.

 

She looked at the clock blaring red across the bedroom. Supposed to meet Mother at her vault in a few hours to go over the plan, Regina sighed. Between now and then maybe, just maybe she could get the Charmings to listen. To give the truth of her side and lay all the missing cards on the table. Rumple was no better than her Mother. They both needed to be contained. Banished far apart from one another.

 

Instead of helping the Imp Regina had to get the Charmings to see how much the two were the same and together with them, she thought they just might be able to be rid of both evils today. Miss Swan might be the key to that. No Emma. _Emma_ had been the first to give her a chance. She softened thinking of that moment outside of the diner of Granny’s where Emma had invited her to the potluck celebration. And when she had been ignored longer than she could stand she had tried to leave. Emma had come after her. In her hurt over missing Henry and those all too familiar feelings she’d snapped and apologized. Emma had said okay. That one word had moved one mountain between them. Maybe it would again today.

 

But coffee first before any more soul airing to the Savior.

 

Downstairs Regina went quickly and began her morning routine without much thought to what she was doing. Finger mechanically pressed brew on the coffee pot as she went to fetch the paper. Opening the front door she stepped out in the crisp morning air. Slippers traveled the walkway and Regina bent to pluck the rolled paper from the sidewalk. Movement in her peripheral vision made her take back a step in caution.

 

Since the curse broke she had been on high alert for anyone wanting to hurt her, though none seemed to dare since she’d regained her powers. Shoulders dropping, Regina remembered she was the one in control. She straightened up and lifted her chin at the Cricket walking by with Pongo. Regina flinched as he stared.

 

Then he waved.

 

She blinked. _‘Did he just…?’_

 

“Good morning Madam Mayor!” Archie’s merry voice floated by like an echo from a time long ago.

 

“Good morning.” Answering back as she had done for many years, Regina replied and wondered over his greeting.

 

 Last time she checked she was still on his shit list and many like lists around town since the curse broke, never mind the sham of Archie’s murder many thought she had concocted as a ploy of some kind yet to be discovered fully. Sighing. She was always blamed for everything. Brow furrowed as it always did with that thought. Regina went back into the house, smell of her favorite mocha coffee a small comfort in the growing angst in her stomach. Ignoring it she went into the kitchen, tossing paper on the counter. Regina searched for her favorite red mug Henry had made her in second grade.

 

She missed him terribly and the much simpler time when he just hated her for not telling him about being adopted. Cora had interfered yet again and her sweet little prince believed, just like they all did, that she was what that story book said she was. Frowning in present and her fingers brushed a bare spot on the shelf where she always kept it. Mug not there made her stomach roll.

 

Still searching and deeper her frown grew, Regina near tore through each cabinet. Then the pantry and every single drawer though logic told her she would never keep it there. Dishwasher was checked next and nothing sighed, wondering if he had taken it when he packed a bag for Snow’s loft two months ago. No, she had it well before then. Yesterday in fact.

 

Pausing sharply as she thought _. ‘But what day was that?’_

 

Worry increasing Regina took any mug from the shelf full of them her hand found next. Pouring the bitter brew, she dressed it with cream. Eyes watched as the white mixed with the black of coffee, billowing into a perfect mushroom cloud under her hand. Regina’s heart felt like that. Ache with each puff that floated and crashed against the other, filled with toxic smoke and fumes from a cosmic explosion she couldn’t name the source of. She lifted it to her lips to take a sip.

 

Something beeping brought attention back to the present. Cell phone alarm went off by the stove and automatically Regina went to reach for it and froze. I-phone no more a flip phone she recognized from ages ago hit her stomach like a solid right hook. And did again as she picked it up wincing and flipped it open. The date blared angry from the screen under her usual morning alarm as dread made her fingers numb.

 

 _‘No. It’s not possible.’_ The mug slipped from her hand and shattered on tile. Hot liquid splashed her legs through the silk of her pajamas, but she didn’t feel it. Only the panic rising in her throat.

Regina tossed the phone away on the counter and snatched up the paper. Ripping the rubber band off and she slammed the first page flat on the counter. Eyes skimmed and widened. Backing away, _The Daily Mirror’s_ date further mocked her confusion and she ran out of the room. Grabbing the remote of the TV in the living room she pressed the power button. The news blared. Same date-year-flashed in the bottom corner of the screen.

 

2000

 

The remote slipped to the floor and her feet flew from the room. Went to pound the stairs as she went upward, robe flying out behind her tumbling about at her legs like a lost cloth bag in a wind storm.

 

“Henry? _Henry!_ ” Calling in fear for her son.

 

Right outside his bedroom door Regina stopped, or what used to be his room. Her hand shook over the gold knob as the other sought the door jamb for support of any kind. Her mind said he wasn’t there and still she did not expect him to be physically with the curse breaking, but his things _should_ be. Ready for when he was, she hoped, to come home one day. Biting her lip Regina braved a turn of the knob, slow, so slowly as she cracked the door.

 

Pink was blinding.

 

Not the blue striped wallpaper she had put up herself met her gaze, now hazy as Regina’s jaw dropped. Lace and blinding white it was over the windows where classic navy curtains used to be. She had made those too, spent hours searching for just the right shade of blue for her baby boy. Walls filled with butterflies and pictures of birds where Marvel Comic Heroes used to be.

 

 _Used to be_.

 

White painted bookcases now replaced the oak ones she had put together when Henry began to learn to read, but like those, these were filled with books and knickknacks. More white on a bedspread filled with embroidered flowers Regina recognized as her own design and handiwork under the sheer canopy of a four poster bed fit for a princess. And there a Princess lay, slumbering peacefully as if the world had not just been turned inside out.

 

Regina shivered violently. The black smoke, the spell or curse consuming her in the pawn shop flashed in the forefront of her mind. The dream was real.

 

 _This._ Was real.

 

Rage knocked against the grinning fangs of fear digging deep in her neck. Regina tried to loosen their grip, but they sank in staking a claim on her heart. _Her_ heart. ‘ _So easy Regina and right there for the taking. Do it._ ’ Mother’s words from long ago twisted her gut for control.

 

Snow White’s heart lay hiding under a blanket covered in flowers. That chest rose and fell, mocking her twitching fingers and it belonged to the woman that had tricked her and killed her Mother. Regina saw red and drowning in it as if under her Mother’s control again she took a step forward, hand outstretched. The floor creaked and a fair nose scrunched, like a nervous bunny.

 

 Time flashed backwards and forwards, spinning and Regina stilled. Finally she saw; really saw who was in front of her. Taking in that face, the curve of cheek, dimples and parted pink lips. Who it belonged to then and who it belonged to right now, had her double over in genuine pain. Stepping back Regina pressed a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. Teeth biting the inside of her fingers. _Snow White_ was in her son’s room. And not just Snow, but little Snow.

 

As a _child_.

 

The child she remembered saving from a runaway horse decades ago. Child that had taken her hand in the garden for walks. One she had tucked in at night and held when tears flowed down those white cheeks. Child that had spilled a secret and with it broke the last hold keeping Regina from becoming lost to the darkness her Mother so carefully crafted to contain her. Here they were again.

 

And again Regina would not do it, could not snuff out the life of Snow White no matter Mother’s pulling words of power. Paid she had dearly to protect that innocent heart beating. She was beyond triggered and falling, flailing down into the taunting of Mother’s cackle echoing in her mind. And again fate joined in the mocking when her chance at healing with Mother and maybe even with her son and another had been ripped by a hand most cruelly. With the promise of sweet words said Regina had hope for a moment for truth to indeed set them free. Hope her heart had desperately clung to her whole life. Just like a little white hand that used to curl around her finger had done so in hope.

 

Regina fled down the hall from the past and back into her bedroom. Waving her wrist in an old habit for the door to lock behind her. Nothing. No puff or sparkle of purple magic she had come to count on since getting it back a few months ago. She tried again and again as panic took over. Powerless and sinking.

 

Feeling sick Regina backed away into the bathroom, physically closing the door. Trapped. Again. Back and back until her legs hit the claw foot tub. Stepping over and in, she sank down into the cool arms of tile and porcelain. Trapped back in time to before Henry was born, Regina was.

 

With _her_.

 

She couldn’t do this dance again. Lose everything that meant anything again. Hugging her knees as the worst curse imaginable ripped her senses apart. Regina dropped her head and cried.

 

::::::::::::::::

 

Something tickled Snow’s nose. Rubbing the annoyance away she snuggled down into the softest of sheets. Nestled her cheek into the feather down of a pillow. Deep breath and then she smelled it. Faint but there. Apples. She _hated_ apples. And she thought she heard footsteps. A door closing in the distance. Green eyes fluttered open.

 

White filled her vision surrounded by a pink haze. Brows pinched. Gone the shabby chic of the loft and wide open space. Snapping upright Snow clutched the white blanket to her chest. Eyes darting, darting and fingers curled tight around the cover shielding her from reality. Fingertips just edging the embroidery there. Touch of long ago too much for her senses. Sweat prickled her hairline as she took in where she was.

 

A child’s room. In her favorite colors. Eyes wide dropped to her hands. Wiggling fingers Snow counted them to be sure they were all there. Throwing off the covers she did the same to her toes. She was wearing a long ruffled night gown with the wrist cuffs and collar decorated in delicate eyelet lace. This was hers, an old favorite from the Enchanted Forest. Fingering the pink ribbon at the neck Snow loosened the bow at base of her throat. Past thoughts from a time long ago suddenly didn’t feel so far away.

 

Little thoughts pushed forward in her adult mind. _‘Too tight.’_ The ribbon was too tight. _‘She never used to tie it this way.’_ Not at first, but after... Snow shook her head to clear it. Feet bare she curled her toes in wonder of her new body. No not new. Snow saw the truth in the mirror over the dresser as her image came into view. She rushed at it. Pinching her cheeks full of baby fat as long dark thick curls tumbled about her shoulders. Reality hit.

 

She was a child again.

 

Total knock out the mirror hit her with spun her senses and unbalanced in shock, Snow grabbed for the dresser. Turning side to side she licked her dry lips. A heat wave washed her skin from head to toe. Seven years old, she was, at most. Snow began to shake as tears filled her eyes. _‘Where is Charming and Emma? Henry?’_ Her newly reunited family missing in the room. Missing again and she wanted out of it to go find them. She went to the open door and the large window overlooking a grand wrapping staircase registered.

 

She _knew_ that window. Or the other side of it from the street. A street she had walked one too many times in a fog with memories not her own. This room was in... Nausea clawed damp and sick at her tummy up to her temples as she took a step back from the door. And then Snow remembered. Everything.

 

Every. Single. Thing.

 

How her syrupy words twisted kindness into a trick and Regina had believed her words. The crying, the blood, and the rage ~~hurt~~ in amber eyes this version of her once knew as only kind and familial. Yet those eyes had wanted to kill—shocked those eyes on her were, in that moment when Cora was dead in arms, of that she believed. A weapon, she needed a weapon.

 

 Hands tore through the room searching. A snow globe rested on the dresser and her small hands grabbed for it. Heavy metal base and thick glass would do. She studied the fine tooled silver work. Of the little flowers and birds etched there. Inside the serene water swirling white flakes around a memory flashed. Of a Yuletide morning and a gift given upon her waking. Her joy and the joy in the amber eyes sharing that moment with her. One so fresh and cutting behind her eyes for what it was Snow took a step back, globe outstretched in her hands. It followed her with another step back and back until her butt found the bed. Snow sank on it as her chest rose and fell quickly, like a little bird would from falling from a nest into a cold pond.

 

Regina’s house and she was here. A child defenseless and her family nowhere in the immediate vicinity. In and out she breathed.

 

Sitting Snow simply tried to think, but couldn’t in her scrambled mind. Torn in half she felt. Herself, but not. Memories flooded in of a past life at Castle White, of horseback rides and walks in the palace gardens. And dinners together and long talks while her hair was fussed over by hands she used to trust. Hands she used to love and call Mother until... Snow’s fingers trembled against a glass globe as she breathed.

 

 In with the past and out with the present.

 

A flash of something dark moving rimmed the corner of her vision. Instinctively her fingers gripped the glass tighter and she turned slowly to see. A pink robe hanging on the back of the cracked closet door swayed as if someone had brushed it in passing. Then a brief wave of cold made the air on the back of her neck stand to attention. Snow shivered, making the flakes in the glass storm violently against the base. The closet door slammed shut and her eyes popped. Dropping the globe on the bed, she scrambled back over the edge to the safety of the other side.

 

Snow crouched still and heart a jackhammer in chest listening. Child mind pushed against the rationale of the adult one rambling on that it was just the wind or something. A shifting of the house that made that door shut of its own accord. Still the child shuddered. After a minute of silence Snow braved eyes up and up over the edge of the bed. Looking over the rim of a blanket and all around there was nothing there to fear. Spine straightening she went to stand. Then she heard it.

 

Keys. Metal on metal so faint, of keys jingling. Old heavy punishing keys that locked doors. Another memory flashed forward.

 

 

_Her arm pinched under Cora’s grip. Marched down the corridor much quicker than her slippered feet could possibly keep up. Pleading. “I won’t go down there again.” They only moved faster. “I’ll stay out of the kitchens.”Caught in one of her favorite places she had been at the wrong time. Told to stay away she had been many times._

 

_Keys jingled around a woven silk belt at a waist. “Yes you will and you stay put until I come for you.”_

_“Don’t. Please don’t leave me here!” Clawing the black skirts of the one pushing her away. Locking her away. Alone and away where she hated to be on her own. “I want my Mother.” Regina would understand her need, always did. And she wanted those arms around her now. “Just let me speak with her!” Pushed back to the floor Snow stumbled and the door to her chamber closed. A sick click brought tears and her fists on the door pounding. “Grandmother please!”_

 

Scared of what her little mind knew that sound to be, Snow grabbed the glass globe, tucking it under her arm as she ran out of the room. Down the hall and parked her feet in front of a white door closed. Faintly she heard crying inside or so she thought. Regina was in there. Behind this door.

 

One of two ways to go Snow had to make a choice.

 

 A look over her shoulder down a long bare hallway from whence she’d come. Dim again the jingle came hauntingly from there. Snow closed her eyes as her palm turned the gold knob and she stepped into the room...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Thoughts?  
> This will be quite the adventure of healing for them. I’d love to hear your thoughts so far... plenty of feels eventually once they start getting through some initial tension.
> 
> I post regularly on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
> 
> Next time - Snow and Regina come face to face...
> 
> Thanks in advance!


	2. Present Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you look at today with the eyes of the past, you can never see what the present moment has to offer.” - Bryant McGill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – All flashbacks are in italics and woven throughout the story.

In and out. Slow and deep, Regina breathed.

 

Finally able to catch her breath she blinked in the dim light of her bathroom. Regina crouched in the tub hidden by the shower curtain as she wiped tears from her cheeks. Calmer since discovering the shock in what should be her son’s room she looked about. _‘What the hell am I doing? I am a Queen and a Queen’s does not cry or snivel about.’_ Then her chest ached again. Her Mother’s words, these and new ones with that last breath Cora had taken in her arms clashed. Then they drifted away and in their emptiness she carefully stood and stepped out of the tub. Turning on the light and tugging gray silk pajamas into place Regina found her reflection in the mirror.

 

Fingers combed her hair and she wiped her cheeks again.

 

Henry. She had to find her son, if he was here, but she near crumbled again and braced her hands against the countertop. Regina’s heart knew and screamed the truth. _He_ was not here. Only an egg in Miss Swan for another year yet if the date on the phone was anything to go by. Middle of October in the year 2000 and in Storybrooke that meant the dark curse was still in effect. Or _something_ was in effect she was not sure what. A fist pounded the counter.

 

No Henry, curse reinstated or not did not matter in the least. He was the only one who mattered—she forced her mind to keep the long closed door on her heart shut on the other one who once had. There had to be a way back to him. Didn’t matter if he wanted nothing to do with her. Regina was trying to change that. Show him she was and had always been worthy of his love. Then Mother came to Storybrooke and shattered the delicate bridge she had been able to begin repairing with her son.

 

 But Mother was gone. Mother was dead.

 

 Sighing in a quandary of fresh ache Regina straightened up and took another long look in the mirror. She needed more information, time to explore the town and see if this world was anything like the one that had been crafted so long ago and if it was she needed to find a way to break whatever spell had been cast to get back to her son. Cast by who, though she was unsure. Gold maybe. The way he had been looking at her in the shop before black smoke had stolen her away; pity and something else. She shook her head.

 

Regina almost hoped he did because the alternative of the other made the sickness she was currently feeling look like the plague. Her upper lip curled over the idea making the scar Mother gave her prominent under the light. There had been many scars throughout her life and all internal save this one. This one gained when Mother had lost complete control when she had been five. Cora’s methods of punishing her changed somewhat after that. A memory she wished she could forget flashed.

 

 

_“Foolish girl!” Mother’s ringed hand slapped her face._

_Regina cried out, tasting something warm and metallic inside her mouth. A rush of heat took over her skin and she dropped the two female dolls she had been playing wedding with in the music room. Mother was shaking her shoulders and scolding._

_“You know the law! Do you want to get yourself killed?” Shaking again Cora yelled._

_Regina shook her head in answer. Knew the law she did, but why was this feeling she had deep in her gut wrong? It didn’t feel wrong to think of herself one day marrying a woman, but Mother said it was. A trembling hand went to touch her lip. Red on her fingertips made her dizzy and she was hauled down the corridor to her chamber by Mother sharp hand…_

 

 

Regina shuddered. She was cold again and so sudden. Then something brushed against the scar on her lip. She shook the chilly feeling away, trying to focus her thoughts.

 

More thoughts than she knew what to do with whispered in her mind. Regina shook her head to clear it of fog. Her vault. She would start there. Fingers curled into fists. Tight and then she released them with a controlled breath. There was just one little problem. And said problem banged twice on the door startling her.

 

“ _Regina_? I know you’re in there.”

 

The call, and tremble filled, from her dau— from Snow made her skin crawl with the pain of past. That small voice made another memory from the past rush forward and Regina squeezed her eyes shut as it surfaced in mind.

 

 

_Regina stirred in her bed, eyes opening to the vastness of the dark room. The only light came from the coals in the grate. Castle White was much more drafty and cold than her family manor and she drew the heavy goose down blankets up closer. Then she heard it. The smallest of knocks on her chamber door. Brow furrowing at who would disturb her this late at night. King it couldn’t be, at least she hoped. She had left him hours ago passed out on his bed after he had spent himself in her. Shivering at the idea Regina reluctantly slipped from the bed, wrapping the thick shawl from the chaise at the foot around her shoulders as she went to the door. Cracking it and peering out into the corridor yielded nothing._

_“Mother?”_

_That tiny tremble filled voice made Regina’s chin dip down and she opened the door wider seeing Snow White standing in the drafty hall barefoot in nothing but a thin cotton shift. Then the title the child has used registered with her and she sighed, still getting used to the new word her marriage had forced on her a few weeks ago._

_Unsure what the Princess wanted new Queen crossed her arms against the chill. “What are you doing up at this hour?”_

_Teeth bit a lower lip and Snow’s hand fisted to rub a damp eye. “Bad dream and it’s too dark to sleep. I just wanted…”_

_Regina softened considerably at the sleepy fear in that voice and the tear tracks on a little face. A quick look out her door and sure they were alone Regina slipped the shawl from her shoulders and leaned to drape it around Snow’s shivering ones as she drew the child into her room. She closed the door and led Snow to her chaise near the fire. Sitting the girl there she set about restocking the grate. When flames were full and rising Regina sat down next to Snow and took those cold feet into her lap._

_As she rubbed warmth back into white skin, she thought about how to respond to the fear of unrest in the green eyes watching her. Regina had no experience with what to do with them. Never would she have ever considered as a child going to her Mother for comfort in the night. Especially at Snow’s age of five. Snow should have long outgrown the need for such cosseting. That was the way of their world. By three children were well weaned from it._

_Then Regina remembered her promise to herself not react to a situation with Snow based on what her Mother would do or the views of their society. Snow was her responsibility and right now she could not deny this child comfort when it was apparent to her to be needed. Trusting her instinct she began to speak._

_“When I was about your age I had a terrible fear of the dark. I never liked to be alone in it.” Beginning a story Regina had near forgotten as the tears on Snow’s cheeks began to slow. “My Father often traveled, like yours does, and on one journey when he returned he had brought me a stuffed toy horse.” Smiling softly at the memory. Her Father’s sweet gift was her greatest childhood treasure. Mother had given him hell after the fact, but for some reason she had been allowed to keep it. “From that night on I always made sure my horse was tucked into my bed with me and even when I woke up in the night and it was dark, I was no longer afraid because I was not alone.”_

_Snow wiped at the last of tears falling. “Like you gave me Mr. Thumper?”_

_Thinking on the toy rabbit she had gifted the child weeks ago Regina nodded. “Yes, just like Mr. Thumper.” Then doing something she had never done and never in her memory had been done for her, she leaned in and kissed the child’s forehead. “Come. Let us go and find him and get you settled back in bed…”_

 

 

Opening her eyes, now wet again, Regina took a deep breath. Another knock came. Then she unlocked the door and hesitated at the sudden stillness on the other side. Cracking it open carefully, she flinched as crystal smashed against the door jamb sending water and shards flying and all over the carpet.

 

Snow watched stunned at her action as water dripped down the wall and door frame. Feet soaked and covered in flecks of white, her eyes darted to the Queen equally in such a state of shock. Then Regina took a step toward her and Snow froze when her plan or whatever it had been in her panic failed. Bathroom door opened all the way and Regina gave her what she could only describe as a veiled look, maybe even disapproving, yet Queen made no further move forward. Snow stepped back anyway and right onto something else that was sharper than she thought those dark eyes to be.

 

“Ow!”

 

Glass caught the bottom of Snow’s foot and she stumbled forward. Little hands whipped out to catch her fall heading right for a pile of shards. Eyes slammed shut. Suddenly she was scooped up under her arms by familiar yet alien hands and tossed like a sack of potatoes away from the danger to the bed in the middle of the room. Snow scrambled upright after landing on her side. Attention was pain filled and all her focus moved to her bleeding foot.

 

Regina shook out her hands and she realized they were shaking of their own accord. Hugging herself to hide the fact she stared at Snow on her bed. Space to think invaded and a mess at her feet she readied a remark on her tongue until she saw the blood.

 

Precious life drops staining carpet and her silk bed spread. Lost for a moment in time Regina blinked. Hard. _‘Like her blood had stained a black coat right before she…’_ Blinking again she swallowed down her new loss. More than one loss in her life had ended that way. She took a moment to think of Daniella and shook her head. Time to grieve and sort through her scrambled emotions would come. Right now she had a bigger, or rather littler problem and trouble glared at her from across the room. Arms crossed, Regina’s slippers stepped around the glass and slowly approached the bed. Pausing as the girl shied back from her.

 

“Are you—”

 

“Stay back!” Snow’s voice cut the silence, but not the tension.

 

Sighing and biting her inner cheek, Regina considered the situation in its entirety as she studied the floor, what she thought she understood of it anyway. Child knew her and sought her out even if it was to try and hit her with the globe she now recognized as one from the Enchanted Forest. A gift she had given Snow their first Yuletide together and child had adored her for it. Bending when something caught her eye, Regina picked up the little brown and white horse pair that had called the miniature stable in the magical snowy water globe home. Hand painted she had them made to match their horses; Roscinate and the mare, WinterStar, Snow was so fond of growing up.

 

 Globe thrown was childish defense at its best and that meant Snow was scared. Of her she suspected or of waking up in such a state of shock here. Using the bitter tone she felt right now would get them nowhere and Regina dropped the horse pair in her pocket, tapping her foot in wonder if Snow even had an adult mind in that little body. Softening some at the idea of that not being the case. If so, the child in front of her didn’t deserve her anger over the actions of the adult. Regina dropped her arms in favor of inquiring about the injury until said child spoke.

 

“Where are Emma and Charming and Henry? What did you do to them Regina?” Snow forced bravado, though her heart beat in worry. It must have shown on her face as Regina did not try to come closer. She wondered over that response.

 

Adult words from that little pink mouth ruined everything.

 

So the child not a child in entirety did have all memories and that would make things so much harder for them if they were where Regina now suspected they had ended up. “I have no idea where they are and if I had my son there is no way we would even be having this conversation.” But how true that was with the child Snow was in front of her currently she didn’t really know. Tears stung her eyes and Regina willed them away, frustrated. “I woke up here just as shocked and apparently clueless as you.” Sighing. _‘Okay maybe not that clueless.’_ She thought, pacing now. “Some spell, something happened after you k—” Fists clenched again. Shaking. “And we are here, back in time before Emma broke the curse.”

 

Grown green eyes flinched and then the little girl inside Snow made them narrow. If all the memories in the shared head with her adult side were true then the woman in front of her was not the one who had saved her life or the one she used to call Mother. That woman and that life were gone and here she was stuck. Childishness spoke for the anger in the moment. “You’re lying.”

 

Snapping around as if she’d been slapped Regina stormed over to the bed taking a dimpled chin in hand. “Does my face look like I’m lying, Princess?”

 

Paling more than her fair skin possibly should be able to Snow took in the truth rimming wet brown eyes. Shaking her head no, she winced as her foot once again got her attention. Regina let her chin go and she dropped eyes to the bed as they filled. Response to quiet under that rebuke confused the hell out of her and her stomach twitched over the tangle of emotions that followed.

 

Queen sighed, finally seeing Snow fully for the first time. An adult trapped in child’s body. A child with a bleeding foot on her bed. Now crying. _‘Damn it.’_ She thought and ran her hands through her hair, then dropped them at a loss for what to do. Want to wipe those tears away splashed across Regina’s numb mind and she rolled her eyes at that reaction. Snow, in child form or not, was still Snow White. They had long been lost to each other and here it seemed with all those memories that was still the case. And Snow had just tricked her in a way most cruel before she had woken up to this fresh hell.

 

Snow looked up torn watching the Queen watching her as she sniffed back her tears. Crying wouldn’t help. Nothing would, she was sure, or so she thought when Regina walked away. Confused when a small tear slipped at the fact. Dropping her head Snow examined her foot closer for a minute and tried to best figure out how to get the tiny shard of glass poking her heel out without cutting her fingers.

 

“Enough crying.” Regina sat and tapped her lap in wait. “Give me your foot.”

 

Jerking her chin up, Snow tried to understand what Regina was holding and why the woman she should be running from was sitting on the bed looking at her with such expectation. “Huh?”

 

Ignoring the noise, Regina settled the girl’s foot on her thigh and gripped an ankle firmly. “Don’t move or it will get lodged in deeper. Do you understand?” Forcing some warmth when she felt completely numb and she asked only to avoid the dramatics that usually followed anytime Snow had been hurt in the past and she had helped with the aftermath. Regina could handle a lot of things right now but more tears. And that was true for both of them.

 

Fidgeting on the rumpled bed, Snow nodded, teeth caught her lip as tweezers worked her foot. Surprisingly with a tender hand she remembered too well. She tried to stay still under Regina’s eye and hissed as the glass piece finally came free. It was set in a tissue and tucked into the gray robe pocket Regina wore. Breathing again and then jumping when an alcohol wipe swiped the bottom of her foot. Still, Snow bit down her cries and sniffles as a band-aid was placed on the cut.

 

“I’m sorry Regina.” Whispered words tumbling from Snow’s mouth splintered between them and were out before she could fully process what she had even said. And she was sorry. For way more than for just breaking the snow globe.

 

They stared at each other.

 

Regina’s jaw twitched.

 

In another life the red lips parting to speak would have kissed her cheek and given a story to distract from pain. Here they leaked the hard truth of reality in what she had done and from them Snow wanted to hide away.

 

“Words will not fix what is broken.” Stiff and standing Regina slammed her eyes shut against the little green ones filling.

 

The aftertaste of her words said should have felt satisfying, but they only felt like gravel in Regina’s mouth. Bitter and sharp when a part of her didn’t want to be. Taking a step back she opened them again. Snow was still looking at her; pleading for understanding and she wanted to soothe the little ache there. Those eyes shouldn’t have that power over her anymore, but they did. And that reality terrified her.

 

Snow’s ears stung and when her vision blurred Regina away she lowered her eyes back to her foot. One finger gently stroking the band-aid. If only it were that simple to tend the cut keeping them apart.

 

When those eyes dropped Regina could breathe again. For now. And now it was time to move into action. She had to get answers to the why of waking here. “Get up, find some clothes.” She directed and the child stared dumbly at her, seemingly startled. Going to her closet Regina didn’t bother giving a reason for her command. She simply expected to be obeyed. Snow in this form was apparently her responsibility and as such the very least the Princess could do was listen.

 

Snow edged off the bed, tender in foot and heart. Frowning as she watched the walk in closet door close after the Queen. Sighing she went down the hall and to a room, her room it seemed, and paused in the doorway remembering the reason she had ran to begin with. Scared she had been, but now she was just feeling hurt. Adult rationale took over her little fear again. Taking a deep breath she let it out as she neared the closet that had slammed shut of its own accord before. Biting her lip, her hand hovered over the knob and yanked it open.

 

Just clothes.

 

Some hangers touched gently from her fast motion and she sighed in relief. Snow rifled through the many dresses and skirts until she found one that wouldn’t entirely make her look like the child she was, but only just. Managing to get the nightgown off, her fingers fumbled with the zipper of a purple skirt. She was able to fasten it and tug a white sweater with a classic peter pan collar over her head. White tights from a dresser and boots from the closet followed and she started back down the hall, but hesitated.

 

Not ready to give up on the idea that her daughter and husband were somewhere in Storybrooke in spite of the Queen’s explanation that they were back in time. Quietly and quickly she darted down the stairs, looking for a phone. Land line or cell it didn’t matter. Nothing in the foyer or living room, she went to check the kitchen. Finding it after going through the archway in the dining room Snow looked about.

 

There was a newspaper on the counter and a broken mug on the floor. What looked like coffee splashed across the tile among shards. So she hadn’t been the only one to break something this morning. Shaking her head, Snow saw the prize of the moment on the counter. Grabbing the flip phone she opened it and dialed David’s number.

 

 _‘The number you have dialed is out of service…’_ Recording mockingly spilled into Snow’s ear.

 

Hanging up Snow tried Emma’s cell next. Same recording and she jammed her finger on the end call button. Face pink with upset she stared at the phone screen. The date finally registered and her heart sank. Then the time did and she knew she better get back upstairs least Regina come looking for her and find her snooping. Thoughts of running from the mansion came and went. In this form she was in Snow was sure at this point that Regina wouldn’t hurt her. Those brown eyes that had taken her form in upstairs and tended her foot said as much even though the words between them so far had been heat filled.

 

For now she would get further understanding of this mess she’d woken up to if she stayed. Regina clearly wanted answers and Snow suspected she’d find them too if she managed to stay out of the Queen’s way, but watchful. Putting the phone back exactly where she had gotten it Snow went upstairs much slower, back down the hall, and stopped just shy of the master bedroom door.

 

“Regina?” Calling softly as she peeked around the door frame.

 

 Closet door was wide open, but Queen’s en suite was closed. Stepping into the room, Snow paused as glass cracked under her boot heel. Remembering her fit, suddenly the little girl in her was guilt ridden over that and the adult of everything else that had happened before they had been transported.

 

She couldn’t think about _that_ now. Not yet. Snow went back down the hall to what she suspected to be the linen closet, but that first door tried led to a guest bedroom and she closed it. The second yielded better luck. Little eyes saw a vacuum and unsure of modern machinery despite what her adult mind knew of it, she reached for a broom and dust pan instead, and set to work on the mess she’d made.

 

Regina emerged five minutes later wearing fitted black slacks and a red silk blouse. Hair neat and makeup in her cool winter signature tones. Red lips frowned as Snow crouched nearby reaching for the base of the broken globe with a jagged edge of glass still clinging.

 

“Stop right there.” Tone snapping made a little hand jerk back and Regina moved quickly pulling the girl up to stand. Hands on both shoulders Queen leaned down to be eye level. “Did the cut on your foot teach you nothing?”

 

Letting go when Snow’s lips pursed back Queen took the broom in hand and the dust pan filled with some glass into her bath room. Dumping the contents of pan in the trash she went back out, past Snow and into the hall. Returning with the vacuum and set it at the tight lipped child’s feet. “You have to vacuum glass, sweeping it on the rug only scatters the shards and they will get stuck in the carpet.”

 

Little Snow’s arms crossed. “I was just trying to help. You do not have to be mad about it and everything else besides it all.”

 

“Help? You made the mess to begin with.” Scoffing Regina crossed her arms. “And now you may clean it up.” Ignoring Snow’s other implied meaning and waited.

 

An adult mouth spoke next. “I tried and you got all puffy about it. Just use your magic to make it go away.”

 

Little nostrils flaring back were not at all amusing. Regina chose not to give that comment legs and her brow arched naturally at the challenge coming from Snow. That usually never failed in their past to get the Princess moving. Here it did nothing but redden little cheeks under hard green eyes edging on the uncertainty of soft.

 

Chided the way that she was, little Snow almost backed down but big words pushed back. “I was scared and that’s why I threw it and you— _This_ isn’t my fault. A lot of things are right now, but being here as we are is not one of them!” Emotions welling Snow let them go, both the shamed adult in her. “I’m sorry.” And the hurting child raging in need of a hug. “I hate you too!”

 

“Duly noted Princess.” Unable to help the comeback and once said Regina regretted it. She was the adult right now in both mind and body no matter their circumstances. But before she could speak again little feet were running from the room.

 

 Down the hall Snow slammed the door and then the one to her bedroom too. Throwing herself on the bed, she began crying. For herself, for her missing family, and for the woman down the hall whose heart she had broken in Gold’s shop. Fists pounded the bedspread and she grabbed for pillow, but a stuffed toy, a gray rabbit with big floppy pink ears and a matching nose found her hand instead.

 

Wet eyes opened, taking in the soft fur between her fingers and wondered what he was doing here. Then shrinking back from it when she recalled just who had given it to her in another life. Throwing it away Snow curled up in a ball and sobbed. Big fat tears dripped as the memory fighting to surface in mind took over.

 

 

_“He’s so soft.” Stroking gray fur Snow gave adoring eyes to the woman sitting next to her._

_Regina smiled. “What will you call him?” Shifting to move the gift box and ribbon off a lap to the bed behind them._

_Brows knitted together in thought over green eyes and then Snow held the rabbit up to her ear and listened as the Queen watched her. She wasn’t sure with what; a question or perhaps vague understanding. “He says his name is Mr. Thumper.”_

_“He does?” Asking again with a soft laugh, Queen seemed amused by her answer._

_Then the back of Regina’s hand was brushing her cheek gently. “Mhm.” Snow agreed and leaned into the affection, just as that hand left. Leaving it felt wrong. It should stay there, she thought and ever bold said as much in her own way. “I like when you do that.”_

_And the Queen became very quiet and Snow bit her lip in case she had said something she shouldn’t of. She was always doing that it seemed the last year, saying or doing the wrong thing. Maybe now with Regina being here that would change. She was tired of being looked at as broken, less than somehow by her Father and the staff since the death that had stolen the woman who had given birth to her. She had cried many a night in her grief a year ago and since, according to their laws she was being schooled in by her tutors, she was not allowed to speak of the dead woman._

_“Well.” New Queen began rather thickly. “I believe it is time for your riding lesson anyway.” And stood._

_“Wait.” Snow took that hand and held, bringing it back to her cheek to rest for a moment and surprised when she was allowed to. Then she wiggled off the bed and reluctantly let go, following in step alongside her new Mother._

 

 

 

As the memory faded Snow had no idea how much time had passed but when her ache turned to sniffles she found comfort in tracing the embroidered flowers on the bedspread as she had done as a child the first time around. Shivering again under the reality of who had stitched them into place, she _knew_ this bedspread and more and more the things in this room were glaring of the broken past long lost between a secret told and a curse cast.

Whomever had cast _this_ spell, no curse, and it was blaring that Regina did not, knew her. Some things about her anyway and their past. The bedroom door opened and heavy eyed Snow regarded Regina on the other side of the frame. Amber eyes just as red as her own looked down at her.

 

Pain equally matched and screamed in the silence.

 

Regina stepped into the room, heels coming to rest at the foot of the bed where Snow lay in a heap. Beckoning with a finger for the child to sit up and glad for both of them when it was done. Shirt Princess wore was mussed and she reached naturally to straighten the collar. Her fingers went to the base of the neck where a purple ribbon lay yet to be tied. Working it into a bow she pulled the ends, though not too tight as she remembered Snow loathing that feeling, freezing then at the gesture too familiar. Regina dropped her hands as Snow yanked the ribbon loose again.

 

Still to Snow’s great surprise Regina held out a hand open for the taking. Giving one last stitched flower a comforting stroke, for luck or something else the Princess eased off the bed. One step forward by the Queen had brought them ten steps back as Snow gave that hand held out a wide breadth as she stepped into the hallway towards the stairs without a word.

 

:::::::::::::::

 

After cleaning up the broken mug and coffee mess in the kitchen Regina had made a new cup. Coffee was a gift and she needed as much as she could get this morning and a chance to wake up properly before taking a trip to the vault. Now little boot heels tapping against the tile drew her attention from her place sitting at the counter. A bitter grimace was on Snow’s little face as the girl stared into a white cup.

 

Princess had insisted on having coffee _‘like I do every morning’_ and Regina let that battle go in her want of silence as she tried to think out her plan for the day to figure this nightmare out. Snow’s squeak of displeasure caught her attention. Amused slightly by that little face when it became apparent that taste buds did change with age.

 

Snow made a great show of grimacing and standing on tiptoe to dump the mug’s contents in the sink and after went to the fridge. Opening it, she could feel Regina’s eyes on her. Reaching for what looked like orange juice she pulled the carton down. Studying it as her little eyes struggled to read the label she groaned and put it back. _Orange Apple Splash_. A sunny poison. Moving things she continued looking; apple sauce, apple butter, chicken apple sausage…

 

“Does everything in here have apples in it?” Grumbling, then Snow hunched her shoulders realizing this was the first she had directly spoken to the Queen since that hand had been held out. She was still puzzling over the why of that gesture.

 

Silent Queen remained so and returned to reading the paper. Not actually reading it, however, she had been stuck on the same paragraph for ten minutes simply observing Snow. Fridge slamming jarred Regina’s senses. Frowning, when she heard Snow’s stomach growl or maybe the girl actually did. Ill amused even more when she saw the seven year old body Snow was trapped in begin cracking eggs in a bowl and then those little or big hands she was not sure moved to turn on the stove.

 

Regina stood.

 

It wouldn’t do for the house to burn down with them in it. That’s what Regina told herself when she took the bowl and pan from the questioning Princess and began cooking them breakfast. “I suppose I should feed you something.” She commented finally, as if Snow were a stray seeking a meal.

 

Adult green eyes rolled and Snow backed away from the stove as Queen took over.

 

As Regina worked her mind drifted. For as long as she could remember Snow had always loved the kitchen. Cooking especially had been a secret interest of them both. The few times she had been able to make arrangements for them to bake together at Castle White when Snow was young had always been met with such delight by the Princess and for her, she realized as she waited for the egg to firm.

 

Regina had always tried to allow what she could back then when it was safe to do so. Always careful too for them not to be caught. But Snow had been caught when the child had wandered there a few times on mornings her Mother made inspections of staff in the castle kitchens and that had not gone well for either of them in the least. Regina flipped the omelet as she shifted thoughts. A simple thing like cooking reminded her of Henry. He had adored cooking too.

 

And Henry wouldn’t like it if Snow returned to the present less than healthy, especially under her care. Vulnerable and they both were here, she had to keep the Princess safe. Regina sighed. At the thought of his face, she set the spatula down and closed her eyes for a long moment. Getting her balance again she returned to the task. Two plates were set out next to the pan and Regina gave pause at just how they got there before placing the eggs, one, on each. Little hands took one plate and walked away into the dining room.

 

Good. At least she could eat in peace. Regina settled back in her place at the counter, rim of her coffee mug against her lips when she heard feet approaching again. Snow stared at her with a mix of wonder and uncertainty it seemed. Then Snow plate sat down two stools over and began to eat. A fork scrapping good china set Regina’s teeth on edge. Giving annoyed eyes, she pointed to a plate.

 

“What?” Snow said with a pouch of food stuffed in each pink cheek. Her gaze followed the finger to her plate and then back to the Queen. “They’re good and I don’t like to eat by myself.” Shrugging she went back to her meal. _‘I thought you would follow me into the dining room anyway.’_ Ran through her mind. She hadn’t expected Regina to eat at the counter so informally. Her mind clashed with an extremely formal past and a not so formal present it seemed. Slouching and fork scraping again she rolled her eyes.

 

And it was Regina’s turn to roll hers after. “Honestly. I know I taught you manners at some point.” It spilled so naturally and in it she felt sick.

 

Snow was not fairing much better upon those words said and purposefully sat up straight. She made a point of not touching her flatware to the plate as she finished eating. Regina had taught her that and many other things. Only one or two she wished she could forget when they had been at the worst of their odds, many others she knew she never would and she wasn’t sure how that made her feel. Done Snow rested her hands neatly in her lap and simply sat in wait for Regina to be finished. She remembered that lesson well.

 

One taught the day after a banquet with many important guests her Father had invited. It was the first time she had been allowed to eat with the adults instead of in her nursery with Joanna. Her Father had tasked Regina with preparing her for what to expect, to teach her the manner she was expected to behave that night as a Princess of the White Kingdom. Queen had helped her dress in her best gown, walked with her hand in hand at her insistence even though that open affection was frowned upon to the hall before it was dropped and eyes fell over them both critically. She was presented, fawned over and now Snow realized with fresh eyes how no one had paid the Queen any mind that night as the memory came into focus.

 

_Regina sat quiet and doting through the lavish meal as was her Father’s expectation in the first seat on his left side. Snow was also on his left in the second chair. All the women in attendance were and the men in a line along the table on the right of the King. Whenever she was been unsure of what to do Snow looked sideways under her lashes and some quiet hint or cue was given by the Queen. She liked the praise she was under from the guests visiting and the silent praise given with amber eyes. For her beauty and pose she was fawned over._

_Then the conversation shifted to taxes and the spring harvest coming up. She sat waiting under Regina’s occasional smile her way. Then Snow was bored with the talk she did not understand. Having finished eating the last course before the adults and wanting to move Snow stood to leave. Her want to go play as was her habit after eating with Joanna took over. The room went quiet as her chair squeaked on polished marble. Snow paused and dipped into a perfect curtsy as she remembered to upon standing._

_The look Regina gave her with a side glance was confusing, but she couldn’t read it and suddenly she wanted away from the other silent eyes in the room on her. Slippers moved back three steps before turning her back. She remembered that too and thought Regina would be proud of her for it. As she approached the doors to the hall and went through them, something striking echoed in her wake. She did not make much of it then._

_Later that night she didn’t understand why Regina did not come to her room to say goodnight like on most nights when it was sure they would not be caught. She hugged Mr. Thumper close in the pitch of dark. Always Queen left a light for her after tucking in, but tonight there was no light and she slept fitful for it. The next morning she also didn’t understand the stiff way the Queen seemed to be sitting at the smaller family table off the main hall they used for breakfast with just the three of them. Her Father gave her a smile when she entered to sit and then ignored her entirely._

_But Queen hadn’t and greeted her with a small smile. After their meal Regina pulled her aside off to the small library near the Queen’s chamber to go over dining etiquette. There was to be another dinner that evening and Regina kept on her in a serious manner until she could recite verbatim all the rules of dining decorum from her mouth an hour later on cue. Spoken to for her breech of action the previous night in standing to leave before she had been excused Snow promised to try harder to remember. Kissed on her forehead and hugged she was then sent off to play. She skipped to the chamber door and opened it and immediately stilled at who was on the other side._

_“Good day Grandmother.” Automatically Snow dipped into a curtsy and waited a full breath before rising. The woman in black, always black. seemed to appraise her critically. That was a look she was still getting used to even after a year of living with Cora at the Castle. Maybe she never would._

_“Where are you off to Snow?” Cora asked._

_But Regina answered the dark woman for her. “To the nursery to play Mother.” Then with a softer tone Snow was learning was reserved only for  her. “Go along now. I will fetch for your lessons later.” Snow looked over her shoulder with a small grateful smile and quickly ducked out of the room, but not before those midnight skirts rushed by her and went for her new Mother._

_“Have you corrected her deplorable display last night already?” Cora asked._

_Snow’s cheeks turned pink, but she kept walking out of the chamber. Faintly she heard Regina’s reply before the door began to close. “That is between her and me, Mother.”_

_“Is that so Regina?” That wicked question slammed the door on Snow’s back._

Little Snow rubbed her head as she stared at her empty plate, memory leaving. She wondered then what had driven the Queen to push so hard for her to remember all those rules that day past. The memory was crystal clear now. Where before when it had just been in her adult mind it had been hazy. Now knowing what she did of the experience of her adult side’s memories, Snow thought she might now understand the why of the plea in amber eyes at the banquet. But that meant… _‘No my Father was a good man. He would never… Would he?’_

 

“Snow?”

 

Shaking her head Snow chased the memory away and gave troubled eyes to her M—. She blinked in correction of the present. To _Regina_. “What?” Then changing her mind under those questioning eyes as the past pushed in again. Little one spoke clearly. “I mean, pardon me. Did you say something?”

 

Regina wondered at the clarity in that tone and stood, taking both plates as Snow watched her carefully. Then she understood the formal correction the child had made and the why of who exactly had made it. Stiffening under the memory. Her back was to the child as she set plates in the sink and she gave the cue she realized Snow had been waiting for. “You may be excused.” Though, Regina excused herself right out of the room instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Hope you liked it! More on Saturday.
> 
> Next time – Regina and Snow discover something startling. Snow has an idea and is pleasantly surprised by Regina’s response.


	3. A Sweet Lie For a Hard Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is hard to accept the truth when the lies were exactly what you wanted to hear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – They begin exploring this new world… Some fluff and angst.

**:::::::::::::::**

 

A little mouth grimaced. “What are we doing here?” Snow asked as she batted cobwebs from the low hanging branch in the Storybrooke graveyard on the edge of town. She hated cemeteries. Creepy and never full of life they stank of unhappy endings. And right now she was being reminded on one ending in particular she wished she could forget.

 

Regina pushed open the door to her family mausoleum, glad it opened with the key in her hand. It was where she had always kept it in the mansion even in this cursed land. At least something was going right today. The adult mind Snow had been in since breakfast grumbling behind her wasn’t making anything easier. Just getting them here had been quite the ordeal and Regina had to practically wrestle Snow into the curse created car seat that was in the back of her Mercedes. It wouldn’t due to be pulled over for having an insisting child riding in the passenger seat or raising any questions in their direction should anyone see them and thankfully no one had.

 

Yet.

 

“Regina?”

 

“Snow I told you.” Turning only partially with a raised brow Regina reiterated what had been said one too many times for her taste. “I need to check on something.”

 

“But why did you have to bring me _here_?” Last word shook at the edges and little Snow shivered, more than a bit scared of the ominous feeling consuming them as they entered the dim stone room.

 

“Like I would allow you alone in my house, especially in this state you are in.” Whirling around Regina snapped, done with being questioned. Failing to add what hovered in mind as that small face winced. _‘After what you did._ ’ That seemed to get the Princess to pipe up and so, she pushed her Father’s coffin aside. Going down the narrow steps, Snow followed not far behind. Down the hall Regina went to turn left into the main chamber of her vault, but something new caught her eye just beyond the archway.

 

Ice crystallized in her stomach just as the room seemed to grow chilly and small. Regina took a step back. The coffin was made of marble in rich copper tones with gold accents. How and why it was here were the questions ballooning in her mouth. Her hand found the wall behind her as a support and eyes, unblinking read the name plate at the base.

 

 

_~Cora Mills~_

_Beloved Mother_

Regina leaned against the wall in full willing it to swallow her up. The coffin was all Cora in grand elegance and statement. It was exactly what her Mother would have chosen, but that simple gold plate affixed at the base, those were _her_ wishful words. Regina felt them, owned them and she wanted to break wide open all over again to be rid of them. _This_ is real. Too real and now real spoke.

 

“Regina what is…” Trailing behind big Snow stopped just shy of the archway Regina stood across from, pupils dilated and instinctual she stepped back several paces at the sight laying entombed there. Daring a look up, she tried the Queen’s face and saw a single wet streak falling there. Then those eyes were all consuming. On her. And she shrank under them. “I’ll just go—”

 

“No.” Regina straightened and reached.

 

Sleeve caught Snow was pulled to stand close with her back to Regina. Two hands gripped her shoulders keeping her from moving and there with what was looming in front of her, Snow wanted to run. Wanted to get away from the damning stillness. She started to close her eyes to the vision swimming before her. But the hands on her, so heavy, did not let go and so she couldn’t _not_ look for the weight of them. Cora—Regina’s mother—her Grandmother lay there. Dead in a box.

 

And it was all her fault. Snow tried to move away then, but she was held fast. Under the next words said she couldn’t move again even if she wanted to.

 

“No. You will not run away from me again.” Voice void of emotion though Regina felt way too much of it. Shook with it her hands did on those small shoulders. There was more to say, but no more would come from her mouth. She looked down at the child Snow was under her. One so still and the past flashed of standing this way once before when Snow had been fifteen on the day of the King’s funeral. It pooled up behind her eyes and in the heat Regina stood with Snow now as she had then.

 

 

 

_Regina looked down over her balcony at the sight below. Red rose petals lined a stone path to a dais with steps in the court yard below. Upon which a white coffin rested. A figure shrouded moved as if in trance along this path and up to the resting place of the dead King._

_Turning away from the scene Regina descended from her chamber. Following the same rose lined path, but with purpose. Her heart was numb, had long been since Mother’s taking of it. Still she felt some things. Always sensitive to Snow and ever would be she slowed her approach when she saw a single white rose come to rest on her husband’s coffin._

_“Goodbye Father.” Broken they sounded those words from Snow._

_And Regina felt a phantom tugging deep in her chest where her heart had once been. The magic spell she had learned in secret from one of Rumple’s spell books to prolong feeling even after a removal of heart she’d cast years ago before Mother had come to take it from her chest. Now her emotions fleeting over time only lingered at best. Some days she felt more. Those were the better days. Others nothing at all. Today was a mix. Soon any and all feeling would be gone entirely. Regina feared what would happen when it did._

_“I cannot believe he’s gone.” Dead the statement had sounded from pink lips. Dead dressed in black Snow’s skin looked too white._

_“I’m so sorry Snow.” Closer Regina gently squeezed the shoulders in front of her, holding there against custom. Damn the secret eyes about she knew were watching them. She was long tired of their judgment. Snow needed comfort and comfort, what the Princess allowed of it now a days from her she would give. Regina was surprised to have the girl turning to tuck into her arms._

_“I loved him so much.” Snow’s voice crumbled. “I know you did too.”_

_Almost a question from Snow and then Regina felt it. The hot pull forcing her lips to move against her will. Mother’s words came out next using her voice. “I did dear. I did so much.”_

_And Regina bit her tongue to blood after she spoke and her eyes smarted for the effort. Eyes looking over Snow’s shoulder for the ones she felt on them watching. The heat of dark magic pulled again painful and fighting it Regina lost as she always did and her body pulled back as the puppeteer’s voice in her head forced her to move away._

_But hold onto Snow’s hands Regina managed to as the string mistress spoke for her. “The loss I feel for my husband is nothing compared to the loss you feel for your Father. He was a loving man and I will miss him terribly.” Snow’s tears always got her and there must have been some defying magic in them now. Unsure how, but she did, Regina was able to cut the strings that were forcing words that were not her own from her mouth. For a precious moment her own voice spoke to her daughter. “If there is anything I can do please let me know. I know you only see me now as your Mother through marriage, but I am here for you Snow.” And adding with a kiss on the cheek a promise she was fighting to keep. “Always and always.”_

_And Snow had fallen into her. Fallen right into her arms with abandon to cry as so often had been done as a child. Trusted her to make everything all better and Regina was fighting to make it so. She was almost ready to be rid of her Mother for good and then she would be able to being mending things with Snow, but she needed a little more time to get all the ingredients together._

_Then footsteps entered the courtyard. Echoing and in their commanding arrogant pace Regina thought she knew who they belonged to. Letting Snow go and stepping in front of the Princess to block she turned, a little surprised to see the court physician walking over to them instead of her Mother as she had suspected. Her eyes widened in question at the small jeweled box she recognized as hers tucked under his arm. He bowed lavishly almost in mock deference and she tilted her head in wonder at it._

_“I have disposed of the vipers your Majesties.” He pinched the end of his curled mustache as he looked over them._

_Snow gave a delicate sniff and ever polite said. “Thank you for your care today. My Father would have been pleased with your presentation of him.”_

_Regina gestured to the box in question. “Why do you have that box?”_ _One she used to keep letters in and other important documents from her private library off of her chamber._

_“Is it yours Majesty?” Physician stood from bow, eyes glittering. “The box the vipers were found in at the foot of the King’s bed?”_

_Then Regina connected the dots as Snow appeared to take in the box under that arm for the first time. Framed she was being framed and Regina opened her mouth to say as much but the fierce pain pulling string was back, stronger and a phantom chain held across her lips prevented her from quelling the horror rising in Snow’s eyes. Dead, Regina had wished the King dead on more than one occasion for all the torment he had inflicted upon her._

_But acting on that wish was another thing entirely and she would have never—then a memory crashed in, one she was not aware that she had. Of her hands magicing the snakes in that box. Carrying the box into his chamber. Opening the latch and watching as the slick black death vipers slithered up under the sheets. Watched as fangs sank into his thick neck and his eyes bulging. And of the wicked laugh that had come from her lips._

_No, not_ **her** _lips._ Her _lips pleaded now with her daughter to be believed and Snow ran from her. Away from her reaching arms…_

 

 

Regina blinked as present brought her right back to the chill of the room. Cold her hands were resting on Snow and she squeezed once reflexively in reassurance.

 

Too many times in the past had Snow run away from her—she had shielded too much away for them to ever get to the root of truth needing to be said between them. Regina was tired of not being believed, already in this life and their other one. And when Snow began trembling under her hands that completely broke her focus. She let go, but before Regina could turn away a pair of little arms turned and wrapped around her waist in a death grip. The one holding her like this was not the child though.

 

Part of Regina didn’t understand wanting to hug _this_ Snow back, part of her more than did. But in the moment she left her arms loose at her sides. Then very gently and brief, Regina ran a single hand down those cascading curls. At her touch Snow seemed to snap out of something and let her go.

 

For lack of something better to say Regina said something. “We need to keep moving.” As if that would solve everything.

 

Stepping away Regina continued down the path to the heart of her vault. More than done with the moment they just shared as tears pushed to spill. She had cried more than enough for today. Child followed along after keeping in the shadows along the walls of the room. Little fingers trailed the side of the wall too. As they neared the main chamber Regina hesitated, taking in all the delicate bottles and magical knick knacks in the domed display niches in stone.

 

She gave direction. “Don’t touch anything.”

 

Regina heard a little one sniffling after her command signaling a shift in that curly head and lost her stern resolve. The switches in Snow were lightening fast and exhausting to keep up with. Turning, she was about to explain more of her reasoning when a little hand poked about colorful glass bottles on a low shelf. One teetered and fell. She sprang forward and yanked Snow back by the scruff of a pink coat. A mini explosion rattled the walls and made the lights flicker. Coughing Regina waved a hand in front of her face and stood up in the clearing fumes, helping Snow to feet as well.

 

“Are you hurt?” Getting a small head shake Regina took up Snow’s shoulders again and leaned down to be eye level. Naturally as breathing, she corrected. “I said not to touch anything for exactly that reason. There are dangerous things down here. Do you understand?”

 

Snow nodded. “Sorry. I won’t.” And she meant it. Flustered too by her innate response to want to dissolve the reason for the scold she was under. “I didn’t mean to break it.”

 

Letting go and standing to her full height Regina took a long breath and let it out slowly. “Still that does not fix what is broken.” Echoing again what had already been said that day, she turned away and pointed to a stool near the door. “Sit there and try to stay out of trouble for a few minutes.”

 

Snow plunked down where she was bid, resting elbows on knees and chin in hand. Thoughts drifted to the last time she had been in this vault. Guilt ate her skin and she began to bite her nails in worry over it. Regina had found her here just after she had cursed Cora’s heart. After she had said words filled with hope that had Regina eating out of the palm of her hand. Had lit the candle that could have been used to save ~~Eva’s~~ life so long ago when the blue fairy had visited her. Offered her that dark candle to trade a life for a life and then she couldn’t do it, but the adult she had grown into could. That difference registered and she wondered that the difference was.

 

The easy answer, Snow thought, was that she had done it for Neal, for _Emma._ She had done it for her family. Fed herself that syrup of truth and now she was choking on it. Still she kept putting the spoon of denial to her lips. She had to do it to stop the Mills’ women from getting the dagger. For Henry, for everyone. Snow knew what the cost of her words would be for the amber eyes that had pleaded with hers in this very vault for understanding. Snow closed hers then as they began to sting.

 

And for what?

 

Regina’s words echoed in Snow’s mind.

 

 

 

_“You have no right to be here.” Regina’s black glove pointed to the heart in the golden box in her hands. “And you have no right to that.”_

_“I was going to give it to you.” Truth and not so sweet fell from her mouth._

_“What?” A surprised question._

_Snow swallowed at how that single syllable from the Queen broke clean in the middle with hope. “She can’t love you. She doesn’t have her heart.” Snow held the box up. “That’s why you never felt she loved you.” Smiling and nodding to the box. “But maybe with it she can.”_

_Queen questioned, full of uncertainty and something else. “You’re doing this… For me?”_

_Then the lie that made those hands take the offered hope from her. “For you and for us, Regina. Maybe once you find peace with your Mother we can begin to find peace with each other...”_

 

 

 

Snow opened her eyes. For Regina, no. For everyone else it had to be done. Or so she’d rationalized. Regina had taken the heart from her and Snow had sat, much as she was now, soaking in her guilt outside the mausoleum door until Charming found her and reminded her that this choice was not her. Horrified she had run back to town...

 

Still horrified over what she had done little Snow felt the adult mind backing up and pushing her forward. And little one she was wanted comfort in the dark feeling chewing her heart from the hard truth. Eying the woman searching in front of her Snow was not so sure she would get it from Regina. But another thought came into her mind from the adult hiding inside her. Bouncing up suddenly with an idea little Snow went over to Regina and tugged on a coat sleeve.

 

Regina regarded Snow with less than patient eyes as she cleaned up the mess on the ground caused by that little hand. “Why are you up? Go sit where I told you.” Moving Snow gently back away from the glass shards.

 

Girl stepped forward again. “I have a question.”

 

“And you may ask me when your timeout is over. Now go.” Returning to the glass, Regina shook her head.

 

Confused little Snow asked. “What’s a timeout?”

 

Dark eyes flicked over a shoulder, a bit surprised at the question, then considering who was asking and what life they were in, Regina explained. “It’s like a period of reflection.”

 

“Oh.” Considering. “Like part of _our way_?” A step then of the formal ritual Regina had crafted and held her to in the Enchanted Forest whenever she had done something serious she shouldn’t of.

 

“Yes, like that.” Something soft flashed across Regina’s eyes briefly and then hid away again. “The period of reflection I set you to for repeatedly putting yourself in danger which it seems you are still prone to doing. It won’t do either of us any good if you get hurt. It will just distract from us getting out of here and the more you choose not to listen to me and cause trouble the longer it will be before we can go home.”

 

“But Reg—”

 

Quietly. “I said no.”

 

A foot stomped. “I only want—”

 

Then Queen replied, firmly resolute. “Must I complete all the steps in its entirety for you here?”

 

Lips rolling inward, Snow’s curls shook.

 

Regina sighed. That comment had come too easy between them along with Snow’s response. That feeling confused the hell out of her and in her confusion Regina began to speak to the little one watching her. “Good girl.” Sighing. “Go back then and sit. I’m nearly finished.” Praise also easy had her biting her tongue.

 

Unable to help herself Snow started again. “But—”And like it was yesterday Regina turned her right around and sent her off with a firm pat to the seat of a coat to hurry her along.

 

Snow shuffled back over to the stool and sat down again. It hadn’t hurt in the least, but it got her attention and she remembered back to the times Regina had corrected her that way when she had pushed too far one too many times in the past. Blushing she sighed and waited. And waited and waited. Time sure moved slowly when there was nothing to do but think. Finally Regina had seemed to find what was being searched for and beckoned her over.

 

Snow pointed to the old small leather bound book under the Queen’s arm. “What’s that?”

 

“Something that belonged to my Mother.” Throat thick and working. Snow remained quiet at her feet, but Queen sensed another question wanting to come. Regina shook her head and swallowed feelings down, adding without emotion. “And none of your business.” Then softer. “Time to go.” She turned Snow around by the shoulder and steered the child towards the exit of the mausoleum.

 

Pushing the coffin back into place Queen thought about the other new one under the stone her feet were resting on. Promising herself she would return later to have a few last words of her own with Mother, but she hoped to do it in the real Storybrooke. Snow trailed slowly behind and she stopped at the cemetery gate for the girl to catch up. Then remembered that Snow had wanted to ask something else.

 

“What was your question earlier?”

 

Child stepped through the iron-gate held open and big eyes watched as it was shut tight behind her. Blushing over the comment about the child side of her Snow answered. “I just wanted to know if you thought Charming was here… If this is the Storybrooke before Henry, like you said, then he would be.” Teeth tore lips too dry. “Right?”

 

“Perhaps.” Continuing to the car Regina paused when Snow failed to follow. Turning back she gave expectant eyes. “We need to keep moving Snow. I have no intention of spending one more minute here than I have to.” _With you._ Went unsaid, but they both felt it equally heavy in that moment.

 

A small boot kicked a rock. “I want to try and find him.” Need to see a comforting face, one that was not frowning at her growing. “I know I don’t have any right to ask you for anything right now.” Vulnerable and hating it, Snow begged. “But please Regina.” Trying what she hoped might get her a few minutes of searching.

 

“You are right. You don’t.” Snow’s eyes went wide again and Regina’s heart snuck up on her in them. Sighing. “Later if…” _If_ they were stuck another day. Stupid curse and those little eyes would be the death of her. “Ten minutes. That is all I will allow us to be side tracked for. Where do you think he is?”

 

First smile of the day hard won bloomed between them as Snow quick footed over. “The hospital.”

 

 

**:::::::::::::::::**

 

 

The moment the Benz pulled into the Hospital lot, big Snow rushed from the car, across the crowded parking lot and into the building. Bursting through the double glass doors of Storybrooke Medical, right passed the nurse station check point and curious adults watching. Passed Dr. Whale who called after her and right into the glass encased ER room she had spent 28 years volunteering in before the curse broke.

 

Out of breath and right to his side Snow took up a hand where Charming lay on his back in bed. Tubes connected him to a heart monitor and pumped life giving fluid into his body. Pale, but not as ill looking as she thought he would be. Charming was all her hurting focus big Snow could see and she failed to register the commotion behind her or the other adults pushing into the room.

 

“ _Snow.”_

Snow shrank under that royal tone, but did not take her eyes off of Charming as Regina’s heels came her way.

 

“Madam Mayor she can’t just barge in here. This is a sterile environment.” Dr. Whale insisted as he walked along side a clearly irritated Regina. “That is the policy. You should know… You wrote it.”

 

Regina gave him her classic just shy of tolerant Mayor stare and a knowing nod. “I well understand that Dr. Whale. Snow was just excited to see the hospital and thought she recognized your John Doe.” Keeping to the story of the original curse was second nature, but for Snow obviously hurting this would prove to be much harder it seemed. “Snow, come here.” Calling and hoping the Princess wouldn’t create a fuss. That is the last thing they needed; unnecessary attention.

 

Setting her true love’s hand down oh so gently big Snow circled back around the bed to stand just out of arms reach of Regina. Looking up at Whale and then the Queen. “I didn’t mean to rush in… Like Regina said I was excited to see Charming…” She wrinkled her nose under the Doctor’s odd look at her slip. “I mean he is rather _charming_ isn’t he? For a John Doe I mean.” Then trying something else. “I’m sorry?” Thinking that’s what he was waiting for.

 

Regina cleared her throat and tried to take up Snow’s hand, but the girl pulled away from her. Ignoring the rebuff she tried again and succeeded. That small hand tucked into hers felt like yesterday. “Say good bye dear. We need to get going.” At this rate Snow would spill the beans of their circumstances and it would not do to have people questioning or sniffing about while she tried to figure this curse out. Child eyes looked up at her and pulled away from her hand only to rush back to the bed.

 

“Wait! I have to do something first.”

 

Snow closed her eyes murmuring as if making a wish on a birthday cake and leaned over. One kiss to the man’s forehead, she gave. Pulling back she waited. And waited. Not so much as a blip registered on the heart monitor. “But it’s supposed to work.” Whining as her eyes filling with tears she looked back at Regina. Little one spoke to wake the man who she was sure would give her some comfort the adult inside of her screaming said he would. “ _Make_ it work. Please?”

 

Dr. Whale took a step forward to explain. “He’s in a coma. It’s unlikely he will ever wake up.” Spelled memories spoke for him and he turned back to the Mayor. “As it is visiting hours are over for the day.” Hint clear that they needed to leave, he gestured to the door.

 

“A moment please.” Regina moved away from him towards the bed where Snow wept openly, once again holding Charming’s hand. If Snow hadn’t looked completely crestfallen, and the adult inside certainly deserved to be, Regina would have scoffed at the display of emotion. But she couldn’t when her dau—little eyes looked back up at her begging.

 

“Make him wake up. Use your magic. Please.” Whispering through tears and her childish logic that what she was asking _should_ be possible. In her world of the Enchanted Forest it was and the woman looking down at her had that power.

 

“Snow. We need to go now.” Tone low and kind Regina began redirecting. The child side of Snow was in control at the moment and Regina found it easier to speak that way when that was the case. It nipped at the hurting muscle in her chest to open up.

 

Dark wild curls shook. “Not until you wake him up. You can.” Sniffling hard Snow pleaded again. “I’ve seen you do magic before.”

 

Regina leaned down to be eye level with little green ones. Whispering back. “It’s not that I won’t Snow, it’s that I _can’t_. Not here it seems.”

 

Truth. Snow knew it was and something shifted the little girl back inside. Sniffing back tears again she took a step back and big words spoke. “I’ll stay with him then. You go work on figuring this out and I’ll wait here.”

 

Seeing the shift, Regina stood back up and tightened the waist sash on her jacket as she whispered. “The hospital is closing for visitors and we need to leave before there is trouble. Barging in as you did only gained us needless attention.”

 

Giving pleading eyes at the truth and impossibility of staying as she wanted to, Snow asked. “Promise we will come back?” She half expected Regina to laugh in her face or say no or even walk away leaving her there, but the Queen did none of those things. Instead a hand found the back of her shoulder and unknowingly she leaned into it.

 

“Another time, we will.” Regina promised and gently led Snow towards the door. They left the room as the monitor’s steady beeping echoed behind them.

 

 

**::::::::::::::**

 

 

Back at the mansion Snow shrugged off her coat and watched Regina do the same. Hanging it in the closet as directed and kicking off her boots, she straightened them neatly and followed Regina into the Study, looking around in curiosity. It reminded her of the small library off of the Queen’s main chamber at Castle White. She used to enjoy spending time there as a child.

 

This room also had walls full of books and was decorated in dark coffee woods and cream accents. Two couches sat opposite each other with a small table in between. On the far side of the room a desk sat in front of a window and chair with a view of the fireplace. Formal and cool the room was. More than it should be. Cold like it had been in the vault and Snow shivered in it.

 

Regina went to the wall switch and turned on the gas heat, taking a moment to enjoy the warmth pooling into the room before going to her desk. In the routine she had almost forgotten the Princess in the room until Snow coughed reminding that she was not alone. Sitting behind the desk and pulling her glasses out of the case Regina cracked the jeweled cover of the book she had brought back from her vault.

 

Beginning to skim she questioned when she felt Snow staring. “You need something?”

 

Shuffling feet against a round rug Snow shook her head and was promptly ignored again. She took a step forward; hands clasped in front and gave another little cough. Getting dark eyes for a moment she tried again sweetly. “I want to help.”

 

Regina considered that request for a moment and then realized who was asking. “You may help by sitting there quietly or going upstairs. I don’t need you underfoot.”

 

Rolling big eyes Snow gave a huff and plopped face first on the couch. “I was just trying to be useful.” Mumbling into a pillow.

 

Three different responses rolled right to the tip of Regina’s tongue and she left them hanging there as she went back to the book. Her mother’s handwriting had always been so elegant and perfect. Finger traced the great swoops and dives of a quill remembering back to when she was a little girl and tried so tediously to mimic the fluid script, but she was never able to get hers as perfect… Hot breath on her neck jerked Regina’s attention upward and left. Snow stood right behind her shoulder and gave her an unsure smile while a little finger tapped the book.

 

“Find anything yet?” Book nearly snapped closed on her finger and Snow jumped back at the Queen’s irritated gaze. “I was just…”

 

Catching a pointed chin. “What did I tell you in the vault about the book?”

 

Snow bit her lip, and tried to move her face away. “That it was none of my business.”

 

“And that has not changed. I need to concentrate and you are not helping in the least.” Letting go and Regina gestured to the door. “Go…play or talk to a bird or something.”

 

Green eyes narrowed. “I’m _not_ child. We will get more done if you let me help.”

 

Regina regarded the adult Snow was pushing to be with a raised brow. “Are you able to translate Elfish?”

 

“Um… No, but—”

 

“What about understanding the interactions between elemental magical properties as they relate to emotions and incantations?”

 

“Well, not exactly.”

 

“Then you cannot help.” When little shoulders sagged Regina shook her head at more than Snow’s dejected look. Much softer she said. “I know you want to help, but magic is my strength. Let me work on it.”

 

“Fine, I’ll just go talk to a bird or _something_.” Snow, frustrated, left the Study.

 

She went up to her room and decided to explore the space. If she was stuck with Regina for a little bit she was curious what other things from their world were here. Spying the stuffed bunny she had thrown in her fit of temper that morning Snow knelt down and picked him up, unable to help hugging it to her chest. He smelled the same; of lavender and ever so faintly of apples. The ones that grew in the orchards behind Castle White in particular.

 

Planted from seeds from Regina’s prized tree and she had long suspected nurtured to grow as well as they had with the aid of Magic. They used to walk the rows together every morning in the spring after breakfast. She had never minded the scent as an actual child, now it only filled the adult she was with angst, but mixed with the lavender it was a different experience entirely.

 

It smelled like home.

 

Home before the curse, before her father’s murder. Hate bubbled in her gut. Never caught and never admitting, she was more than sure Regina had done the deed. His passing was too perfect, too well timed, but in it and broken she had failed to see the truth of the Queen’s crime in full until the next day when she had put all the pieces together. By then it was too late. Regina had been named Queen Regent to rule in her stead until her 18th birthday or marriage—whichever came first. And at fifteen when her Father had died Regina never would have allowed her to marry that young and they had had more than one argument about the fact.

 

_‘Regina’s mad at me for tricking her about Cora, but she killed my Father…’_ Trying to let her anger go, to remain kind and forgiving even when she didn’t want to be. It was so hard. _‘Far as I’m concerned we’re even.’_ Snow’s heart paused and started again.

 

Little one shifted forward then. Mr. Thumper’s brown button eyes stared back as if reminding of better and simpler times. She reached for him.

 

And threw him across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Thoughts?
> 
> Next time – Tension mounts over two different versions of the past and Regina shares the truth with Snow about Leopold. A long lost affection between them surfaces.


	4. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Here you go!

**::::::::::::::::::::::::**

 

Regina nursed a glass of cider. Early evening and the end of the first day trapped here approaching she’d decided to indulge as she poured her energy into deciphering Cora’s coded writing about timelines and time travel. Taking a sip and setting the glass aside she took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. Tired and thoughts of Mother and this whole mess of a day burned behind her eyes.

 

Deep breath and she turned the page, willing just one more before she would need something to eat. Breakfast had been many hours ago and she was hungry. Snow probably was too. Sighing at that thought and the fact that the child had not said anything nor had made an appearance for hours. She’d need to make sure to get them on a schedule if...

 

A knock unexpected had Regina closing the book. Snow stood stiff in the frame, little eyes once again red from crying she suspected. Closing the old volume she stood and rounded the desk, leaning against it with her hip, she simply took in the child staring back.

 

Same wild curls in beg of a good brushing, button nose reddened in the same manner whenever Snow had rubbed the bridge of it raw while sucking a thumb looked back. A habit Regina had spent a near year working to help the girl break long ago. That meant this Snow was seven. Knowing for sure when a fist rubbed an eye in a manner that made her want to pick the girl up and carry her to bed to be tucked in.

 

Day one had indeed worn them both out.

 

Snow toed the carpet. “Did you find anything?”

 

Hesitant as the brief spell of past gave way to present Queen answered. Not missing the dejected drop in those shoulders reminding her she was not the only one who wanted out of this spelled cage. “Not yet. I need to look at it again in the morning.” Her knuckles rapped on the desk as Snow yawned and she caught the time. She had been working for five hours. “Right. It’s getting late. Are you hungry?”

 

Nodding Snow stepped aside as Regina passed and followed to the kitchen. Simple soup and sandwiches were quickly produced and as they had earlier that day they ate in silence. Though it was not as incompatible as it had been that morning. Something seemed to sit heavy on Snow’s shoulders and Regina wondered over all the girl had been doing while she rifled through the spell book and asked as if it was casual to do so.

 

“What did you do upstairs all this time?”

 

Snow shrugged and kept eating, stirring circles in her soup and dropping the spoon when Regina wouldn’t stop looking at her in wait of a verbal response. “I looked through my room. There’s a lot of stuff I recognize from the castle.”

 

Regina swallowed to near choking at the use of ‘my’ and set down her sandwich. Reaching for her water and sipping she asked. “What kinds of things?” Wondering just how much Snow remembered. In her brief visit to the too pink room she had recognized her embroidery work on the blanket, and of course the snow globe.

 

Suddenly Snow’s tomato basil soup was very interesting. She kicked her heels back against the stool rung, hooking them as the silence grew. Numb. Snow wished she felt numb. Anything but the longing taking over her for some kind of affection, a nice word, or—

 

“Snow, answer me.” Regina hated to be ignored and wouldn’t allow the child Snow was in the moment to do so. She expected the courtesy of an answer.

 

Snow scrunched her brow. Even that. Expectation she had come to know by heart and in it the child inside her began emerging and spoke for her again. “Mr. Thumper. He smells the same.”

 

Regina forced down another bite of her meal and stood. Remembering all too well that rabbit. A gift for Snow given the day she moved into the castle right after the wedding. Child dragged it everywhere and well loved as it had been she had reattached torn ears in play more than once when teary green eyes used to beg her to make it all better.

 

“You asked.” Shifting back, adult Snow explained, not missing the way Regina always pulled away from her when her child side came and went. She took a huge bite to avoid having to answer the next question in those amber eyes, but it went unasked. Done she decided to ask one of her own. “Why did you offer me your hand upstairs in my room, before we left for the vault?” That had eaten at her more than half the day.

 

Regina trashed the rest of Snow’s uneaten sandwich with her own and began rinsing the plates. Guilt apparently was effective at killing appetites and she pondered over her own as she thought about Snow’s question. “I spent the hour you were having a tantrum going through my things looking for answers.” As if that was a clear answer in itself. And testing out another theory she had, but she was not ready to share that idea yet with Snow until she was certain it was true, but maybe there were other things she should begin sharing. Protective even now she was over the little one under those big questioning green eyes.

 

Sighing at the description of her upset, Snow tried again. “Did you find any answers?”

 

Pausing Regina wiped her hands and folded the towel to put on the counter. “I found some, but also a lot of questions.” Unsure of why she continued as she did. “Come with me.”

 

Leaving the room, Snow was quick on her heels. Upstairs and to her bedroom Regina went to the closet as the girl stood waiting by the door. Fetching what she sought she went to the lounger to sit. Surprising herself Regina patted the spot near a knee and Snow hesitant, but seemingly curious came over to sit. She tapped the fat file between them and opened it. Little hands went to take the papers from her and important as they were Queen caught Snow’s wrist gently and then dropped it as if burned when the adult glared back at her gesture. Regina shook her head.

 

“Eyes only.” Serious. Last thing Regina needed if they were stuck here was for Snow to have a fit and shred them. As much as she hated all three of papers, legally they were important ones to have. Getting a small nod Regina held up the first one. “A marriage certificate.” She refused to say the dead King’s name next to hers and quickly moved on to the next one. Softer as Snow tensed. “His death certificate.” Last of the big three, she held up a thick stamped stack. “Your adoption—”

 

“I’m _NOT_ adopted!” Little Snow grabbed for the stack and they were plucked back with the file to the other side of the lounger.

 

“If you will let me finish…” Warning against further outburst Regina shifted between angry green eyes. “Not adopted like _that_.” Holding the paper up a safe distance, she tapped the signatures and waited.

 

Snow regained her adult mind and squinted reading the fine print and Regina’s name. Heart hammering. “No. Regina that’s not _right_.” Not in this realm and even more so right now. Here.

 

“I said that too.” Regina agreed. Actually she had screamed it into a pillow when Snow had been doing the same across the hallway. She put the paper back and closed the file. “In this world it seems I legally adopted you before he… died.” This curse had some kindness at least. Here her name was still Mills. Frowning again as she realized there was always a cruel whisper behind any kindness she was ever shown. Snow’s name here, in Leopold’s death was also Mills.

 

“But that makes you my…” Failing as her tongue ballooned twice its size. Snow stared at the file. A mix of two very different feelings from past and present coming to a trigger point behind her eyes. They begged to leak, but she wouldn’t let them.

 

Thick and loaded Regina finished the hard truth for both of them. “Legally speaking it means I’m your Mother.”

 

The clock on the wall chimed as if in agreement and Snow’s chin darted sudden to look at it. Big hand nowhere near the hour mark she wondered over the sound and then Regina tapping the papers gained her attention back. A chill came and went right through her, but the room was not near cold. And she shuddered.

 

Snow shifted in her seat, ankles crossing and hands clasped. Pose she often used to take when she was sitting in her lesson’s room listening to her tutors and wanted to hide her wandering thoughts. She had no words. None she could get away with saying this moment. Breathing hard gave away her panic and she jumped when Regina’s hand found her knee. It rested brief and pulled away just as fast when she spoke.

 

“You’re not no matter what the papers say. My Mother is dead.” In Snow’s little mind that was true for more than one of them. She had buried two deep in a past she longed to forget, but one pushed and pushed against her ribs to be acknowledged.

 

Hurt and unsure of why as she was of every emotion she had felt today Regina bit back. “It is not something I am happy about either, dear.” Then hated herself for doing so when it was apparent it had been little Snow speaking. It was hard to keep up with the rapid shifts between what was now apparent to her to be one body with two very different Snow’s inside.

 

Adult green eyes snapped. “Don’t call me that and you never answered my question from before. Why did you offer _me_ your hand Regina?”

 

Done with the inquisition, Queen shook her head and gestured to the door. “I think it’s time you went to bed. I’m tired.”

 

“It’s still light out and I’m not really seven. You can’t tell me what to do.” Pushing Snow stood up.

 

Regina pursed her lips. “Child or not you are certainly acting like one right now.”

 

“Don’t avoid me.” Snow stomped her foot hating how small she felt and indeed, was. “You have avoided me all day. Now tell me why you offered your hand.”

 

Quiet Regina remained and began neatly stacking the papers within the file. Then giving sharp eyes as another foot stomp drew her attention upwards. “You want to know so badly about something that would apparently mean nothing to _you_.”

 

Pink lips formed a hard line and big Snow pushed back again against the Queen’s walls. “Troll shit.” Dark orbs flashing in warning did nothing to still her mouth. “I know you Regina and _that_ meant something.”

 

“And I didn’t say it didn’t to me. You think you know me, but Snow you really know nothing of what my life has been like.” Holding up a finger when the adult Princess tried to interrupt, she pressed it firmly against a pink mouth. “You grew up sheltered and protected, adored from the moment of conception and you never once, until you were an adult, knew what a hard day’s work felt like. Even then you had help, you had friends. I had nothing and no one since—not even my Father.” Searching green back and forth. “I had _no one_. You don’t know what it feels like to be forced to marry someone you don’t like, to be paraded about like a trophy and humiliated. To be rap—”

 

Snow ripped her head back unable to take anymore. Defensive. “Even if that were true, that’s not my fault!”

 

Lost in past memories Regina shook her head. “I know the truth is hard for you to hear and no, my circumstances certainly were not your fault. I’m not suggesting they were, but with you Snow, by continuing to choose to wear ignorance in light of the truth that is part of the problem between us.”

 

Hurting Snow threw back. “I’m not the problem Regina. It’s your inability to love and let go of revenge—”

 

Piercing. “It is not about revenge—You think this is easy for me Princess? Waking up in the past, in a twisted version of a dark curse do over, without my son only to find _you_ in his place?” Breathing hard Regina’s temples pounded, fighting to push down her anger. Too much she had said too much already to ears that were not ready to listen. Little ears she knew were not ready, but the big ones listening right now and eyes—those rose colored glasses Snow insisted on wearing had to come off at some point.

 

Snow barked. “What do you think it’s been like for me? Waking up to be dependent on a woman who had tried to kill me—”

 

Countering immediately. “It was a _sleeping_ curse, not a death curse. I made sure of—”

 

“Don’t.” Throwing arms down and stomping again. “Don’t lie to me anymore Regina!”

 

Bristling with heat. “Don’t lie? You have never once considered I am telling the truth because you refuse to see anything past the end of your own nose.”

 

“I don’t need to in order to see you for what you are.”

 

Jaw clenched and Regina’s eyes burned with tears. Quiet. “And what pray tell Snow is that?”

 

“A murderer.”

 

Scoffing to hide to hurt rising. She didn’t say anything of the kind, but Regina thought her look must have said something dark.

 

“No, we are not the same.” Snow shook her head, countering what she thought that look meant. “I only talked to you about her heart. _You_ put her heart back in Cora’s body.” Ill Snow felt but excuses flew in her pain. “And what do you care? You don’t feel anything anymore. You hated Cora. Y _ou_ killed my father and I loved him!” Snow steamed red as Regina’s spine went rim rod straight, near breaking she thought.

 

Stalemate.

 

Regina’s hand shook to fly, but she balled it tight. Stood immediately and crossed to the farthest side of the room needing distance physically, heated as she was. Knew exactly where that anger from Snow came from. Understood the pain in those green eyes, but this pain—her own this moment, was blinding. Never once had she slapped Snow as she had felt the dark urge to do in that moment and she wasn’t about to start.

 

Her back to the Princess, Regina braced herself against the dresser. Breathing for a solid minute and her shoulders shook with the effort. Calmer after and anger becoming distant she slowly moved her eyes up to the mirror and to Snow’s scrutinizing reflection in it. This sickness had to stop. “She was my Mother. Of _course_ I loved her.” In spite of everything Cora had done, Regina had loved her Mother, or the part of her she thought might just love her in return. Raw again. Regina dropped her shoulders; done holding onto something that was not hers to carry. “And in spite of what you think you know and understand, _I_ did not kill your Father.”

 

A pink gaping mouth asked. “What?” Too sure those words from Regina were.

 

“You heard me and I have said as much before.” Turning around Regina crossed her arms, meeting big green lily pads staring.

 

The room went white. Hearing the truth, really hearing when somehow she couldn’t before. Spinning. The room Snow was in was spinning. “But the box. The snakes. The court physician said… You _never_ said…”

 

Exactly. Regina’s fingers clutched her sides, fisting fabric tightly. “The _physician_ said and you, in your ever self-righteous way as always, believed him.” Or later as she had learned Cora in a magical mask.

 

“But…”

 

“It was one of my Mother’s tricks. A compulsion.” Fingers drummed the dresser top where Regina stood, other hand on hip, tears brimmed beneath her lids. “You wanted to believe the worst of me because you could and so you did. I told you the day after the funeral _I_ had nothing to do with his death when you questioned me again and _you_ ran away convinced I had done something before I could tell you what really happened.”

 

Snow hugged herself confused and angry. “But you loved him and then you—”

 

“No Snow, _you_ loved your father. He was your world and I had some hope at a point that _we_ at least could be a family of sorts and I tried to protect you from…” Head shaking at more than the idea of Mother getting her hands on Snow. “Then you had to tell my Mother what I said to you in confidence at the stables after you swore not to.”

 

“I didn’t know how messed up Cora was when I told her or I never—”

 

Regina’s hand came down on the dresser firm, done with being interrupted. “No you did not and there is a reason for that.” And so many cutting ones slicing the air to shreds. Razors in her throat, she felt nausea welling.

 

Deep breath, Snow took a step back as the reason for that protection stared back at her. She had no idea way back then what Cora had been fully capable of, but her adult mind could only try to begin understanding just all Regina had protected her from. “I was a _child_ Regina.” Snow pleaded understanding for guilt that still gripped her heart from that dark stormy day when the price of a secret told had been collected.

 

“Yes, you _were_ then, but right now you are not and I am done pretending your Father was as perfect as you thought him to be just to make it easy for you when he was a grown man and his choices were far from forgivable.” Regina leaned back against the dresser and seeing her words had confused Snow, she clarified. “Don’t misunderstand me, _dear_. He deserved accountability, but neither my willing hand nor my word opened that box.”

 

Snow sat back, lounger slamming into her butt. As an adult she had learned to how to read Regina and she could almost always tell when Regina was lying. And she wished that lies came from that red mouth now, but none had since they landed here. That would at least make the guilt in her gut edge away from the boiling point. The truth hurt and that meant _her_ perception from her childhood may not be all that she need consider. “I…” Failing again to speak as she had before the black curse clouds had stolen them away for this reality. Nothing came out.

 

Deciding Snow was ready for an answer to a completely different question Regina was now ready to give it, she spoke softly. “Earlier before we left for the vault I offered my hand because you needed me to. Not the little girl you are, but _you_.” Regina observed the struggle on the fair face across the way. Then giving direction when she lacked any herself. “Go to bed Snow.” Dismissing the woman child, Queen went into the bathroom and closed the door.

 

Cold, Regina needed cold in the heat consuming her skin. A cool shower and she let the water beat her back numb, soothing her spirit. Stepping out nearly twenty minutes later Regina took her time massaging lotion into her damp skin. Drying her hair came next and she braved the mirror, really looking at herself for the first time since morning. Red rimmed eyes stared back.

 

Haunted.

 

A soft thump behind her made a head whip around. Towel from the rack had fallen on the floor. Regina sighed and picked it up. Turning again back to the mirror and she jumped back at the flash of sharp blue in her eyes that shouldn’t be there. Charging the mirror she peered closely blinking. Brown pools started back. She rubbed them, looking again. Tired she decided. Her eyes were swollen and worry filled. Turning away Regina dried off and pulled on a clean black silk tank top and pants. She was more than ready to lie between dark sheets and hide away from this life for a while.

 

Leaving her en suite, Regina got half way across the room before she realized she was not alone. There on the lounger curled into a tight small ball was Snow. Legal file was open on the floor spilling the papers across the carpet they both wished weren’t real, seemingly gone through again in her absence. Approaching to pick them up Regina paused.

 

Snow was asleep, the pink nose of a stuffed rabbit child must have gotten and returned with peeked out from under an arm and it was then the Queen felt the ice on an old door in her heart begin to melt. Finishing with the papers and putting the file on her dresser, she went to the bed. Regina returned to the lounger and carefully draped the blanket she kept there over the slumbering Princess. Fingers acted of their own accord and she tucked one lone wild curl behind a little ear.

 

Snow stirred, small nose twitching and Regina pulled her hand back intending to get into bed, but not before taking one last look. Trails of tears on child’s two fat pink cheeks begged to be wiped away. Regina lingered in want of pretending.

 

For just a moment.

 

Lips parted and closed. Just once when Regina thought she’d never say it again, but say it she couldn’t. Though, her heart whispered a long missed affection instead.

 

_‘Good night my little Snow bunny.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n – And despite the tension we have a break through. Things will continue to thaw between them. I don't know about you, but I have always felt they needed to have this talk... like OUAT didn't even touch it with a ten foot pole....
> 
> Next Time: Regina discovers a clue to the curse. A memory of the Enchanted Forest gives insight on how Regina and Snow’s early relationship formed. Snow gets some news she’s unsure about.


	5. Our Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mothers are their daughters’ role model… their emotional roadmap, the arbiter of all their relationship.”
> 
> – Victoria Secunda –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Some insight into their past ahead. Bit of angst, but more fluff than not.

 

Sunday.

 

It used to be Regina’s favorite day. Pancake day as Henry called it. _Their_ day as she fondly like to say. Or used too.

 

But today Sunday bled through the curtains and Regina sat up in it wide awake with her back against the head board hugging her knees. Last few hours she had watched the sun creep across the carpet, crawling ever so slowly to highlight a little dangling foot off the lounger near the fireplace.

 

Sleep, what she had gotten of it, had been a welcome reprieve from yesterday. Tomorrow would be Monday and if they were still here as dread spoke in her stomach they might be, she would need to begin carrying on with her role as Mayor and that meant Snow, in the truth of the child’s role here in the file from last night, would be expected at school. That thought made Regina’s head ache more than it already did.

 

She needed a clue, something to go by to begin unraveling the why of their existence here. Throwing off the blankets and covering with her robe against the morning chill Regina left the room and went to the kitchen. Coffee first, always first and mug full she went into her Study.

 

Cora’s jeweled spell book called to her from across the room as it had when they were in the vault. Next to the Dark One her Mother had been the most powerful witch in existence in all the realms. She had learned all she knew about magic at both their hands and she shivered at the fact. The Imp’s face over her in the Pawn Shop when she was holding her Mother’s body flashed in mind. Maybe here he knew something. After all in the 28 years before Miss Swan came to town he had, in fact, been awake the entire time. Perhaps he was now too and if so he might just be able to help.

 

He owed her that much.

 

Deciding to find out if he was indeed awake today she set her mug on the coffee table. Regina took the book and sat on the couch, curling her feet under her. Then she found the place she left off, skimming and then turning the page. A folded parchment slipped out of the book and into her lap. Setting the book aside Regina picked it up and unfolded it. Her Mother’s writing swirled under her eyes and for a moment she tore them away after reading the first few words at the top, drowning in them. A letter in her hands. Addressed to her and it felt like Mother was dying all over again in them.

 

 _‘Breathe Regina.’_ She thought.

 

Henry.

 

_‘I have to get back to Henry.’_

 

So she read and the carefully kept pain Regina had been pushing down the last twenty four hours grew.

 

 

 

_Regina,_

_I only ever wanted the best for you in life. I could not always show you love. As you know I spent more than half my life without my heart. You have given me back my heart and so it is my last wish to give you back the rest of yours. Where ever you are right now embrace this second chance, a real one, a gift to you my daughter._

_Remember my last words when you have doubt of your strength. You are and have always been so much stronger than me._

_Mother_

 

 

 

Ink blurred.

 

Of course this was Mother’s doing and Regina crumpled the paper in her fist over her heart holding it there and just as quickly smoothed it out. Reading again and then once more. Trapped in her worst nightmare without her son and with Snow in _this_ mocking form she had long let go of was supposed to be a gift?

 

Mother’s twisted sense of humor was not in the least amusing. One last lesson it seemed and Regina wondered what it was. Cora had been notorious for them throughout her life and just when she thought she had figured out what she was supposed to learn the rug would be yanked cruelly from under her. And this one just kept tripping her up.

 

 _‘Why here, why Snow, and why now?’_ Her head hurt with questions only a dead woman knew the answers to.

 

Skimming the page again Regina’s eyes stilled on one phrase. _‘Where ever you are…’_ Did that mean Mother didn’t know where the curse would take her or who she would be trapped with? Maybe something went wrong. Maybe Henry was meant to be here instead. _‘Give you back the rest of your heart…’_ Henry _was_ her heart, her child, always had been.

 

Hadn’t he?

 

Her heart whispered with a memory long tucked away. Sitting back with the letter heavy in her hands Regina closed her eyes and let it take her back to the past.

 

 

 

_Regina’s full pale blue skirts dusted the tops of the blades of grass in the royal gardens. Cool morning just after breakfast she strolled the sculpted paths behind the Castle. Her Castle and home now as Queen of the White Kingdom. She moved at a leisurely pace, though not as slow as she would have liked. Ache between her legs and deep within rubbed raw with each step. A week after her wedding night and in the dark of each night in between he had taken her. Set on a son he said, a brother for his daughter._

_Regina shook her head slightly, self chiding. She’d have to change her thinking. Had been working to do so since the proposal her Mother had accepted on her behalf. The daughter now hers too and more so. A step didn’t matter. Not by their laws. The moment she said ‘I do’ Snow White became her child._

_The memory of the dead Queen honored, but cast aside for living flesh that would begin to mold the young Princess to rule the Kingdom alongside a husband chosen by her and Leopold both. As was their custom, their society’s way to keep living once the dead were buried. Former Queen never to be spoken of now that the title, more than one, belonged to her._

_Regina was grateful for that at least. No comparison was made between her and the dead beauty, at least not out loud anyway. A royal title she never wanted. Nor the child that came with it. Both now had, she would try to embrace one of them at least. Snow would be a welcome distraction from rank, prestige, and customs she disliked._

_“She is much like a little chipmunk, your daughter.”_

_Regina’s nostrils flared as she lifted her chin. Mother just a step ahead as usual led them along another path shaded as Snow ran along further several paces of them. Princess barely six and waist height, cheeks were full and rosy as they should be. But Regina knew where this conversation was going. Her trained waist done up in corset strangling knew. “She will grow out of it, I’m sure Mother. All children have fullness to their appearance at this age.”_

_A dark chuckle as blue eyes never left the scampering child ahead. “You know nothing of children daughter.” Cora’s eyes narrowed. “And you never did grow out of it until I intervened.”_

_Starved. Regina had been all but growing up. Diet wickedly restricted, she ate like a bird on a regular day at best. Not wanting to bicker, but needing to stake her rightful claim. This child—Snow as the very least belonged to her. “She’s my responsibility Mother.”_

_“She is and quite one.” Agreeing Cora watched it seemed to Regina with great distaste as the future heir to the throne began to pick wild flowers, little shoes cast aside and white stockings becoming stained with green of grass. “She is a terrible mess and has been according to the King since the death.” Corners of a hard mouth turned down, Regina suspected, when her feet went too slow in pace. So Cora led faster and Queen naturally hastened along without so much as a touch or word from her Mother to make her save expectation she do so. “I will grant you one month to bring her to heel.” Mother finished harshly._

_Regina stiffened. Paling and internally cringing at what was strongly implied. There was no way she was going to allow Snow to be corrupted, abused or—even put abusive hands on this child. Amber grew shadows, lingering on Snow. Little life she saved had been her death sentence to this one she was now living. Hating her life, but not the causality that had her walking this path Regina eyed the bundle of wildflowers fisted in a dirty little palm. Snow changed palms and dirt was wiped on white silk before being abandoned all together to spin about the trunk of a tree. Rough about the edges Snow was. Edges Regina would have to smooth if she was to keep them both safe from Mother._

_“Two months.” Regina countered._

_“Three weeks.” Cora admonished, as sharp nails came to dig into Regina’s arm, marking through a sleeve. A pause and then a turn with a nod to Snow hanging from a low tree branch. “You had best begin, daughter.” Grin wicked in giving the smallest of nods._

_Regina recognized that mocking gesture. She may outrank her Mother in title, but never in the blood they shared. Cora stared in wait and Regina dipped her chin and but not her eyes. “Yes Mother.” Willfulness made her Mother’s palm lift, and instinctual she flinched, but no strike came. Instead her cheek was tapped smartly twice. She fought against wincing again through the sting growing._

_“I’m so glad we understand each other Regina.”_

_Mother turned a back leaving her to task and Regina took the deepest breath her stays would allow. Then another. How to navigate this new relationship with the Princess unruly at best. Like a feral kitten led astray by grief Snow was and had been the last year according to her new husband. She shivered thinking of him and quickly dismissed the image._

_Missing her home, what freedom she’d had and most of all the pair of hazel eyes that had looked at her without expectation save she be herself. Daniella. Regina closed her eyes at the memory. Her love had promised to find a way into the Castle. A way to reach her, but until then… and even then Regina realized, no matter where her heart lay or if her future brought their reunification, Snow was a casualty just as much as she. Child had not been asked if a new Mother had been wanted or previous one erased._

_Perhaps some kind of happiness could be found with this little one. Regina had never had anything or anyone look at her the way Snow did. Like she held the sun in the sky and called the moon to bring the tide in. Power she’d gladly trade for freedom. She sighed. Three weeks was not long to retrain a child from a year of wild run without a Mother’s influence._

_King had called her into his private chamber on the morning after the consummation—rape—and had spoken the most to her in a twenty minute period as he had the whole string of days they had been married the last week. Explained his daughter’s grief and lack of rule the last year._

_Daughters belonged to their Mothers to rear as sons did to their Fathers. Opposite gender rarely intervened with the other in that right. Gender roles clearly defined as were titles assigned at birth within the rank one was born to and too the domestic ones within families. Women belonged to their husbands, but always to their Mothers first. Just as sons ruled their wives, but took direction from their Fathers, even after marriage._

_Trapped in a cycle of power, Regina only longed for freedom and marriage had only tightened the leash around her neck her birthright had put there. A gilded one spun of fine gold and adorned with jewels she wanted nothing to do with. A hand was all she wanted to hold and_ that _hand Daniella’s, was still her desire._

_But Daniella was lost to her._

_Their love a great secret in more than love, but for the price they would both pay at the ax for breaking gender law. Women or men of the same kind were not allowed to join. Considered against the grain of the very foundation of roles their society was founded on. One she had been beaten for toeing within an inch of her life by her Mother when she was five and had been caught playing wedding with two female dolls. When asked what she was doing she had said one day she would marry a beautiful woman. A man, a King least of all, had never been in her plans._

_There were secret places she had heard rumored far on the other side of the Kingdom tucked away where alike couples were able to live, away from the judging eyes of the law. Daniella, an orphan and tied to no one, was free to go where pleased. Regina had envied that freedom upon their introduction years ago, but had grown to learn the heart of the woman who tended their family stables as a horse groomer. Though what Regina had wanted never mattered._

_Her Mother wanted power and King wanted a Mother for his heir. Her Father—Daddy in the most private of moments between them, only wanted them to get along and was not the one who ruled their home despite his title as a Prince and Husband. Passive and of tender heart—he was no match for Mother or the role he had been born into. They were a lot alike in that way, or so she thought._

_Leopold’s words spoken were now her law. “Tame Snow. Teach her. Raise her. This and only this is your right.”_

_Mother’s words threatened to take even that right from her. Their world a harsh one to women was even more so to children. Authority she would have to claim with Snow. Some kind of it and Regina wondered if there was a way to craft her own version of it. Something softly firm and predictable for the Princess, but with enough of their world expectations to bring Snow along where they needed to be to remain out of Cora’s clutches and away from the King’s critical eye._

_Careful, but her way._ ‘Our way’ _she would make it between her and Snow. Formal with purpose, but filled with plenty of love and affection—especially away from prying eyes. So careful she’d have to be, but worth keeping the light in the green eyes watching her._

_Regina settled on a course of action and began to approach the child bouncing to catch the low tree branch again. Snow caught the branch, but slipped at her approach, landing on knees in the dust and then running over with arms out to hug her skirts. Regina paused and leaned down to gently catch Snow by the shoulders, their eyes level._

_Bright eyes looked into her and Regina couldn’t help but smile softly at the happiness there. Happiness she wanted to keep, but knew she had to begin dimming just a little this moment. “You must be more careful Snow.” Indicating the stained white dress with a sweep of her eyes._

_“But did you see the pretty flowers and the bird in the tree?” Shining Snow asked and held out the bouquet. “For you.”_

_“I did and they are both lovely. Thank you.” Pausing Regina smelled the flowers and tucked them into her other hand. She squeezed a shoulder once and stood tall. “Go fetch your shoes and come walk with me. We need to discuss a few things.”_

_Snow darted off to the tree, slipping on silk slippers. Regina observed Snow slowing to a walk under her eye. To Snow’s credit girl seemed to sense why she was observed. Queen placed a hand on a shoulder to guide the child a step behind and on her right per protocol. Snow moved naturally under her direction and Queen thought perhaps for a moment not all was forgotten in the last year as King had claimed. But then Snow began to slip a hand into hers, little green eyes begging for the affection only allowed much younger children of two or three._

_Instinctively Regina looked about, making sure no one was watching them least Mother or spies be about. Sure they were alone she allowed the child to take up her hand, just this once in public she told herself, enjoying the warmth there as they began walking. Affection and open was discouraged in their society. Considered elementary, unnecessary compared to what was necessary to keep order and that was something Regina had never understood._

_Children were expected to mimic adults from an early age and open affection only weakened that transition. Though this little hand in hers felt wonderful. Sweet and innocent and she wanted more of it. Maybe this would serve them, private and vigilant they would have to be, but perhaps…_

_“Have I vexed you in some way?” Snow looked up at the length of silence between them._

_A very grown term Regina knew had been learned from Mother earlier this week. Mother had set about correcting the child’s vocabulary right away in new role as Grandmother to the heir of the throne. Trying from Snow’s mouth now it sounded sharp on pink lips and made hers frown. “Not how you are thinking, however there are some behaviors of yours we need to make right.”_

_They came to a carved bench under a tree and Regina sat, bringing Snow to stand in front of her. Taking in the fullness of the child from head to toe. There was a lot to be done for Snow to be present in the title and rank born to not including their domestic role to each other. Too much she feared for the short timeline her Mother imposed. But she was Regina and she did not give up easily. Nerves now she suspected, began to warm white skin to blush under her words._

_Snow bit a lip, seeming to come right out with it. “What will you use to punish me then?”_

_And Regina sighed. A year since this child had even been reprimanded in any fashion little long talked to at length over decorum and she suspected the woman who had owned her title before had sounded much harsher than she. By that change of pallor in Snow under her statement, child seemed to be expecting a firm correction. Now that tone belonging to a dead woman was her responsibility. The way of her world now, she could not question it. She daren’t question the King or her Mother most of all, not yet anyway until she had some leverage to work with._

_Honest she needed to be. With herself and the child. “That is not how things will be between us. I shall never hit you with anything nor strike your face.” Hand going there to cup a cheek and glad to see the child not flinch from her touch. Though expectation for some kind of corporal correction would called in by her Mother, the King, and by their laws. Traditional, their world began training children young enough to walk to survive in it. If she did not heed, Cora would make her and then make Snow heel in her wake. A shiver ran the length of her spine at that thought._

_“Then how…” Small and confused Snow sounded, then suddenly not. “Mother?”_

_Not a question in title from Snow, but rather of how they were to proceed with protocols between them. Regina had expected that title at some point this week as was custom. Her engagement with Snow had been limited immediately after the wedding as she settled into her new home, role, and duties. They had a lot to discuss and not as much time as she had hoped. Regina moved with it and took two hands into her own. “We will find our own way to manage between us. Today we will begin with a few rules and talking them through so you understand what I expect of you.”_

_“I’m not to be punished?” Snow’s chin dipped to indicate the dress and shoes._

_Queen shook her head softly and wondered if that had been a small test of sorts. Seeing a hint of mischief in green for that answer, she explained. “I’m sure at some point that will be that case.” Hating that idea and rubbing thumbs along the back of small hands. “However, now I feel you would fare better if you understood what to do and not to do. As well as how to avoid such future trouble.”_

_“I am not in trouble with you then.” Looking down at their hands with a small smile._

_Regina rather liked how they fit together. “Not today Snow and I certainly hope not going forward…”_

 

 

 

Regina opened her eyes. Breathing deep. In once. Out once and in again her lungs filled to capacity. Not confined by stays or the rigidity of the past. Present moment came into focus and Cora’s clue once again became a crinkled mess in her fist.

 

**::::::::::::::::**

 

Snow was just as jarred upon waking as she had been the previous morning and even more so when she realized where she was. Alone though she never liked to be, but right now she welcomed it. Mouth dry she rubbed one eye and sleepily looked down. Mr. Thumper had been a welcome companion last night. Gone to her room where Regina had sent her after disappearing into the bathroom Snow had been in shock over the Queen’s revelation about her Father’s death. She still was and wondered over why she had gotten the stuffed toy and returned to a room where she obviously was not wanted. But here she was right now and had been allowed to be.

 

Moving the blanket aside she pondered how it had gotten there. Answer clear after she thought about it, Snow shoved it away and sighed. Then her stomach rumbled. Starving, she had not eaten much yesterday and needed something soon. Snow wondered if Regina would cook again and was conflicted over the fact that part of her looked forward to it if that was the case. It felt good having someone make a meal for her, but it shouldn’t. Not here and certainly not for who would make it.

 

Torn again Snow folded the blanket best she could and went down the hall, leaving Mr. Thumper on her bed. Downstairs she heard noise from the kitchen. Little one in her hopeful she peeked around the corner watching Queen floating about the kitchen as if completely at ease in the space and remembered Regina always being that way when they had managed to sneak into the Castle kitchens to bake something together. She shook her head to rid the memory as her nose began twitching over the aroma of pancakes. Then the adult in her frowned when she realized they were apple ones.

 

Yuck.

 

“Do not stand there gawking Snow... It’s rude.” Regina turned and gave a tolerant look to the big eyes she had felt watching her for a long while. “Come sit. We need to talk about the plan today.”

 

At that direction Snow eased into the room and sat down in the stool farthest from the Queen. And daring. “You know I don’t like apples Regina.”

 

Plating a stack with a raised brow, Regina turned off the stove and grabbed her coffee mug. Taking both to her place setting. Seated, she pointed to a different plate. “I do and those are for you.”

 

Green eyes followed a finger and blushed at the plain pile she had missed in her upset. Pulling the non apple pancakes over she gave a soft, “Thanks.” Taking a fork Snow dug in after drowning the mess in syrup. As Snow chewed she nearly missed the amused look on the Queen’s face. “Wats so dunny?” Cheeks full. And she tried again at the pointed look she was under after swallowing. “What’s so funny?”

 

Regina sipped her coffee debating on answering. There needed to be some peace between them for the harshness of yesterday and so she tried. “You insist you are not a child and yet you are _so_ seven years old right now.” Gesturing to the drowning pancake. Then she wondered aloud. “How does it feel? To be as you are I mean.”

 

“Strange.” Snow took another bite surprised at the ease with which she admitted that vulnerability. Then she merely chewed slowly to gain time to think. What did Regina care anyway about anything she felt? Still, the Queen seemed different this morning and that made her want to try, at least a little. “It’s like having two voices in my head. My own as an adult and one from the past when I was really seven. I have all my memories, but the ones from when I was little are really prominent right now, like they just happened and it’s like she, little me, is trying to take over and I can’t help certain things.” Pointing to the plate.

 

Suspecting as much Regina nodded and took a delicate bite of her own breakfast. She remained quiet as the Princess didn’t seem to be finished yet.

 

“And I’m not trying to make you mad by doing things like stomping my foot yesterday or using too much syrup. I don’t want to make this harder. I _can’t_ help it and I don’t understand any of it.” Tears teased her lashes and tired of them Snow tried hard to hold them back.

 

Sighing. Regina set down her fork and turned to Snow. “No you cannot and I realize that now.”

 

“Huh?” Chin tilted. Snow was not sure what she had been expecting, but it was not Regina’s understanding.

 

“I’ve been awake quite a while now and thinking a lot about our circumstances. There is a reason we are here and I am not sure why yet. I have a few ideas I need to explore, but I will figure this out and get us out of here.”

 

Snow gave a strange half smile.

 

Uncomfortable under very adult eyes Regina asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Because you’re determined to get your way and you always seem to. And right now that gives me hope that I’ll see my family again.”

 

Regina scoffed and turned away. “Yes, _you_ would see it that way.”

 

Sensing she had somehow rocked a delicate bridge Snow reached out and carefully laid her hand on top of the Queen’s forearm, grateful when Regina did not pull away from her. “I meant what I said as a compliment. You are the most determined person I know and when you say you will figure this out and get us out of here…” Shrugging and pulling her hand back. “Well, I believe you.” Eyes back on her plate she went back to eating.

 

Changing the subject as her heart fluttered, Regina continued. “I need to see Gold today. I think he might know something, _if_ he is awake. If he isn’t then I fear we may be here for a while yet and that is what we need to talk about now.”

 

Snow shifted in her seat. “Talk about what?”

 

“Tomorrow is Monday and being such I have work.” Sipping coffee and eying green for a reaction.

 

“Oh.” Chewing on that thought Snow nearly choked on the other one. “ _Oh_. No, that’s not happening.” Dropping her fork with a clatter. “Just take me with you or leave me here. I’ll stay inside and I won’t get into trouble.” Begging with her eyes. “Regina I _can’t_.”

 

“You can and will go to school.” Shaking her head at the dramatics she had suspected would surface. “I can’t take you to Town Hall. We need to play along in this life for this to work between us until I can figure something else out. You wanted to help Princess and that is one way you can.”

 

Cheeks turned pink and Snow crossed her arms. “That’s not what I meant by helping and you know it.”

 

“Still it is not your choice to make or even mine. It is what it is and you will go.” Standing and going to the sink. Snow’s irritation over the idea only further provoked her own. “Perhaps you’ll learn something new.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Then sighing as they were right back to square one. Regina set the tap water to hot and began soaking the dishes to be washed. “I meant nothing by it.”

 

Letting what she has thought was a jab at her intelligence, but maybe not, go in favor of her curiosity Snow asked. “What else did you mean by we need to play along in this life?”

 

“I meant what I meant. We need to play the roles we have been dealt. Especially outside of the house or things will get unnecessarily messy for us like the little hospital incident. We don’t need any distractions if we both want to get out of here, do we?” Again some parts of this conversation felt too familiar. Roles being defined as she had crafted _Our Way_ decades years ago.

 

Hesitant, but nodding to that truth, Snow would give the Queen that win.

 

“You will go to school and try to blend in. I will go to work and do what I always do. Between those things I will try to unravel this mess.”

 

Snow bit her lip. “It’ll be strange. I don’t know how to…”

 

“I suspect it will be very similar to the tutor schedule the other side of you is used to from the Castle. There will be the basic classes—reading, writing, and mathematics with a meal and a break in between.” Regina tried to sound reassuring. “Try to think about it like that.”

 

“I still think it’s a bad idea.” Crossing her arms in upset.

 

“You will be fine, but there is something else we need to talk about.” Squaring her jaw, Regina stuck her hands in the soapy water needing something to do. “Yesterday at the hospital you called me by name in front of Dr. Whale.” Breath catching as her skin flushed. “You cannot do that here in public.”

 

A foot kicked the counter. So that’s why Whale had been looking at her so funny. “I am not calling you _anything_ else.” Had once and done so with ease of heart, now that word meant something broken inside her. Never mind the softer form of it she had come to use with the Queen of past when they had been in private.

 

“Then call me nothing at all outside the house, but be respectful about it. I am more than fine with that, but you can’t use my name around others.”

 

“Fine with me.”

 

“I thought it would be.” Regina scrubbed a pan harder than necessary. “We need to touch on a few rules also to make this situation more tolerable for both of us.”

 

Snow toyed with the ends of her hair, twirling as was her habit when she was unsure of something. “What kind of rules?”

 

“Rules to keep you safe. Henry would never forgive me if something happened to you here.” Deciding to be honest in her reasoning, at least part of it right now with big Snow. “You need to listen when I tell you to do something and think before you act.” The last would prove to be the most difficult she was sure. Seeing the girl’s confused look Regina gave a few examples. “Things like the snow globe, the potion bottle, running from me in the hospital… those cannot continue to happen.”

 

Thinking the Queen’s words over Snow dropped her hand to her lap. “I’ll try.”

 

“You need to do more than try, but… Okay.” And that would need to be true for more than just Snow if they were to survive each other.

 

Snow at least willing to try by her side was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Next chapter of this story not until next Saturday due to the holiday Tuesday. If you are enjoying this at all please consider a review. Thanks!
> 
> I am also debuting a new story probably later tonight or tomorrow called Special Delivery for those of you that are fans of actual kid Emma and Mama Regina - Completely A/U – no curse/no magic.
> 
> Next time – Regina and Snow visit Gold and Queen shares some of her theory learned from Cora’s spell book with the Princess. Little Snow throws an old arrow of past and Queen wounded, makes a mistake, but in it they find new understanding of each other.


	6. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The heart remembers to whom you belong when time and distance cause you to forget.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Mix of fluff and angst. Double chapter length for not posting last Tuesday. See tags/notes from chapter one, they apply.

Regina took a deep breath as she stared at the red light ahead. Fingers wrapped around the steering wheel flexed and relaxed. Then she felt it again as the light turned green. Another breath through the annoyance. _‘Patience is the word of the day. Patience is the word of the—’_

 

Then it happened again and Regina bit her tongue. Snow had been underfoot most of the morning since breakfast and she desperately just needed a few quiet minutes to think about the upcoming talk with Gold she needed to have, but the woman child whining in the back seat was making that increasingly difficult.

 

“I do so hate this seat, it pinches my neck Regina.” Yanking the straps holding her hostage Snow fumed again, but her attempts at explaining this very annoying feeling only seemed to be ignored.

 

Her only experience at this age was the royal carriage and this car seat was more than uncomfortable. Logically her adult mind understood the need for one. She was small at seven, smaller than most children her age and she had never been fond of the fact. Being made to sit in a car seat only emphasized the truth of her current fate. Not getting a response Snow kicked out her feet again in upset as they neared another red light and those feet stilled when the Queen’s foot missed the brake at her gesture.

 

A high heel found the brake, slamming and throwing them both forward. Knuckles white on the steering wheel Regina gave firm eyes in the mirror. Green light a go after a tense minute, she pulled the Benz off to the side of the road.

 

“Regina…” Snow gulped as the car was put into park. Driver’s door opened and closed and before Snow could even reach to press the lock on the back door it opened. “I’m sorry, I—”

 

“Don’t start.” Regina leaned into the back seat and took Snow’s chin. “You cannot kick the seat when I am driving for exactly what happened. I know you hate the car seat, but it can’t be helped.” As she spoke she began unbuckling the straps holding Snow in and adjusting them for the second time that morning then giving up. “Get out please.”

 

Obeying that tone, Snow slowly took the offered hand and was helped from the car. “Why did we stop here?” Gold’s shop was still a ways up the block.

 

Regina adjusted her purse finally taking in just how unruly the child looked. Snow was wearing the same outfit from yesterday of purple skirt and white sweater with tights. Habit from child the first time of being so, it was becoming clear to Regina that she would need to be more helpful than she had been with Snow’s personal care. “If you can’t ride appropriately we will walk the rest of the way.” Pausing for a moment she knelt and buttoned up the open pink coat and tried to smooth some of the wildness away from dark curls.

 

At the gesture Snow realized the why behind it and blushed. “I forgot. With everything… I just forgot.” And that bothered her in a way she couldn’t quite voice.

 

Satisfied that Snow looked somewhat decent Regina gave a nod of understanding. “It has been quite a lot for both of us hasn’t it?” And continued. “We will get you sorted out tonight. Let’s go.” Standing, she took up that hand. If Snow was anything like the seven year old she remembered the Princess to be, child was a wanderer by nature, much as Henry had been too. At the thought of him her heart pulled. They walked in silence for a few minutes both seemingly getting used to the feel of the other once again, she thought.

 

Little Snow watched their feet walking side by side. No, not side by side she realized as she was a full step behind the Queen’s. Old habit ingrained from another world hard to break and she wondered if she should break it for the mere fact that she could. But would she be _allowed_. That question of difference had Snow glancing carefully upward and she caught a peek at the regal profile above her.

 

Regina’s eyes were straight ahead and so Snow snapped hers back down again. Everything about the laws and protocols she grew up with were fresh in her little mind. She found herself second guessing her first response to things in this different world, even something as simple as walking in the Enchanted Forest had been defined by roles—gender, domestic, and rank born to.

 

Thinking some more, it finally hit Snow that one rule had already been broken. The simple act of holding hands, of showing open affection in public. But was this gesture affection driven? She wasn’t sure but she was sure that _Regina_ had taken her hand. Not the other way around as she sometimes used to try to do during their morning walks in the royal gardens. And sometimes she had been allowed to when there was no one to see them. Little mind swirled. If Regina initiated then it had to be alright to do here, so maybe…

 

Deciding little Snow quickened her feet to fall in pace right with Regina’s neat quick steps instead of the customary one behind and on the right. Behind for domestic role of daughter in deference to a Mother and on the right for the same gender and rank. Whenever she’d walked alongside her Father, it had been two steps behind and on his left; left for opposite gender and one extra step between them to show she was the Queen’s daughter first by law and second, the King’s. A daughter belonged to the Mother and she had belonged to Regina the moment the Queen had said _‘I do’_ to her Father.

 

Snow felt her tummy tighten and loosen over that idea at the same time. Eyes again going to their feet. By the simple act of increasing her step—and in public no matter the world no less—she was defying Regina’s claim on her. And she wasn’t sure how she felt about that now that it was done. Nor how she felt when no immediate rebuke came for the action.

 

If the Queen noticed her equal step she was not sure, but Snow suspected it had been more than noted as she stole another look up. Those red lips that used to kiss her cheek long ago were pinched at the corners, but amber eyes remained forward. And suddenly she felt a terrible pull in her tummy for her action. Slowly she lost the evenness of step and returned to a pace behind the Queen, whether conscience choice or not Snow was not in a place to say. Instead she focused on looking at the different plants and wildlife about in the few bushes and trees they walked by for a distraction. Like she used to, she began talking idly of the random things coming to mind as she saw this world with new eyes.

 

Autumn in Storybrooke was always a beautiful time of year and little Snow loved seeing animals getting ready for a long winter’s nap. Seeing a squirrel with a chestnut she pointed to the tree nearby delighted and pulled to the side at the hand holding hers as she had done in another life and like in that life it gave her some slack though it did not let go. Queen gave her chatter a tolerant nod and she shrugged it off with a small smile.

 

They passed Granny’s diner just as Ruby was putting out the specials sign for the day. Big Snow suddenly shifted forward out of heavy little thoughts and her eyes gave her best friend a once over at the way the waitress was dressed. Thigh high red boots and cropped sweater that showed generous cleavage. She waved with a bright smile at seeing a familiar face and forgot again. “Hi Red!”

 

The red-head quirked a brow and nodded to the Mayor, but gave a wave in return. “I’m not sure who that is Snow, but hi yourself. Where are you two going today?” Smacking gum and blowing a bubble.

 

Regina’s hand squeezed in warning and Snow realized her fumble. “Oh, um to see Rum—Mr. Gold.” Truth but without elaboration had the Queen’s hand relaxing on hers.

 

Ruby cocked her hip and put a hand on her short leather red shorts. “He’s in a weird way that one today. Grumbled over his breakfast I served him all morning. I doubt he’s in the mood to make any deals, but good luck.”

 

That’s exactly what Regina had been hoping and that the Imp’s irritation was at waking up in another curse. Filled with it now that she might be right she started to pull Snow along the rest of the way, but the girl’s feet wouldn’t budge.

 

“Just a moment.” Snow begged and looked back at Ruby as she remembered to ask. “Do you know an Emma Swan?”

 

Waitress head cocked. “Doesn’t ring a bell. Why?”

 

“No reason.” Regina finished smoothly and got them moving once again. A glance at Snow and the girl’s chin was tucked down to a chest. That dejected look had her thumb gently running over pale knuckles, but she didn’t say anything further.

 

The pawn shop bell rang over their heads and they entered the musty shop. Giving the same directions as she had yesterday for Snow not to touch anything she dropped the little hand and went to the counter where Gold leaned polishing some silver.

 

“Ah Madam Mayor to what do I owe the pleasure of seeing your less than happy face?” Snide even here Gold narrowed his eyes across the room at little fingers wanting to paw his glass cases. “And you’d best be careful, dearie.” Nodding to the child as the Queen turned.

 

“Snow?” Irritated that she could not be obeyed for even a moment, but girl remained fixated on something in the case. Calling again more firmly. “Snow, come here to me.” That got the girl’s attention.

 

“Coming.”

 

Regina kept her hand on the girl’s shoulder as a tether and gave her attention back to Gold. “Are you awake?” Searching his beady eyes for awareness, he only cocked his head as gold teeth flashed.

 

“I’d have to be since we are speaking. Miss your morning caffeine Madam Mayor? I’m sure Eugenia and the trollop she calls a granddaughter could help you sort that out.”

 

“Cut the riddles _Gold_ and just answer the question.”

 

“But I have and you’re still here.” Moving to the other side of another counter he tapped his cane twice. “So that must mean you are here to buy something or make a deal.” Then leaning close and in personal space, he gave the Mayor a once over. “So which is it?”

 

“Maybe he…” Snow interjected and immediately shut her mouth when the hand on the back of her neck flexed.

 

Regina pursed her lips. “Excuse us a moment.” She said to Gold and quickly pulled Snow across the store and leaned down to be eye level.

 

Grumbling under the stern gaze Snow tried to explain. “I was only trying to help.”

 

“I don’t need your help on this. What I need right now is to be able to focus and get us some answers.” Going between pouting green eyes, Regina whispered firmly. “Do you understand me?”

 

Snow tightened her lips and nodded once. When that didn’t seem to be enough little one in her gave the response expected. “Yes Ma’am.”

 

Nodding and straightening back up, Regina went back over to where Gold was watching them. Unsure if he was in fact awake or not, she decided to play along with his previous answer. “What are you offering if I am, in fact, willing to make a deal with you? Would that change your answer?” Regina took a calming breath when Snow tugged on the sleeve of her coat. She glanced down with both brows raised.

 

“You can’t make a deal with hi—” But Snow was cut off before she could finish her thought.

 

“Hush please.” Regina admonished and looked back to Gold. “You were saying?”

 

Curious at the display between them the man took a step forward, forgetting his polishing cloth in favor of looking at the little girl trying still to get the Mayor’s attention. She looked familiar and inside him something whispered that he should know who that child was, but too far it was to hear. Gold snapped his head to the side as he heard another voice in his mind he thought he recognized; a sultry one of a beautiful woman long lost to him that made his heart beat faster and warm ever so tenderly. And unsure of why he felt that way, he was more unsure of the words spilling from his mouth that were not his own.

 

“I wasn’t saying anything.” A sly grin. “Perhaps, _dear,_ you should pay attention to who is right in front of you.” Nodding to the girl and turning he left them to go into the back of his shop.

 

**:::::::::::::::**

 

Snow struggled to keep up as she was pulled down the block by quick heels. Regina always walked quickly when annoyed or upset and Snow wished it wasn’t at her, which had seemed to be the case all morning. She was trying and failing miserably to follow a simple direction and she was told as much as Regina lectured her over the fact.

 

“He was going to say something important and you interrupted. I asked you to do one thing to make this easier. One. And it was important especially while we were in that shop.” Regina shook her head in frustration, still marching onward as she spoke. “What was it?”

 

“To listen.” Little one answered out of habit and the adult taking over pulled away. Big Snow halted in the middle of the sidewalk as she slipped that grip. “I’m trying. You don’t need to chew me out over it.”

 

Missed chance to learn anything of value at Gold’s and more than disturbed by his closing statement Regina put her hands on her hips, mirroring Snow’s upset, but keeping her tone in check. “You need to try harder.”

 

A shift again and a little foot stomped because it could and did with each word after. “You’re—making—that—difficult— _Regina_.”

 

“Enough.” Queen took back up a little hand bristling at her name and the stares from passersby they were getting and kept walking. “I am not going to argue with you. I am the adult and right now you are the child.” Sighing for a better way to explain than her first reaction when another shift happened and Snow’s big eyes ripped through her. “We need to work together in order to—“

 

Snow again yanked away, cheeks reddening. “I’m _not_ a child!”

 

But Snow was and again like one most frustrated, tired, and anxious it all was too much. She started to cry. Great tears like candle wax running from a flame burning too brightly fall from her eyes. This day flamed right through her core. And Snow gave in to the child she was this moment as Regina allowed her to cry right there on the sidewalk as people passed them with more than a curious look. Then a tissue came to wipe her cheeks. Accepting the touch Snow stood still as she was cleaned up and her shoulders shook under stifled sobs as she fought to sniff back tears. Crying and showing such strong feelings in public went against the grain of how she was raised, but here emotions slipped the leash and in her current disgrace she didn’t know what to do.

 

Snow hugged her middle to self soothe and then her chin was lifted. She didn’t fight it either. Amber looked through her book of heart, reading all her pages thoroughly for a moment. She expected a scolding for her less than tolerable display, but Regina didn’t say anything. The Queen of past looking down at her didn’t need to. Amber eyes said too much when words didn’t have to and in them she longed for some comfort. Her mouth began to move, lips wrapping around a silent affectionate title wanted to slip, but nothing came out.

 

An arm in answer to Snow’s plea came to rest instead around her shoulders, but in her upset the adult in her shrugged it off. Regina kept walking though and she followed as their feet fell mismatched in rhythm. But little ones remained on the right and one step behind Regina sniffling all the way to the car.

 

**::::::::::::::**

 

Snow was quiet.

 

Though Regina was grateful as her mind was deep in thought over Gold’s cryptic answers, but the lack of chatter, with Snow any size always meant some mischief was stewing in that head. They had finished lunch long ago since getting back from the pawn shop and Regina had begun to get things around the mansion ready for the work week that was looming ahead. Leaving the girl in the living room after showing the little one how to work the TV she decided to begin that chore.

 

And that also meant locating Snow’s things for school. Easily found, they were where Henry kept his. Her fingers traced the school crest of a uniform hanging in what used to be his closet now filled with too much pink and white. Readying the blazer with a blouse and skirt to match Regina hung it up on the hook on the back of the child’s door just as she had done with Henry’s uniforms when he used to live with her. She missed him terribly and tears welling, swallowed down that loss to deal with the present. School bag, also pink, was placed on the other hook. Some searching through the bag found a classroom number and teacher’s name for the morning. Child set she went to her room to figure out her own things.

 

Downstairs Snow had gotten up from the couch the moment Regina had left her alone and paced the living room. Set there to play, though that word had not be used she had tried flipping through the TV as suggested, but her head was too full and everything was literally a re-run for adult mind now present anyway. Snow wondered over their situation and again over the book Regina had bought back from the vault. It had to mean something more than sentiment to the Queen and curious, her feet went right into the Study Regina had told her to stay out of.

 

Careful to slide through the cracked door she went right to the desk. Red jeweled heart in the middle of the leather bound mystery resting there seemed to glow under her gaze. Her fingers hesitated over it. Looking over her shoulder and back again Snow opened the cover and began carefully thumbing the pages.

 

She could feel the buzz of magic at her fingertips. Gravity spoke to her skin from the parchment pages and stuck there with invisible spider silk. It whispered to her mind in a most delicious voice… Entranced Snow leaned closer to a hideous ink drawing trying to make out what the people or things in the image were doing. They were about a great fire or were they in the fire or maybe… Snow shrieked as the book snapped shut nearly catching the tip of her nose, spun around by her shoulders, her chin was taken.

 

“ _What_ did I tell you?”

 

Cringing Snow shrank under Regina’s heated voice and swallowed thickly. “Regina I—.” She was pulled back away from the desk and book. “I was just trying to help and I thought the book would have an answer!” She was frustrated at being rebuked like a child when the Queen let her go and fixed her with a loaded gaze.

 

Regina took a breath and tried for patience. “Answer me please.”

 

Huffing Snow rolled her eyes, but again the expectancy of an answer forced her little mouth to work. “You said not to touch the book… or go here without you.”

 

Nodding Regina moved to sit on the couch, keeping the child under her eye. “How did it feel?”

 

Snow’s face scrunched in confusion. “How did what feel?”

 

“The power. I can tell it spoke to you, remnants of it are in your eyes.” Jaw tense over the fact and Queen pointed to the spot in front of her feet, beckoning. “So, how did it feel?”

 

Licking lips and taking a few steps forward. “Heavy. Really heavy.”

 

Nodding again Regina pulled Snow close, resting her hands on little shoulders. “That’s because Power is heavy. Magic is dangerous and when stirred or wielded by an unknowing hand it can cause a lot of very unpleasant things.”

More confusion spoke. “But there’s no magic here. You said your powers didn’t work.”

“They don’t work, but that does not mean magic is not here or able to be helped along to work.” Regina’s powers were muted at best. She’d been experimenting with what her Mother would call a few parlor tricks and was still coming up with nothing. But she felt her power humming under her skin waiting to be tapped, but tapped how she was still trying to figure out. Never had she ever wanted Snow to feel the lure or weight of it. The very idea made her sick especially in the current form in front of her. She’d put her foot down and hard if she needed to over the fact. Gesturing to the book, Regina tried to keep her temper in check. “Magic here, especially here, is unreliable.”

Snow knew that look; that calculated set about a jaw. Regina knew something. “Where is _here_ exactly anyway?”

Queen tilted her head sharp and watchful of green staring. To share what she had been reading or not she was unsure. Snow was curious and that always led to trouble unless sated and yet her theory was exactly that; theory gained from reading Mother’s notes in margins. Deciding it best to share something instead of nothing she began. “I suspect, though I am not sure, that we are in some kind of time pocket.”

“Pocket?” Snow took a tiny step forward. “Whose pocket?”

“Not whose, rather where.” Regina clarified. “There is not a better way to describe it aside from that term. A pocket or piece of time frozen within the natural flow of time. The original Storybrooke occupants were frozen in time—no one aged, but the world outside and within kept moving forward from 1983 to 2011.”

“And this Storybrooke?”

“ _This_ Storybrooke, much like the original dark curse, is also frozen I believe, but I think this world is both a pocket frozen and _tucked_ away. Like it was set aside from the moving timeline. We are here but not really here. It’s hard to explain.” Which explained why she had been unable to contact anyone outside of the town via phone or internet. Tested her theory yesterday when Snow had been upstairs in the room crying. Both worked but only to communicate within this _pocket_ they seemed to be stuck in.

Snow processed that and thought she understood. “Is that why I can’t call Emma? Because we are not really here _in_ this time, but next to it?” Shuffling her feet when amber eyes seemed to question when that had been attempted. “I tried that first yesterday when you were... busy.” Shrugging it off. “So is it?”

“I believe so.” Regina clasped her hands in her lap and regarded the girl with a new eye. Perhaps Snow did understand more about the workings of magic than she thought originally, but how had her more than curious and even more uneasy.

“I want to try to get a hold of Emma.” Snow said. “Maybe she can help us.”

A quiet kind of care spoke. “I don’t see how Snow. I really don’t. Besides, if we managed to get a hold of her some way, she is almost seventeen years old. The year is 2000. This was a pivotal year for her. If we disrupt that in anyway, she may not—”

“Meet Neal.” Paling Snow dropped her chin. “Or conceive Henry.” Never mind down the road of the dark curse breaking. That option was out. She’d never forgive herself if Emma’s destiny and eventual happiness in their real life was interrupted. There had to be another way, always another way she had managed to find with almost everything in her life and her eyes darted to the spell book resting.

Regina’s eyes followed briefly to the book and then gaining back her former tone to address the topic they had been on. “That aside, you are not to touch that book or come in here again unaccompanied. I mean it Snow. Magic, anything connected to it here under an untrained hand is shaky at best.”

Big green eyes of past narrowed. “What are you hiding?”

Scoffing. “I’m doing nothing of the kind and doing what I have always tried to, which is to pro—”

“How did you know to get _that_ book from your vault?” Interrupting Snow crossed her arms. “What’s so special about it?”

Sighing at the disbelief on a little face ever housed there. “That is what I am trying to figure out but that has been really hard to do while keeping you safe and out of trouble.”

“I do not need your help.” Pouting and hating how small she sounded, Snow blew tangled curls off her forehead. And when they wouldn’t go away, she brushed them aside, scowling further when her fingers caught in those tangles. Further pulling only made her eyes crinkle at the corners.

Regina raised a single brow and chose not to comment on the obvious.

Snow dropped her hands with a huff and took in the Queen’s silence. Adult side ran with it. “I’m not a kid and I don’t need your help and I don’t have to do what you say.” Twisting away from the Queen’s reach she crossed the room back to the book. Answers were there and she would find them with or without Regina’s help. She got two feet towards her destination before Regina moved quicker than she thought possible to stand between her and the goal. Staring at a waist she used to hug she grumbled. “Move.” And when Regina didn’t Snow lost what hold her adult side had on the present and gave into the frustrated child within. Little arms flew out to push in more than aggravation and did against the Queen’s stomach. “I said move…”

Patient, though how she remained so in the commotion Regina tried to dissolve the tantrum. She caught Snow’s forearms and balanced the action. “You do not get to push me or speak to me that way Snow.”

Slipping the loose grip and trying to push once more to do just that and failing, little Snow stepped back. Red faced and full of hurt. “I can if I want to. You’re NOT my mother. My mother’s DEAD.”

Queen sensed a double meaning, but focused on the tears rolling down the face in front of her. They pulled at her heart and calmly she confirmed for one of them. “She is.” Queen stared at the floor for a moment, bitter over more than their current fate. Then back to the little Princess in truth. “But like it or not, right now you are stuck with me.”

Angry at that notion, little Snow was out in full glory. “I don’t like it. My father is dead too and it is all your fault!” Looking to blame and forgetting to whom she was speaking and what role this person once had in her life.

Refusing to claim that responsibility anymore when adult Snow clearly now knew the truth behind that matter Regina chose to finish this conversation for both of them. “That’s quite enough young lady. Curse or not, I am still the Queen and your elder Princess.” Finishing with the final card. “I didn’t tolerate your tantrums in the Enchanted Forest and I most certainly will not abide them now.”

Big hurt spoke with little words. “You are not the Queen here.”

Regina agreed with a minor correction with more ease than she thought capable. “No, but both there and here I am your parent.” And that meant more, but more how she was still unsure of yet.

Livid tears fell as the child sniffled and a chin wobbled. “No you’re not.” Hating how unsure she sounded.

“I have legal papers right upstairs that say otherwise.” It was her card to play and use it she would. “Go upstairs for a while. You need time to cool off and think about what I’ve said.”

Snow lifted her chin and daring when she’d never once had before, little one stood firm. “No.”

Regina waited a moment taking in the defiant child at her feet. There had been but very few times in their past Snow had pushed even near this much. Girl more than needed a quiet moment away and she did as well. Queen moved from the desk, taking an unwilling hand and pulling Snow along with her as she walked towards the stairs. Stopping at the base of the grand staircase, she pointed. “Go on up.” And adding when small feet remained frozen. “Do not push me right now. You need to listen.”

Pulling away little Snow spat. “I said no.” She was done with this reality, the woman in front of her, and the reminders of a life they used to share. It hurt too much.

Losing what patience she had managed to keep in their argument, Regina tried once more in a low under tone she knew little Snow well understood.“Yes, you will. Now go.”

Losing ground, Snow felt her anger boiling over more than she could comprehend. Out of control too and she didn’t know how to regain it on her own, child grasped for a verbal weapon. “I don’t have to do what you say… You’re nothing but a…” A raw ache in her heart released the quiver on the bow of past, she let loose with an arrow; the ending to a phrase from a memory she’d heard her Father once throw at the Queen. “… bitch.”

Memory was fresh in her young mind now. She had always wondered what Regina had been insisting upon in that moment with the King for her Father to say such a thing. Women were not to talk back, especially to their husbands, and Snow recalled only a few times Regina ever outwardly doing so. Present moment came right back however as her arm was taken.

“I…” And Snow had forgotten that children least of all were allowed such liberties. She was swatted once sharply over the seat of her dress. Correcting hand to her bottom brought a flood of mixed emotions; confusion, a strange sense of calm, and least of what she expected—relief of a clear response of their long lost roles. Chin quivering as sting registered both in skin through layers of fabric and heart at the word she’d said. Wet eyes found damp amber.

“Don’t you _ever_ speak to me like that again.” Firm Queen spoke with raw hurt framing her eyes. “Upstairs. Right now. Go.”

And Regina let go of Snow and wondered why when she simply wanted to hold the angry bundle at her feet and make the two very different worlds crashing in on them better for the cost of tears on those pink cheeks. Memories of that vile word and more words yelled in fits of rage from his mouth crushed through Regina, now from the daughter of the dead King. Her daughter here in the eyes of the law just as it had been long ago. One she had never asked for. One especially she never thought she’d see again, but still little Snow was now her responsibility. Again. And not one easily shaken for the woman that had forced them together here.

Little Snow stormed upstairs, stomping on each step hard enough that the picture frames rattled. “I wish I’d never met you!”

 _‘And I you Princess.’_ Regina thought and swallowed the remnants of darkness that still lingered in her system down along with that untruth.

She only wished things could have gone differently between them in the past. Little Snow was not the one she was upset with right now. Though hurt by the child’s words, Regina regretted reacting without thought to the word itself. As a royal she’d been taught from a very young age to control her emotions and losing them in more than one way just now as she had with Snow, little Snow, rubbed a raw nerve. Child more than deserved a correction but she much preferred her formal and sequential way of it. Snow would learn nothing from such a blunt reaction without the discussion or softer way of correcting she’d crafted.

As the Queen of the Enchanted Forest she naturally held rank over the Princess as wife of the King, even after his death. Trapped in a loveless marriage where she had been considered property for the taking, she had been kind to the little girl. Snow had needed her attention from day one and Regina a distraction from reality. New Queen had given attention with the cool and sometimes aloof affection she herself had been raised with. Still, over time, those green eyes cracked at her long ingrained resolve and they had grown quite close in those early years. Some part of her had been happy with Snow.

Regina had come to love the little Princess as her own, tried to protect until a secret revealed broke the tie between them. Cora happened again and like always, ruined any chance of happiness Regina had begun to have at Castle White. She shook her head over the thought. There were moments of happiness, brief, but still there and every single one of them involved Snow, but like those small joys the most painful memories of that Castle also did it some way. Hidden away Regina had kept the harshness of truth away from little ears and eyes as best she could. Questioning now if that had been the best decision of the few she had been allowed to have at the time.

Would that have changed the way her heart felt like it was being ripped from her body right now as Snow’s feet stormed away in angry hurt? Change the feeling of a small fist crushing her heart to dust? Regina didn’t know and that had her sinking down on the bottom step with her face hidden away in her hands as she heard a door slam upstairs.

Snow had that power over her, the daughter she’d let go of in the past and just now still did… Regina lifted her chin to rest in her fist as she thought more on her feelings and made a decision.

Now it was time to take back her power and along with it some form of her rightful role in Snow’s life.

 

**:::::::::::::::::**

 

Upstairs Snow sat on her bed and nursed her bruised ego. The swat she had gotten had long since faded into a reminder of the form she was currently stuck in. Had she dared in the Enchanted Forest given such a display as she had downstairs she would have gotten more than a tap on the butt from her fit of temper. And stewing in such a temper she recoiled at the why of it. Safe she’d felt to voice her hurt so strongly. She wondered then at Regina’s patience.

In the Study she had pushed the Queen’s buttons for a response, literally pushed, and yet she had been afforded grace in her upset until she crossed too many lines. Her Father had never punished her. As a man and even more so as King he could not be bothered, but had told Regina on more than one occasion to handle her discipline when she had been disobedient or mouthy. Cora had done that too she remembered, but in a much more cruelly direct manner. She sat up straighter at those memories.

Snow had always been wary of Cora, but never scared until she had gotten older. Being caught in a wrong doing by that woman never went well for her. Cora had once given her a choice to whom she could atone with after one particular afternoon she had been caught sneaking in from playing in the gardens when she was supposed to have been at her etiquette lesson. Stupidly and having been mad at the Queen from earlier in the day for something trivial she had chosen Cora. Snow never again snuck out after that nor chose her Grandmother over Regina. Lesson learned the hard way she had not sat comfortably for several days.

She’d been eleven and at odds with Regina over something she didn’t remember the details of. By then the Queen had changed and affection that had once been warm shifted to cool with her. Cool, but never cruel as Cora had been that day. Her young heart had known the difference. After that incident she’d given proper breadth and fear to the woman who was her Grandmother. Regina had found her crying on the bed in her chamber afterwards. Snow remembered the delicate way her skin has been tended, the healing salve put on. Held even long past when her tears had dried in stiff arms that used to do so fluidly.

By the time she was twelve Regina spent even more time pouring over books in that private library, going out of the Castle on private excursions close by and even seemed willing to spend some time with Cora behind closed doors. _Theirs_ was a troubled relationship Snow often wondered about and so too was her own with the woman, who in those early years, she had called her Mother. Gone were the heart to hearts with Regina, long walks and the gentle affection Snow had come to greatly miss as she’d gotten older. It was as if someone had taken what made Regina, _Regina_ from her overnight and left a shell of a woman behind. In a way that had happened and Snow had a hand in that decades ago, she knew.

Blushing again, Snow hid face in Mr. Thumper’s fur. More and more she just wanted to hide there and never come out. It was getting harder and harder not to let the child she was rule the present moment, but this little girl she was sharing a mind and heart with was broken and angry. Too angry. Snow puzzled over it and how much the child inside needed attention. Affection too.

And Regina had always given her both. Attention especially in a careful and meaningful way that got her awareness to what needed to change. Affection even in the midst of misbehavior and in spite of the rules of the land governing them. Most of that ended just after her 8th birthday…

The closed bedroom door opening brought Snow’s wet eyes up from the past. Wiping them she shoved the rabbit she was holding aside, but not before royal eyes caught the gesture and seemed to soften greatly under the fact.

“It’s called knocking Regina.” Big heat laced her tone.

Stepping into the room Regina regarded the woman child with a raised brow and now little eyes on her. “We need to talk Snow.”

“I’m done talking to you.” Flipping over on the bed, little Snow buried her head under a pillow. Cringing when the bed sank nearby at how much she needed a hug. “Go away.” But a hand tapped her foot and she kicked at it, only for it to tap again more insistently. Ripping the pillow off her head she glared, but thought better of voicing her current thought.

Studying those little hot eyes for a moment Regina replied how she thought Snow might need her to. Firm and in control when the child obviously felt so out of it. “I’ve corrected you for less than that vile display of language and attitude downstairs. Do not push me right now by continuing.” Reminding the child Snow was of her authority, then softer as glassy green loosened at the edges. “I know you are hurting and very much want to not be as you are, but we are stuck here, together, for the time being. We need to get along for this to work.”

“Why?” Asked with much less intensity as she began calming under Regina’s direction. Then saying what she thought might be true. “You don’t care about me. You only pretend to when other people are around.”

Regina opened her mouth and promptly closed it in hurt. Mirrored words from another child’s mouth were still just as cutting. And from little Snow they cut just as deeply. Maybe even a little bit more. “I know you see it that way.” Because she did care much more than she could say at the moment.

Snow sat up some and wiped her eyes, listening.

Regina tried to explain some of her actions. “I think, like me, you are feeling very sensitive right now and are unsure of how to go about things between us. I have been trying not draw people’s attention our way. Curse or spell or whatever, things could go badly for us if people think there is magic or something unnatural occurring. There are certain things that are different here than what you are used to and it is my responsibility to protect you.”

And naturally decades ago she’d been so taken with the sweet girl since those little arms encircled her neck in the field after the rescuing and again when they had welcomed her to Castle White. But old reins kept her emotions leashed and heart trained against showing such open affection. Cora had seen to that well, but now especially she fought against those old inclinations. Regina reached her hand out to touch Snow’s knee. The little girl did not pull away and her thumb rubbed circles gently there.

Contact.

“But I’m mad at you and you already corrected me.” Sniffling in some confusion over how it was done, but Snow allowed the touch, calming even more under it.

Regina spoke directly to the child Snow was in this moment that had thrown that comment downstairs her way and proceeded with the discussion she should have had prior to any action. “I swatted you for not listening and more so for the word. That’s what it is called here. Your behavior has been begging for my attention all day and right now Princess you have it. You know better, even here, than to behave like that.” World not their own and for little Snow very much not so. “That is not how I raised you.”

“I know.”

Two words that said so much, but also did not at the same time. Regina wouldn’t tolerate Snow’s defiance. Especially when the child was deemed hers again, on paper anyway. Hard roots hard to dig up and here with Snow it felt right to return to some part of them that had worked. That had anchored them together, in their own way, against the world they came from and the people who had ruled them. Like Cora’s hands had ruled her heart.

Mother would have strangled her on the spot had roles been reversed today and had on more than one occasion. No, Regina was firm with the child Snow was, but not cruel. Strict by modern world standards sure, but they were not from the modern world. The Enchanted Forest had very different views on how to raise children, especially Royal ones. Soft was not the word of their time. Born to the ruling class did not lessen that callous reality—responsibility to those less fortunate only increased with title and wealth. Then there was also their societal norm on gender.

Boys always were sent to training camps for skills in fighting or hunting or an apprenticeship if they showed talent for craft at a young age. Noble ones schooled and trained to be knights or land owners. Daughters belonged to their Mothers until marriage. Sometimes, like in her case, even after. They were tutored in deportment and studies the same manner noble young men were and used as a bargaining chip to further the wealth and standing of their families.

And through her marriage to Leopold just shy of a child herself she had inherited Snow as her own. Had been careful to instill discipline alongside love, yet by their world at the time Queen had often been criticized for being too soft with the Princess. She had kept her first promise to the child. Had never slapped Snow or used anything, as was common of the time, other than her hand for an occasional swat or a few well placed ones together no more than Snow’s age—her heart couldn’t. Still there was expectation for correction.

But their way.

Always done formally with a soft hand in order to teach and Regina had preceded with discussion and followed with the affection she had never gotten herself. When people had looked at Princess Snow White they saw the heir to the Kingdom, the Queen’s daughter. Women could inherit rank and property through their fathers or husbands and that is exactly how Cora had gotten power and link to magic. But when Regina looked at little Snow then and now she saw a pouting little girl who had a lot to learn with a runny nose in need of a lot of love and direction.

With Henry, her second chance after the dark curse, no one could take her son from her. He was not sent away to school or taught to hold a sword to a neck for his first kill at the age of ten, the age of transition to manhood. He would not be betrothed before then to a woman twice his age. He was her hope for something different, something happy.

Henry was goofy as a little boy and the light of Regina’s life, loved to help her cook and garden; deemed women’s work less worthy of a man in the Enchanted Forest, she had adored sharing her love of domestic tasks with him. Regina could show him unbound affection and tuck him into bed and hold his hand, kiss his fat cheeks without anyone batting an eye that she was ‘coddling’ him. She had been able to raise him as she had wanted to, under the new world’s view of children. Here children and women were not property to barter. They had rights and choices, of that Regina had been grateful and in her position as Mayor had never once allowed anyone to make her feel less than.

Never again.

With Snow it was different. Their established relationship was so much so. Little Princess expected and needed a different response from Regina and so she gave it.

“I should not have reacted the way I did with you downstairs just now. I was hurt and feeling more than a little upset.”

“But I deserved a correction.” That much was clear to her and Snow expected it.

“You needed a talking to and possibly a correction for what the moment was, but not how I went about it.”

Little Snow felt something tight inside loosen at that revelation.

“But to be clear going forward, ignoring your safety, blatant disobedience or any more name calling like was done and I will take you right into my Study. We will talk and I will correct you just as I’ve done before.”

Little Snow blushed, and it slipped. “But we’re not _home_.” Somehow she’d thought _Our Way_ wouldn’t happen here.

Sure and soft. “Even so that is how it will be. The choice of actuality is yours, as always. You also seem to be forgetting to whom you belong and like it or not right now little one that is me.” Lifting a small chin. “Do you understand me Snow?”

Nodding. “Yes M—Regina.” Little Snow answered covering the slip. She was not ready to open that door back up, but was now very aware even in this world Queen meant business on such things. And that was more than a small comfort. Sniffling Snow wanted to fall into the arms that used to hold her now that she was calmer. Ones that she was surprised opened to her now, but now the adult in her wouldn’t allow her to go to them.

Regina sighed and settled for patting that knee gently instead. “I want you to take some time to reflect and to think about what I’ve said. I’ll call you for dinner when it’s ready. After which we need to get you sorted out.”

Rubbing tired eyes. “What does that mean?”

“You need a bath and your hair is a bird’s nest at best. We need to also change the bandage on your foot from the glass cut yesterday.” Standing to leave the conversation there for the moment, but Regina paused at the door and turned needing some common ground as she thought little Snow might. “Do you still enjoy those small hens? I found some in the fridge that need eating.” Adding as if to explain her inquiry to a question she well knew the answer to, but needed to ask for something soft between them.

Snow nodded once and as those heels turned to leave she added. “With the little red potatoes?”

“I well remember, with the garlic butter.” Said from the hall.

Big Snow wondered then just how much Regina did remember. She knew they were far from done even chipping the tip of the past ice-burg between them.

But now the ice-burg was melting. And maybe, just maybe Snow thought, the woman walking away down the hall was not as dead and buried as the little girl once thought. Perhaps one of her Mothers was, in some small way, still her Mother after all.

 

**::::::::::::::**

 

Dinner was a quiet but tasty affair. Regina was a magnificent cook, little Snow had decided. Even better than the cooks at Castle White when it came her favorite dish of roast hen. Though it tasted divine she couldn’t eat nearly as much as she wanted too. Her stomach was much smaller than she was used to and she couldn’t finish the plate made for her. In her hunger she had eaten quickly and now sat waiting for Regina to finish, taking intermittent nibbles just to have something to do with her mouth.

Queen sipped a blood red Cabernet, enjoying the balanced fruit and spice after the hardness of the day, though it had been somewhat better than yesterday. She wondered if there just might be a chance at some peace between them eventually. Yawning child brought her back to the present. Dabbing her lips with a napkin she cleared her throat. “You may take your dish into the kitchen and go upstairs. The bathroom I want you to use is just across the way from your—the room you are staying in.”

Room Henry’s, always _Henry’s_. Maybe she should… Snow’s big eyes filled the room they were in instead as little hands swept over the mess hair had become. Regina stood, taking her own plate as Snow followed her. Setting hers down by the sink she reached for the girl’s.

“I hate to ask but…” Pink lips did anyway. “Could you help me?”

Putting the dishes in the sink to soak Queen found herself nodding automatically. Familiar, _this_ was too familiar. “Go up and do what you are able, I’ll be there in a moment.”

Dismissed Snow went upstairs and found the bathroom. Like her room it was done up in pale pinks and whites. Distracted by the décor and the fact that she was starting to refer to things in this house as _hers,_ one faucet knob turned under her hand. As the water ran in the tub, she struggled, as she had yesterday with the zipper and buttons on her clothing, but managed to get the blouse and skirt off with the tights. Clad in an undershirt and panties Snow left the pile on the floor when there was no where else to put it, but she tried folding them neatly first as she’d been taught. She stepped up on the foot stool by the sink and got a good look in the mirror. Eyes red again, but less somehow and in what way she was unsure. She found a brush in the drawer, pink too, and went to work on a piece of her hair. Wincing and frustrated over more than the tangles after a few minutes of work she went to throw the brush on the floor, but her hand was caught.

Silent Queen had slipped into the room and let go of that little wrist in favor of taking the brush with a pointed look. She turned Snow around by the shoulders. Slow, but sure hands began at the end of black coils and worked upwards.

Still, Snow stood. Her tummy fluttered as she watched their reflection in the mirror of present blur with the past. She closed her eyes, focusing on the gentle tugging of her scalp, the knowing fingers separating the thick strands and running the length to feel for knots. So many of those between them, always knots and snarls. She never thought she would feel them quite like this again. One night they had done this ritual before bed clearer than most floated in her mind.

The night she had been sick and overheard the arguing in the corridor outside of her room. Snow focused on the memory, the sound of her Father’s heated voice and Regina’s insistent pleading for something. Wanting comfort in her feverish state and knowing Queen would more than give it, Snow had slipped from her bed and moved toward that husky tone. Chamber door had been cracked and cheek flush with the wall her eyes had watched and her ears had listened…

 

 

_“Listen to me for one moment Leopold. She’s just a little girl—”_

_“She is the heir to my throne unless you have suddenly decided to give me a son?”_

_Snow bounced a bit on the balls of her feet at her Father’s question. She had always wanted a brother, but Regina was quiet over that same question._

_“At the very least you are beautiful, as Snow will be and she a fine prize in a few years.” But her Father’s compliment sounded angry._

_Regina’s voice did too._ _“She’s too young and wouldn’t understand—”_

_Snow’s ears strained. A prize for what and what wouldn’t she understand, she wondered._

_King mumbled something inaudible and Snow tried to catch the end of it. “… coddle her Regina. She’s nearly old enough. Your Mother has more sense than you ever will and agrees with me…”_

_Snow saw the Queen pacing and try to take her Father’s hand. “Snow deserves some choice surely as your heir and unification with Mida’s greedy brother will put the Kingdom in ruin. He will raise the taxes to the point of poverty for our people after your death. My Mother doesn’t always know—”_

_“And you do?” He spat._

_Why was her Father so upset?_

_“When it comes to Snow I do Leopold and she is mine… The law is on my side.” Though quiet, Regina’s tone held challenge and certainty that made Snow’s tummy flutter._

_“Only until marr—”_

_“And after if it is my will and as her Mother I have some say now in when and who she m....”_

_Fragments tangled._

_Father’s voice rose, “… really wish to defy… made my decision and you…”_

_Regina’s voice cut through. “I will not yield on this.”_

_They moved out of sight from where she could see, so Snow moved her ear to the crack instead as her Father’s voice cut through in bursts “…Don’t you… tell me what… You are nothing…” Something echoed she couldn’t name, but it made her wince. “… bitch.”_

 

 

“Snow?”

“Hmmm?” Then Snow blinked and lips rolled inward as she gave eyes to the woman looking at her in the mirror. “I mean yes?”

“I said your bath is ready.” Setting down the brush, Regina turned away from the question unasked and tested the water. Too hot, she added some cold. Waiting a minute and turning it off she stood back up. Hesitating. “Are you able to manage from here yourself?” Not sure how well little Snow’s knowledge of the Enchanted Forest and the adult’s of the modern world were mixing here.

A nod. “Yes.”

Good. Regina was more than done with awkward and the other thing eating her stomach from the inside out. She moved to leave the room, picking up the pile of clothes by the doorway. Realizing as she held them that they were folded and felt the corner of her lips bow up.

“Regina?”

Turning Queen gave pause.

Snow shifted from foot to foot, fingers twirling the ends of fresh brushed curls while the other tugged at the hem of an undershirt looking every bit the part of a nervous little girl. “I’m sorry.”

Silent confusion looked back, but red lips parted.

Little Snow tried again. “You are not that word I said.” Then she turned away and began fumbling with her shirt to get in the tub.

“Thank you Snow.” Barely there.

Big green misted and turned to speak, but Regina was gone.

**:::::::::::::::::**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Thoughts?
> 
> Next time –Snow has her first day of school in this world and her emotions get the better of her in the lunch room. She and Regina have a heart to heart. Queen realizes another clue.


	7. Her Daughter's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memory.”

**::::::::::::::::::**

“This itches. No wonder the kids are always so squirmy.” Big Snow tugged at the collar of her uniform shirt hating the constricted feeling as little one took over. All of her gowns at the palace growing up had wide necklines and were made of the finest silk. Her skin, sensitive and extra so now, was not used to starched cotton blend at this age or the hard shoe a hand was trying to fit her foot into. “Ouch! Regina!”

“Well hold still then and it won’t hurt.” Queen finished putting a wiggling foot into a black mary-jane and buckled it. Monday morning a long one already just getting the child dressed for school, never mind getting herself ready. Dropping the foot from her knee, Regina stood up and regarded the now very rumpled shirt on her charge. With a sigh she went into her Study and returned with a strip of something in hand. Going behind Snow she began checking the collar of a blouse, not sure how she felt about seeing what her gut had told her was there.

“What are you doing?” Snow tried to turn around to see as her hair was moved over her shoulder and she felt Regina’s fingers tucking something into her collar. Told be still she tried to be and when Queen stepped away the itchy irritation was gone. Regina further straightened her shirt and nodded, seemingly satisfied. “How did you…?”

Regina went to the curio table by the front door, looking for her keys. “Henry hates those shirts so much I sewed tiny snaps in each of them along the collar for a silk liner to be attached.”

Snow grew warm. “But why are those snaps in _these_ shirts?”

“I’m not sure, but it’s of no consequence. Problem solved.” Matter of fact when the fact was the matter. “Let’s go.”

Grabbing her pink backpack and still not sure what to make of the whole collar thing, Snow was grateful that the shirt was much more tolerable with the addition of silk. Ride to school was quiet and Snow wondered what the day would hold. Suddenly anxious she didn’t complain once about the car seat, or Regina’s choice of classical music at 8:00 in the morning on a Monday, or even when she was told to stop tracing circles on the glass window. But voice her opinion she did when the Benz stopped and she was told they were here at school.

Something long buried and deep snapped in half inside of her and Snow suddenly couldn’t, wouldn’t be left on her own today. “Regina, just take me with you.” Anxiety growing as Queen stepped out of the car and came around to the back to ‘help’ her out. Back door opened and much like yesterday when she had kicked the driver’s seat firm eyes were on her but the tone of voice was coaxing.

   “We have talked about this. You have to go to school and I have to go to work.” Reaching to undo the seat belt Snow clutched way too tightly.

“No, I will not.” A shaky tone.

Patience, Regina tried to summon it. “Do you want to go home or not?”

 _‘Of course I want to go home. Right now with you!’_ Snow’s head nodded as little thoughts rammed into big ones. The adult side knew what Queen had meant by that question, but the little one was sucked into it in a completely different way.

Understanding, Regina softened her tone. “Then you need to go to school. When I’m not working I will be working on trying to get us out of here and I cannot do that if I have to worry about you. Understand?”

 _‘Worry… Regina worries about me?’_ Little Snow let go of the seat belt and allowed the Queen to undo it and help her out of the car. Heavy she felt as her bag was handed over. Numb too as they stood staring at each other as the bell rang in summons. One lone black mary-jane toed a crack in the concrete separating them.

“Do you remember what I told you?”

Nodding again Snow looked up. “Yes Regina.”

“And?” Wanting to be sure there would be no mischief intended or not today while they were apart. Regina needed one day without trouble and time to begin further sorting the mess of a curse out.

“And I know to listen to the adults, not to talk about magic or who we really are, and wait for you on the steps after lessons.” Teeth in lip Snow gnawed for a moment, needing to ask. “You will be there, right?”

Taking a step forward with a deep sigh Regina realized which side of Snow was asking. “I will.” And seeing doubt in those eyes over a long tried memory between them she added. “Today, I will be right there waiting for you.” She started to reach out to smooth a curl and dropped her hand when Snow turned away.

Too close and too much big Snow felt. Being a kid was hard. Being deemed _her kid_ in this world was impossible. She shook the feeling of past away and tried to remember what room she was to go to. Notebooks and school supplies in her backpack said she was in second grade in Ms. Potts classroom. At least her teacher would be someone nice, someone who smiled at her, and maybe even who would give her some affection.

Snow looked at her feet as she walked. Hated that she was starving for affection, wanted it so badly from the person she shouldn’t desire it from, but she kept pushing that royal hand away. Self preservation of her heart made accepting that affection too raw. Blaming little emotions, Snow stood up straight and lifted her chin. She would make the most of the day and do her best to stay under anyone’s radar so Regina could focus on the curse. Only then would she see her family again.

That lasted exactly 4.5 hours until lunch. School, most subjects anyway were always easy for her. Snow had been tutored by the best in the kingdom from a young age, was well read and articulate as an adult, but she never remembered struggling as much then as she was now. She found herself fumbling, especially with math. Brain fuzzy Snow had difficulty with the simple concept of subtraction when she _knew_ her adult mind knew the algorithm for it.

Slightly panicked and embarrassed, little one raised her hand for help. It was given and with some direction from Ms. Potts she got the concept and wrote the answer on her worksheet. Writing numbers as scribbles at best. Gone was the fluidity of reading and computation or even the act of writing her name. She refused to add Mills after White earning a question from the sweet lady who was her teacher, but she did not answer.

Feeling more than off and anxiety full Snow finally lost her composure altogether in the cafeteria. Seated alone at a table in the second grade area she dug through the pink sack from her backpack. Simple foods she preferred; milk, cold chicken cut up from last night and raw baby carrots had been packed with a pear instead of an apple in school traditional fashion.

She wasn’t sure if it was the curse or something else, but her stomach was not used to the processed foods of this world. Learned the hard way this morning when she had went to the pantry in an attempt to make her own breakfast while Regina was in the shower. Seeing a box of something called _Trix_ with a rabbit on it and hungry while waiting for Regina to make breakfast little Snow had tore into the sweet cereal. Eaten and not ten minutes later she had her head over the toilet, hair held back by a worried Queen over her sudden sickness.

Which surprised Snow as the adult that she still very much was inside had eaten processed foods for 28 years without an issue. It was as if time had indeed rewound biologically and she wondered if that was also true for Regina in some way. Her thoughts were interrupted by two girls with café trays full of the school pizza that sat on either side of her. Perking up, she thought they might be friends of hers in this life she still was figuring out.

Tentative Snow looked at each of them. “Hello.”

“Snow, Snow, Snow. Do we have to have this talk every single day?” A girl with glasses and glossy blonde hair asked and took the pear from a pale hand, tossing it in the trash can at the end of the table.

“What kind of name is Snow White Mills anyway?” The other blonde lookalike chimed in from the left. “Where are your little dwarfs?”

Snow stiffened at more than just her name, recognizing the pair of identical twins known as Daisy and Delilah Stoneman and the teacher still inside her spoke up. “They actually prefer the term people.” Her efforts to educate had the girl’s rolling their eyes.

“This is our table.” Daisy smiled as three more of their friends joined them. Nudging the still brunette with her elbow she frowned. “You need to leave.”

Hurt and wondering why these girl’s were picking on her little Snow felt tears forming and tried to swallow them down. It didn’t seem she fit anywhere in this world, but she was a royal… She raised her chin and before the adult in her could stop it little well used words from long ago rolled in defense. “I may sit anywhere I please _peasant_. I am a Princess—” Gasping then as cold milk, hers, was poured over her head.

“Oh yeah, now I get the ‘White’ part.” Delilah grinned and the tables around them burst out laughing until hands pushed her from the bench.

Snow lost it; all of the anxiety, hurt, and anger of the last two and a half days went flying in a well placed punch. Screaming after, she launched at the blonde who pushed back in defense. They fell to the floor in a further heap of pushing and pinching until someone pulled them apart. Told to let go of blonde hair she did, but not before giving another yank. Breathing hard Snow kicked out as she was set down on her feet, catching the adult helping Delilah up in the shin. Wincing at her actions Snow stepped back under the disapproving gaze and panting from excretion. Stomach in her throat she was escorted to the Principal’s office while the bleeding blonde went to the nurse.

Given a towel and interviewed on the event, Snow tried to clean the milk out of her hair best she could as she sat on the bench in the main office. She was guilt ridden over losing herself as she had and had not done since she was a child the first time around. Then the Principal came over. In her upset Snow finally registered Kathryn’s gaze on her.

“Are you hurt?”

“No.” Shrugging Snow then shook her head. She wasn’t hurt like that, but her heart did ache.

“Is there anything else you want to tell me before we call your Mother?” Kathryn asked.

Snow’s eyes widened at more than just that use of title. “No!” Shaking her head. “I mean no, you don’t have to call R—her.” Biting her lip as she shrunk in the chair under Kathryn’s questioning eyes. “Please.”

“I have to Snow. Fighting is against the rules.” Blonde knelt down to touch a knee. “Hey, it’s going to be okay.”

Dark curls shook as little tears welled. “No, it’s not. She’s going to be displeased with me. I’m not to lose my temper or say certain things. It’s unfitting and I don’t want to be in disgrace...”

Kathryn tilted her head at the odd expressions coming from such a young mouth, but squeezed that knee once and stood. “Maybe a little, at first she will be, but I bet once you try talking about what happened you’ll feel better.”

Snow looked away from those kind eyes and studied her hands. Whenever she had been in any kind of trouble in the past Regina had always taken time to hear her side, to talk with her before any correction was rendered. She hoped that would still be the case. As she waited she thought more about what had happened and of one similar incident back in the Enchanted Forest where she had learned a lesson about the difference between a royal and a peasant.

It was just a few weeks before her seventh birthday and she along with her Father and Regina were touring one of the wealthier neighboring villages in the Kingdom. Snow closed her eyes as the memory came into the forefront of her mind so clearly as if it had happened yesterday and for part of her it had…

 

 

_Snow took in the bright colors of her Father’s crested banner on either side of the village gate as the royal carriage rolled through. It was a bright nearly spring day, one of the first ones that didn’t carry the heaviness of morning frost. Her face was pressed right up to the chilly carriage glass. Inside it was warm due to the blanket of furs over her lap and hot water skins under her feet. Cozy she felt seated next to Regina._

_Snow could see the white puffs of crisp air coming from the guard's horses that trotted alongside them. Her nose felt like ice then, but for only a moment before she felt a hand rest on her knee briefly before it was gone. Turning on the touch she caught Regina’s warning brow and promptly sat back against the seat and clasped her hands neatly in her lap hand muff as her Father’s eye finally looked up from his ledgers for the first time the whole hour they had been riding. He smiled at her with a nod._

_Beaming under his approving eye Snow continued to look out the window in a much more ladylike fashion as horns sounded announcing them. The carriage came to a halt a minute later and Regina took a moment to tie the pink bow on her clock a bit tighter and bring the white fur lined hood up over her dark cascade of curls falling. The Queen had a similar cloak in a deep mauve with a matching fur hat tilted over a brow with hair piled at the base of the neck. Snow loved the loose heavy silk of her dress that was a more childish version of the Queen’s form fitting one. One day soon she would get to wear such wide skirts and jewels. Sometimes Regina allowed her to play dress up and they would make a game of doing each others hair. Rare those stolen moments of carefree amusement were and Snow treasured them._

_The carriage door opened and the King disembarked first, then Regina and herself. In the wide open space with the villagers kneeling around them in a great circle and all those dipped heads with eyes straining to catch a glimpse of them had Snow feeling a little overwhelmed. Regina had explained what to expect and how she was to behave that morning. Forgetting for a moment in her anxiety she tentatively reached for a gloved hand nearby._

_Her fingertips brushed only the tips of Regina’s before Queen clasped those gloves in front great wide skirts. A clear clue Snow was to mimic the action, so she did. Listened too as her Father gave a speech and a blessing for the planting season to begin. Then the villagers were dismissed to be as they were and the King moved flanked by guards to walk some of finer craftsman stalls with some Noble men._

_Snow followed Regina in a different direction one step behind and on the right with a quad of guards walking at each of the four corners around them. Village was divided down the middle with men’s work on the left such as blacksmiths, the butcher, and carpenter work. Women’s domestics such as the weavers, bakers, and food market were on the right. Queen paused at one of the shops to look at a length of fine spun cloth and Snow was delighted when she was spoken to directly for the first time since leaving the castle._

_“What do you think of the color Snow?” Regina asked over a bolt of pale blue silk the color of a robin’s egg. It was shot through with gold thread that flickered in the sunlight._

_“It’s beautiful Mother.”_

_Nodding Regina turned to the shop woman and inquired about the price, but the shop woman refused to name one and yet Regina was insisting on some form of payment._

_“You honor me my Queen.” A deep curtsy from the meek blonde shop woman. “Though I cannot accept payment in coin. Knowing you or your daughter will enjoy my work is payment enough.”_

_Snow’s brow knit over the answer, but she remained quiet as was expected._

_“I insist. Such fine skill deserves payment. Name your price of sale regardless of who I am.”_

_“I meant no insult, your Majesty.” Another bob of a blonde head and dip of skirts. “I was going to ask 50 silver marks.”_

_“Then you shall have 50 gold ones.”_

_Snow’s eyes went wide and she thought for a moment Regina had made a mistake, but again said nothing as coin was exchanged for cloth. The bolt was wrapped in a clean cotton sheet and handed to their valet to hold and they were off again. Another exchange similar was made a woven belt with gold tassels in a deeper shade of blue than the silk bolt. That time seven gold marks were exchanged when seven silver had been asked for._

_Snow followed to a stone bench under the shade of a tree near the village square. Their valet laid two silk cushions on the cold stone for them to sit and Snow wondered over the break, but she had not been spoken to so she couldn’t ask. They sat in silence for a few minutes and she was grateful when Regina decided to fill the silence._

_“The cloth will be made into a dress for your birthday in a few weeks.” A soft smile graced a red mouth. “And I see a question behind your eyes, come out with it.”_

_Snow smiled back, scooting as close as she could get away with being in such an open space. “I was wondering about the coins. Why did you give her gold when she asked for silver?”_

_“Observant. Good girl.”_

_Praise from Regina always made her heart float and Snow blushed under it. She had been told to keep her eyes and ears open, but mouth closed today unless directly spoken to._

_“While this is one of our more prosperous villages they have had a difficult winter. The whole kingdom has, hence your Father’s tour to bless the planting season that begins next week.” Regina nodded to the purchases in their valet’s arms across the way. “Sometimes to show their devotion and sometimes in fear under the wrong eyes villagers will try to make a gift of their work.”_

_Snow saw the way red lips turned down for a moment as if recalling something of past that was upsetting. Then Regina looked at her._

_“Fine work deserves fine marks. Always remember that just because someone is of a different station than us does not make them less than or undeserving of our attention. If anything our station and wealth make us responsible for them.”_

_“But they serve us.” Quoting directly what she had heard her Grandmother say about the kitchen staff who were also peasants. The sharp look that flashed across the Queen’s face before being replaced with a softer one made Snow’s shoulder’s tense, but she knew it had not been meant for her._

_“Your Grandmother has her own opinions on station and is certainly entitled to them.” Regina said with a bitter tone. “However my words and thoughts on such matters are the ones you would do well to heed Snow.” Amber met green. “We serve the people, not them us. And take such lessons I am teaching you to heart. Do not forget or lose sight of what they mean. One day you may need them. Promise me.”_

_Snow wondered over the serious tone, but knew better than to question it. “I promise Mother.”_

 

 

Memory faded and confusion and hurt over her current state returned. Snow missed the sound of heels approaching on tile a few minutes minutes later until they stopped at her swinging shoes. Slowly she registered those feet and brought her eyes up to a straight red mouth and appraising amber eyes she could not read. That same mouth parted to speak, but door opening caught both their attention as the Principal beckoned them into the office.

A hand was held out and a simple look of expectation told her to take it. Snow numbly did, and was pulled along into the small office and bid to sit in a chair across from a desk. She squirmed as the charges against her were relayed and even more under Regina’s questions over the why behind her actions. She shrugged and that did not seem to help her case. Red lips pursed at that and even more when she was suspended for the rest of the day for fighting as was the other girl they learned. Regina signed something and was handed a thin stack of papers in return. Hand taken again and more firmly, Snow was led to the car.

Nothing said was much worse than any words she could possibly receive, or so Snow thought as they drove past Town Hall. She looked back at it from the back seat and gave questioning eyes to the rear view mirror when dark ones glanced at her in it.

“You need a bath.”

Was all that was said and little Snow wrinkled her nose at the idea after having had one yesterday. She had bathed thrice a week in the Enchanted Forest and much more frequent than any peasants did as a royal and decided to say as much. “But I had one last night.”

That had been true, but a close inspection after brushing the child’s hair this morning had proved little fingers were not so dexterous at washing such long thick hair properly. Regina spoke with a touch of scorn she could not help. “And so you will again when we get to the house.” She refused to refer to the mansion shared now as home without her son. That was too far away along with the missing half of her heart.

“What about your work?” High voice all little Snow.

Regina’s tightened her grip on the steering wheel and after a long beat loosened it. “You obviously need my attention first.”

Like always and always that had not seemed to change for Regina and a very small whisper deep inside she tried to ignore was glad of the fact. Every day that passed Snow was more and more the little girl her heart had forgotten and that was important, somehow in a way she had yet to figure out and their roles here too, as they were, seemed significant. Before being called away from Town Hall where she had a quiet hour between meetings to consider her Mother’s letter she had been thinking such things. Then the call happened and at first she had been worried Snow was hurt and told not, she suspected Snow was still in a much different way.

“But—”

“No Snow. You will bathe and then we will have a much needed talk.”

Worry pricked her skin and little Snow couldn’t help but ask. “What kind of talk?” But no answer was given as they turned onto Mifflin Street and Snow registered a new flicker in the amber eyes glancing back at her; no not new. Comfort rested there, just a hint of it and then it was hidden away again.

Following inside and losing their things by the front door, Snow was taken right upstairs and into the pink bathroom. Water ran against porcelain and a little thought slipped in watching it. How exactly hot water came through pipes in such a way without having the tub filled with heated buckets of water from the kitchens still fascinated her. Then against her adult side’s wishes Regina seemed intent not to leave her alone this time.

“I don’t need…” Snow began and trailed off as her milk stained sweater was tugged gently up and over her head.

Sighing Snow accepted the help reluctantly when her fingers had trouble with the hook and eye clasp above the zipper of her uniform skirt. Allowing Regina to take over the fastening and down the zipper came, a skirt a puddle at her feet. She held onto the Queen’s forearms as she stepped out and out of her stockings that came down next. Then held a hand as she stepped into the sudsy water. A sponge was soaped and handed to her. Snow blushed, beginning to wash her limbs as her sticky milky hair was sprayed down. Shampooed twice until her scalp was squeaky, she was rinsed again.

Left for a few minutes while Regina went in search for something Snow gave into the inclination to pick through a basket of a bath toys and something she suspected were colorful fat quills caught her attention. Settling on the purple one she began drawing a castle on the tile, dropping the soap crayon a minute later when she heard footsteps approaching. Queen eyed the drawing it seemed with some amusement and Snow was about to inquire about the look when she saw the bottle in the Queen’s hand.

Pouting. “No more. You already did it.” Not wanting her head touched again and done with the bath altogether.

“The conditioner will help with the tangles and Gods only know how you managed so many between this morning and now.” Kneeling down Regina uncapped the bottle and poured some into her hand. Getting a defiant look she added. “You are in enough trouble with me at present. Do not add this to the list.”

Snow crossed her arms allowing the Queen to begin working the liquid through her tresses. Then after a few minutes asked. “What list?”

“Quite a few things we will get too shortly.” Explaining further when green eyes narrowed her way. “Talking about who you really are in the manner you did, fighting, not listening to the adults in charge of you when you were told to get off that girl, getting suspended and on your first day no less.” Reaching for the sprayer Regina began to rinse suds from hair. “Need I continue?” Small fists splashed the water effectively soaking her slacks in an answer. Their eyes met over rippling water. Regina took a deep breath and let the sprayer run for several seconds more until the last of the conditioner was gone and then turned it off, finally responding. “That is enough from you.” Pulling the plug as she rose along with Snow to stand. Taking a towel, she wrapped it around the child she helped out of the tub.

Snow stood still and quiet as she was dried. Towel around her head wrong most water out and her damp hair was combed, she was surprised, with incredible gentleness. Regina’s adept fingers then began to braid quickly in a single long plait she recognized as the one she favored from long ago to wear to sleep.

“Go on and get dressed.” Regina said and tied off the end with a rubber band. “I’ll be along shortly.”

“But…” Snow sighed when she was sent off with a pat to the back of her towel to hurry her along.

Once in her room she began biting her lip again, picking skin with teeth as she explored a closet. Little one inside reached for a pair of pink corduroy overalls, never allowed trousers in the Enchanted Forrest she wanted to see what they felt like here. She dressed in those and a long sleeved white shirt. She wondered if she would be rebuked over her lack of a dress, but then remembered Regina wearing pants. Just as she finished clasping the shoulder strap thing after some difficulty Regina entered the room. In pants that the Queen had apparently changed since she had soaked the others in her temper.

“Sit on the bed a moment please.” Regina directed and waited for the child to obey. She also came to sit and patted her lap. “Let me see your foot.” Taking a small ankle she removed a white ruffled sock and old band-aid. Checking the site of the cut, she pulled a tube and clean bandage out of her pocket. Applying Neosporin and a new band-aid, Regina replaced the sock and tossed the wrappers in the little trash bin by the nightstand and put the medication back in her pocket. Standing and as she had once earlier that day her hand extended in silence.

Slowly Snow took that hand. “Where are we going?” She asked as they descended the stairs.

“To my Study.”

Little feet stilled for a moment before she was tugged along again. Formal, she’d forgotten that any talks they had ever had over something she had done as a child to earn a trip to the small library next to the Queen’s chamber had always been formal. Discipline was with Regina; purpose filled and ritualized. The gravity of it before her now felt both a bit daunting and a small comfort. But more daunting as the white door neared and they entered as it closed behind them.

Her hand was dropped and forgetting herself for a moment Snow remained right by the door as Regina moved across the room to stand by the desk, seemingly waiting for something. Snow blinked and then she remembered, but not quick enough before red lips spoke giving direction.

“Come here to me.” Small fluid gesture to the middle of the round rug in front of her.

Snow went to where she was expected, well knowing that cue in this setting. It was as if time rolled backwards and she _was_ seven again standing to attention exactly three paces away in front of the one she so desperately wanted it from. Not often, but enough she had been in such a state and knew the expectation that had not seemed to have changed. She clasped her hands in front as she had been taught to do when being addressed by an adult of equal or higher rank. Chin level, feet together, back straight and eyes up. She remembered and it seemed that Regina did too.

Little one was not perplexed by their standing now as some other in her place might be. As a royal she was held to high standards for decorum, had been raised with them under Eva for the first four years of her life. Lost some lessons in what her father often referred to as her wildling year between four and five without a woman, and then regaining ground under Regina’s care. Snow knew long before she did then where her actions would lead her this day. A small part of her, the very small part she was right now, needed what was to come because of what it meant.

Queen stood with hands behind back, posture perfect as always. When green eyes began drifting down under her gaze she prompted. “Eyes on me.”

And Snow gave them, wide and waiting.

“I asked you before in the office at school why you were fighting and you did not give me an appropriate answer. Now I would like to know why specifically you are in such a state of disgrace with the school.”

Simply put. “The children, the Stoneman twins, were being mean.”

“How so?” Regina asked just as simply in return.

Shifting, but trying not to under those dark eyes. “Delilah made fun of my name and threw my pear away.”

“That was wrong of her.” Softly agreeing Regina went on to explain. “Never the less your actions in retaliation were as well.”

Snow countered hurt and confused. “But she made fun of my name and she is a peas—.” Then snapping her mouth shut when she realized what she was about to say and what she already had.

“And that word is part of why the girl you punched needed stitches on her jaw?” Tensing her own for a moment over the idea of little one being violent and the medical bill she would have to pay for Snow’s actions. The money did not matter to her, but the principle of it did greatly.

Snow’s nose wrinkled in thought over that unknown fact. She had gotten a little too carried away in her upset it seemed.

“Snow White?”

Name used made her heart flap and a whine escape. “ _Yes_ , but they told me the table I was at was theirs and I had to move, and I told them…” Suddenly interested in the pattern of the drapes.

“Tone and eyes.” Regina prompted and waited for Snow to reset both. “What did you say to them exactly?” She knew, but the importance of it needed to be discussed.

“That I was a Princess and could be wherever I _pleased_.” Snow’s lips tightened at the memory.

“Last warning.”

Snow winced and repeated what she said without tone.

And?” Queen asked.

“And I called her a peasant.”

Nodding once. “Did entitlement get you anywhere pleasant today?”

“No.” Upset now at just where she’d ended up.

Regina waited; this particular speech between them they were both versed in.

“No Ma’am.” Correcting herself little Snow replied with a well used response.

“How you use your words matter and fighting aside. What should you have done instead?”

Thinking as a small brow pinched. “Get an adult or move away from the situation.”

A small smile for the effort. “Yes, that would have been the better choice. If there is ever a next time where you are being treated like that again, I want you to go and get a teacher or another adult right away. Understood?” A little quick nod and Regina let the lack of a verbal response go for the eagerness behind it. “We have spoken extensively about talking about who we really are. Doing so here will only cause trouble.” Going between misting orbs as she continued. “There is also the matter of the suspension. Being called away as I was to come and get you for your choices today does not help up us get home any faster. We have discussed this a few different times now, have we not Snow?”

Wilting at the truth. “We have and…” Tears welled. “I’m _trying_.” Child was surprised when the Queen forwent formality stepping forward and her hands were taken. Both of them.

“I need you to try a bit harder. This cannot happen again. That girl was badly hurt and wrong as she was to be mean to you, you did not help the situation at all with your words or actions. You need to understand the seriousness of both today. You cannot hide behind your title when things do not go your way. With privilege comes—”

“Responsibility and service to the people.” Snow whispered finishing that known statement.

Regina nodded to the fact. “Responsibility you will take now.” Leading little one to the couch she sat with Snow in front of her letting go of hands. Wondering if Snow remembered this step as the child had her previous words said in another life. “Why am I to correct you?” Long asked question both foreign and not from her lips.

“I let my temper best me...” Biting a lip and dropping her chin. Snow was allowed to for a moment before it was lifted.

“You are doing fine.” Regina’s thumb grazed a cheek and letting go as Snow met her eyes again. Prompting. “And…”

“And I fought hurting another when I know better with my actions and words.” Toes curling in socks.

Regina asked, drawing Snow closer. “How old are you?”

Whining again. “Seven, buuut—”

“Would you rather one in addition?” Searching little eyes. “Your tone is telling me you may in fact need that to be the case.”

Green widened and curls shook, adding. “No thank you.”

Regina drew the girl over her knee with ceremony, centering small hips over her own and moving the heavy braid to fall over a shoulder. Little one fit there as if time had not stolen these roles they were living away. No part of her relished what she was about to do. Quite the opposite for what it cost them to be here. Precious time to find their way out of this world, a reminder of a world and history between them that even put her in this position, and a need in green eyes for her to follow through. Also, to be who little Snow needed her to be even if for only this moment.

Snow, lost to the memory of experience, breathed through the familiarity of the lap beneath her. The way her tummy rested there and fluttered now as it had before in the past. She ducked her head to bury in her arms as she waited. Regina never rushed anything, little long any of these steps. Snow knew her role was to more than go through them, but to process what they meant and learn the weight her actions have. Grateful her clothing remained in place and wondered at the lack of removal of her bottoms at least. An arm, both reassuring and firm came across her waist holding her in place. As she always did tears began brimming in her eyes when that hand simply rested on her bottom and she remembered who it used to belong to in her heart. Who it might belong to now and she wondered if it was the same person. Hoped it was and she was surprised to find that word stuck in her throat.

Then that hand left only to return and tears pushed to spill at one. By three into the correction they fell loose and streaming down Snow’s cheeks wiping the guilt of her actions away further with four and five. It wasn’t about the discomfort though there was some of that. The long lost connection that Regina could and would call her to task if she needed it brought the tears. In the past she’d do just about anything to avoid the heaviness that always took over brown eyes when she’d earned a rebuke of some sort. Queen’s hand had paused a moment ago Snow realized and she was asked the frame of a well used question.

“Will we need to discuss fighting or use of entitlement again anytime soon Snow?”

And Snow answered as was expected. “No Ma’am.” And six and seven both the firmest finished her tears off. Ritual a third over she was lifted under her arms to stand up. She fought to keep her hands at her sides as her braid was smoothed and her clothing too save her tears and pink cheeks to right. Her hands went to rub then until she was reminded.

“Hands Snow.”

And they returned to her sides with great reluctance as she was directed to a corner to stand and reflect. Tried not to fidget and when she did, she was called out for it gently still just like always. Too many thoughts rushed through her mind, but in her little state she simply was stuck in the one she had been tasked with to think over. They had talked about entitlement before back in the Enchanted Forest and Princess or not she knew she was expected to not wield it over others in the way she had, nor to lose her temper, a trait inherited from her Father, when she got angry. More tears rolled and after she suspected was her age in minutes she was called back over.

“Come here to me Snow.”

          Second third of the ritual done, little one wondered if the last part would be and skin warmed over the idea. She bit her lip in want of it as she turned around to at Regina. Far history stretched across the rug to be rekindled in so few steps should she take them.

In that moment when she looked at those amber eyes watching her little Snow didn’t care that the adult hiding away inside of her was confused or even embarrassed over what had just happened. She didn’t see the Queen then or even the woman she had woken up to in this world. She saw Regina; the woman who had saved her life, taught her how to ride a horse, and who kissed her fears away. This woman knew how to make the monsters she insisted were in her wardrobe and in her worst nightmares go away. And her little heart saw what was invisible to her big eyes.

She saw her Mother.

Snow bounded across that distance and fell in the arms open to her, clung with such fierceness in a way she did not understand should be possible. The only thing Snow cared about was just how tight and sure those arms wrapped her up and how the warm lips that had once scolded now pressed against her brow. Forgiven, she was forgiven and over more than she thought she deserved to be it seemed.

Regina didn’t speak. Heart a buzz with ache as if giving her a clue to ponder. And ponder it thoroughly she did. They stayed like that for a long time in holding, each fearing in letting go first least magic be broken, so they did together and Regina found her voice.

“I expect different choices from you going forward, yes?” Formal again as she needed to be. Feeling too much she struggled with it.

Snow nodded and added. “Yes—Regina.” Another word nearly slipped and she bit her tongue over it as she came back to the present life they were in and adult memories once again filled her head and now spoke. “I can’t believe…” Blushing and realizing just how tight her hands were still holding onto the Queen. She let go, but she was not let go in return.

Moment indeed broken Regina confirmed. “Little you needed me to and it is done anyway.” Reaching for a tissue on the table and handing it over under very adult green eyes. “Do not look at me like that Snow. You well know _you_ did.”

And she had, blushing again under that idea. “I would like to go to my room please?” Waiting for permission to be dismissed as she took the tissue with a very small thank you and got a nod for her request. Wiping her eyes and moving to get off that lap. Snow didn’t miss the way Regina’s eyes misted at the gesture nor how empty she felt after moving away. Truth there much too heavy and stewing in it, she found her feet moving to the door. Away Snow was moving when all she wanted, maybe even needed truly was to return to the promise of solace aching after her.

 

**:::::::::::::::**

 

Big Snow remained sulking in her room the rest of the day save for dinner which Regina insisted she be present for and eat something. Also, too at being prompted to complete the school work that had been sent home with them. She had refused at first and Regina had insisted yet again and Snow had buckled under firm amber.

Bending even more when the little girl in her took over and needed help with the math practice sheet. Hesitant Snow took her pencil and worksheet from her room and went down the hall. Master suite open, she stood awkwardly in the door way watching Regina read a paper on the lounger by the window. She coughed and paper was folded and quickly tucked away within the folds of what she now knew to be Cora’s spell book.

“What is it Snow?”

“I’m finding it too difficult.” Indicating the paper in her hand. Small step forward.

“Let me have a look then.” Hand out.

Snow moved across the room, and stood by the lounger as Regina studied the worksheet and then her.

“Mathematics always held challenge for you.” Not demeaning, just very matter of fact. “Do you remember the tutor you had for math at this age from before?”

Snow’s nose twitched with remembrance of past mischief. “He was always so stuffy.”

Regina arched a brow almost fondly. “And you certainly had a way of making his lectures more entertaining, if I recall.”

“It wasn’t my fault if he always failed to look down before he sat.” Wide green eyes blinked and twinkled.

Paste, tacks and one time a frog on the tutor’s chair had never failed to liven up a lesson. Sometimes caught by the old man in her prank and Regina would be called. They both had shared a dislike for the man and his less than enthusiastic way of teaching. On those prank filled days Regina would take over the lesson after softly scolding over such. Queen would dismiss the tutor and Snow always learned so much more in math during those lessons with just the two of them.

Dark eyes skimmed the paper and went back to green. “There is a coin dish on my dresser. Bring it here.”

Fetching as asked Snow felt a familiar tingle of joy as the coins were laid out on the foot of the lounger and they spent the next ten minutes going over the concept of take away with tools Snow could manipulate.

“Does that make sense?” Regina asked to gauge understanding and was satisfied when Snow could articulate the concept back in simple terms along with modeling and getting correct another problem she’d stated. Putting the coins back in the bowl she handed it to Snow as memory made her throat thicken. “Put those back and go finish up your homework.”

Snow obeyed, clear minded on one subject, but more confused on another entirely. Ten minutes more she finished and done the blasted worksheets Snow tried to find a book she could read on her own in her room, but they were children’s tales and adult mind now she was in did not care for them. As the 8:00 hour approached she heard a knock on the door and was prompted to get ready for bed.

Tired though she refused to admit it, Snow changed into a very pretty white nightgown with ribbons going up the front. Old fashion comfort awakened the little one in her once more and as Regina prepped another uniform for the morning on the back of a door Snow curled up under the covers with Mr. Thumper just shy of her arms. Wanting comfort from the hard day her thumb automatically went to her mouth and index finger stroked the bridge of her nose as sleepy eyes watched the Queen. Then Regina turned and she was caught. Yanking her thumb out Snow tried to hide the fact that she was doing so by putting her face in her pillow. The bed dipped and a hand patted her hip gently. Slowly Snow eased her face from hiding and eyes fell onto amber ones.

“I’m sorry.” Thinking that is what Regina was waiting for.

“It’s alright Snow.” And here it was. Regina never had an issue with the habit herself, but Cora had and insisted she do something about it. Though she’d always corrected gently on this one despite the callousness she had been on the receiving end of for the child’s habit. Her words seemed to surprise the girl.

“Really?” Testing the fact by returning the digit and grabbing Mr. Thumper with her other hand.

“Really. We don’t have to be careful here with things like that.” Pulling covers up and glad the girl allowed it. “Try and get some sleep. I’ll wake you in the morning.” Leaning in to brush stray curls away, but child pulled away from her touch. Dropping her hand and not pushing the moment of affection that they had been able to have that day, she stood to go.

Small asked. “Regina?”

Turning. “Yes, Snow?”

“Will you leave a light?”

Familiar words answered. “I will...” Dimming the main one and leaving the hall bright in her wake Regina only barely heard the return of their little exchange of past.

“…Always.”

Later that night after spending a few quiet hours in her Study pouring over the spell book and Cora’s letter again Regina decided to call it a night. Exhausted with keeping up with a small child and figuring out where exactly she was in her mayoral duties to the town. Locking up the downstairs she headed up looking forward to a hot shower and bed.

She stopped at the first door upon the landing as she always did for ten years straight, even after Henry had left to live with the Charmings and peered into the room. Snow was fast asleep, little nose twitching much as a rabbit’s did in a dream of some kind. Thumb gone from parted pink lips in favor of hugging the stuffed toy with both hands. Stepping into the room, Regina unfolded the spare blanket at the end of the bed and draped it over the child. Then she simply watched Snow sleep.

Soft. “You are in such need badly are you not little one?” Taking the affection Snow has denied her earlier, her finger stroked a cheek. Child stirred under her touch. “I will try harder…” Then fingers braved a tender stroke of brow and stole a kiss from a cheek. Queen withdrew from the room.

Little green eyes peeked open, hope filled on the promise unsaid and big thoughts also in wonder of what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Thoughts?
> 
> Hope you have a wonderful New Year!
> 
> Next time: Flashback to the Enchanted Forest gives further insight into Cora, Regina, and Snow’s relationship. Regina and Little Snow connect. And another memory of Snow’s comes to light revealing a very different perspective of the dark day at the Stables where something broke.


	8. Mistress of Masks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Monsters often wear beautiful masks and sometimes the face we think we know doesn’t match what lies beneath.” - me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n – Last chapter was about the half way mark. Time will begin moving a bit quicker.

Tossing. Regina tossed within sheets of her queen bed. Fabric binding her arms and legs together from her thrashing. Silk trappings too familiar in her sleep state. Binding and panting. She was trapped within her mind’s eye…

 

 

_“Regina.”_

_Queen looked up from her letters and gave eyes to the regally dressed woman in liquid black silk entering her private library. Cora was now beneath her in rank since her marriage to Leopold a year ago, but Regina dared not deny the courtesy of standing when her Mother entered the room she was in._

_“Good day Mother.” And curtsy._

_And the dark woman seemed pleased enough with her greeting, nodded indifferently, and took up the winged chair next to her opposite the great fire in the hearth keeping winter’s chill at bay. Fine a castle as this one was it was terribly drafty with the stone walls. When Mother was settled Regina sat again, though a bit straighter than she had been in private._

_“Who writes you so often?” Cora inquired fingering the sharp edge of the carved raven’s head arm rest._

_“Noble wives wanting to invite Snow and I to an event or afternoon tea.” Showing the top letter to her Mother as expected in proof._

_Cora skimmed the first and pulled the top of the second down and nodded. ”Lady Clara would be suitable and worth a meeting. The other a waste of time.” Indicating the second of the two letters._

_“As you say Mother.” Regina folded the letters carefully, grateful the page she had really been reading earlier was already hidden in the false bottom of the box on the table next to her._

_“Snow was in the kitchens again this morning quite late.” Blue eyes left the flames to study. “Begging a sweet cake from that cook she likes.”_

_Red lips parted. Regina had warned Snow time and again to stay away from the kitchens in the mornings when Mother was making inspections of staff.  Back rigid as she asked carefully. “You found her?”_

_“I did indeed.”_

_Hands gave the merest hint of a shake at that fact as Regina put the letters back in the box. “And?” Closing the lid as breath held._

_“She is waiting outside the door here.” Standing Cora moved to gaze down._

_Regina exhaled, but not easily. Three weeks a near year ago she had won her Mother’s challenge bringing Snow to task. Method of predictable discipline and plenty of affection first working between them and Mother had relented to leaving the raising of Snow to her. But now close. Mother was much too close. Regina’s lungs caught as a pointed nail lifted her chin._

_“Make sure it does not happen again daughter. The heir to the throne must not be pilfering cakes like a common beggar child in the market square.”_

_Amber flashed a small challenge. “Her riding lesson went much longer than expected and she missed tea. I’m sure she was simply—” Nail pricked the underside of her chin and Regina gasped._

_Cold inquiry. “And whose fault is that about her lesson?”_

_Thin trail of blood began pooling at the base of Regina’s throat. Air around them crackling with lightening unseen. “Mine.”_

_“Good Regina. Make sure it does not happen again.” Dropping her hand, Cora summoned a handkerchief. Dabbing the blood carefully, she placed it in her daughter’s palm crushing both for a long moment before taking her hand away._

_Regina stared. Red stain on Snow White linen, more than clear on just who would handle Snow if it happened again. Grandmother’s rights should a daughter deemed a failure to remedy would be taken._

_Regina swallowed. “Please send her in. I will speak with her.”_

_Cora nodded, mocking deference at its best. “As you wish.” Wicked turn, as she went to the door. “Oh and you had best notify the Head Raven Master to send word to the village for a new castle messenger boy.”_

_Regina stood and took a step forward. Fists clenched and she released them loose as Mother turned to look back. “May I ask why?”_

_“The old one is dead, poor thing. Something about a missing heart.” Giving critical eyes of ice. “You’d best choose another means of getting your private messages sent off Regina. Good help is so hard to find, after all. Best start looking.”_

_Paling Regina closed her eyes as the chamber door opened and Snow was summoned in. And opened them with a flash as Mother’s hand took her daughter’s arm much too tightly and escorted a quiet white Snow right to her feet. Regina reached for Snow’s hand to move the child away from Mother’s grip just as little one began speaking._

_“I didn’t mean any harm.”_

_And Regina knew that and more than understood, but instead of being able to listen as Snow needed her to she hushed with one look. One Snow immediately heeded thankfully and one Regina would explain once Cora was out of the room, but Mother was not letting go of that arm. She met Mother’s eyes as Snow began to whimper under that tight grip. Regina felt a heat rising from her core at that wounded sound. The blood on white linen flashed in her mind’s eye._

_A snapping spark and in a flare Snow was free of that menacing grip clinging to her skirts as Mother jerked back with a gasp cupping a hand tightly to a black beaded corset. The smell of singed hair on skin rose sickly. As Regina rested her hands on Snow’s shoulders child began crying from the bruise rising on white flesh just under the short sleeve of a matching dress where Cora had gripped cruelly. Little arms wrapped tight then around her waist. What had happened in that flash of light Regina could only guess, but deep down she knew._

_The magic she’d been born with had finally decided to wake up. Mother had said it was there but would remain dormant. Claiming Regina was not strong enough to tap it and at the time this knowledge came to light Regina had wanted absolutely nothing to do with magic. Regina had always wondered why it remained so though, not entirely convinced on Mother’s explanation. And for just a moment the look of utter shock on her Mother’s face this moment was worth the price Regina knew she would pay for her next words._

_“Leave us.”_

_Hissing. “You dare?” More shock on that pinched face bridging on the cusp of anger at a clear dismissal._

_Regina kept her eyes locked on blue ones and she bent to whisper directions in Snow’s ear. Child nodded with a sniffle and went to the far side of the room to take up a stool there to sit in wait. Taking a step nearer her Mother, Regina did indeed dare. “She is_ my _daughter and you are not to touch her again.”_

 _Cora dropped the injured hand and approached, seizing her roughly by the forearm and Regina was pulled close. With their faces inches apart Mother’s words cut. “I will touch however I please and you seem to be forgetting that_ you _are mine Regina. I put the crown on your head and trained your heart against weakness—and I can take both away if you continue to be so brass and foolish.”_

_“I am not weak.” Adamant Regina yanked hard against that grip once, but Mother did not relent._

_Blue piercing between her own, but Regina held her ground. Something in her gaze seemed to give Mother pause and that grip finally loosened enough for Regina to pull away. Mother’s parting gift gave her chills. “We will speak more of this later tonight. I expect you at my chamber door at ten.” Last words that were anything but and in a sharp turn the chill of midnight left the room and Queen was able to breathe once more…_

 

Bolting upright Regina’s hand went to her throat and then pulled back to look. No blood. She blinked. A dream… no a memory then. There had been a lot of those lately. Shivering she pulled on her robe and found her slippers in the dark. Wrapped up she went down the hall and peeked into the pink room. Snow was resting soundly and unharmed.

Breathing easier and in need of something warm Regina went downstairs. Finding tea, chamomile, she made a mug and went into the living room. Setting the gas fire to low in grate, she curled up to sit and sip.

Two weeks they had been here now and she was no closer to finding a way home. Stirring tea and pulling spoon out to suck the tip free of honey Regina left it there in thought about the last several days. A routine of sorts had found them between a Halloween not celebrated and more crisp weather rolling in with November.

During the week Snow went to school and she to work and that was followed by spell book reading, dinner and homework then bath and bed. Weekends brought more freedom and time to be able to go through the book at more length and the few more Regina had brought back from the vault a few days ago. And for nothing. Nothing more as a clue presenting itself for her efforts. The days were beginning to mesh together with the one difference being Snow.

Woman child had been quiet and surprisingly complacent since the school mess early last week. Talk had between them had been taken to heart and Snow seemed better for it. Switches between the adult and child had slowed down and each became present for longer states of time, but the little one ruled that dark curly head most days. Regina was learning to recognize the switches and move with them when they occurred. Their interactions had been mild and robotic between them, though a bit warmer when the little one was present, but not by much.

Said little one appeared in the living room doorway then. Sleep tussled hair and missing a sock. Dreams seemed to haunt that small head too and Regina set her mug on the table, patting the sofa cushion in invitation and waiting to see what Snow would do. Sometimes the child would allow mild touch, other times her advances were refused, still Regina tried as she’d promised herself she would. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Two braids shook and a stuffed rabbit was lowered from hiding a mouth. “No and Mr. Thumper needs to ask you something.” One step forward.

“Oh, and what does he need to know?” Playing along with the ever creative imagination little Snow had. Toy had been used as translation for some of the more delicate discussions between them when Snow had been growing up. Patting the cushion again in welcome.

Snow seemed to consider something and went to sit on the far cushion and promptly put her bunny in the middle seat. “I have been thinking a lot about when you sent me to my room last week… after I called you that word.”

Surprised that’s where the girl’s head had been Regina thought a moment before speaking. “That’s good to know you have been rethinking certain choices. That will help you make better ones.”

Snow’s fingers picked at a loose ribbon on her nightgown. “He was wondering about that time I was sick, really sick and when you and Father were talking in the hall…”

Regina kept her eyes on the rabbit as Snow did. “Was he somehow not in bed that night as he should have been?”

Snow blushed nodding.

Regina had long suspected Snow had somehow overheard them at times, and she loathed the idea of it. Then remembering that conversation with Leopold in particular she sat up and looked at Snow directly. “What did he hear?” Suddenly big Snow met her eyes and her stomach cramped.

“I heard you arguing about me. Something about Mida’s brother. He was the one at the banquet too, my first one where I was allowed to eat with you and Father.”

Regina nodded. “He was. Your Father and my Mother were quite set on you being matched with him in marriage.” A wealthy merger as Cora had put it.

“But you told him no, told them _both_ no.” Snow bit her lip.

“I did. I…” Amber eyes sought flames for a moment deciding big Snow might be ready to hear some more of the truth of past. “I wanted you to have a choice on who you married, at least some options presented to you anyway. And Mida’s brother was old enough to be your Father. I didn’t want that for you. That aside he was a shrewd man.”

Snow wiggled and pulled her rabbit back in her lap, fingers in fur. “I understand why now. I didn’t before, but…” Bunny hid her mouth as little one took over again. “Mr. Thumper says big me really likes Charming.”

Amber misted and tried resting a hand on a little knee, glad child allowed it. “You, she, deserved a choice and I’m glad it worked out that way for her.” Regina had been able to hold talk of Snow’s marriage off for several years after that. By then things had turned so drastically that Snow was no longer on Cora’s immediate radar in quite that way—and Leopold was dead.

“Is it because you never got a choice?” Little Snow was unsure about all the details behind this reveal, but was sure that Regina had been protecting her. She also needed to confirm a few things that had been keeping her up at night.

“Something like that.”

Snow tilted her head. “Mr. Thumper also wanted to know if…” Eyes falling to the hand on her knee. It stilled, gripping tenderly. “Did Father ever hit you?” And tightened.

A tear burned to slip at the childish term for what she had suffered, but now was not the time to elaborate, not to the little one anyway. Regina nodded once and waited for Snow to process that.

A whisper. “A lot?”

Red lips pinched as Regina shifted in seat. “We did not get along. And he was the King. That is sometimes how things were done in our world.” And well within his rights of the law of the Kingdom no matter her feelings on them. Feelings every time she voiced only left a mark. Softer. “Sometimes too marrying for love or growing to love the one you are paired with happened in our world. I had hoped you would find it your case.”

Little arms dove forward and took up the neck she wanted to rest her head under. Snow’s hands gripped the silk collar just like she used to of Regina’s formal dresses and held on. As she was Snow did not understand everything about love, but she remembered being told one dark night long ago that real love was magic. And right now in these arms she felt it whispering to her as Regina hugged her back.

 

**:::::::::::::::**

 

The next afternoon little Snow sat on the steps of the school waiting and waiting as she watched parents picking up their kids. Watched as hands joined, kisses and hugs were given after a day apart. Ten minutes after the bell and Regina was not here. Tears burned beneath her eyes. Queen had been here everyday at 3:30 as she stepped from the doors. Sometimes Snow took the hand offered. Other times she did not as she was asked about her day and in turn she asked about the progress on finding a way home. Always the same answers between them and in her ache they held nothing.

Nothing like what she needed them to be. And what she needed was the exact opposite of the person in her dream in the very early morning of waking today she’d had. Snow dropped her head in knees recalling the memory that had been disguised as a dream last night her heart knew had been all but too real…

 

 

_The stables were her favorite place on the Castle grounds. Smelling of sweet hay and full of the carefree neighs and nickering of horses. This is where Snow learned the joy of riding after her terror filled one two years ago when Regina had come into her life. Since then Snow loved the time and attention from the Queen during their twice a week riding lessons. The hour spent each time was full of smiles and longed for praise for something she was quite good at now._

_Snow brushed the white mare, WinterStar, carefully the way she had been taught as she waited for Regina. Heavy rain overhead starting on the roof drew green eyes up, and she automatically moved closer to the warmth of her horse. That meant riding was out. Frowning she continued brushing in thought wondering what they would do instead. Time moved quickly under her chore and finishing at the mare’s flank she wondered at the absence of staff._

_Rarely alone she was and the stable hands had all but disappeared from the loft when she had entered. Snow wondered over one in particular that occasionally showed up during her lessons. The stable maid had the kindest eyes of anyone Snow remembered seeing and the woman always looked on so with such a gaze at Regina... Lightning flashed and Snow shrieked, dropping the brush._

_WinterStar hoofed the floor looking back, flicking a tail almost nervously. Snow patted the great white head, kissing a nose. “It’s quite alright. Just a little light and rain.” Explaining in the same comforting fashion Regina often had when there were storms at night and she went seeking those safe arms. Trying to assure herself just as much as her horse. Then whispering. “Mommy will come and make it better.”_

_Sure of the fact and the affection she used in private with Regina. She loved the woman who cared for her; had from the first day she learned that the beautiful woman that had saved her life was going to marry her Father. Regina was kind first and foremost, rare to raise a voice or give criticism. Snow had learned what would and would not be accepted in her deportment and it has been quite a while since she had been in any kind of real trouble. Respectful she always tried to be with the Queen. And time passed as the storm worsened and thunder shook the foundation._

_Regina had woken her very early that day and she had been told to come here for her riding lesson an hour earlier than usual straight after breakfast in her warmest cloak and boots. Snow had obeyed asking too if Mr. Thumper could join them. Surprised when Regina’s eyes filled with a rich softness she had never seen and longed for more of; her request of frivolous comfort, as her Grandmother called it, was granted. Snow wondered if it had something to do with her father being away on a tour of the Kingdom or the fact that her Grandmother had a sick headache the night before and was resting today. Holding her beloved rabbit in one hand and petting her horse with the other Snow wondered too where the Queen was._

_Little boots shifted on hay, nerves taking over as the sky growled again. She heard a single piercing scream in the distance and it echoed raw through her core, then nothing but the roar of thunder in its wake. Now she was scared, but couldn’t move in her fear. Regina was never late. Had she been forgotten then? Tears wanting to spill made Snow’s nose tickle and she sat on a low stool to wait. Becoming more and more blaring in her little mind as time passed that she had been forgotten about though her tummy warned against something else. At that moment a door creaked in the distance. Wet eyes looked up and she saw the Queen._

_Something cracked._

_Dark eyes void of emotion looked back, no through her. Hood of a midnight cloak lowered and firm red lips spoke in a sharp tone Snow had not heard from them before. “You are to stand always when I enter a room Snow White.”_

_Or was tearing, Snow was not sure as she quickly hopped up. Fingers gripped the fur of her rabbit for something soft when the coming words were not._

_Impossibly high boots neared. A heavily ringed hand extended. “Give that here.” Fingers snapped as lightening flashed outside._

_“But you said I could…” Snow trailed as Mr. Thumper was snatched by that quick hand and tossed aside into a muddy stall. That gesture made her eyes smart. Upper arm taken and hard she was led to the stable doors, struggling to walk as quickly as those feet clicking on wood planks. Confused and hurt Snow slipped with the soft informal affection only used in private between them. “Mommy—” Then her cheeks were pinched in a grip she didn’t know or understand the callousness of._

_“And Mother always knows best Snow. Never forget that if you have any hope of being Queen.”_

_“But—” Then a slap resounded against her cheek and stunned for who had done it Snow burst into tears._

_Taken to her room, locked in, and left there for the day without meals Snow wondered of her crime and the lack of ritual between them if there had been. M—Regina had never punished in her this cold distant way and that night when she was in bed hungry for more than food she stiffened when a key was heard in lock and two voices in the corridor. Then several minutes later the handle of her chamber door opened._

_Of the hour Snow was unsure and through cracked eyes she saw her beloved rabbit, sweet smelling and damp, laid near her pillow by a ringed hand she thought she knew. Thought she knew the woman who had been her Mother. It stroked her hair and she turned away from it. She couldn’t trust that hand again for a promise broken and never again would she use the intimate affection she had thought might mean more between them._

_“Snow...”_

 

Child blinked away the past, but not the hurt.

“Snow.”

Looking up and seeing Regina coming quickly her way, gladness brief in heart as a scowl took over her small face. Hard words from a sore memory spoke. “You forgot about me didn’t you?”

Regina slowed her pace as she approached seeing adult accusing eyes on her. Cautious. “No, the light on Main Street was ou—”

“I’ll just walk from now on then.” Wanting the familiarity of cold distance well used to, but as Regina came close Snow simply stared at the concrete unmoving. Fingers from above brushed the top of her head where she purposely sat. Pulling back she scooted over, away.

“You are too young to walk all that way on your own.” Regina stated fact and wondered over the cold shoulder. Henry, she had allowed him at ten to begin doing such things but with Snow at seven; the idea made her uncomfortable. “Let’s go.” Hand out.

Little hurt spoke up blurring the past with the present. “You did forget, you did! And you told me to wait at the stables with Mr. Thumper and then you threw him and you were so mad and…” A tear fell and Snow angrily swiped it away ripping her heart wide open along with it.

Regina dropped her hand, eyes closing and in that moment knowing where and _when_ those words came from. Here. Now. She could not work through them with little Snow on the wide steps separating their hearts beats. Instead she did what she had been unable to do; had wanted to do whenever Snow had been this upset all those years ago. Regina knelt and picked up the sore hearted girl to her hip, backpack and all, as Snow burst into tears.

And fought her.

Child kicked and pushed or tried to and still Regina held on. She would not let go. Would not allow Snow to push her away when they both needed this contact.

Regina managed somehow to get them to house, Snow fighting her into the car and out. Once in the door of the mansion Regina kicked off her heels, dropped her purse on the floor and child’s backpack in a pile, some mess she never did, and moved with a still crying Snow upstairs. But this time child was exhausted and clung to her. Into a very pink room, Regina reached for a rabbit. Little hands snatched it up and began calming further in her arms. Finally cries turned to whimpers as Snow rested a cheek in her shoulder. Pacing the room, Regina rubbed circles, murmuring. Her soothing tone seemed to shift something further in the child who clung tighter.

“I’m right here Snow Bunny.” Nickname used only between them in the most private of moments, away from court and watching eyes, slipped soft between breaths smooth as silk.

Snow rubbed her face into a shoulder long missed and let herself take a deep breath in. Lavender and apples or was it apples and lavender? It filled her nose and she finally realized the scents matched; Mr. Thumper and Regina. Home. She pushed harder, burrowed deeper in realization as her hair was stroked. Small fingers still tight on the fabric of a red blouse in wonder of the affection spoken. And in them she was able to ask the question she’d been holding back for so long.

“Why did you leave me? You were there, but _you_ were not.”

Regina stopped pacing at the high tenor. Thick. “I never meant to distance myself emotionally from you Snow.”

Sniffing. “But you did.” All those long distant years pushed to a pinching point between her eyes.

 And amber eyes blurred when a mouth couldn’t speak for a moment.

“What did I do wrong?”

Then spilled hot down her cheeks as Regina moved to sit on the bed with Snow sideways in her lap. “Nothing. _You_ did nothing wrong.”

“But—”

“It wasn’t my choice Snow.”

Puzzled Snow chewed her inner cheek. Then asked. “What do you mean?”

Beginning where she needed to for the complicated answer, Regina tried to explain. “That day at the stables I never meant to not come for you when I’d promised. And when I was able to come see you, I never wanted—”

“Then why did you?” Interrupting with heat, Snow finally let go as one hand ran a fist over an eye and tried to move off Regina’s lap, but she was held fast.

Realizing exactly when that day Snow had been referring Regina tried again. “At the stables… That was not me.”

Green searched amber. “Yes it was and you broke your promise. You slapped me.”

Head shaking as Regina’s heart tore at a festering wound. “No Snow. My Mother was known as the Queen of Hearts and the Mistress of Masks for a reason.” Lifting a chin. “She discovered I was making plans to leave that morning.” Deep breath. “She killed Daniella and came for you at the stables after shutting me away knowing we had a lesson. I tried to tell you that night when I was able to come see you, but…” Snow had refused to even look at her and for the day it had been Regina hadn’t forced their interaction at the time.

Snow paled remembering the way the hand that stroked her hair in bed that night had been shaking and the voice that she ignored calling her name had sounded broken. Also too, for the secret told to Cora the week before about the mysterious woman that sometimes joined them in her riding lessons. Regina had told her not to tell and coaxed as she had been under Cora’s poison filled words she had answered when asked if she’d noticed anyone unusual around the palace, more specifically the Queen. “Then—then where were you?”

“Mother locked me in her vault.” Regina explained and in the moment she’d been too heartbroken to fight back. Punishment in the small heart filled chamber for attempting to flee along with binding her with magical leather straps to the floor. Stiff and cutting she hadn’t been able to breathe. Marks had cut into her skin and left bruises in their wake. Tight and bound, Regina had felt the vibrations of all the stolen hearts pumping, screaming for release. She’d never forgotten their call for help.

Silence.

Snow whispered as the slap echoed in her mind. A slap not from the woman holding her now. That changed things. A lot of things she couldn’t even begin to register. “I didn’t know that.”

“I know.”

Wiggling to get off a lap and allowed to, Snow moved to the other side of the bed. Her head hurt. Much too full and eyes raw, heavy she begged with them and words. “I’d like to rest now. Please.”

Nodding Regina stood needing a moment herself. Much more to say and she knew this talk was far from over, but they both needed a break for the intensity of it. She pulled down the covers and watched Snow settle under them with the ever present stuffed rabbit. Closing the drapes Queen went to leave; sensing further touch would break whatever delicate space was tying them together this moment.

Snow’s little eyes watched the Queen she thought she knew watching her. She dipped her chin, hiding in the blanket. She felt amber on her for a long minute after before those feet she longed for to stay padded out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Please consider a comment or review if you haven’t and are enjoying this. Feeds a writer soul – Those that have - thanks so much! More Tuesday.
> 
> Next time: Regina and Snow, both raw and seeking understanding over the stable memory continue their talk. An unexpected & disturbing visitor makes their presence known to Regina. It’s about to get real for our girls…


	9. Ghosts of Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All of us are ghosts. It is not only what we inherited from our parents that ‘walks’ in us. It is all sorts of dead ideas, and lifeless old beliefs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Chapter picks up immediately after last one. Enjoy.

Move. Regina needed to move. Going downstairs after tucking Snow in for the requested rest she promptly put away their discarded things properly by the door. Then she cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, scrubbing every surface available to rid the dirt from the invisible wound they shared. Mind raced on loop of the day long ago at the stables in another world and of Snow’s words of memory.

Now the night she had gone to Snow’s room after Daniella’s murder made sense. Regina knew her mother had locked Snow away for the day but had no idea what else had been done. Mother had refused to give any details except that Snow was shut away as to not cause trouble in her absence. She had gone to Snow afterwards. Had tried to explain, tried to ask what had happened when she’d been trapped in her own hell, but child had remained silent. That is when things began to change, for all of them and Regina closed her eyes to the memory of it rushing in…

 

_Regina leaned heavily against the door frame of her washroom at Castle White as her lungs tried to get used to the freedom of breathing again. Slow steps her feet made from Mother’s bed chamber and the hidden heart filled vault beneath the fireplace there. With a trained stoic face she’d managed to get to her room before the mask fell and she allowed herself to feel the pain. Lungs burned and skin tender where the straps had wrapped around her ribs binding her to the stone floor._

_The first few hours she hadn’t feel them. Had cried herself sick for the reason of the straps being there. Then Regina began to feel the sharp blaze of strain to breathe as she forced short spurts of air into her lungs through strangled sobs. Leather strap edges cut through her riding clothes and blood lines ran the length of her body from chest to knees. Regina had not been able to move. Everything hurt. Her heart most of all for the part crushed in the servants stables today by her Mother’s hand._

_She’d been allowed one scream before her knees found the dirt by Daniella’s body. Cradled her love’s head in her lap as she wept, then raged against her Mother. Her voice silenced by a mere flick of a wrist as black smoke took her away. By evening in the vault after the day of being trapped there she was weeping in hot little puffs she could just barely manage. Streaks of tears dried and newly pouring made her cheeks tight and chapped. Eyes scarlet and swollen slits just wide enough to see the dark silhouette of black boots approaching._

_Mother returned._

_And the leather coming off was excruciating. Blood returned to parts of her body she had long lost feeling of. All pounding in fight through her veins to limbs in a dark rhythm to get feeling home; as the hearts screamed for help in the golden boxes on the shelves surrounding her.  A deal Mother proposed to her then for release._

_Her freedom back into the gilded cage she knew her life to be in exchange for submitting to the Dark One’s teachings. To train the power she’d been born. Mother never said for what and weak in pain Regina had relented, but she was not a fool to not guess the why of her Mother’s plan. Always she was a pawn, a tool, a bargaining chip for wealth and power. That was her role in Mother’s life. Then and there she accepted that was all she would ever be to the woman who bore her. Deal sealed, the vault door opened._

_But Regina was not weak and she would fight. Had her own plans once she gained some control over her powers. Help she needed. From the Dark One later, and soon hopefully from a friend. And as Regina cleaned the dried blood from her ribcage she heard a rap on her chamber door. Wincing as she dabbed a particularly nasty cut with a wet cloth she dropped it into the pink water and wrapped up in her robe. Mother was usually more careful with marks as her husband preferred to make his own, but with Leopold gone a full moon on his tour of the Kingdom she’d be healed by the time he returned._

_Another knock she thought she recognized for the pattern. Slowly Regina approached her door and opened it the merest of cracks. A pair of hazel eyes looked in and she let go of a tight breath for whom they belonged to. Quicker she opened the door and he slipped in and bowed._

_“My Queen.” Graham greeted and raised his eyes. They widened. “Are you unwell? Shall I fetch the court physician?”_

_Just standing as she was, Regina was trembling. Using the door as an anchor she leaned against it and shook her head forcing words. “No Huntsman and I have not been well for a very long time.” And she tried to ease toward the sitting area by the fireplace using the wall and stumbled. He reached for her arm and she hated the way she flinched at the touch, but allowed him to help her to one of the chairs there. After resting for a moment she asked. “I am glad to see you of course, but why are you here at this hour?”_

_Graham bowed again and reached to his hip to release a small leather draw bag there. He extracted a very wet and muddy toy rabbit. “I found this in the Royal Stables today when I returned my mount from the fox hunt. I know how fond the little Princess is of it. I tried to return it earlier, but you were not receiving callers or petitions according to your mother.” He set it on the table between them, now unsure of how to read the tight face locked toy fur. “If I assumed or over stepped I am most—”_

_“Thank you Graham. Truly.” Regina lost the formality as her eyes shined in the flames flickering in the grate._

_Graham had always been kind to her. Respectful and trustworthy. He had been serving her family for decades and more in particularly her Father. They’d grown up together and Regina considered him a brother of sorts. Difference in station had not mattered to her and she handpicked him of the few staff from her childhood home she had been allowed to bring with her to the castle. He was employed to her personal service and she trusted him. More than proven his devotion and loyalty he had, by carrying the letters between her and Daniella for the last year. And standing here Graham appeared unlike his usual self._

_“There is something else you should know.” He shifted foot to foot in what seemed to be tender nerves. Then he bent a knee to stone at her feet. Formal converse returning for the grave words. “My Queen, I am grieved to report that the stable—Daniella…”_

_Amber closed to the room. “I am well aware.” And opened for control when she felt entirely out of it. A raw softness spoke. “I need you to do something for me.”_

_“Anything my Queen.”_

_This Regina could ask of him and only him. Like recognized like and together through their forbidden love for the same sex they had formed the trust they had. Shared the secret from childhood that went against the laws of their land. Graham knew and understood her pain of a love lost too. And his, a young man by the name of August, gone now from the wasting sickness some few years. A breath and too deep Regina gasped in pain. Then a whisper. “Take great care and have her tended for burial. I will give you further instructions soon.”_

_“You have my word.”He placed his fist over heart in allegiance._

_Thinking as another thought came in. Too many tangled ones ran through Regina’s mind. Another use of her time in the vault today. But from time a plan of sorts had formed for what she needed to do. Mother’s threat a year ago to take her crown and her heart should she continue to fight back rang in her mind through the pounding hearts within that space._

_Tried on her own the last several months to awaken her powers further had been in vain. Regina knew she needed a teacher to learn how to wield magic and also one of a different sort for Snow. “I want you to teach my daughter archery. Twice a week for a few hours at a time until she is proficient.” Considered a co-ed sport and one of the few she could get away with having her daughter take lessons in._

_“Pardon my asking so, isn’t the Princess is a little young.”_

_Regina nodded. He was right, but time was not on her side any longer. “She’s old enough at nearly 8 winters. Teach her.”_

_A chin dipped in acknowledgement and then his concern asked. “Will you be joining her for lessons my Queen?”_

_Wincing as pain shot across her chest Regina answered. “I will oversee them on occasion as I do all of her studies, but I have my own lessons to sort through.” Nodding then that he should stand. He began to back away five paces to turn to go, but she stopped him. “Graham.” She waited until his eyes met hers. “Make sure she can shoot more than a still target.” It went unsaid but defense flashed across her eyes and she knew he understood._

_“I will my Queen and I will guard you and your daughter with my life.”_

 

Regina felt her eyes pinch as the memory faded. And with his life her childhood friend, her brother in all but blood had done just that. Stood between her and Mother upon Cora’s debut along with magic from the Enchanted Forest in Storybrooke a few months ago just after the curse broke. Chaos was a kind word for the hell that had broken loose. Mother had stolen his heart and made him do unspeakable things. To her. To Emma and Henry. His death had broken something inside of her. And it torn her in half yet again as Regina leaned over the kitchen sink and wept for him anew.

An hour passed in a blur of shed tears and heartache.

Slowing down in her frenzy then, Regina wiped a brow as her heart finally calmed. Catching the nearing 5:00 hour and knowing she needed to get Snow up soon if child was going to be able to sleep on time that night, she decided to start a load of laundry before heading back upstairs. Going into the laundry room off of the kitchen Regina went to the washer and opened the lid, puzzled at seeing a mess of sheets already in them. Only until she remembered Snow hovering around the door way when she’d called the child for breakfast that morning.

Then the smell hit her nose.

Sighing at what it was Regina turned on the hot water and began adding detergent. It used to happen on only the worst of nights until Snow was eight. Little feet would walk the castle corridor to her chamber and wake her for comfort and help on nightmare nights when Snow wet the bed. Regina long suspected Snow still had the occasional incident after eight, but after the day at the stable the child no longer came to her for late night comfort. Closing the lid Regina left the sheets to soak, knowing the mattress most likely needed attention as well as the little one sleeping on it did.

Washing her hands, Regina headed upstairs and to the pink room to wake Snow, but child was already up making the bed and their eyes locked over it. Stepping into the room Regina carefully began. “How did you sleep?”

A shrug of one shoulder, green eyes on the embroidered blanket.

Easing in for the lack of answer. “Any dreams?”

“No.” Snow’s eyes darted up and down again.

“You must have had one that bothered you greatly last night.”

Quiet. “The stables. I dreamt of that day.” Then Snow gave a half shrug as the eyes looking down at her winced.

Regina stepped closer and covered a little fist that had grabbed a pillow. “Next time, come and get me. I’ll help you clean up and right the bed.” Regina’s chest hurt for the anxious glare mixed with shadows tossed her way.

“I did not mean to...” Snow tried to pull her hand away. “I’m sorry.”

Squeezing once Regina let go. “It’s alright; you have nothing to be sorry for.” She then began to strip the bed with a nod to Snow to begin helping. “The mattress needs to be tended and then left to dry. It may need to air overnight and if that is the case you may sleep in my room.” Wanting the little one close after the hard talk of the day.

Snow folded the blanket as the sheets were pulled off. Grimacing when she saw the mark of her nightmare on the mattress. Then finally registering the words. Little hope spoke. “A sleepover, like before?”

Small fond smile bloomed as the Queen rounded the bed and leaned down to hold a gaze. “Yes, like before and even better you may stay the whole night.” Careful they had always had to be on such nights to get Snow back into the nursery before dawn least Mother get wind of the accident or ‘coddling’ given.

Little Snow liked that idea and fought against the adult in her pushing to take over. Brows furrowed as a shift occurred. “Regina?”

Change in tenor had the Queen standing fully, but she did not let go of those hands. “I know you have questions for me, probably much more than I can answer right now and I will try to soon, but Snow I need time.” Mother the subject of most she figured and raw as it was still between them she was more than done with the matter for the day.

“I figured. I just wanted to know one thing. Please? If you can?”

Regina searched green pools and then nodded consent for the question.

“After you got out of her vault and came to my room that night and gave me Mr. Thumper, did you…” Little Snow hesitated for a faint flicker of ache in amber. “Did you know I had told?”

“Told?” Unsure she hoped for a different question, but Regina asked.

 “About my telling Grandmother. That Daniella sometimes was there at my riding lessons and about the letters.”

Regina closed her eyes mentally and physically taking a step back as Snow’s hands began to slip from her own, but she held them fast. Trying as Regina said she would, but hurting in the new bit of information she had not considered. “I knew you had told my Mother about Daniella being at your lessons sometimes, but—” Slow breath in and out. It made sense now; how quickly Mother had pieced everything together. How they’d been discovered in the servants stables readying the horses for their escape. As Snow waited in the Royal Stable yard she had been kneeling on hay mourning over the loss of Daniella’s life.

Too fresh this hell was yet again.

“Regina?” Hesitant, Snow whispered.

Queen locked eyes on green ones in grief. “I did not know you had mentioned the letters. How did—” Breaking she looked away for a moment and then back. “How did you even know about them?” She had carefully kept the cryptic correspondence she and Daniella had secretly exchanged through Raven mail and Graham shut away. Burning most of the letters after reading and keeping the very few that held no contextual meaning that could be derived from a reader other than herself. Never signed and never addressed they would be meaningless unless...

Snow bit her lip, big eyes went wide. “I came across them once.”

Forced patience. “Once _when_?”

Firm question and little Snow shrank under it. “When I was playing in your library. My ball knocked the box you kept them in over.” She took a step back, wanting to run sweaty hands forming over her clothes but Regina was not letting hers go. “I cleaned them up, but I didn’t read them. I didn’t!”

Regina’s eyes stung. “Then if that is true and you did not know what they were why did you mention them to my Mother?”

Another step back and silence, but Snow was pulled forward and her chin lifted. “I’m sorry.”

Regina took a breath and moved her hands to rest on two little shoulders and leaned down to be eye level. “Snow an answer.”

Quietly. “I saw you _with_ her.”

Amber eyes snapped shut. Hard. Then opened. Regina had been careful, so careful whenever she and Daniella had met alone. “That’s not possible.”

“But I did.” Insisting on the truth Snow tried to explain. “In the mirror.”

Dark brows furrowed to a pinching point and Regina straightened up and crossed her arms. Hard to believe what she was hearing, but she knew Snow. And the child in front of her was not lying. “Which mirror was that and how?”

“Mine. In my chamber. Grandmother locked me in my room that first time I’d been caught in the kitchens. You were away and Father was busy and I wanted you so badly. I told her I wanted to speak with you, but she was too angry.” Beginning to sniff over that miserable memory. “I wished for you to come for me and then there you were in the mirror… with Daniella at the stables.”

 _Wish Magic_. Regina had read of such. Uncommon, but not so much in children with the strongest of hearts. Snow certainly possessed such a heart. She knew because her Mother had wanted it so badly when Snow had gotten older. So much so that Cora tried have her own grandchild butchered to get it. Regina swallowed Snow’s truth along with that memory down and nearly choked on what it meant.

“You saw us together.” Confirming the image in the mirror Snow had seen. Getting a nod, Regina asked again. “Why did you tell my Mother about the letters?” Wondering over the child’s logic in the connection that had apparently been made there.

Little lips tightened and a head shook.

Stern. _“Snow.”_

Wilting Snow tried to explain. “I… I thought they might be important.” Twisting a loose curl around in nerves under those firm eyes. “She wanted to know if I noticed anything different with you or anyone around you.” Softer. “I thought I was helping.”

Hurt spoke. “So instead of coming to me you went to her. After everything…” A hand went to Regina’s mouth to cover and she bit her lip hard to keep a sharp comment leashed. Seven years old Snow had been. Nearly eight years old at the time... and such a child again at her feet.

Confused and hurt Snow tried to explain. “But she said you...”

Regina held up her hand for silence and moved away from Snow down the hall. Distance needed for a moment with this new knife in her gut. Down she walked to get the cleaner from the linen closet she hoped would remove the nightmare’s mark from the bed when the bleeding one inside her began to seep through back to the surface. After everything she’d done, everything she sacrificed to protect and—

Queen of present stopped cold at the linen closet, resting her forehead against the door there as the Queen from the past reminded her of what love meant. Her words spoken long ago on the night after the vault to her daughter cut the anger she felt in half…

 

_Regina stood over her daughter’s bed in the castle nursery with the damp rabbit in hand. Snow’s profile barely visible in the moonlight casting shadows between them. Little one’s back was to her and curled tight in a ball under the blankets. Gently she laid the rabbit washed and sweet smelling within easy reach and reached to brush a curl from a tender cheek, but child rolled over away from her reach. The smallest of whimpers was there and in the rawness between them Regina cracked the silent egg open._

_“Snow…” And waited. For nothing._

_Regina sat on the side of the bed then and child recoiled from her to the far side, rabbit pushed to the floor from the movement and seemingly unwanted. Her daughter was hurting and trying as she was she didn’t have the strength to counter the heat separating them physically, but Regina tried again with words. “I know you are angry with me and you have a right to be, but I’m here now if you’d only give me your eyes.”_

_But none came around. Snow only burrowed deeper under the blankets._

_Regina had never intended to leave Snow alone in the stables for long. Once she and Daniella had the horses ready on the servants end she was going to fetch Snow so they could flee together… But none of that mattered now and how to explain when the child knew not of the day she’d had or what had transpired. Now was not the time for talk of escape, or Daniella’s death or her future plans. Regina simply wanted to hold her daughter, but holding herself upright this moment was taking all of her resolve. So she spoke of a different day entirely hoping some of her words would bring comfort her arms could not offer._

_“After your Father and I were married you asked me what love was. Sat right in this room on my knee as I braided your hair. You were so full of questions in those early days.” Recalling the memory fondly as her lungs burned to take a breath. “I need you to remember what I told you Snow.”_

_Movement under the blanket caught her eye. She was not sure Snow remembered being as young as the child had been, but she was hopeful Snow was listening so Regina continued._

_“Real love is magic of the strongest kind. It knows no law or boundaries placed on it. It does not conform to a forced mold or bend a knee to power. It is a spectrum with many different emotions that span it. My love for you is like that. It is why I do what I do.” Reaching a last time to grace her fingers on dark curls Snow sensed her movement and pulled away. Hurt Regina kept on. “Even when I appear cross or indifferent I never feel that in my heart towards you. You are my daughter and I love you even if I cannot always show it the way I desire too.” Voice cracking dry in her throat Regina struggled to catch her breath. She felt broken and hoped she did not sound that way to the ears she hoped were listening…_

 

:::::::::::::::::::::

 

Snow sat up blurry eyed as the stable dream left her mind’s eye and pushed the heavy duvet off her small frame. Clock on nightstand read 10:00 on Saturday and marked three weeks here. And nearly a week since they’d spoken of the stables, though the dream was less intense than it had been since Regina revealed it had been her Grandmother in disguise. Still it left her with unease in their unfinished discussion of it and she wondered what the day would bring.

She was more than over with their dull routine and longed to do something fun, if even for a little bit. Since the discovery of her wet sheets and their talk of the stables Regina had been ever so much more focused on finding a way home. But as each new day passed with nothing for the effort that hope was slowly dimming for both of them.

Sighing Snow got out of bed, made it, and went down stairs in search of the Queen, a ready question on her lips. She found Regina in the Study fully dressed and sipping coffee with books spread on the great desk. Same picture that greeted her most mornings lately. But there was something different this morning. An expression on the Queen’s face she couldn’t place so she tried to get those eyes on her.

“Hi.” Trying the quiet with a tap on the door and slang of the word of greeting in this world, Snow stepped into the room as the Queen looked up.

“Good morning.” Tired smile and removing glasses, Regina ran the tip of the folded frame against her lips in thought as she moved her focus from the page to Snow. “Your breakfast is on the counter.” Banana and bagel easy in her hurry to begin a day of research. When child didn’t move she added. “What is it?”

“I was wondering if we may go out today?”

A patient sigh. “Snow…”

Wilting. “I know you have to keep working, but please Regina I’m bored.” Another new term she found a use for.

A dark brow arched at the little one fully present. “You have a whole room full of toys and books to entertain yourself with.” Explaining as the child came over and sided up next to her chair. That closeness was happening more the last few days. Ever since their less than easy exchange over Snow’s reveal about the letters. They had not spoken if it since, but Regina knew they needed to soon.

“But it’s not the same as doing something amusing.” Fingering the simple gold ring on Regina’s right hand. “With you. Together.”

So that’s what it was and Regina felt herself melt at the fact. Covering Snow’s wandering hand with her free one. “Tell you what. You go have breakfast, get dressed, and play until noon and then I will take a break and we may go for a walk.” So much to keep going through, but she could use a break.

“But I want to go somewhere _now_.” They’d been cooped up for weeks in a fashion.

“I hear that you do, very much.” Regina put back on her glasses as green eyes pleaded. “I need a bit more time to settle my thoughts on this passage.” Tapping the book with the tip of a pencil as another idea came. “Later we will go to the park and maybe even lunch. How does that sound?”

 “Like it is not now. Please and big me would very much like to see Charming again?”

“We may, but later as I have said.” Regina nodded to the door and relented for something she never usually allowed in hope for a smile she thought it might bring. “Go fetch your plate, both hands, and you may eat in here with me meantime.”

Brightening and taking the deal unsaid Snow nodded and all but ran for the kitchen.

“Walk Snow.”

“Sorry!” Full of light and smiles.

And Regina gave one in return as Snow settled across from the Queen at the desk. Snow ate quick and quiet as a bird, nibbling and daydreaming while she did. Shared mind a mix on the hospital and more so on the park and the playground she had wanted to try every time they drove past on the way to town. Cell phone ringing broke her focus and Snow frowned around her last bite of banana as Regina spoke to whomever was on the other line.

“Yes, I’m well aware of the deadline. No I cannot simply drop what I am doing and…” Regina sighed and gave apologetic eyes to Snow. “Fine. Yes… I will be there at 11:00.” Hanging up as green narrowed back. “Snow…”

“But you saaaiid we would already.” Crossing arms, princess slumped in her seat.

“I did and we will still do the things I said, but a bit later.” Council meeting to vote on the new board polices Regina had scheduled for next week now pushed to today in her secretary’s ever incompetent scheduling snafus. Regina marked her place with a pencil and closed the book. “Go ahead and clear your plate. Then get dressed. We need to leave soon.” Pushing back from her desk as Snow pushed the plate in answer, bumping her coffee mug.

“But you said we would go Regina.”

Liquid spilled across carefully taken notes. Regina moved quickly grabbed for tissues on her desk, giving a hard eye to the pouting child as she blotted the mess. Tempted to take away the park in her frustration Regina took a breath instead. “Do as I have asked of you.” And when the child did not move she dropped the mess in hand into the wastebasket and rounded the desk. Leaning to be eye level she tried patience again. “Snow we need to go shortly. Go on upstairs and get ready.”

Snow was quiet save for one lone foot that tapped the desk in front of her. One of her toes popped and she winced, but held her pout. Never in her life before being here had she dared push as she was doing and had been the last few days. She found Regina had much more patience with her here than in the Enchanted Forest and even there it had been a lot by their societal standards. Her chin was lifted up and over.

“I know you are upset about the change of plan. As it is we will still be able to leave Town Hall around noon for lunch and then go to the park. You were going to play until then anyway. Remember?”

Tucking her lower lip back in Snow sat up some. “We will really go?”

“Yes, we will really go. Now get ready please.” Letting go of a chin when the child got up.

Regina watched Snow leave, shaking her head with a small smile as she thought more about their conversation. It was unlike the child in front of her to push buttons and that meant something, but she couldn’t put her finger on what. She nearly jumped out of her skin when a loud thump startled her.

Turning sharply Regina eyed the book on the floor at her feet. Mother’s spell book. The heart jewel flashed once as if answer as she picked it up. Hopeful for another clue she all but turned the book inside out looking for another loose page. Nothing and dimming at the fact Regina tossed it aside on her desk with a huff as she stared at it lost in thought. And it must have been for a period of time for little words spoken several minutes later drew her out of her mind.

“What is the matter?”

Regina looked over to the door and sighed, beckoning the girl over, fingers automatically beginning to weave Snow’s unruly hair into a sleek braid. “I just thought I saw something, is all.” Finishing the tail and tying with the pink ribbon Snow handed over a shoulder. She finally took in what the child was wearing and smiled. Something other than white or pink, save the ribbon. Overalls again, but denim ones and a red sweater. “You have taken quite a liking to pants lately.”

Snow blushed. “I like how I can move in them, but if you do not—”

“They are just fine for today and I like them on you very much.” Assuring Regina patted a shoulder as Snow leaned into her touch. More and more she was able to make little points of contact and child allowed it.

A nose twitched. “I only meant that _before_ you would have been vexed about it.”

Regina turned away, stacking the books that didn’t need stacking. “I would have, but not for the reasons you are thinking.”

“Then why not here, but back home you would have been?”

 _Home._ Regina closed her eyes at the implied meaning from that mouth. “Because your Father and my Mother would have been and then you would have been in trouble with them for the fact if I let something like that go.” And she would have been as well. That truth a double edged sword she never liked the feel of or to wield as she’d needed to for Snow’s protection.

Little Snow mulled that idea over, now following heels into the foyer where her shoes were pointed to, ones with laces she was still learning to tie. Her boots buttoned back home, here most everything tied or zipped or even more fun; snapped. “You did let plenty go though.”

“I did.” Regina sorted her purse and then knelt to help tie a sneaker, glitter ones that lit up Snow had all but lived at school in the last week when they’d been discovered in the back of a closet. Then clarifying. “When I could.” That talk they needed to have, but never was it the time right when Snow was ready. The past was also a hard pill to swallow; it made Regina sick to her stomach each time. That feeling was getting easier to live with, but it still cut her windpipe on the way down each time.

“Why did you let some things go back then?”

That was easy for Regina at least. “Because I cared about you.” But the face so close to hers was not easy after the fact. Questions halted abrupt and Regina felt the tension that had only been skirting the edges around them slap her right in the face. And that little hand nearly did, but her quick one caught Snow’s flying wrist as she stood up to put some distance between them without losing contact. “Don’t you dare, Snow White.” Her serious tone had the desired effect and Snow lost some of the scowl coming her way. “What on earth has gotten into you?” Holding that hand when Snow tried pulling back.

Sniffling and then tears brimmed in Snow’s eyes. “I do not have to answer you.”

Back to this stand off again and unclear on why Regina was done with it. Pointing to a bare corner across the way she directed. “Go stand just there and we will try talking again when you are able to do so civilly.”

“No.” Less strong, but still defiant.

“I am not going to argue with you.” Turning Snow around Regina gave a soft pat to a bottom and one more for good measure a bit firmer when little feet stalled. “Go on.”

Losing steam under the direction Snow moved toward the bare wall. Then as she was bid to, she began thinking and to regret her response. But she was _hurt_ for what was said and the hurt began streaming down her face in a quick burst she could not stop, then out of her mouth as it took over her heart.

Regina felt strings now connecting them pull as the child’s quiet cries filled the room. Unsure if they were for an effect as Snow was sometimes prone to do or in fact real for some reason she was confused on as she waited the full seven minutes. Right when the time mark hit Regina called Snow over and knelt again, pulling out an every ready tissue she had taken to carrying in her pocket for just such a reason. Now she held it to a runny nose.

“Blow.”

And Snow did and let the one she had tried to push away wipe her face.

“Now talk to me. What was that about?”

Silence.

“Answer me Snow.”

“Yooou…” Her fists clenched in hurt over what Snow thought might be changing. “I thought… I—You said _cared_.”

Regina dropped her head and just as quickly raised it again, level with green eyes seeking understanding. “I did not mean the past tense form of the word right now, Snow.”

More sniffling and a nose was wiped again. “Really?” Hopeful.

Nodding. “I do _care_ about you. I have always l…” Something violent blurred at the corners of the room just outside of Regina’s vision and her eyes darted right following it. The faintest hint of a black silhouette… Blinking rapidly, she lost the image. An undertone of déjà vu shot through shaking her core. Unsettled and feeling like she saw a ghost she quickly finished tying Snow’s other shoe and stood back up. And needed to move. Move away from…

“Regina?” Snow was puzzled by the Queen’s quiet discontent she could easily sense.

“It’s alright.” Covering and getting her purse Regina guided Snow by the shoulder towards the door. “We need to get going. Fetch your coat.”

 

:::::::::::::::::

 

“But what is _it_?”  Little Snow stared at the triangle on her plate in the diner. Trying to make sense of the thing on her plate and of the memories of her big side eating it.

Regina paused over her salad, arching both brows. “It’s pizza. All children like pizza.” Henry had told her as much once and this was the most _Snow friendly_ thing on it. Basic components of bread, cheese, and tomato sauce would sit well with the girl’s stomach and the side of herb chicken she had also ordered, waited to be consumed. “Just try it.”

Not wanting to be rude, especially after her unjust upset earlier Snow took a tiny bite and chewed. Then her eyes, round as saucers, grew bright. “It _is_ good!” Another bite, this time bigger and she began to consume her meal.

Wiping her mouth on napkin, Regina hid a smile. It was progress on introducing the sensitive stomach to foods of this world and she was glad there was now an option for when they came to Granny’s. Regina lowered the napkin and looked about the room taking it in. The people in it were certainly _pre-_ curse Storybrooke, miserable and as wanting of a happy ending as she is, but _was_ she really? Unhappy without her son most certainly, without control of the situation too, but as she was with Snow, maybe not as much as she thought originally. Casting her gaze on the child now watching her Regina went back to her meal. Maybe…

“I said may we go to the park now and then the hospital to visit Charming? Big me wants to see him.”

Stirred from her thoughts Regina nodded and readily took the check with an un-approving eye at the amount of leg Red riding hood was sporting today when the waitress dropped it off.

“Why does she dress like that?” Little Snow sipped her milk liking the way the paper straw made the last bit slurp.

“It is a free country.” Another Henry-ism. Comfort in her missing of him and before Regina could clarify Snow jumped on it.

“Does that mean I may go without shoes?” Loving the look of the ones she was in, but that were hard and clunkier than she was used to. She longed to be rid of all of them entirely.

“No it does not.” Then seeing what was left on a plate, Regina commented. “You’ve hardly touched your chicken. Three bites and then we may leave.” Glad when Snow obeyed.

After chewing. “Is that because you said so about shoes or because it’s a rule of the land?”

“Both.” Gently tapping a nose across the table got a small smile she enjoyed seeing. Then unable to help herself. “And do not speak with your mouth full.” Regina slipped cash into the bill fold. It was a rule for where they were at anyway and with Snow testing rules at every turn she did not want any more cuts on feet like their first day here. That felt like ages ago now, but had only been three weeks.

“Yes R—” Then remembering their talk of names in public. “Sorry.”

“Good catch.”

Standing when Snow did and was surprised the child took up her hand instead of the other way around. She squeezed one in acknowledgment and led them out of the diner. The park was close and the weather a crisp fall day. Cooped up for as long as they had been, it felt good to stretch her legs. Everyone they passed said hello or offered a tip of a chin in greeting and Regina realized how much she missed that simple courtesy since the original curse broke. Since it had she had felt as if she was right back under the tyranny that was the Enchanted Forest. Everyone hated her, including the child that was hers for now, once again.

But that was changing.

Regina’s heels paused as the same shadow she had seen in the mansion caught the corner of her eye again. Pausing so she didn’t lose it, it faded in the distance before she could make out what it was. Snow tugged her hand and she closed her eyes to focus.

Then the shadow broke her mind apart; the doors, the chills, the items moving and dropping of their own accord in the mansion hit her like a bat out of hell. And damn that bat splitting her chest wide open. Cracking hard right between her ribs and the power behind who was swinging nearly sank Regina to her knees. Burning, something was burning her hand and she realized it was the unrelenting grip Snow had on her. Then in the past and as the child did now. Regina swallowed nausea away. Or was trying to as it pooled in the back of her throat.

“Are you ill?” Little Snow asked in wonder of the odd display of posture and sudden range of emotion on the Queen’s face. Regina was always so controlled, and lack of control frightened her.

“Of a sort.” Agreeing with the word but not how Snow was thinking it. Then firm. “I’m fine.” She wasn’t. Regina was anything but that word. Though for little one who was looking at her with such concern and fear she could not say so. Straightening and continuing to walk. Quicker to the park as she had promised when all she wanted to do was run from this chilly feeling pricking in chase at her skin.

“May I try the swing?”

“Yes, of course.” Quicker Queen moved away from what she had seen, but not the feelings. Regina felt the talons of hell clawing her back.

They were being watched.

And Regina knew the eyes of the dead saw much more than the living ever could…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Thoughts?
> 
> I have to work Saturday so there will not be an update this week then. More Tuesday 1/15.
> 
> Next time: Regina faces the shadow one on one. Little Snow tries to mend what is broken with unexpected results. Regina and Snow relive a past day in their present reality.


	10. Ghosts of Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ghosts don’t haunt us. That’s not how it works. They’re present among us because we won’t let go of them.”
> 
> – Sue Grafton -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Originally this was meant to be a double chapter, but after editing I felt the first part of it deserved its own space. Angst and feels ahead. Chapter picks up the same day as the previous one.

Later that night after Snow was tucked into bed, the hour grew close to the thin death of the midnight hour Regina had been waiting for. Deemed the witching time, it was the perfect opportunity to talk to one specifically across the veils between life and death. Necessary Regina had decided in order to protect her and the little one sleeping down the hall.

Magic was clearly present in town with the shadow lurking and unable to tap her own at the moment; she would wield the other weapon she had. Not sure if it would work. Her idea. The weapon. Any of it, but Regina needed to do something. Had done nothing since being here to get them closer to leaving. Perhaps not nothing, but now for sure she could do this one thing.

Sure fingers gripped the handle of a metal bat, one Graham had taught her to use when she had been less than sure of learning how to work the gun on his hip and of one in the house where her young son had slept. Her first few years in the curse town of Storybrooke decades ago Regina had felt a vulnerability she could not tolerate of being unable to defend herself with the loss of her magic in this land. She took classes in self defense and used the resources at her disposal to gain other such skills.

Her throat worked thinking of Graham. They had been friends here and he easily offered her companionship in the years before her son had come into her life. He had no memory of the Enchanted Forest and before the dark curse was cast she’d been able to make sure he was taken care of. Almost happy even to live his life openly. He and Snow she’d had just enough time to alter their fates, but not much time and not as many changes as she’d wanted to before the dark curse clouds swept them all away… After Mother had stolen her heart and she was no longer in control of her actions and words he had protected Snow in a moment when she could not.

Regina cringed at the memory and clutched the bat tighter as it washed violently through her. Mother had forced her to order Snow’s heart in a gold box on the morning before the Princess’ 18th birthday. Regina had been ruling as Queen Regent in Snow’s stead until that day and child turned woman was the rightful ruler but had yet to still claim that title until marriage. By then her relationship with Snow was beyond broken.

Mother had whispered words into her heart that had come from Regina’s numb lips in the form of orders to Graham to take Snow for a walk in the woods. To pick wild flowers as the Princess was so fond of doing. There he was to kill Snow and return with that strong heart in a box for Mother’s use. He had known of Cora’s manipulations and knew what to do when that order was spoken upon compulsion.

Graham had escaped Cora’s wrath that day, but she had not when the heart of a stag had been discovered in that gold box instead of her daughter’s. After the dark curse and Cora’s surprise visit to Storybrooke decades later her Mother had gotten hands on Graham’s sweet protective nature and twisted it into something to be used to further drive a wedge between her and Snow through Emma. After using him, Mother had silenced him. For good. Now all she had left of her childhood friend, her bother in rebellion, were his words of encouragement from their training sessions in her mind.

 

_‘Go for the collarbone, head, or knees. You want to disable your attacker, especially if they have a weapon. One hand over the other Regina and always keep swinging.’_

Always she’d promised and now it was here to fill. Regina stood at the top of the staircase, looking down into the dark foyer of the mansion as her fingers shifted and tightened around the grip of the bat in the exact manner he had taught her. Clock ticking and the chime announcing midnight set her teeth on edge. Regina began descending, moving the bat up to her shoulder and ready to swing.

Calling for who she suspected the shadow to be. “Mother?” And again when the air grew cooler than should be possible for the anxious heat running off her body. “I know it’s you.” The black chill haunting Regina the last several weeks had finally registered when she and Snow had been walking to the park earlier that day. All the things falling, or doors closing by themselves and the pull of the spell book now made sense. The flash of blue eyes too in the bathroom mirror a few weeks ago had also been a sign.

A creak answered.

The hair on the back of her arms stood to attention. Regina fought off a shiver as the temperature further dropped. Then with an edge, she countered. “I didn’t know hell had air conditioning. You must be racking up quite the utility bill.”

She jerked back when she felt a brush of something, ice on her cheek, and then it was gone again. First touch aside from the one Mother gave right before death that held no physical pain. Gaining confidence Regina tried again, baiting for a response. “Show yourself and let’s end this witch to bitch. I’m more than done with your games.”

Then that icy hand was back and firm as living flesh around her throat. Regina gasped and moved sharp to deflect the touch. The bat connected but brief to diffuse the arm to black smoke reaching from nothing but thin air. Chilly glove materialized anew squeezing her throat once in warning or maybe it was more of an old habit, then it faded entirely.

A pair of blue eyes materialized in front of Regina to float where a face should be. All knowing. Cruel and calculating they had been in life. Dead they were deep wells of heavy murk hiding emotion like the mysterious water of the river Styx. On instinct Regina swung at them and right through the bat went. The eyes of an unforgiving cold hell were right back on her again. Stepping back Regina kept the fear from her voice when her heart was a machine gun against bone.

Sharp. “Where is _my_ son?” First need spilling only had the floating eyes blinking within the black transparent silhouette of her Mother’s prior life form. Regina narrowed hers in return, suddenly understanding and her shoulders dropped. Sarcastic in disappointment. “With all the Halloween party tricks you can’t even speak, can you?”

Those eyes blinked once.

A no then. “Is Henry safe at least?”

Two blinks from blue eyes for yes.

Regina shook her head and fired more questions in growing need. “Are we back in time? Or is this some frozen pocket between worlds?” Asking on her theory then rubbing her head remembering they were on a warped version of Morse Code for the dead.

One and then two blinks in response to each question.

Muttering. “As if I can trust you anyway…” Then strong. “Every word from your mouth to me has been a lie.” Regina sighed at the current irony of that statement and set the bat aside to lean against the wall in favor of crossing her arms. “You did this. Put us here somehow.”

Not a question, but the eyes blinked affirmative twice anyway.

Regina sighed with growing frustration. “I found your note, but then you must know that.”

Twice more those eyes closed.

Done with twenty blinking questions, Regina got as close as she dared to the pair of eyes she used to shake under. Now her hands were balled fists at her sides and she wished there was flesh to punch in front of her.

“Your last words to me… I believed you, actually believed _you_ could love me once you had your heart back.” Then irate as Regina’s eyes began to sting. “I want to go home to my son.”

As much Henry hated her right now at least that hate was real. He was _real_. And his hate was much closer to something Regina could live with, understand and work through to help him see the truth. Within this twisted do over with a Snow from the past mixed with the present she felt out of control. Now she stood here facing what was quickly becoming clear as her only answer of how to get home, she became enraged that her Mother couldn’t or wouldn’t talk. Cora’s vision didn’t waver either and it only fueled Regina’s upset.

Tears fell. In the rawness of them Regina broke the chain on the carefully kept leash she had held tight her whole life when speaking to her Mother. She bit right through the maternal chain. “You could never let me be. Let me have my happiness.” Voice rising, she felt the fire in her blood as fuel. “Henry was supposed to be my second chance. One damn thing of my _own_ and you had you go and destroy his faith in me. Kill Graham, Daddy, and Daniella and turn everyone in this town against me again! My daughter—you poisoned my daughter against me, tried to kill my baby—” As rage boiled over Regina covered her mouth with the back of her hand as the other crossed her stomach to keep from being sick. She dropped both. “I _hate_ you.” Spitting black words as her hands shook. Hot tears streamed and she felt herself breaking apart all over again. “I hate **you** so much for my life!” Then Mother’s eyes did something Regina had never before seen. Something she would never forget.

One tear welled and fell.

Decades of heartless interaction washed away into the river of silence between them as Mother’s eyes faded. Gone away into the quiet darkness of death as Regina had wished them to be in life long ago.

 

::::::::::::::::::::

 

A stiff scotch did nothing to soothe Regina’s nerves and two only numbed her stomach against the knife twisting there. Red and raw, her eyes hurt. Locked in her Study since the midnight meeting Regina paced and thought, wore a circle on the rug to nowhere certain in front of a roaring fire chasing the chill of night away. Pausing she leaned heavily on the mantel, fingering the gold frame of a raven print above as she studied the ink sketch.

At one point in her life she would have given anything for a pair of wings like that. A feathered choice to be anchored in the gravity of earth or soar on limitless air. To fly away in the void of blue sky with nothing all around her but sweet open wind.

Freedom.

Her Mother had promised that and much more right before the dark curse was cast. But it had all been a twist of tongue from that mouth. Mother had forced her. Forced her hand right into the chest of one of the people she loved most. Mother had been unclear in that command of asking price. And the choice was hers, but not hers.

And Regina had chosen.

That moment of the choice that was not a choice. Should never have been hers to make was forever imprinted to the memory of her skin and heart. For a _moment_ Regina let it sweep her away for another moment under those loving eyes full of understanding; a love like a light in the darkness…

 

 

_“What did your Mother say?”_

_Regina closed her eyes as she paced the length of her chamber and back again. Heels clicking sharply on stone as arctic as she was. Cold her heart had become against feeling thanks to the title from her Father’s lips._

_But not quite cold in full yet._

_Some warmth remained. Like when he looked at her just as he was looking at her now. That gave Regina’s feet pause. An echo of a heartbeat she used to have whispered against her rib cage to be heard._

‘Listen,’ _it said._ ‘There is another way.’

_Though, Regina knew the price Mother demanded and both options were too great in the telling to even consider paying._

_But she had no choice._

_“Sweetheart?” Her Father tried again._

_“Don’t call me that.” Regina cringed at how she sounded. Words fell like hail beating a frozen river bed._

_He gave a bow of deference and loyalty. One too filled with concern and love. “Please daughter.” Then softer still. “What did she say Regina?”_

_Resolute. “I have to cut out the heart of one of the things I love most.”_

_“Snow.”_

_Red lips parted as Regina’s eyes closed. How well he knew her. Always had since she was a child seeking his light. Like a wee moth to a flame she’d followed his flicker in the darkness surrounding them that was her Mother. Regina turned to face him. Her eyes said the unspeakable; her rage and sorrow, love and asking when her mouth could not give him any other reason. “Daddy I don’t know what to do.” Affection from childhood slipping from the smallest of her stored reserve of warmth she had left to call her own in her heart’s absence._

_For him._

_“My dear.” He stepped forward, palms up and open to her. Always open and oh so dear in the giving. “You don’t have to do this.”_

_“I have to do something.” Regina moved past his touch. It would crush her into action; dissolve what little power she had left as she fought an internal war. “I don’t have much control left.” Shaking now with the tension of the tether from Mother’s compulsion spell. An invisible chain on her ankle began drawing her legs toward the door of her chamber, but she fought it. If she let go this moment they would materialize in a puff of smoke to a castle across the land. To the bedroom where her pregnant daughter slept with the Prince Charming. And Snow would no longer sleep in this life once that strong heart was clutched in her grip. “Mother’s power is eating me alive.” Gasping as teeth of pain began eating at either side of her temples. “I can’t stop it.”_

_Her Father took a step forward. “If the price is your daughter’s life, then her child’s—”_

_“I know!” And Regina’s rage slipped the leash; one of few feelings that were her own. Fist slammed against the stone wall, cutting her knuckles to bleed in his silence. “I **know** the price Daddy.” Then straining as the cords in her neck went taut with the pull of dark magic as her own powers battled against it. Time was waning. Slipping, like the dead dust of a heart through Mother’s palm that would soon be hers if she resisted much longer. Then nothing could be done._

_For Snow, the baby, Father… For anyone._

_“I just want you to be happy, but Regina you have to fight.”_

_“I am.” Thick and certain of everything she’d sacrificed for years on end. To protect Snow. Her Father. The Kingdom’s people. But the dark voice commanding her to task was unwavering. “Daddy I am.” Struggling again as another whip of heat make her muscles seize in pain. The longer she fought a compulsion the more it hurt. The room flashed white with blazing ache. Regina doubled over, hands on her knees as she struggled to breathe. To explain, to fight, to… A tear slipped loose her Mother’s control and fell down against her cheek._

_Her Father approached and for the first time in ever so long she was held by the man she adored. He drew her up in his arms. He who had protected her as much as he’d been able. The man of tender heart and soft resolve this world was not meant for. Mother’s unrelenting words of command chewed her insides to act. Regina embraced him in return, drawing him tight against her for any sense of grounding._

_He spoke so sure and Regina clung to the hope in his wish for her. “You can be happy my child. Of this I am sure. One day, somehow, some way you will find your happiness just waiting for you.” Tighter he held her. “There is another way.”_

_“But how can I?” Find happiness. Freedom. Hope when the darkness was crushing her from the inside out. Salt burned like hell fire from the cut corners of her eyes. Regina winced as he pulled back and his gloves cupped her cheeks. His thumbs cleared the teary path of despair away in a clear answer of what to do. And she mourned. “It’s not fair. Not right and I—” Another sharp pulling deep in her core made Regina take a step back from him as her magic tingled beneath her skin to signal a transportation spell rising. Then another step and another, but he moved with her halting them both in place._

_He anchored her. “I love you Regina.” And Daddy became another name for love. His love was everything._

_Queen’s hand moved then by a cruel mistress’ string. Hovered and reflected in his accepting eyes between the dark forever question of sacrifice; Father or daughter. Which life; the impossible choice._

_And the choice to save her daughter’s life was a daughter’s sacrifice._

_Regina paid dearly._

_As her hand plunged through cloth and skin. Then through the bone and blood of her blood and bone. Regina cradled her Father’s head against her shoulder. Felt his cold shock followed by the warm balm of acceptance and understanding only he could give her; would never ask for and could not in her current state. Her Father wilted in her arms and fell to the floor as she went with him to guide his transition in the final moments of life. He was a plucked flower too tender for the iron earth of this world, one his roots struggled to find a home in._

_Dead._

_Her Father was dead._

_“I’m sorry.” Breaking in half of impossibility possible Regina cradled his still heart in her hands and his head in her lap as Mother’s cackle beat against the inside of her skull._

_“I’m sorry Daddy.”_

 

So sorry and had never forgiven herself. Regina leaned heavy against the mantel of the fireplace in her Study as she took a deep breath and another as the room returned to focus. His love ended in sacrifice. For her. For her daughter and one she would never forget or take in vain. She had to fight. Here as she had then to find the happiness her Father gave his life for her to have.

A thinker and action driven Regina had always been and here in this new curse she had only been able to think. It was time to _do_ something, but what was yet unclear. A spark of something once impossible crossed her mind. Or maybe it wasn’t and she just hadn’t thought the answer to getting home and back to her happiness, to Henry, and maybe to more she had thought lost may actually be this simple. Leaving the Study she ventured upstairs.

Her one way discussion with Cora had opened her eyes some to what she needed to do and what she had control over in this life, not much, but it was _something_. Henry safe, at least Regina hoped and with Miss Swan—Emma, eased her mind.

And Regina eased through the crack of the door into Snow’s room. It had become that in her mind this moment. No longer Henry’s. One child hidden away from her in space and time and her other one once thought lost rested in this room.

This little girl… _Her_ little girl. Stroking Snow’s hair Regina whispered. “You are in need of mothering… and badly.” Sighing she moved to stroke a cheek. She had no idea how long they would be here, but while here she could do one thing. Snow, both child and adult, would fight her, but… “And I will start doing better at being one to you.” Bending to kiss a cheek, her lips lingered on this promise she could keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Thoughts?  
> More Saturday.
> 
> Next time: Little Snow tries to mend the past with unexpected results. Regina and Snow relive a day of their past in their present. Guesses on which one?


	11. Déjà Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That feeling you have already done that… been there… Pay special attention. Maybe there is a lesson or meaning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Happy Saturday! This chapter is a mix of fluff, feels and a little angst. Progress between our ladies. Enjoy.

One month.

They had been here one long month. Regina’s calendar pinned to the inside of the kitchen pantry door said so. She had also not seen Mother’s ghost in a week. No hints of haunting had happened either and she was also no closer to revisiting the memory of the stables she still needed to talk about with Snow. Less and less big Snow was present the last few days. Little one had seemed to settle in and had fully taken over, but child still spoke for the adult side often. Like now.

“But _she_ is asking why not and so I would like to know too Regina.”

Queen took out the bread and closed the pantry door of the, returning to the counter to begin fixing Snow’s lunch for school. Monday’s were usually busy at Town Hall and keeping up with her normal amount of work, looking after Snow, and the house was beginning to catch up to her on top of the last week of nights waiting for Mother to make another midnight appearance. With the lack of haunting and of sleep Regina was beginning to regret telling Mother off, but only just.

“Regina?”

“Snow, I’ve told you already. Seven year olds cannot volunteer at the hospital. There is no program or supervision for it.” Stacking cheese and chicken on bread and cutting it in half to bag. “We may continue visiting if it suits you, but the latter is not an option.” Reminding kindly of the prior talk they’d had on this issue.

Thinking as she stirred circles in her oatmeal with fruit, Snow pondered further aloud. “You are the Queen here though. I mean the May-or. May you make a new program?” Some words were still strange to her. “And what about horseback riding? You said you said you would take me.”

Sighing, Regina added some grapes and a thermos of milk to Snow’s pink lunch bag. “We shall see on the program and I said no such thing about riding just yet.” Remembering that conversation, short as it was, clearly. “I do not ride anymore and there has not been time lately. I will look into it though, as I’ve said.” Truth and an excuse for a topic hard to discuss this moment and both did not sit well with the girl staring back.

Back in the Enchanted Forest Regina had turned over the Snow’s lessons to a hired riding master of her choosing after Daniella’s death. She’d supervised some of the lessons, but had not ridden herself since. Snow had been obsessed with wanting the riding lessons used to the last few weeks and Regina was not in a place to accommodate yet. Not when stitches long closed had been ripped open again so suddenly.

“Why though?” Snow asked. Wincing when a kitchen drawer closed firmly, rattling silverware within.

“I am not ready to discuss it yet. We will, but not right now.” Matter of fact. Regina closed the lunch pouch with a patient breath. “Put this in your backpack please and go brush your teeth. It is nearly time to go.”

Child frowned, but one pointed look had her scooting out of the room to do as asked, but Snow returned a few minutes later just as Regina was finishing cleaning up the breakfast dishes. “I was wondering something.” Snow began and waited until she had the Queen’s attention. “Are you still going to the cemetery today?”

“I am.” Regina answered quietly folding the dish towel neatly by the sink. She was planning on stopping by the florist on the way to work to pay respects at her Father’s grave. A missed routine since being here she needed to do for herself. For the first time she was also planning to see her Mother’s. A brow rose when Snow slid over a single folded note. “What’s this?”

“Will you give it to Grandfather for me please?” Little Snow asked with a nod to the note. Her adult side had never gotten the chance to pay a visit Henry Senior’s grave. In her limited interactions with him she remembered as a child in the Enchanted Forest, he’d always been kind to her. Regina seemed to be considering her request and so she added more slowly, “I’m still writing the other one for….” A shrug as the child bit her lip. Her Grandmother was another matter entirely and she was still processing that death in her young mind as the adult side was in another way completely.

Regina’s eyes misted at the sweet gesture and she cleared her throat as she took the note. “I will.” Child turned to go and Regina reached out catching Snow by the shoulder. “Perhaps we may visit him together next time and you may tell him what you wish in person.”

A little grin. “I’d like that.” Snow allowed herself to be drawn into a hug, returning the affection that had been more and more as of late. Something seemed to have shifted in Regina and child was still trying to figure out what. When these quiet moments came she treasured them, but still her two minds crossed over them. “I need to brush my teeth still.” An excuse to move away when her confusion over the attention became too great from the adult her mind was currently battling with.

“Of course.” Regina gave one more gentle rub to a back and let go, watching as Snow disappeared around the corner. The child’s note warm in her hand and heart.

Regina’s cell phone beeped with a calendar notification startling her out of her thoughts. Skimming the feed she sighed. Parent teacher conferences were this afternoon and Snow’s right at the end of the school day. That would mean making her last meeting of the day at 4:00 tight and she wondered if she should reschedule. Getting the child into the way of doing homework had been its own battle in the beginning, but bright as Snow was a routine had been developed. She checked it occasionally, but not every day and when she did it was always well done and complete. Expecting a quick and good report from the teacher, Regina decided not to move the meeting and went to get her things.

 

:::::::::::::::::::

 

Regina placed the bouquet of lilies on her Father’s coffin. Running her hand along the length of the side, her fingers rested over his name as her eyes closed. Such a tender soul he’d had and a gentle manner. Opening them she reached into her black pea coat pocket and pulled out the folded paper Snow had given her earlier that morning. She took a moment to read the childish scrawl of formal words from another world on the outside before placing the letter under one of the lilies:

 

_To my Grandfather._

_With Great Affection,_

_Snow White_

“Snow asked me to give this to you.” Regina began, tracing the letter’s of his name on the gold plaque. “She was quite adamant that I not read the letter.” Smiling fondly over the little one’s insistence of privacy kept and not bothered in the least at the request. “She is very much still the inquisitive, bright, and impulsive little girl we both knew.”

Thinking back on the few times they had all had a private opportunity in the past to enjoy this world’s version of ‘hanging out’ without Mother or the King to impose upon them. Regina walked the length of the coffin, doing what she always did each week as her thoughts lingered and wiped the dust away with a small cloth she kept on the shelf. Dead flowers in hand from last week she stood quietly for a moment gazing at the note as a memory from the past swept her mind away.

 

 

_It was a rare night when her Mother was on an overnight errand of some magical nature away from the Castle and the King was busy entertaining visiting nobles from a neighboring kingdom in his chamber. Her Father was visiting from her home estate for the Yuletide holiday next week and Regina planned a quiet evening to maximize their rare time together. A small informal dinner was had in her chamber with him and Snow. After, they settled in front of a roaring hearth simply enjoying each other’s quiet company._

_Her Father was reclining in such a way that her Mother would scoff at with his boots propped up carelessly on a curio table. He was reading a book and sipping a red current wine they both shared a fondness for. She perched in the winged chair next to him in a similarly relaxed state. Snow was a different story. Six year old Princess, while under two pairs of soft eyes in the comfort and safety of her private library, lay belly first on a bear rug with a book in hand. Slippers cast aside for two stocking covered feet to sway back and forth. Snow hummed quietly while stroking the head of the bear in a carefree manner._

_Regina smiled at the sight and returned eyes to her mending of Mr. Thumper’s torn ear that had mysteriously become detached that afternoon in play Snow had not elaborated on. Some imaginative adventure Regina was sure the little one should not have been partaking in, but she could not bring herself to worry over it. Mother away and King occupied they had a wonderful day just being with each other in an easy way. Snow’s sigh brought her eyes up to the child’s toes drumming on the rug softly a little too close to the grate of the hearth._

_“Be careful Snow.” Regina began when two green questions came her way. “Mind your skirts and the fire.”_

_“Oh, thank you.” Snow got up and came to stand by the arm of her chair with the book in hand. “What’s this word Mother?”_

_Setting the rabbit down for a moment, Regina took the book to look at the word Snow was pointing at. “Mourn. It means to grieve a loss of some kind.” Noting the struggle on Snow’s face as the girl quietly sounded out the word. Doing it twice more before it came out right. “I’m nearly finished with Mr. Thumper and we may have a special treat before bed tonight if you would like.” Smile blooming as Snow leaned into her shoulder and little feet began to bounce happily._

_“You will read to me then?”_

_“Yes, though you need to entertain yourself for a bit longer until I’m through here.” Regina indicated the rabbit half stitched and handed the book back to Snow._

_Snow began to move back toward the rug, seemingly agreeable to the idea. “I’ll look at the pictures then.”_

_Regina saw her Father watching them closely and he pointed to the stallion embossed on the leather cover in Snow’s hand. “That is a wonderful book.” He began telling Snow. “Your Mother was fond of it when she was your age.”_

_Smiling at him, Snow went over to show him the book and asked. “Did Grandmother ever read to Mother as a little girl?”_

_Regina winced at the question as her Father glanced her way over Snow’s shoulder. He answered. “No, but I did. Would you like me to read a few pages until your Mother is finished?”_

_Little Princess grinned easily and slipped down to sit on the fur rug again at the man’s feet to listen. “Oh yes please!”_

_Regina watched two of her favorite people fondly from a new perspective; a reverse mirror into a private memory of her childhood past. She’d loved the times her Father used to slip into her chamber when she was a child to read with her at night. Often when her Mother was away they could have that exceptional time together. Seeing Daddy with Snow in a similar state warmed her heart and Regina hoped there would be more special moments like this between all of them to come._

 

Regina settled back into the present as the past left her wanting for more of that soft unguarded moment she fondly remembered. Rare as they were at the time, she could recall each one vividly. As the coldness of the mausoleum registered with lack of life but her own Regina fingered the lone red rose in her hand opposite the dead lilies.

 Red it was like the blood spilled by her Mother’s hand in life and red like the blood she wished they did not share. Carefully she moved to push her Father’s coffin aside and descended the stairs into her vault for the second reason of her visit today. As she moved underground through the passageways she thought about the complexity of their relationship or lack thereof. So many layers, lies, hurt, and anger between them. Of all her past demons Mother was the Queen of them.

Under that weight of rule Regina gripped the rose tightly as she came to stand next to the copper colored marble her Mother lay within. So much to say and not at the same moment and so, Regina said nothing. She brought the rose to her lips in a quiet kiss she used to long to have reason to lay on a cheek in life and she wondered if her Mother was watching her now.

Regina laid the rose to rest on top of the coffin when her spirit and the one of her Mother was in anything but such a state. She didn’t know how to grieve this death. Some days she felt too much. Others nothing at all. She traced her Mother’s name as she had her Father’s almost in hope of an answer. Such a cold hard woman lay entombed by the twin of hard cold stone.

 But her Mother had not always been that way.

She remembered asking her Father how Mother had become cruel. He’d blamed Rumpelstiltskin and magic of course. But before that. Before Regina had been born and many years before her Mother had once been a child and she wondered what that experience had been like for Cora. Regina had read enough self help books during the 28 years of the first curse to learn a thing or two about the cycle of abuse.

At one point in time her Mother had been a babe in arms. Someone’s little girl before knowing the lure of power and darkness. And in that moment Regina began grieving one thing. She grieved the little girl lost her Mother had once been as she had been and in a way Snow was too. Three generations of girls suffering. The cycle of abuse broken with Regina and ceasing entirely with Snow and Emma.

They were like broken pieces of the same heart searching for wholeness promised in connection. And Regina as the seam between generations knew most of all the wounds of the maternal heart and the scars that forever linger on the mind when the ones on the body fade away in time.

 

::::::::::::::::

 

Snow stood at the main gate of the Storybrooke Stables catching her breath. Hands rested on her knees from her quick sprint all the way from the school. All students had been given an extra recess at the end of the day so that teachers could prepare for conferences that afternoon with parents. With so many kids on the playground it had been easy for her to slip away unnoticed. Getting here had been just as simple. The Benz had driven by the stables enough times in the last month to school for her to know the route by heart.

“Snow?” A strangely familiar gruff voice.

Spinning around startled, Snow’s hand flew to her chest and she took a step back. Then recognition. “Master Jefferys.”

“Who?” Older gentleman took a step closer looking around the area.

Snow hesitated, little mind crossing with her adult’s for this man’s name here. “Mr. Jettson. Sorry.” He looked the same. Black hair graying at the temples. Riding britches, coat and cap. The royal stable master and her former teacher not in uniform. Then realizing her name had been said. “You remember me, sir?”

The middle aged man took off his hat and scratched his head. “Everyone knows the Mayor’s daughter. Where is she by the way? You shouldn’t be here on your own.”

Snow’s boots shifted in gravel at being referred to as such. Sheepish, but sure sounding. “I’m waiting for her. She’ll be here soon.” Snow wasn’t stupid to think that Regina wouldn’t find out her whereabouts and she hoped that when the Queen found her and saw the stables and horses that something… Maybe something would change. That had been about as far in her thinking as she had gotten. “I shall just wait for her on that bench then.” Moving to the stone one under a colorful tree across from the stable doors.

“You do that.” He nodded. “Stay out of the stables while you wait alright?”

Nodding with her fingers crossed Snow agreed readily and waited until he left to go back inside his office. Then she bolted toward the stables. Also, too there was a certain someone she was looking for. If this was indeed the original Storybrooke curse, or like it, then the occupants of the Enchanted Forest would be here. All of them in some form. She hoped she was right. She was also hoping that presence would jar some good memories for Regina. Enough to convince the Queen to allow her lessons again while they were here.

Snow pushed hard on the heavy wood door and looked about the dim shadows. She could see the dust dancing through beams sunlight filtering through. Sweet hay filled her nose and musk of horse. Eyes skimming each stall and there she was. Beaming, her boots darted over to the half door where a white nose hung over and Snow wrapped arms around WinterStar’s neck. Horse sniffed and nipped her with lips and neighed shaking a great head.

“Sweet girl. My sweet girl I knew you were here.”

Childhood steed in the flesh brought a rush of memories back, too many of them and in them she hugged that white neck once more…

 

 

_“Lift your chin and straighten your back, your highness.”_

_Snow heeded the those words and mimicked her teacher’s actions as she sat side saddle on WinterStar’s back cantering in a circle as Master Jefferys looked on. Today was a review about form for the upcoming summer parade she was expected to ride in next week behind her parent’s horses. She was looking forward to the change in season and the festivities._

_“And wave.” He prompted._

_Snow gracefully brought her hand up to do so in the carefully cupped manner she’d been taught when a sharp tsking cut the air at her gesture. She cringed readily under the well known noise as her Grandmother approached from within the stables on horseback. Regal bearing in such a manner that evoked authority not to be taken lightly nor ever crossed. Great skirts draped sharply like frozen dark water over one side of a midnight colored horse. Sapphire jeweled bridle flashed harshly in the sunlight as her Grandmother’s eyes did._

_“Where are your gloves Snow White.” Cora’s tone more than scolding as the dark horse drew up n sharp contrast alongside WinterStar’s white hide._

_The pony stepped back and her Grandmother’s horse moved with it. Close as the woman was always made Snow’s stomach cramp. She swallowed thickly and dipped her chin in deference searching for an acceptable answer, slowly bringing her eyes up as her mouth opened. Then they lifted more over her Grandmother’s shoulder seeing a pair of boots most unexpected move to join toward them from the stable gate a ways away. Regina approached with purpose, holding ruby skirts aloft the grassy path with something small and white in hand._

_Snow missed the accepting softness looking at her now from amber eyes in the weeks since things had changed between them. Hurt and feelings of betrayal she could not begin to make sense of on her own formed in her gut; the wall growing ever taller between them. Snow watched Regina watching her. Queen owned such a beauty in poise she hoped to one day own for herself along with a quiet strength that seemed to belong to Regina alone._

_Then her attention snapped back to the blue eyes unyielding on her. “I—” Snow began to explain what she could not and readily gave pause when her Grandmother reached for her hand, turning it palm up._

_Tender skin was examined and Snow rolled her lips in as the dirt under her nails was noted. Displeasing sharp eyes were on her now and Snow faltered as both her hands were yanked forward by her Grandmother. The black leather of reins was raised and whipped a burn across her palms. Face reddened under the public rebuke as a white hot stripe turned into a raised welt on her flesh. She cried out, which only seemed to anger the dark woman before her further. Reins were raised again. Snow closed her eyes tight as her teeth held her lip in place._

_“ **Mother.”** Regina called. Just as sharp from a red mouth now near and a voice Snow was suddenly grateful for as tears welled in her eyes. _

_The second blow did not come and Snow breathed through the throbbing pain of the first as Regina came to stand alongside her horse. Right between both white and black mares. WinterStar’s reins were taken as directions were given by Regina to the riding master to help her dismount. When Snow’s feet hit the ground she stepped several feet back behind Regina as she clutched her hand to chest as the two women simply looked at each other._

_“Have it you way then, but mark my words she will never learn if you insist on such cosseting.” Her Grandmother affirmed and then gave the horse a good nudge. “I will meet you there Regina.”_

_And for a reason Snow was unsure of Regina nodded once. Grandmother, with a scolding look her way, rode off on the dark steed toward the forest leaving them alone. Master Jefferys took WinterStar’s reins from Regina and led her pony away._

_Snow wanted to speak. To explain the forgotten gloves she now realized were in Regina’s hand. But she had not been spoken to yet and palms burning from Grandmother’s punishment she wished to remain out of trouble._

_“Let me see.” Queen said, soft and coaxing. Snow took a step forward holding out her palms. Held carefully in royal ones they began to hurt less just from the contact. Regina’s thumbs gently ran over the raised welts and Snow hissed, eyes snapping shut for a long moment and then she felt a cool tingling and opened her eyes. Red welt now pink and the throbbing a dull ache as if a day had passed._

_“How did…?” Snow began and remembered. Then quiet as the Queen gently helped her put on the white leather gloves. But her interrupting question was not scolded._

_“That matters not.” Regina began, buttoning the glove at a small wrist. “What does matter is being on time for your archery lesson next.”_

_“But my hands…” Again Snow trailed off wondering how she would pull a bow string as the other glove was buttoned in place and she felt fingers lifting her chin as Regina’s thumb graced her cheek tenderly._

_“They will be completely fine in a few more minutes. Not to worry. Now come along. I have just enough time to walk you to the courtyard.”_

_Snow followed on the Queen’s right and a step behind. As they walked her palms indeed began to hurt less and she wondered over how, but more so of another question wanting to come. Unable to help herself in spite of the rule about not speaking until spoken to, she asked. “Why did you come to the stables today?” Wondering over the absence of Regina at her lessons the last several weeks. She did not miss the way the Queen stiffened and the pace of boots she was dutifully following increased._

_“Snow.”_

_A gentle warning tone Snow knew meant to cease in questioning in public when she had not been asked one first and yet she did not for the ache hiding in Regina’s tone. She wondered over the why of it and of Queen’s more and more obvious pain in regards to the stables. They had yet to talk in full about the harsh punishment the day of the storm or about anything of importance since._

_Trying again the Princess spoke out of turn once more and louder than she meant to be. “But I want to know why you will not teach me yourself. You simply must. Like before.” Her boots froze when the Queen’s did and a careful look up at that controlled profile showed the pain she suspected was there but only for a brief moment before Regina’s control returned. Her eyes dropped automatically as the Queen turned and she took a step back in respect for the amber eyes she was now under._

_“I do not wish to speak of it just now. You would do well to mind your choice of words and when they are spoken with me.”_

_Snow licked her lips as her temper brewed. They used to talk about everything, well most things. The things that mattered and she knew she was partially to blame for the cold shoulder she’d given Regina for as long as she had. But now she didn’t want to. She wanted to understand the words about love spoken in her bedroom weeks ago she’d pretended to ignore. Like she’d ignored Regina’s attempts on deeper conversation since. But now Snow was ready to talk about what should have been discussed between them and now it seemed Regina was not ready._

_Snow dared then when she never had before. “But I just want…” Or started to and deferred to another topic entirely that had been bothering her. “I do not wish to learn archery. I shan’t continue.” The sport and her teacher she really did not mind, but the lost time with the Queen for these new lessons in place did greatly. Then her chin was caught once again and lifted. Under firm amber she wished her mouth had not run away with her._

_“You are eight winters old and still a child. There is much you have yet to understand.” The Queen began in such a quiet way that Snow always paid full attention. “What I desire for you to learn you will learn and apply yourself to the best of your ability. I expect your best efforts in each task you are set by your instructors. Your lessons Snow, all of them, are necessary and nonnegotiable. Is that understood?”_

_“Yes.” Long ingrained deference spoke when Snow held back the title rare used since the stables. That did not seem to sit well with the woman who had raised her for the second half of her life. Hurt flashed across the Queen’s face for but a moment before it was hidden away. Snow was surprised at the tenderness speaking next, almost as if in understanding._

_“Respond properly and with respect due me please.”_

_And Snow’s chin was released and she dipped in a curtsy. “Yes Mother.”_

_Regina replied soft in praise Snow longed for more of. “Good girl.” Then a nod was given along with it for effort when she wanted a hug, but the public space kept their arms apart. They continued walking as before. Snow eyed the Queen’s hand she missed holding mere inches from her wanting one. She wondered if and when she’d ever hold it again in the lighthearted manner she once did._

 

 

Snow opened her eyes as she released the mare’s neck. She hoped today would bring back good memories for Regina of the lessons they shared at the stables. Like old times she undid the stall gate of her horse, found a brush, and in long practiced strokes began to groom. WinterStar seemed to like that, nuzzling in and shuffling hoofs.

 After a few minutes Snow dropped the brush looking around for tack and saddle. Tack she managed to fasten mostly with the help of a stool, but her little fingers we’re clumsy and fastenings hard to do in her current state. Saddle was much too heavy for her, so she threw a blanket she’d found in a bucket over a dipped back. Getting up on the horse was harder, but Snow managed to jump up using the stool. Gripping reins with a big smile, she eased the neighing horse out of the back door towards the open meadow.

 

**:::::::::::::::::::::**

 

Clouds of dust swirled around the wheels of the Benz outside of the Stable gates. Car door slammed and Regina hurried toward the main office. Call from the school that Snow was missing from campus some twenty minutes ago had set her heart racing. At first she had started driving toward the hospital after quickly leaving Town Hall thinking Snow went to visit David after their talk this morning. Then another call had come through her cell from the stable owner, her former Master of the Horse back in the Kingdom and she had nearly run a red light turning the car completely around. Now here, Regina hurried into his office and right over to his desk.

 Hands planted and leaning in close, Regina asked. “Where is she?”

“Calm down Madam Mayor. She’s just outside on the bench.” Mr. Jettson stood and rounded the desk quickly. “Snow said she was going to wait for you there.” Leading the way back out the door and around the corner of the building. He started to point to a very empty bench and froze.

Regina squared her jaw, worry back right along with the old anxiety she got whenever she came near the stables since that dark day. “You said she was here. That you had her here with you.” Worried heat spoke.

“And she was right here Madam Mayor.” He assured and began looking around. Feet moving toward the horses. “The stables. She was eyeing them… let’s check in there before we get ahead of ourselves.”

Following him quickly they each took a side and looked in all the stalls. With magic Regina would have found Snow in a heartbeat, without she felt helpless and that feeling always set her on edge. “If you value your job, find her. Now.” Threatening with her go to Mayor strong arm did nothing and could do nothing she realized. Then more concern spilled. “She’s a little girl, how can you lose a little girl.” Gone from school, call from them had set her anxiety off and now anticipating that little hand waiting here only further fueled her upset when Snow was lacking. This feeling reminded her too much of all the times Henry had gone running off and when Snow had too from the Castle as a child.

Then they heard a scream that set both their feet in motion and made her blood run cold. Out of the stable’s back door they moved and toward the field behind. Running white flashed across the distance. Memories too, a déjà vue so terror filled behind Regina’s eyes she nearly lost use of her legs, but her heart ran. Back into the stables. Kicking off her heels, she mounted the first horse she came to in a stall, one that recognized her scent and she the feel of him. Slipped right up onto that dipped bare back like it was yesterday. Fingers wove expertly in a mane to steer as Regina nudged ribs with her heels; gaining a full run out of the stable door.

Gravel flew under hoofs that kicked up grass of field, down the sloping meadow and toward the tree line where the white horse was running. Regina’s keen eyes could see the problem of loose tack dangling from the horse’s mouth. Snow’s grip on a mane slipped further, sliding down and child screaming still. Faster Regina surged forward faster, almost alongside the runaway horse. Brown and white ran hoof and hoof. One reach and Regina just missed as the runaway horse gained ground.

Tree line nearing Regina had one more chance before they hit and digging her heels in once more horses were nose to nose. One more, a long reach, to fist the clothing at the small of the child’s back and hauling. Regina hauled Snow belly first onto her steed and tightened her heels for a sharp turn left away from the tree line. She anchored Snow with one hand and her body low and tight against the horses back and slowed her mount with the other. Slower and measured to a canter then still and Regina slipped off, landing on the dying grass and pulling Snow with her into her arms.

Child was shaking like the last autumn leaf holding to the branch it belonged to. Holding her neck too tight and Regina couldn’t breathe. Firm she clutched Snow and then her knees found the ground as relief came they the child was safe. Gripping little shoulders she pulled Snow back, eyes and hands raking for any sighs of hurt and finding none worry left the corners of her mouth for a ready scold. But Snow’s words began falling between them before she could speak.

“I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to—”

Regina promptly interjected. “Didn’t mean to _what_? Get on a horse? Without permission or supervision? Without full and proper tack?” She fought her natural inclination to haul Snow over her knee then and there for scaring her to death. “Run away from school? What part Snow White did you not mean to do?” She stood up then searching for the logic missing behind little words.

White teeth sunk in a little bottom lip.  Snow whispered. “Well—well, it was not planned, but I did not…” Then her hand was taken and they were walking quickly back toward the stables. Her boots struggled to keep up with the Queen’s bare feet. The grounds keeper rode out to meet them after gathering the horses and offered his saddled mount for them to go the rest of the way. Snow was confused when Regina’s head shook.

“Thank you, but I’d rather walk.” Dark words full of pain and shadows passed through red lips.

And Snow’s hand was pulled again as Mr. Jettson rode slowly beside them. She didn’t know what to say or not say so she settled for breathing and trying to keep up.

“That was some ride Madam Mayor.” Old man tipped his hat when amber pierced him and he got a single nod for his comment. “I have never seen anyone ride like that. Like they were born on horseback.”

“Nor will you again.” Firm on that in her current grief. Then Regina spoke softer as his words fully registered. “But thank you.” From this talented man she had respected in the Kingdom the compliment meant something bitter sweet.

“You were wonderful.” Snow tried to join in, but quieted when a dark brow she knew well rose. Her hand was squeezed once in an affectionately warm hushing manner she recognized and had long missed. Dropping her chin, she focused on feeling and listening.

Sensing upset between woman and child, Horse Master of past tried to help. “Might you consider lessons for your little one Madam Mayor?” Further putting his foot in his mouth in spite of the brown eyes studying him now. “Seems like her curiosity of horses might need to be quelled with focused instruction instead of sneaking a ride in.”

Unable to help the opening, Snow bounced on her heels and tugging on Regina’s hand again. “Please may I? Oh please?”

They stopped walking and Regina turned fully to regard the man above her. “What my child needs is of no consequence to you. Nor is her bold and reckless behavior something that needs indulging after this display today.” Moving again she pulled Snow along at a faster pace. He seemed to get her hint and trotted off ahead leaving them. Regina sighed now regretting telling him off. He was only trying to help. Snow began pouting at her side and she shook her head over it.

Child took in the Queen’s use of _‘my child’_ with a small smile before her pout returned. “I did not mean to be reckless.” Snow began. Though she had been so much so and was told as much again as they kept walking.

“Your actions were reckless and downright dangerous.”

Lips puckering Snow mumbled. “I was only trying to help. If _you_ had only allowed me lessons…” Then suddenly her chin was taken and Regina was eye level with her.

“No. You will not blame me for your choices.” Regina countered gently, but firm. “Ones I specifically forbade of you. Remember our rules for the stable. What are they?”

Teary Snow was becoming as her flawed plan registered. She recited known rules from another world. “Before acting, I must await your example or the Horse Master’s and not ride unaccompanied or without proper tack.”

“Exactly my point young lady. You know better.” Standing tall Regina let go of that chin, but not before wiping a falling tear away from a pale cheek with her thumb. Then much softer she added. “We will discuss it further at the house.”

Then remembering and little brows knit together. “What about my conference?”

“I’ll have to reschedule.” Walking again, Queen explained as the stable door neared. “This situation is a priority we need to discuss first and foremost.”

Tummy fluttering Snow wondered what that meant, but kept that thought to herself, as Regina bent to pick up heels that had been discarded in haste and moved them to the Benz. She got in quietly and they said nothing more to each other the entire ride to the mansion. Once inside the house Snow’s hands began twisting themselves as was her habit when she knew she had done something wrong.

Regina set down her purse on the table by the door, tossing heels into the corner to clean later. Blazer off and tossed as well, she regarded Snow with a heavy eye. “Go get yourself cleaned up, rinsed at least in the tub and into clean clothes. I need to do the same before we discuss the day.” In truth she needed more than a shower, but a minute to herself to think. Already heading toward the stairs, little feet followed hers. At the mid landing Regina paused as Snow had stopped walking. Her eyes closed without turning. “What is it Snow?”

“And after?” More twisting of little hands and then the Queen looked over a shoulder.  Snow promptly dropped her hands to her sides.

“Afterward I want you to go to your room and wait on your bed. I’ll be along when I’m finished.” Regina kept walking, but the child remained on the landing and so she turned with a quiet question in her eyes.

Snow rocked on her feet. “You called it my room?” A question wrapped around a small smile hinting at the corners of a pink mouth. Hope filled from her big side asking, sure she misheard.

“That’s what it is.” Regina answered, looking away as her eyes misted. “Come. I’ll help you get started.” Extending a hand, she waited for Snow to take it. She saw Snow to the pink bathroom and helped the child to undress and clip long hair up out of the way on top of Snow’s head. After she made sure water was running before going to her room.

There and into the en suite Regina shut the door and stripped quickly. Hot water, too hot, Regina turned it on full blast and under it her mask fell away. Washed right down the drain with her makeup. Breathing steam or trying to as her breath came in short gasps. Her skin flushed red and she saw white—flashes of a white horse running and she slumped against the tile wall to the tub floor. Face hidden in knees and arms wrapped tight, Regina gave into the tears falling.

Relief came to visit again and release of the worry of present and pain of past joined in. She sat in it and let herself cry. Feel everything she had been holding so tightly inside the last week. It poured from her eyes and out of her mouth and nose. Right into her hands clasping her legs tightly in anchor. Toes curled in and in Regina had held her heart until now.

More flashes of the stables came tumbling in. Then the impossible smell of hay through the steam of the shower filled her nose. With the past echoing neighs and sound of hoofs running, those felt like blisters bursting in her ears as the water pounded overhead. Snow’s screams from long before and then today resounded against tile. They meant more here. Tender here like the tears from her eyes streaming. Like Daniella’s eyes had been streaming that dark stormy morning in the stables before death made them close forever.

Regina took a breath in reality, lips making an O as she let it out slowly, slowly calming her heart. Too much that morning of past had cost her. The love of her life and the love of her daughter.

 Using the tub edge for support Regina stood. She put her face back under the spraying heat, washing her tears away as she thought about the events of the day, and of what was to come. Daniella fresh in mind. That smile flashed before her eyes. And Daniella’s eyes had been so full of hope and promise that day. Then her mind drifted to the saving of Snow that started her life as Queen. And realizing while she had to correct today’s misadventure, it was also time to finish their talk about the event at royal stables long ago. The rest of the story of that day Snow needed to know.

Regina stepped out from the shower and turned off the water. Toweling off and dropping it, she swiped her palm across the foggy mirror. Seeing herself bare and bare her heart felt, she took a long look. Time for the bare bones of truth to be spoken, but first they needed to deal with the present.

Perhaps after, it would be the next step in healing a piece of their past. Snow open about telling the why of wanting her at the stables today showed the little one was ready for that conversation and she suspected the adult hiding in the same head was too. Regina wanted her daughter back and was determined to help Snow understand the hidden truth that had kept them apart for far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Please consider a comment or kudo.
> 
> Next time – They talk about the present and past. The haunting returns in a new way. Regina and Snow grow closer.


	12. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The heart of a Mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.”
> 
> – Honore de Balzac—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/U- Happy Tuesday. Hope you all enjoyed the long weekend. Thank you for your reviews and kind words. I hope you like this next part. Feels ahead.

Snow sat on her bed hugging Mr. Thumper as she waited for Regina to come and get her. Her clean white dress clung in places still damp from her bath in her haste to do as she’d been asked. Fingers twirled the end of her pony tail Regina had done up for her that morning as her mind began to drift. Left with nothing to do but think about her actions she realized her mistakes of the day. And was becoming anxious over the aftermath to come. Not for fear of Queen’s response, but for the pain she’d caused Regina. She had not thought beyond getting the Queen to the stables and she hadn’t planned on getting carried away; literally on a horse. Mostly she did not plan for the sore look that had taken over Regina’s face once they got home before the woman hid it from her view.

In little Snow’s memories she recalled but very few times she could clearly read Regina’s emotions. The adult mind she shared had said that was because of the conditioning of their world. Regina had been taught as she had been so carefully to control displays of emotion. Behind closed doors, just between them, it had been different. And Snow remembered fondly a different Queen in those moments.

The Queen of past had a smile that lit up a dark room like a new candle flame. A smile that Snow knew was reserved only for her and would be there no matter what the day had held. The woman who had raised her had a deep laugh with a warm hint of husk that always lifted her heart when they’d play. The kind that wrinkled the entire face pink with joy and made ones stomach roll, even under the tightest of corset laces. Big Snow realized then another important lesson Regina had taught her early on their relationship as that image of a laughing Queen filled her mind. One that could have gone very differently had the Queen not found the humor hiding within what should have been a moment of disgrace for her in their world.

But Regina was different.

So different, Snow realized, than any other noble woman she’d remembered growing up. Most of them had been ridged and stuffy. Strict demeanor too, much as Cora’s manner was on one of the rare kinder days. Snow’s heart pinched over these new thoughts. Her childhood could have been much more traditional had the Queen chosen to raise her strictly under their world’s ideals. Instead there had been pockets of that special _different_ woven in; of stories, walks, games, being tucked in, or her favorite of sitting on that lap to be held.

For a moment Snow let her mind go within the memory…

 

_Snow turned side to side in the full length looking glass as she’d seen the Queen do when trying on a dress. Or she tried to as her legs drowned in an ocean of blue silk. She huffed when her feet got tangled up and tried to push up the sleeves of the great gown far too big for her five year old body. Then she adjusted the diamond tiara that dipped crooked across her forehead further back on her head of curls. Something was not quite right about her look she decided. Something was missing._

_She moved slowly back across the room careful not to trip on the dress to climb up on the padded chair next to a table full of decorated bottles and jars. Trying one with what she knew to be perfume she gave the soft ball attached to the bottle a squeeze and sneezed when it sprayed right in her face. Coughing she set it aside with a scowl thinking it ever so sharp and musty smelling. Or maybe that was just the way it had gone up her nose and stung. There was a red paint like substance she’d found in a little silver pot next to a bunch of different sized brushes. Snow picked up one of the brushes and dipped it in the red paint before bringing it to her mouth. She painted a red ring on her lips and leaned back to look at her appearance. Satisfied she looked like her new Mother she went back to the mirror and tried another curtsy._

_So into her play was she, that Snow didn’t register that the chamber door opened and closed until a she heard a pair of slippers walking toward her. She froze when they did. In the mirror right behind her stood the Queen. Snow felt her heart quicken as worry of wrong doing filled her stomach. At this moment she was supposed to be taking her mid day rest. Not playing at pretending to be Queen in her new Mother’s chambers._

_It had been three weeks since the woman gazing at her in the looking glass reflection had moved into the castle to assume the role of the dead queen. The woman who bore her she was never to speak of. But this woman looking at her now had a title she was still trying to remember to use. Regina—Mother—was teaching her many new things and there were new rules she was also learning to follow. She had yet to be in any real trouble for breaking any of them. But right this moment she had broken a few she was well aware of and in this realization she paled and was about to plea for understanding when she saw a smile flash on the woman’s face. Then a small pretty laugh like a bubbling brook singing on stone filled the silence before the Queen approached further._

_“My dear Snow what a sight you are.” Regina said as that smile softened to return to the straight face void of emotion Snow was used to._

_“I’m sorry.” She stammered taking a step back and tripping on the hem of the Queen’s dress she’d been playing in. Stumbling only to be caught about the waist and steadied, Snow bit her lip. The tiara she was wearing slipped from her head and fell on the rug between them. With it falling she felt her eyes welling up with tears. Now she was in disgrace for sure and real disgrace for the first time with her new Mother. “Shall I go to your library?” A formal question to what she expected a formal answer. She’d been told that is where such talks and corrections to her deportment would be had._

_“We will speak on your question in a moment.”_

_And to Snow’s surprise she was helped out of the dress she was swimming in and watched as it was hung back up in the wardrobe after being examined. The tiara too was picked up, looked over and returned to its proper place. Anxious she became in wait as the Queen went to the basin and jug in the corner of the room to wet a cloth. A moment later Regina was leaning down and cupping her cheek. Her mouth was wiped free of the red paint she found so pretty. Soiled cloth was put away and then woman she was still trying to figure out sat on the cream chaise near the fire and beckoned her near. Snow moved quickly to obey, stopping three paces in front of the Queen and dipping into a nervous curtsy. She tried to stand straight with her hands clasped as Regina had taught her._

_“No, little one. Come here to me and sit.”_

_The cushion right beside wide silk skirts was patted once more and Snow moved forward immediately. It was not until she was perched that she realized what she’d been called. A tiny smile formed on her lips at the unexpected affection and she found she rather liked it very much from her new Mother. Then she remembered her lessons and lost her smile for a dipped chin and eyes as she waited for the Queen to speak._

_“Give me your eyes please.”_

_And Snow gave them. Wide and waiting._

_“I think I understand what happened, however I would like to hear your reason for being here when you should be in bed resting.”_

_Snow began to explain her play and her desire to pretend to be Queen. As she finished her story she thought she saw the hint of a smile on red lips once more and found hers wanting to hint up too as she wrapped up her tale._

_“I see and how did you find the experience of being Queen?” Regina asked and turned more towards her._

_Snow licked her lips in thought. Knowing honesty was expected she went with her first thought. “Heavy and ever so smelly.” Remembering the perfume and then to whom she was speaking when she realized she had forgotten the title due the woman who was now smiling again ever so brightly and laughing once more._

_“It can feel like that certainly.” Regina affirmed as laughter became contained. Amber eyes were soft though and Snow found herself leaning in to be closer as the Queen took her hand. “Though next time you wish to play at being Queen in this way you will need to ask before using my things. Also, before coming into my chamber. You are not to enter unaccompanied by myself. Is that first understood?”_

_Snow nodded eagerly._

_“Respond properly please.”_

_At the patient prompt that had been common, but less it was used the last week as she was getting better at remembering, Snow replied. “Yes Mother.”_

_“Good girl.” Praise had Snow sitting up straighter and beaming under those two words. “You are also not to leave your bed when you are taking your mid day rest. We have discussed this once before and why you are not to wander about.”_

_Snow sucked in her bottom lip but brief as her hand was taken gently._

_“This is the only time I am able to let this action go. Do you understand?”_

_It went unsaid for why, but Snow knew it was in part that no one else had caught her during the misdeed. Regina was ever so patient. Her new Grandmother was not at all however and she was not keen on earning that dark woman’s disapproval, nor her Father’s. Today it seemed she’d been forgiven and in that forgiveness within this private moment shared between them she sprung forward and wrapped her arms tight around Regina’s neck._

_“Yes Mother I understand.” And she buried her face into the cascade of dark curls that smelled of apples and lavender. Just like her new stuffed rabbit friend did. Finding comfort there she simply enjoyed the feel of the arms around her. She liked the way she was petted and how she was not scolded for wanting affection._

_“Now, let’s get you tucked back into bed for a bit and perhaps later after your lessons we may take a walk in the orchards and you may tell me all about your ideas on what you think being a Queen is really like.”_

_Snow grinned easily into a shoulder. Regina was different than most adults she knew and Snow wondered just how much so as she was held close to a heart she wanted to better know._

 

 

Images of past rolled like the things called moving pictures here in little Snow’s head; vivid and clear as if reliving them. She wondered if it was her young mind and the fact that it had only been two years for _her_ versus her adult mind since this event happened. And too she wondered if Regina’s memories worked the same way here. Before for Snow as an adult they were foggy at best. Now they were striking in their clarity and she realized each time they took over how much more understanding she had over such events.  

But understanding did not matter if Regina—the Mother—she once knew only existed in the past.

Then there was a knock on her door and the door opening caught her full attention back to the present. Snow stood out of respect for the adult entering her room. Courtesy to do so natural, especially when she felt off about her actions. She also figured she could do that much for the trouble she’d caused today. On her feet still hugging her rabbit she waited for directions.

Snow’s attention at the side of the bed was not lost on Regina. Stiff over the old world custom of it, though knowing the child had meant it out of respect, she held out her hand. Snow hugged the stuffed toy tighter once and went to set it aside. Then Regina did something she had never done on the bridge of their ritual to come. “You may bring him, if you wish.” The ease of the small palm slipping into hers gave thanks and she led them down stairs and into her Study. Door closing put them both in their places on the rug.

Regina looked down at the little girl. Snow stood as once before straight back and hands clasped in front of her with Mr. Thumper tucked between them. Green eyes wide and forward, waiting for her to begin. She wasn’t sure if it was the simple expectation of the rightness of their places from Snow or if it was the addition of the rabbit or the wet eyes watching her that made her take a step forward. But step Regina did and take back up the little girl’s hand, leading them to the couch.

“Come here to me.” Coaxing gently when child seemed to hesitate.

Snow’s brow wrinkled in confusion. They always talked before a correction and she felt even more confused when she was lifted under her arms to sit on a lap. And more when tears fell down her cheeks and she was held quietly as they did so. Comfort came _after_. That is how things were done between them. But right now it felt wonderful to be held in her upset. Relaxing there she tried to begin explaining herself.

“I only meant to…” But without Regina’s usual questions she felt lost. So her hands played with floppy gray ears instead as the Queen’s hand began to run the length of her back. Then the lost feeling went away for something else Snow realized she’d been missing for a very long time.

Regina took a long moment to simply feel the child sitting on her lap. The way Snow fit there just so. How little feet tapped together as they always did when child sat perched. Fond fingers absently combed through the end of Snow’s pony tail as the girl leaned back into her touch. A big step for both of them here, this tender affection. Then green eyes looked up in askance and Regina began where she thought they needed to. “When I arrived at the stables, Mr. Jettson or rather Master Jefferys mentioned you stating you were waiting for me.” Regina directed. “Start there.”

“He asked where you were.” Small and quiet Snow sounded and her chin was lifted, she sensed, when Regina couldn’t hear her so she spoke up. “I knew you would know where to find me and only thought that if you came to the stables you might remember something nice about it instead of…” Trailing off under amber assessing her.

“What I do feel.” Finishing for Snow, Regina let go of that chin and sighed as those feelings began throbbing all over again. “Which is extremely unpleasant young lady. There are several matters we need to discuss before we get to your consequence and those feelings. Both your feelings and mine.” Acknowledging both, for both were important to bridging the gap still between them on this matter of many. “Leaving campus without supervision and permission is not alright. You and I have discussed leaving lessons before. The Castle or here makes no difference to that conversation. Anything could have happened to you and here even more so.”

Hugging Mr. Thumper once more. “I was careful.”

“Really?” Regina challenged softly.

A challenge right back, but not so certain any longer under the eyes on her. “I was so.”

“I fail to see how running away from a safe place where you were supervised, across town—across streets with cars and nearly breaking your neck on a runaway horse has anything to do with being careful.”

Snow’s lips rolled in staying there as her cheeks turned pink. Maybe her actions hadn’t been the best choice to get the attention she wanted to where she felt it was needed. “I’m sorry I made a terrible mess of things.”

 “Some unsafe choices were made and I have said it before and I will do so again. Other people are affected by your decisions. Many today were. Going forward you are to be where I expect of you at all times. Is that first understood?”

Nodding. “Yes Ma’am.”

“No exceptions Snow.” Regina stressed and saw in green she was understood before continuing. “Then there is going into the stables and getting on a horse without an adult. Riding is not a game and on a horse without proper tack or supervision is dangerous and a foolish risk of your life.” Scolding tone unable to be helped, but the left over worry in her eyes softened otherwise. “What were you thinking?”

Little lips mumbled and tried again when a dark brow arched in wait. “I thought it would be pleasant to ride and show you what I remembered when you came. I did not think WinterStar would run like that. I did not kick my heels or anything. She just took off.” Ending in a whisper as Regina’s thumb wiped a tear from her cheek. She leaned into the warm touch unconsciously.

“Her tack was too loose. You forgot to fasten the bit straps correctly at mouth and the bit was under her tongue when it needs to be over it. When that fell you lost control.” Regina explained the reason she had observed during the rescue today.

“But I remembered to signal properly and…”

“And any direction you would have given before it fell, the horse would have misinterpreted because it was too loose and she was uncomfortable. She is also used to a saddled rider, not bare back. That is a very different type of training for both you and the horse.”

Sitting up Snow braved a question. “May I learn?”

Regina shook her head, turning Snow so she could better see that little face. “Not bare back, no. Though, before this catastrophe of a day I had been thinking on your words this morning about wanting lessons.”

“You were?” Surprised and brightening.

“I was, however the choices you made today put serious weight against any readiness on my behalf to allow you them just yet.”

Then wilting against a chest. “Oh.” Snow’s hands twisted again. “Perhaps you will still consider them another time.”

“We shall have to see and discuss it later.” Thinking on that, Regina sighed at the wide sorry eyes looking up. They reminded her of Henry and she began to rub Snow’s back once more to soothe. “You had a lot of people worried about you today. Your teacher, the school personnel, Master Jefferys, and myself.”

Snow sat back up, meeting softer eyes. “You were worried about me.” Almost a question, but not quite so as it once may have been.

“Of course I was. I got a call from the school saying you went missing.” More than worried she realized. Regina took back up a little chin. “As part of making this situation right you will be writing a letter to each the school and Mr. Jettson, apologizing for running away and for the latter of entering the stables and taking the horse.”

“I will.” Then Snow found herself being lifted under her arms and stood up. “Nor will I run again.” Promising when Mr. Thumper was set aside on the couch. “Or ride without you or permission.” Then hands were at her waist holding her close.

“I am glad to hear that Snow and I am sure you will make better choices in the future.” Regina assured. “Still because you put your safety at such risk I cannot let the events of today go.”

Quiet. “I know.” Safety, honesty, respect and obedience were the main rules crafted between them long ago she knew she was bound to.

In the moment for how they were and where Regina decided on something. “In light of your reasoning and sincerity I will give you a choice on your consequence, letters aside.”

Little chin snapped up. “A choice?” That was new. She had never been given a choice on such a matter before. Never considered the possibility of one in a state of disgrace. Regina always decided. Adults always did in her world. But this was not her world and that registered in a way she was unsure of when Regina spoke.

Nodding. “You may choose between no outings the rest of the week. The house and school only or a correction.”

Lips sucked in and Snow held them as she thought; knowing a visit to the hospital and another meal a Granny’s were both a strong possibility this week. She detested being cooped up inside and of course the other choice. Both were also strong deterrents not to repeat her offenses of the day. Snow rocked on her feet thinking and now uncomfortable in the choice given.

She had caused a lot of trouble today and she wanted to make amends. To show she understood and accepted her mistakes. As Snow was she only knew one way to do that and was not sure the other option would provide her with the relief of guilt she sought. Mind made up little Snow chose what made the most sense to her, what was familiar and what she understood for what it had meant between them in the past. And in answer Snow took a step closer, little hands resting in a royal lap in wait.

Regina understood the gesture for what it was. Despite the choice offered, she more so than not suspected this answer from Snow. What had worked between them to mend any upset or imbalance to their relationship was what the little one relied on from her in the past. Here as they were now it appeared that was still the same and Regina responded in the certain and formal way she always used.

Snow found herself guided to go over a lap and like before when she had earned a place here her dress was lifted onto her back. Folded ever so neatly there to wait as a familiar arm wrapped around her waist in assurance. But she was not made to wait as Regina began. One of seven to come made her eyes smart. Not for sting, but for the follow through, for the promise of who that hand speaking is. Two made her eyes close to the room as she focused on feeling. Crying began at three as she hid in her arms sniffling as her face reddened. A welling ache she could not explain was forming warm in her stomach. Rising, rising up in her throat, and out of her mouth with four and one more when a hand rested after five.

Still tears fell down Snow’s cheeks and not just for her actions today.

Regina watched Snow carefully as she always did during a correction. Opening like tight petals of a bud the child was under her hand. Like always their way connected them and like always she still questioned the ways of their world.

But this.

This was between them and meant something entirely their own. Relying on it as Regina had then and now opened both their hearts to receiving the bond beyond blood; of daughter and Mother. “Do you understand the gravity of the risks you took today little one?”

Affection added to the question had more tears flowing as Snow nodded. That hand patting gently and unexpectedly as the affection warming her ears, it helped coax her words up and out. One nearing and at the last moment she swapped it out. “Yes Mo—a’am.”

Regina stilled, unsure if she had heard right. Almost, but not quite there. Progress. “You had me very worried about you when I heard you were missing and even more when I saw you on that horse. I don’t know what I would do if something were to happen to you.” Pausing as her throat worked. “Never again Snow.”

Firm in too many feelings Regina finished what she had started with one more firm to each cheek blushing. Snow cried quietly over her lap. Great little cries near silent and full with an asking she was trying to find an answer to give. Lifting she stood Snow between her knees. Smoothing the white dress and Snow’s hair to right. And in her uncertainty of those the tears streaming down that face Regina relied on a part of their ritual strong between them.

“I’d like you to reflect a moment—”

But before she could finish Snow threw arms around her neck, nearly choking her and ritual be damned Regina went first with her heart and scooped the little wet mess of girl into her arms. Child sat straddling her lap breathing in quick shallow bursts against her throat. Hers working and thickening with emotion.

“I’m so—rry.” Snow tried to say. Small and sure, but broken in the middle as she felt over her mistakes of the day, she meant it. Said for the day and for one day so long ago she had wished to forget for the price paid by the arms around her. “Please I’m so sorry.” Holding tighter, repeating again and once more as she was somehow pulled in closer, tighter as her back was rubbed. Fingers stroked her hair and she was rocked as tears kept coming. They wouldn’t stop. Snow wasn’t sure she could stop them if she tried. So she let them fall and gave them willingly to Regina to hold for her.

Regina felt Snow’s sorrow drip down her neck. Felt her own filling again in her chest. Holding, she opened up to a piece of the past, bringing it to the present moment to share. “You are forgiven little one.”

Breath caught and child sniffed. Gripping the back of a blouse as her eyes blurred again as the adult in her surfaced for a moment. For _everything_ , Snow wondered. “Really Regina?” And then the arms holding her tightened, but only for a moment.

Feeling the shift and who was asking. And more importantly for what Regina only could tuck Snow in closer as she kissed a wet cheek and kept rocking. One word almost ready stuck in her throat.

 

**:::::::::::::::::**

 

Dinner was quiet. Too quiet for little Snow’s liking, but she tried to keep it that way for the manner Queen was in. Rest of the evening spent on homework and helping prepare their meal she shuffled around and around on her plate. Tried to eat and did a few bites, but she was more than done with attempts.

Regina eyed her charge, fairing no better in her own meal. Taking a bite in hopes Snow would too she chewed and swallowed before gesturing to a full plate. “You need to eat Snow.” Lunch long ago and child had to be hungry.

Pushing the plate away Snow sat back. “I’m not really hungry.” Then wanting to hide away from the day and the unsaid. “May I be excused? Please?”

Relenting Regina nodded once watching as Snow cleared the plate away and left to go upstairs. She managed a few more bites of her meal and gave up entirely. By the time she had set the kitchen to order and wrapped the leftovers the clock was chiming 8:00. Taking off her apron and folding it to tuck in the pantry she went upstairs to help sort Snow out for bed. But when she came to the pink room the lights were off save the one in the hall. Girl was passed out hugging the bunny, trails of tears still damp on cheeks.

It was then in that moment as she watched Snow sleep, that Regina Mills became tired of the price of tears. Cost too great and stepping into the room both of her children called home it hit her what her purpose was here to do, what Mother may have meant in the letter by giving her back the rest of her heart. Heart pounding Regina laid a kiss good night to black curls as dark as her own, resting there for the scent of white roses that followed the child everywhere. Backing away she cracked the door as she left down the hall to her room.

Door closed she paced the space as the aching organ in her chest slowed down. Long and slow she counted the beats for several minutes that turned into an hour. Finally ready she called out. “Mother?” A cool draft when no window was open passed across her skin. Goosebumps under silk she hugged herself in wait. She wasn’t kept waiting long as a shadow caught the corner of her eye. Turning, Regina fought to keep the fullness of confusion and anger down in her core at the sight.

Mother appeared, more than a pair of eyes transparent sitting casually on the lounger in the corner. Same auburn hair swept up high on the crown of a head. Blue eyes piercing over a straight red line. White skin and striking in midnight silk hugging every curve that once had all the men in the kingdom on their knees begging for taste of that mouth or more often, begging for their very lives. Many lives taken by those deceiving hands. Daniella’s life, her Father’s too.

Regina blinked, but the image did not go away. Only solidified in her moment of hiding. She backed away, crossing the room to sit on her bed as her Mother watched. Calling, but unsure of why she had only just thought she _might_ be answered. Ice crystals began poking up through the carpet in the room and frost growing on windows hid away any moon light trying to break through. Regina could see her breath forming in small puffs from her nose. Shivering she fought not to show her fear as well as her unrest over the hands now clasped neatly in a dark lap.

 Ringed hands she used to long for affection from. One kind touch. Last and only one given when those hands had left life and her behind. And before forced her to a marriage she had never wanted. Forced her to live a lie against the very grain of her nature. For all the pain and heartache those hands represented, she wondered why she still longed for a kind touch from them?

“Must you stare so?”

Jumped. Right out of her skin. Regina leapt violently back on the bed against the headboard. Wide eyes and lips parting, she closed her mouth tight and opened in question. “You can talk?”

Chuckling mysteriously Cora nodded. “It took some time to gather back all my strength once the dark sleep came upon me. Yes dear daughter I speak and I feel just as you do.” She stood.

“No.” Regina’s hand went up and out as she stiffened. “Stay right there.” Then unable to help herself. “Henry?”

“He is safe and right where you left him.”

Tears welled wanting to believe those words for a moment in relief, and then tension returned. Close enough Mother was and this solid ghost could surely wring her neck for what was said last time between them. For words she said when she thought it was finally safe to do so. Still Mother took another step, but to the side toward her door instead of forward. Action set her heart racing and Regina’s feet moving to stand in front of the door, blocking exit to the little one sleeping down the hall.

“You needn’t fear me.” Cora opened her hands to the room. “Or Snow for that matter.”

Regina flinched at the gesture. Even from across the room, she recoiled. “There has never been a reason why I shouldn’t.” Then sinking back down against the door and down when her legs gave out to hug her knees. She added the title ingrained from birth that she had yet to understand the full meaning of. “Mother.” Great black skirts swept back and Regina saw her Mother do something she had never imagined possible.

Cora sat on the floor, back resting against the lounger eyes level now with her daughter. Rather uncomfortable but she didn’t say so. Instead she said something of much more bearing. “No, I’m not.”

Regina’s neck nearly snapped in two, fast as she turned. Warmth of hope stole the chill from the room. _“What?”_

“Do not get too hopeful dear.” Cora corrected the idea fleeing amber eyes. “You are flesh of my flesh. _That_ is not what I meant.”

Then sick once more and the cold took over again. “Then what did you mean?”

“Only that I never really was a Mother to you.”

Scoffing. “No shit.” Blunt and hard as she felt about the matter. Then she needed to talk about anything else but the dull knife sawing her heart open. “How is it you are able to be here?”

Cora fluffed her skirts, smoothing them as she spoke. “I am tied to this world as you are, but while I put you here, I not do that to myself.”

Dark brows knit in thought over the seemingly honest answer. Surprised she’d gotten one. “Then who did? Rumple?”

“Even he is not that powerful. No.” Lips pursed. “However, it seems you are for what we are to each other daughter.”

Regina paled in realization. “That’s not possible. I do not _want_ you here.”

“That may be. However, apparently you need me or something from me.” Cora said matter of fact. “Or some part of you or Snow does because that is how this ghost nonsense works.

“How do you know that?”

“Let’s just say I received a rather warm welcome into the netherworld. Hades was quite adamant about this,” gesturing to herself, “being out of his control. I’m anchored here until you let me go.”

“Then go.” And good riddance. Bitter and more than done with the dark woman rimming her peripheral vision. Regina’s eyes burned and she refused to look anywhere but her hands clasped around her knees she was trying to keep from shaking.

“It doesn’t work like that.”

 Regina grew brave as her anger returned over that answer. She shook her head as the heat bubbled up from her gut. Finally she looked over at her Mother. And her anger ceased rising anymore in exchange for more confusion in the way blue eyes softened just so at the edges. Like floating eyes had in the last telling off before fading away. She looked away and down to her hands. Balled into fists she let them go to the floor and pressed them into the freezing carpet. Ice chips stinging her knuckles numb as she longed to be. “I remember being tall enough to stand just at your knee and when I was that very little girl all I wanted was for my Mother to hold me.”

“Regina—”

“No.” A hand went up sharply as Regina caught her breath again. “Just once I wanted you to hold me without hurting me.” Ache from a very little one inside of her forced her mouth to keep speaking. “Was I really so horrible to you that—that you couldn’t love me just a little bit?” Cracking at the end as her hand moved to her mouth to keep from crying. Swallowing it down, Regina did and sobered as her Mother began to speak.

“I couldn’t love you because I didn’t have my heart Regina.”

Sharp. “And whose fault is that?” Fist pounded carpet as she looked over, finally meeting those eyes again.

“I let the lure of darkness and power, consume me.”

“Why?” Regina had never understood that. Had tried numerous times to understand the woman looking through her right now. The one she was looking through now no longer appearing as solid flesh.

Wavering in more than tone. “You represented everything I ever wanted for myself.”

“And that is supposed to be an excuse for ruining my life, for killing my true love and turning my children against—” Then Cora was flashing. Gone from the lounger and flickering in front of her knees, crouching. Drawing back instinctively at the proximity Regina held her breath as the numbness began to leave her hands and she could no longer see her breath.

“I was wrong Regina.”

And Cora was gone with the frost and ice. Cold though in thought and heart Regina remained alone in her room as she struggled to decipher her Mother’s last words; past and present.

 

**::::::::::::::::::::**

 

Regina wasn’t sure for a moment if the scream ripping through the mansion was her own or not as she woke bolting upright in bed. Scream just as chilling as the night air piercing through the blanket and her silk pajamas. The dream of being trapped in her Mother’s vault began fading as she sat up and rubbed her face briskly trying to release the tension there. Then again a shriek vibrated the walls. Chin snapped toward the door.

_“Snow.”_

 And feet flew. _‘Has Mother returned? Was Snow hurt? What if, what if, what if...’_ two words beat as her feet did on the carpet running. To her door and down the hall where another scream resounded from the pink room. Light on. Regina tore into the room ready to destroy whoever was making Snow scream like that, but there was no one save the child twisting in white sheets violently on the bed.

Not missing a beat Regina moved forward and scooped the thrashing little girl up into her arms, sheets and all and sat on the side of the bed. Her touch had an instant effect and she wasn’t sure at first what that effect would be, but was glad to see Snow begin to calm in her arms as green eyes began fluttering open to the light in the room. Then they were on her. Big and haunted full of very adult thoughts and then they blinked allowing little ones forward, but just as ghosted of a gaze fell on her face.

Snow looked around puzzled and then she felt it. Cold and wet clinging to her skin through her night gown. One more cautious look at the Queen’s face unreadable, but for the understanding of her wake of terror and she ducked her chin to her chest as new tears came.

Caught.

Wetting the bed caught. The last time caught in the act she had been eleven and her maid had reported the incident to her Grandmother. A spy her Grandmother had placed in her chamber that she had yet to realize at the time. And the dark woman had come knocking. Not knocking on her chamber door that had been thrown open and humiliated she had been to be scolded in front of staff. Made to return to sleep in the same gown and sheets that same night as punishment. It had been better than the latter her Grandmother usually favored. These thoughts pulsed at her temples as tears streamed and she waited.

 Waited for Regina. To say _something_. But nothing was said as she was carried, wrapped in sheets down the hall and into the Queen’s room. Then into the en suite, she was set on her feet as Regina sat on the side of the tub. Snow’s toes curled against the white fabric separating her feet from the cold tile. A knob over the bath was turned and warmth began to fill the room they were in.

Snow hadn’t realized how tightly she was clutching the sheet to her chest until each little finger was gently worked loose to let go. Sheet fell to the floor in a puddle. Then her nightgown was unbuttoned and eased down her shoulders to join. She stepped out of the soiled clothes and was lifted into the tub to sit in warm water.

She drew her knees up and hugged them as her long hair was piled neatly on top of her head with a clip. As Regina began scooping water to run over her back and arms Snow was grateful for the lack of words to fill the silence as she felt the droplets running down her skin. Regina’s touch a balm to her upset. Always had been when words failed between them. Little Snow didn’t want them to fail now as they had long ago, so she reached for the first thought near her lips that had been so fresh in her nightmare.

 “Why didn’t you tell me about Grandmother pretending to be you that day at the stables?” The hands scooping water paused briefly and left. Then Regina’s hand returned with a soapy sponge that was ran over her skin.

“She wouldn’t allow it.” Regina answered, gently washing a back. “Threatened to hurt you more if I did and we both well know she was more than capable of keeping her promises.” Cringing as she continued washing limbs trying to explain. “I was trying to protect you from her. That morning, with your Father away at that time and my Mother indisposed it was the one chance I thought we had to get away.”

Snow chewed her lip as she was helped to stand up and the sprayer was brought over to run on her skin. “You were going to take me with you?” Warmth rinsed the suds away along with an old scab of past she couldn’t name.

“I was, yes.” Regina put up the sprayer and drained the tub. “Or at least I was going to give you the choice in the moment. I didn’t want to leave you behind but I wasn’t going to force you to leave the only home you had ever known either.”

“I was mad at you… I guess at _her_ for punishing me for having Mr. Thumper.” Guilt ate at her gut as a flash of her Grandmother masked as Regina slapping her and locking her in her chamber cut into her mind. She was lifted out of the tub and a fluffy towel was wrapped around her shoulders.

“It was that same night after I left your room and I was released from the vault that I reached out to Rumpelstiltskin and began my training.” Mother’s wicked grin that night had been enough to make Regina sick. That was the one reason she had been let out. “She thought she had convinced me to join forces with her and…” Trailing at the memory of the confining straps bruising her skin to the floor of the vault, Regina shook her head. “She thought she finally had me right where she wanted me and in a way she did.”

Dawning came to a little face as Snow thought on that revelation. Her hand was taken and she was led back to her room. Finally responding when Regina took a clean nightgown and under things from the dresser. “You learned magic so you could protect me.” Not a question but now a fact her mind was struggling to contend with.

Nodding Regina helped Snow dress. Hands focused on a task helped with the next words. “Protect you and others. That was my intent yes, but it seemed only to create more distance between us.” Nightgown on, she began tying the bow loosely at the neck.

“That’s why I told her about… Daniella the week before.” Sick with herself now. “I was so mad at you, I guess at Cora for locking me away—and she promised me…” Snow paused as the hands on her shoulders did too for a moment. She shrank under them and then they moved quickly down the length of her arms to her take her hands gently. Eyes on the floor. On those feet she knew. Regina’s feet that had come for her today. Saved her on the horse today and were here now under her eyes.

“Snow?”

Little green orbs eased up and up to a red mouth framed with pain. “I—I thought you were going to leave me behind. With Grandmother. I had this feeling and the way both you and Daniella were together when I saw you both in the mirror at the stables. So I told Grandmother about the letters thinking they were important. And—and—” A little gasp as her chin shook.

Regina swallowed as the child eyes shifted for two very adult ones hurting. Searching them, she held on to listen.

“I didn’t know you were going to take me too. I thought you were going to leave me all alone.” Tears streamed and not just hers. “That is why I told about Daniella and the letters. Your mother said you were confused and that if I helped you would feel better and not leave me, but I told her everything and you _left_ me anyway.” Regina had never physically left her, but emotionally...

Snow in her adult mind wasn’t sure which would have been worse if things had been different and the Queen had gotten away while she stayed behind or if she’d gone along and they all somehow escaped. She didn’t have time to think about it before she was taken to sit against the heart she had locked out decades ago. Against the one she had thought had turned on her when it fact that had not been the case and she wondered how much of her memories were accurate in that hate. Had Regina been as much a victim under Cora as she had been? Had the Queen indeed loved her this entire time? Who was to blame for their shattered past?

Snow White didn’t know, but she was beginning to understand more of the complicated woman who held her. Held her exactly where she had once been so easily as a real child in spite of their world’s views and anything she’d done. Now held she was again full of very adult thoughts. Jarred back to their new reality when she felt Regina standing.

Given Mr. Thumper Snow’s legs clung tighter to a waist and her bunny as she was carried back down the hall to the master bedroom. To the bed Snow was tucked in under the covers as she sniffled the past away. Eyes heavy in want of undisturbed sleep her little mind needed. The adult in her fought against eyes closing, but not against the warm body curling in around hers. Pulled in close and in arms that were not letting go, the room dimmed around them as lips came to rest on the crown of her head. A whisper came with a kiss and big Snow only just thought she heard the three words of past she had been waiting a lifetime for as sleep claimed her consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – I am curious your take on the Regina and Cora scene here or of Snow and Regina’s parallel between the memories and this world?
> 
> Your thoughts would be appreciated.
> 
> Next time – Regina and Snow bond anew. In the Enchanted Forest they both attend Court with Leopold and little Snow gains insight into the subtle but powerful role a Queen plays for the people.


	13. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Time doesn't heal emotional pain; you need to learn to let it go."  
> – Roy T. Bennett—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Oi! What a week—I need a week of weekends to rest up! Happy Saturday and here is an extra long chapter for you. Enjoy as always.

Waking to the darkness surrounding them in the bare chill of morning Regina moved her arm Snow was using as a pillow, careful not to disturb the little one. Numb she shook it and took a moment to tuck the blankets around the child form holding the adult mind she had fallen asleep next to. And forgiven for a secret; she was finally able to understand why and ready to let that piece of the past go. Regina felt lighter as her fingers combed those dark curls behind Snow's ear. Getting out of bed she put on her robe and matching slippers.

Dark as it was, it would be a while before Snow awoke and there was no more sleep to be had for her busy mind anymore. Regina went downstairs and into the kitchen, readying the coffee pot to brew. As she waited for the black liquid to steep she leaned against the counter, twirling the ring on her right hand around and around in thought. Stopping then to simply hold it a moment, she brought it to her lips. Closing her eyes as another memory came to surface; Regina held tighter least the ring somehow slipped away…

 

 

_"It's pretty."_

_Regina watched with a heavy stomach as Snow draped the gold chain with her ring around a small neck. She sat forward more on the chaise at the foot of the bed in her chamber. Her hand paused in brushing the dark curls cascading down Snow's back in front of her._

_"Where did you get it?" Sweet curiosity asked as the ring at the end was looked over._

_Queen took a shaky breath as something flashed in the corner of her vision. She closed her eyes to it as her tone shifted to something grave. "Daniella gave it to me." Looking over Snow's shoulder as some dawning crossed the little pale profile._

_They had not spoken of the stables in month. Hardly spoken at all save over trivial things, never mind the why behind Snow telling her Mother about the mysterious stable maid joining them in lessons each week. As Regina brushed dark curls once more she missed her daughter. The easy way Snow used to fall into her arms, chatter away about anything and everything. Slip a hand into hers when no one was watching. Now they were as strangers to each other even in this intimate act._

_Since that day of disconnection, Regina had tried to coax and talk with the child, but Snow was having none of it. Something broke between them that day and Snow too, had tried in the childish way of testing to get her attention but they kept missing each other's intent in passing. Cora hadn't helped, but had in a strange way. Demanding her attention away from Snow to magic lessons and studying. The only good thing to come from that was that her Mother hadn't had time to be bothered with Snow. For that Regina would gladly attend lessons with the Dark One every day._

_"The stable maid." Snow's tone heavy with guilt Regina more than recognized. "The one who left our service..." Snows lips kept moving and Regina wasn't sure of the rest of that mumbled statement._

_"She did not leave." Correcting that notion felt foreign and cold as Snow turned around to face her. Little brows furrowed in confusion._

_"What?"_

_"She was killed." Fact said as it was left Regina's mouth and was filled with a growing darkness she didn't recognize as her own. Nor understand. Snow must have sensed it as the child turned away from her. A back she was growing more used to seeing only made her blood heat in this moment. But this moment she was not herself. Someone or something was..._

_"Oh no." Breathy and full Snow spoke._

_And Regina found her mouth being pulled apart to speak by invisible strings attached to her lips. "She was killed because you couldn't keep a promise to me; a secret from my Mother." Child went ridged under her chilly tone and Regina felt her hands begin to move of their own accord. One to anchor the child at the waist from running and the other like a black spider crept up a back to grip the gold chain at the nap of a neck. Her mind screamed against the actions, but her body was her own no longer._

_"But she…"_

_"No dear Snow." Words pure honey venom in their sickness._ 'NO! STOP!' _Regina screamed at herself in her head as her hands moved to pull on the chain until it became taut. "Mother knows best." Harder until the gasps from Snow turned into a struggle to breathe and little hands began clawing at a throat. Then the dark focus Regina's mind and body was trapped in broke wide open._

_"It's pretty."_

_Ripped open. Regina's eyes ripped wide open as the cold resentments of a compulsion spell began to fade away. A thin sheen of sweat marked her skin as she struggled to breathe. Snow. Breathing as Snow was breathing; that little back was to her as if nothing had happened. Regina's hands were shaking, fingers curled around the ends of black curls she had been tending._

_"Where did you get it?" The child asked, unaffected._

_Though Regina was anything but. More than a compulsion spell had taken over she realized. Dropping the brush in her lap Regina answered. "I don't remember." But she did remember. Every moment of her true love's life draining away in her arms as she cried at her Mother's feet. And it clicked._

Mother.

_Regina stood abruptly and rounded the chaise where Snow sat on a padded stool fingering the gold ring. Quick and gentle she took off the necklace from a small neck, eyes lingering there for any harm done. A pristine white throat glowed under a two green questions looking up._

_"You need to go to bed dear. It's late." Regina turned away from another tentative question rising in those Snow's eyes of whether a good night tuck in would come later. One that hadn't been asked for since before the stable incident. Regina's skin pricked cold and she knew they were being watched. She had to get her daughter out of the room. "Obey me at once." Firm and only for effect of the one watching from the shadows that there would be no such thing tonight no matter their equal want of it._

_"As you wish." Snow rose and curtsied, backing away three steps as was custom before turning a back to leave the chamber. Regina heard the wobble in that tone and closed her eyes against the hurt there. She wanted nothing more than to take her daughter in her arms to hold. But—_

_"You are learning." Black smoke faded in the wake of Cora's praise. "See what a little firm handling will get you Regina."_

_Queen stiffened as her Mother neared from behind. Turning she gave her as much of a dip of chin in acknowledgement as she could manage in her anger least praise turn to venom. Playing along. "What was that Living Vision for?" Regina knew enough about magic and the kind her Mother preferred at this point in her life to know what spell she had been under._

_"That." Cora circled and flicked a wrist. "Was a warning."_

_Ice. There was ice in Regina's veins turning her warmth numb. It felt… good against the raw ache in her heart just now. Less painful suddenly were these feelings. Less and less she stood straighter with it and asked without feeling. "Warning Mother?"_

_"Not to let your heart run back to your little princess with affection. You feel it, do you not Regina?" Chin rising as a cackle did in the back of a wicked throat. "How good it is not to feel. Easier. Simpler. And all that pain is suddenly gone."_

_Regina's hand went to her heart in wonder, to rest over it for a moment. Beating, it was beating against her numb skin._

_"Relax. I did not take it…" Mother trailed in further warning as pointed shoes came to rest mere inches from Regina's silk slippers. "You just keep listening to Mother and that—" A tap to the chest, "Will stay right where it is."_

_Then the sting of blue eyes dropped down to the gold chain wadded in one of her palms. Regina held her breath._

_Mother's chilly chide turned to glacial. "I let you keep that ring not as a kindness daughter, but as a reminder."_

_Daring to ask. "What reminder?" Daring as Regina forced her hands to her sides. She stared back, a tear welling to leak down her face as all numbness left her being with a flick of her Mother's finger. Feeling. Every feeling slammed ruthlessly back into her body, right back spreading into the very essence of her soul and her knees wanted to liquefy with it. Salt rolled from her eyes at a sickening speed as she gasped from the weight she didn't realize she'd been carrying._

_Loss was her mistress._

_A red line bowed tight on Mother's face. "Let it serve as such. One lesson I mastered for myself that you have yet to learn. Of what love, what weakness, will cost you Regina. Heed before it is too late."_

_And Regina promised herself she would heed, but not her Mother. Heed her own heart, it was stronger. For her daughter, the Kingdom's people, and for a chance to stop her Mother's terror._

 

 

Hot.

Something was hot against her hand Regina jerked back from the over flowing mug. Coffee poured from the pot in her other hand automatically in her memory haze and dripped down from the counter to the floor. Sucking her burnt finger Regina set down the pot and reached for a dish cloth to wipe up the mess. Cleaning as the stiff memory left her. Just as she stood from the floor to throw the towel in the sink little feet entered the room.

Soft, she gave soft eyes to the child looking at her and tried a small smile. Then Snow was at her waist hugging tight and her hands began to journey through fuzzy curls. This feeling of easy willing affection was long missed by her heart and so Regina let her heart speak. "Good morning. I wasn't expecting you up for another hour yet little one."

"I could not sleep anymore and I wanted you." A shrug as little Snow buried her face in a gray robe at the nick name. And then looking up, she reached up with hope to be held. Lifted fluidly and tucked up on a hip, she fumbled with the gold ring on Regina's hand. She remembered it as one she loved to play with. Queen's free hand covered her playful one and removed it instead to lace their fingers together. "Do I have to go to school today?" A husk of chuckle rang out at her question and that made Snow find the matching light long missed in amber eyes.

"I was thinking you and I would have what this world calls a hooky day." Swaying gently, Regina waited for Snow's reaction.

"What's that?"

"A day off from work and school."

"From breaking the spell too?"

Regina nodded. "Yes, that too." She needed a day. One day to pretend that this life they were in was their normal. Feeling that perhaps Snow did too.

Brightening. "Just you and me?"

"Just you and me." Returning the grin she was getting as she moved to set Snow to sit on the counter. "I also thought we could go visit David in the hospital and maybe take a walk to the stables to visit WinterStar."

"Really?!" Straightening with excitement, Snow all but bounced and kicked her legs joyfully. Then wilted.

"What's the matter?" Regina asked, wondering why that would upset the child so.

"It's just that I thought after yesterday we wouldn't be going back to the stables again and I need to write the letter to Master—I mean Mr. Jettson still. What if he is angry with me?"

Regina took a deep breath and took up a chin, thumb gracing a dimpled cheek. "For a little while I didn't think we would go so soon either, but just because I no longer ride is no reason to deny you something you find joy in. We can sign you up and you may give him your letter. I'll help you draft it after breakfast. I think like before you will find he is very understanding."

"So, I may take lessons?"

"You may with a few caveats in place." Beginning to go over the rules long ago established with the stables once again so they would be fresh in these ears. As she finished her expectations Snow's arms wrapped around her neck and she returned the hug.

"Thank you Regina."

As the Queen held onto the little girl another royal lingered on the peripheral behind the veil of the dead and the living. Considering and watchful of the way each held the other. A slow warm smile on a once ridged mouth grew under the mending happening between two hearts she had torn apart in life. In death with her own returned before the dark sleep had come for her, Cora only wanted one thing. Feeling her strength leaving in the light of the day, Cora faded back into the darkness to ready the next and final phase of her plan to mend what was broken for good.

 

**:::::::::::::**

 

Snow shed her coat in the foyer of the mansion. The morning outing had brought a brightness to her eyes and pink to her cheeks. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed having one on one attention and the full attention of the woman putting away a purse next to her. Rolling on her heels, she bit her lip, not wanting the eyes now on her again to go away. Visit to David and then the stables followed by Granny's for lunch, she still wanted more time together. Was hungry for it after going so long without.

Regina studied those little eyes, sensing the want there. An idea came and she smiled. "How about we take a look in the pantry and see if we can find the makings for ginger snaps?"

"We may bake? But what about…" It was out before she could process the words of the past and Snow bit her lip. She had been careful all day not to speak of anything negative that would ruin the peace between them. Her hand was taken and she was being pulled along into the kitchen.

Rubbing a thumb on the back of Snow's knuckles Regina led the way. "No one is going to stop us or tell us that baking is unfitting of our station." Pausing at the pantry she opened it and began pulling ingredients out and handing them to Snow. Child next to her still seemed a bit unsure, but held the items. "Give me your eyes." And Snow did, almost pensive like. "Why that look Snow bunny?"

Child tilted a head at the free use of her nickname, small smile blooming. "I just really missed this." Wanted to say missed you instead, but her heart was still in a delicate place.

Regina bent to gently brushed her lips to a temple and straightened up. "I have too." Fondly caressing Snow's curls, she moved to the counter with child on her heels. Together they began adding ingredients to a mixing bowl.

Dry and wet blended and Snow quickly forgot her worry. As the electric mixer was turned on she was tasked with sprinkling in the remaining flour slowly. Getting a leveled scoop out of the open bag Snow carefully brought the measuring cup over to the bowl Regina had begun mixing and stumbled, dropping the cup. White plumes of flour billowed between them, coating the floor, their feet and legs. Snow's eyes went wide and waited for what the Queen would do.

Regina turned off and set down the mixer. Watching Snow watching her she swiped one finger on the counter catching a dusting of flour that had landed there. She held it up for little eyes to see and smirked. Gently she tapped a little nose leaving a white dot in place. And Snow sneezed, further spreading the rest of the flour on the counter all over her black slacks and blouse. Then a smile grew and Snow laughed.

That giggle warmed Regina's heart. And for just a moment as Snow took her waist in a hug she forgot about the curse, her Mother, and the world they had come from. Right then in the happy green eyes looking up, Regina only saw her daughter.

 

**:::::::::::::::**

 

After cleaning up the kitchen from their baking adventure, Snow came to lean heavily against Regina hips as she rinsed the last of the suds from the rim of the kitchen sink. As she dried her hands she took in the tired state of the little girl fighting to stay awake and wrapped her arm around a pair of shoulders.

"I think it is time someone took a nap."

Snow yawned under that statement and coyly asked. "Who me?"

"Funny bunny." Regina chuckled enjoying the ease of that affection more and more and gave Snow's long curls a stroke. "Go on upstairs and I'll be right there.

"But I'm not sleepy." Protesting as she forced her eyes open wide and looked up. "See."

"I do, and still I'd like you to lie down for a while. I'll be right up with something that will help you fall asleep." Knowing just what would help ease Snow into the idea of a nap.

Reluctant, but not caring to fuss more, Snow gave one more squeeze to the Queen's waist and went upstairs. After a stop in the bathroom she went to her room. Small fingers fumbled with the buttons on her hip and her skirt dropped to the floor. Then off came her sweater. She folded both neatly to put on the dresser and left in an undershirt and panties she was about to climb into bed when Regina appeared in her doorway.

"Not so fast, you need a night dress or PJs." Raising a brow at the way Snow began to roll eyes as she explained. "It is much too cold to sleep like that."

Going to the dresser, Regina set down what she brought with on top and took out a warm long sleeve and pant sleep set in a dusty rose color. Sitting on the end of the bed she held out the bottoms. Snow approached and held onto her forearms to step in. She drew the pants up those legs and moved to the shirt. Snow put arms up without being asked and Regina popped the shirt on quickly, unable to resist giving ribs a tickle on the way down. The little giggle that followed brought forth her laughter. Smoothing a collar Regina tapped a nose gently with a smile and was glad one was returned.

The Queen stood. "Alright into bed with you and when you wake up it will be time for some homework and then perhaps we may watch a movie."

"But I'm not tired."

"Oh but I think you are little one."

Rubbing an eye with a fist. "Am not and I don't want to do homework." A small whine as her feet stalled at the side of the bed and the covers were drawn back. "But…" A gentle guiding pat to her bottom got her moving and in under the blankets. To her surprise Regina went to the dresser and returned to settle on the bed right next to her. She pointed to the item in the Queen's hand. "What's that?" Asking and snuggling in closer to see.

Regina wrapped an arm around small shoulders. "A book I thought you might enjoy. Henry certainly did when he was your age. It is this world's version of a story from our land. One we once read there together." Then big eyes were on her and little one hidden away.

"Why?" Snow eyed the cover with knowing and then Regina with hesitancy.

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing _this_?"

Regina realized both big and little Snow were asking two different things, but to both she gave one answer. "Because I think we both want to very much and so we shall."

Snow let that answer sink in and asked another question as it did. "What's it about?

A red smile full of nostalgia. "A very special horse by the name of _Black Beauty_."

She opened the spine of the well read book. One Regina had fallen in love with in this land all over again and she especially loved how it was told from the horse's perspective. She'd read it many times and to Henry too. Each time she had done so she always thought about how she longed to share it with Snow. Here and now she could; a gift of opportunity. And then the word _gift_ from her Mother's letter began to make some sense, but she pushed the thought of Mother away and only drew Snow closer.

"Will you read your favorite part first?" Snow asked, more than curious just what that part was and wondered if the story's were as similar as Queen said they were.

Thumbing the pages and skimming it took a moment for Regina to find the page. "There is a part between the baby horse and it's mare I think you may recognize." She began and hoped truly Snow would. Her finger trailed the words she spoke from the page. _"I hope you will grow up gentle and good, and never learn bad ways; do your work with a good will, lift your feet up well when you trot, and never bite or kick even in play."_

Pink lips parted as she rested her head against Regina's shoulder. "You told me that once. Or something like it." Pieces of that day flashed in her mind's eye.

"I did."

"You remember?" Snow had been wondering over the Queen's memory of things of past. Her own prominent when her little mind took over.

"I remember a great many things." Her words not clear on what exactly as a vivid image flashed in mind. "But yes little one. I remember telling you some very important things I am glad that you seemed to have held onto." Regina returned to the start of the book and began reading aloud, done elaborating for the moment.

By the end of the first chapter Snow was asleep. She closed the book and set it aside on the nightstand before lying down next to the child. Regina watched Snow sleep as she thought about what had prompted her to begin teaching the lesson about keeping one's heart full of kind and gentle intent while also emphasizing what it meant to be a Queen.

 

 

_The throne room was always drafty and even more so in the wintertime despite the huge fires in the hearths on either side of the great hall where she and the King held court. It was a long morning of hearing noble disputes and crimes against the crown where the King passed judgment on the lives of their people. Some petty crimes and others of much more grievance were presented today. Always she was present the same way; the quiet, dutiful wife of the King. Her opinion mattered not and was never asked for. She was to bear witness and be the perfect symbol for the role of a woman of the Kingdom; a beautiful, well behaved wife and mother._

_Though on occasion, she was able to exercise her thoughts on certain cases presented if she went about it in a strategic manner. A game of words and roles so to speak she was learning to play within a set of rules in place by their laws, the King, and her own knowledge of how to manipulate both in her favor._

_Regina detested court on days like today and even more so when Leopold insisted Snow is present with them. Leopold said it was in order for the girl to learn how to behave as future Queen alongside a husband who would be the new King and rule along with Snow once her daughter married and Leopold passed. Rule along was a comical word to use when Snow's husband would be the word of law in their land. She had a great many thoughts on that union when the time came, but that was years away from a discussion point—she hoped._

_As they sat on their thrones, she on the King's left on a smaller one next to his gold grandeur, Snow stood on her right between them. Close enough she could touch a pale hand so she choose to. Being a child, even a Princess, the girl was expected to stand for court or if given permission to perch on a silk pillow provided in front of little feet one step below Regina's throne._

_Queen noted the way her daughter was beginning to sway with fatigue. At six Snow still could not go the day without a mid day rest. As the morning went on it was past time for the child to be asleep. As the next case was announced she was about to bid Snow to sit which would no doubt irritate the King, but words were lost in her throat the words_ 'treason of roles' _were uttered by the court announcer. Her head snapped forward and she studied the shackled women being brought forth to kneel on stone at the base of the dais._

_A careful look toward the King and she saw the disdain and boredom in the set of his jaw as the case details were shared along with a brief history of the those standing accused. Then Regina glanced at Snow who had perked up with interest, it seemed. She could tell by the way that pink mouth parted there was a question or two brewing under dark curls. Snow must have felt her gaze for the child turned and looked as if to speak, but Regina gave the smallest hint of a shake and that was enough to have Snow remain quiet._

_"You both stand accused of engaging in acts of unification with each other. Doing so is a direct blasphemous act against our righteous laws and roles of this land. How do you plead?"_

_Regina closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, and opened them to rest on the women kneeling and looking only at each other. One spoke and her heart broke for them._

_"If you consider love between two people treason then I am guilty in your eyes, but not in the ones that matter to my heart." A young woman spoke with such conviction and the crowds murmured as the King's hand going up silenced all of them._

_Regina's knuckles turned white from her grip on the throne arms. Breathing hard against the tightness of her corset she fought to keep a neutral face when she felt anything but over his next words._

_"Then you will both lose your hearts with the new dawn. You are sentenced to death by bowman."_

_The King waved them away as if they were nothing and Regina reached out to him across the space between them to touch his forearm. His eyes burned at her display of touch and she could feel Snow's burning question over that gesture and more, so she spoke with great care. "Might you consider one of the re-education camps my King?"_

_There was such a thing in their land for those that did not conform to the defined gender roles within the law. Usually they were reserved for those of noble birth deemed too head strong for their own good by their parents. Mother had threatened her with re-education when she had been but Snow's age and had been caught playing wedding with two female dolls. Regina knew it had been nothing but a threat from Mother's mouth. The stigma that came with having one's child or kin re-educated did not bode well for a family's reputation._

_"Why ever should I?" The King challenged. "They are not of noble linage nor are they their family's provider nor have they children affected. Their death would be of no consequence."_

_Regina thought for a moment on how best to get him to agree. At least then the women would be alive and have a chance perhaps to escape. Graham ran an underground escape route for such prisoners in the re-education camps. If she could get them a place there they would have a chance to escape. She dipped her chin in deference and spoke in the demure way she knew he preferred._

_"This woman only wishes to have the people see you as compassionate my King as well as all powerful that you have the rule to do so within the law should you chose."_

_"And I have chosen wife. What of their fate concerns you so?" Leopold asked._

_Regina answered easily. "For Snow's benefit more than anything else. A lesson in mercy learned from none better than the King for she will inherit your legacy." She added as he seemed to be thinking over words. With a nod to the women in the clutches of the guards. "They are young and foolish as most uneducated women are and according to the case overseer one of them lost a Mother quite young. As their King, showing them mercy would only further solidify your strength as their savior for an unfortunate absence of that role model." Then finishing as humbly as she could manage when she thought him nothing of the kind. "I only wish the people to know of the reach of your wisdom and power on such things my King."_

_The King held up his hand to the guards and gave her credit within disdain as was his way. "I have been reminded by my Queen of the fragility of the female mind and on the importance of the role of a mother or in this prisoner's case a lack thereof. Today I will grant you mercy. Take them to the North re-education camp. If they prove worthy and dutiful to the role assigned them at birth in demonstration of their penitence then in time they may be released back into society to prove themselves as loyal subjects to the crown."_

_To Regina's relief he waved the women away in the opposite direction of the dungeons. Seeing he was in a temperate mood and more than pleased with himself she decided to inquire. "It is past midday and with your grace Snow and I will retire for a rest."_

_And he waved her off to hear the rest of the cases on his own. Regina stood and with a deep curtsy he expected, one Snow repeated, she backed down the dais one step before turning her back to walk. Little feet on her right and one step behind followed her path down the red carpet leading to the doors opening at the end of the hall. Nobles and peasants alike on either side dipped in bows as she passed. The two women in chains were forced lower on their knees by the guards as she approached. The one who spoke so boldly to the King managed to lift eyes up to hers and Regina understood the hint of a smile from that face. A silent thank you for another chance to love in freedom another day._

_As she exited and the doors closed behind them Regina's shoulders dropped as the weight of two lives hanging in balance by her words left. Snow seemed to sense her feelings and she heard little feet patter after her quickening ones and was surprised to feel a hand slip into her own. For a moment she allowed the affection. Was grateful for it. With one squeeze and a stroke of her thumb across the back of Snow's hand she released when she did not wish to._

_"Come along Snow." Regina directed and moved toward the steps that would lead them to the nursery. "It is time for you to have a rest."_

_"Yes Mother."_

_They walked in silence for a while and once she closed the door of Snow's room for privacy she coaxed her daughter to speak. "Tell me your thoughts of court today little one."_

_Snow trailed her to the bed where she sat and spun little shoulders around. With child's back to her Regina began to undo the lacing of the silk white dress._

_"I thought Father showed mercy to let them go." Snow dropped a chin as the dress dropped to a puddle at feet._

_Regina sensed a hidden truth there. "I want_ your _thoughts, not what you think I want to hear." Explaining, in her own way, that it was safe for them to speak openly. "Always I want your honesty Snow." Her fingers moved to the girl's training corset, loosening the tight lacing she more than detested to allow Snow comfort to breathe in sleep. Deciding the shift under the corset warm enough for sleep, she tapped a hip, a signal for Snow to turn and the child did so. Regina took those hands and held._

_"I think it is sad they are not able to be together." Child took a step closer._

_Easily agreeing. "It is."_

_"But the law says differently and I don't understand why it's wrong for them if they love each other."_

_Delicate as the conversation topic was Regina thought for a long moment before responding. Snow seemed to sense the seriousness of the talk being had and waited quietly at her feet. Needing her daughter closer, Regina sat back and patted her lap. Snow grinned and climbed right up to sit. She pulled that little heart close to her own and found the words she hoped would stick with her child a lifetime._

_"Not everything written in our laws is right or good. Some are quite the opposite. And in matters of the heart things are never as simple as ink on parchment, but ones intent matters greatly."_

_"But how do you know what is right or wrong?" Asked as Snow snuggled into her chest._

_"Your heart will tell you. Like it did just now with your sadness. Don't let the laws of men or this land keep you from listening to the whispers there." Regina kissed the crown of dark curls under her chin and tapped Snow's chest gently. "This is your conscience. Your moral compass and often times it is the guide you must listen to before the written law._

_Snow was quiet for a long minute and looked up with wide eyes. "I don't hear any words though. How do I hear it?"_

_Regina cupped a cheek. "You will learn to. Seek first to understand another person's intent before you act as well as know your own. Keep a gentle and good heart. Grow with it into a strong compassionate Queen our people may be proud of and perhaps in your generation things may begin changing."_

_"But Father says one must act with a firm hand and mind. Grandmother too."_

_Nodding Regina explained. "There is a time and place for such a mindset, however if a monarch is not benevolent in heart before firm action they will not earn the people's love and loyalty."_

_Snow wiggled on her knee and a sigh of confusion Regina recognized came forth. "I don't understand."_

_"You know the sweet bread you like to eat or the soft silk we wear?" The child nodded and Regina thought this example might be a better one her daughter could understand. "Our people work to produce from the land. We purchase their goods or sometimes they are given to us in payment instead for taxes. In turn we provide them protection and our land for them to work and live. They are the backs the grain we eat comes from. Their hands weave the cloth we wear and their work provides our time for learning and pursuit of pleasure. We owe them our protection, wisdom, and love. Guidance too from our hearts and experience we have when they come to us with disputes or seeking justice for a wrong. In some cases when they break the law it is our responsibility to help balance that wrong. But in the case of today, in spite of the law, their hearts were not wrong."_

_Green eyes brightened then with some understanding. "Because we serve them not they us."_

_Regina smiled, glad Snow remembered what she'd taught about responsibility and service to the people due to royal station. The girl yawned as she continued to stroke dark curls. "That's right. You remember little one. Does that answer your question?"_

_"Yes Mommy." Murmured informal affection always pulled at Regina's heart in the sweetest way. "Time for sleep." She stood with Snow in her arms and turned down the great bed. Laying Snow down, Regina drew up the thick goose down blanket under a little chin._

_"Not sleepy."_

_"Of course you are not Snow Bunny." Regina gave a knowing kiss to her daughter's forehead as little eyes lost the battle to wakefulness._

 

 

As her mind cleared the past away Regina wondered over what else her daughter remembered of the lessons on the heart she'd tried to instill. With a kiss between sleeping brows Regina thought she might understand more than she thought about the two minds resting beside her in that bed. Two minds that shared one heart she realized she well knew, one she'd never forgotten and always kept close to her own even when Snow had pushed hers away. That was changing day by day and slowly but surely her daughter was returning to her once more.

 

**:::::::::::::::::**

 

As the evening approached, the fullness of their day of fun caught up to Snow as the sky darkened outside. Even though her nap had helped she was still tired. She was in her room playing with Mr. Thumper waiting on Regina to come and prompt her to get ready for bed when she heard footsteps in the hallway approaching. Pretending to pour tea into a plastic cup for the tea party she was hosting in the middle of her room with her stuffed toys Snow frowned.

"Awww, is it time already…" Turning to beg five more minutes of play and her blood froze. Iris' shattered at the vision of stiff black silk standing behind her. Eyes traveled up to a belted waist where a set of skeleton keys hung and could move no further as her stomach violently turned inside out.

Cora took in the little girl at her feet as she took a step closer.

Pink lips opened to scream, but no sound came out. Snow was choking on her own cries as she scrambled back against the side of the bed hugging her knees and suddenly those black skirts stopped moving forward and moved away to the other side of the room. Snow's eyes darted to the door and back to the apparition that looked like her Grandmother. The adult inside of her was screaming at her to run, to cry out, to move away, but the shaking child could do none of those things.

"Get the hell away from her." Sharp from the door.

And suddenly Regina was standing in front of her and Snow could breathe again. She peered around those legs shielding her and gripped fabric of slacks at the Queen's leg. At the touch Regina's hand rested on the top of her head.

The ghost spoke. "I am not here to hurt her."

"And I am supposed to believe you?" Regina countered with another step forward. "Get out!"

"I only want to speak to her." Cora tried again.

"That's not happening." Regina assured. "Snow. Go to my room. Shut the door, lock it." The child jumped up, but took her hand instead.

"I'm not leaving you."

Squeezing once, Regina gave direction again. "It's alright, go on." But Mother's next words kept them both in place.

"If you want to get back home this is part of how to get there." Cora cut in.

Regina hesitated, eyes assessing for a trick or untruth. "If you want to talk you talk. Leave her out of this."

"Oh but I cannot do that Regina. This spell is woven with both of your needs and cannot be broken without both of your efforts. If you won't let me talk to you then she needs to listen in your stead."

Big Snow pushed forward in mind and leaned tight against a hip, braving a few words when Regina's hand came around her shoulder pulling her in close. "Both of us how?"

Blue eyes darted between daughter and granddaughter. "That is what you need to work together to figure out." Her strength waning, Cora felt the solid ground beneath her feet begin to fade as she did.

"What's happening to her?" Snow whispered up to Regina as the Queen's eyes never left the now translucent woman.

"She's losing her power." Said as she thought it and reached a hand out to run through her Mother's fleeting form. Regina hissed as frost made all the fine hairs on her hand stand upright, but other than frigid air her Mother appeared not to be able to touch her and then the apparition was gone entirely.

Snow's little chest rose and fell as she rubbed her eyes to see what was unseen again, but her Grandmother seemed to be gone truly. And then Regina was kneeling in front of her.

"Did she hurt you?" Needing to be sure.

Dark curls shook and Snow bit her lip as she began to shake with the adrenaline flooding her veins. "No, just scared me." And then she was being lifted up with Mr. Thumper to a hip and they were leaving her room to go down the hall. "What does she mean by you won't talk to her?" Mind racing on what was said and unsaid as Regina set her down on the bed in the master suite.

"I'm not sure how, not entirely anyway, but she's been haunting us since we've been here." Regina began as little eyes bugged at her and turned big again.

"And you're just now telling me this?" Big Snow stammered as her hands gripped Regina's knees near her own on the bed where they sat.

"I didn't want to scare you and I thought—"

"Well I **am** scared and—"

Regina countered. "Don't interrupt me—"

"You shouldn't have kept—" Snow cut right back in as her cheeks were cupped by two warm hands.

"I was trying to protect you."

And Snow promptly dropped her jaw as thumbs stroked her wet cheeks. "But… why?"

"Because I am your Mother." Regina searched green eyes trying to convey the _more_ she didn't know how to say. "I have always been your Mother in spite of everything you think you understand. And that is important here. Somehow that role and your role matters."

Snow was quiet for a long moment. "Why does it matter here and not before?" Her eyes stung in confusion that she was beginning to think didn't belong.

"It has _always_ mattered Snow." Queen lifted a dipping chin for the adult mind she saw wanting to run again. "It has always mattered to me and the sooner you realize that I think that may be what Cora means by working together." She wasn't entirely sure but with what she did know that made sense. And just as quickly as big Snow was present the adult was gone for the child again and little eyes filled with tears and reached for her neck.

"She's going to get me." Arms going tight in fear as Snow began drowning in memories of the past. Taken to sit in a lap she was held against a heart with a beat that she found calming.

"No she is not going to get you. Her magic, what's left of it, seems to be fading." Stroking long curls, Regina soothed little tears. "I can't stop her from appearing, but I don't think she will try that with you again."

"How do you know?" Weary.

Regina took a deep breath. "Because I'm going to give her what she wants."

"What?"

"Me." Swallowing hard as she felt Snow go ridged in her arms.

"You can't—"

"She has something to say to me and I have not given her a chance to. Perhaps if I do, she will leave us alone." Based on her prior conversation with her Mother she knew it was more complicated than that. Cora had said it was up to Regina to let _her_ go and she still was not sure what that meant.

Snow pulled back to see the tone of amber eyes. "But what if she hurts you?" That idea upset her greatly.

In her leaving angst and fear Regina gave a small bitter laugh. "She has already done the worst she can to me." Realizing that for the first time and sobering hard in that truth as she pulled Snow closer. It had taken many deaths, losing her children, and two curses to realize that. "I am not afraid of her any longer." And the hope in her arms right now was not one Regina could bear losing again.

 

**::::::::::::::::::**

 

"But why can't I be with you?" Snow huffed as a night gown was drawn over her head and clung to her damp skin. Fresh from a bath, it didn't make sense to her why Regina had to speak with that woman at such a specific time so late at night and being put to bed now would not allow her to be the look out as she's imagined she'd be.

Regina smoothed the cotton gown and began to do up the small pearl buttons on the front. Snow was not letting this topic go since Cora's appearance Tuesday evening and now Thursday she was more than ready to be done with the topic entirely. She'd taken yesterday to gather her thoughts and emotions and tonight she'd decided to make contact once again. Hopefully for the final time.

"You can't be with me because you have another important job." Regina began as she finished the last button and squeezed little shoulders once.

Hoping to help. "What?"

"To get some sleep so you're not a cranky little troll when I wake you up for school in the morning." Reaching tickle hands just as she'd done with Henry at this age Snow's squeals of laughter gave her heart strength. Ceasing when little one's cheeks turned pink Regina stood and pulled down the duvet. "Alright young lady. Bedtime." Patting the cool sheets once as Snow climbed in. Regina returned to sit on the side of the bed and tucked Mr. Thumper tight into little reaching hands.

Green searched for a promise in amber. "You'll be careful?"

"Very careful." Regina promised and leaned down to kiss a brow. Then serious. "Under no circumstances are you to try and eavesdrop or come in my room unless you absolutely need me or there is an emergency. Just for tonight. Alright?" She needed no distractions or worry that Snow would get tangled between her and Mother's words.

A wide eyed nod.

And a tone from Queen past surfaced for the seriousness of the matter. "A proper answer please."

"Yes, alright."

Regina heard the sincerity of those words and was satisfied enough to leave that subject alone. She reached to turn on the small night light they'd picked up after school last week. Stars began to glow and dance across the ceiling in her wake. Shutting the door and taking a deep breath she went to her room to further prepare.

All too soon midnight approached. Called the witching hour for a reason, it seemed the best time to speak to the one haunting them. Veil the thinnest between worlds she suspected Mother's earlier fading acts were due to the time of appearance before then. At this point they should have more time to talk. It would also be when her Mother's strength would be the strongest, but Regina didn't fear physical harm.

No, she'd spent the last day and a half shielding her heart instead against what was to come. The final battle of hearts with the Queen of them. Regina checked her door once more, making sure the inner lock was on. She'd checked on Snow all but ten minutes ago and child was sound asleep, but just to be sure little feet wouldn't wander in as they were prone to doing lately she wanted that door sealed.

"Mother." One affection that was anything but.

Regina paced the length of her room. The silk of her pajama pants gave a soft swish as she walked. Then the chill began to creep in and the carpet crunched with the ice chips forming under her feet. She felt presence before she saw the dark skirts out of the corner of her eye. Turning she was all but three paces from the woman who had tormented her wake and sleep for decades.

Blue and amber weighed in the silence.

And when blue was unwavering Regina held her own. "I will hear you out. Listen to whatever you have to say, but I want something in return." Mother's chin lifted and she pushed on. "I want your Witch's Oath that you will not try to contact or appear to or hurt Snow or anyone else in anyway going forward."

"Done."

Too easy she thought, but Regina felt the magic tether snapping in place between them binding Cora to that oath. One Regina knew magic would not let her Mother break in this world or when they returned home. Those blue eyes still pierced hers and with a deep breath she pointed to a ringed hand as another puff of white air escaped her lips. "What is that?" She shivered.

"This," Cora began holding up a two ended candle, "Is what your daughter used to kill me."

Regina paled. "I—"

"No Regina." Cora took a step closer. "You do not have to own or shield Snow's actions from me any longer." Hand out stretched. "Take it."

Regina eyed the candle and then her Mother once more. Reaching she took it by the metal wrap in the middle separating the white and black ends.

"The first time we really spoke here you asked me a question." Cora took another step closer. "You asked me why I let myself be consumed by darkness and power." A nod to the candle. "Light it and see."

Regina's grip around the carved metal band hardened. "I don't need illumination on your past, or your excuses."

"No," Cora easily agreed, "But you do on yours. You agreed to listen and this is the way I am choosing to speak. Light it."

Jaw squaring Regina stepped back and went to her nightstand. Opening the drawer she extracted a lighter she used for the candles in case of a power outage. She returned with the lighter and gave it a flick with her thumb, but Mother's head shook.

"Not that way or it will not work. With Witch Fire."

Amber narrowed. "I can't here and you know it."

Blue eyes closed a moment and a head shook. "You were born with elemental magic Regina, even my magic cannot put a cap on that on for long." She had tried and only briefly succeeded when Regina had been a child and when that child had grown up and had cause that magic sparked to life. She'd nearly lost her hand when it had.

"Then why did you here."

"You needed time to cool off and not do something you would regret."

Regina swallowed and decided to ignore that truth for now. Concentrating she called forth the warmth and smoke of a flame. Straining it flickered in her palm. But it was enough to light both ends before it smoked out. Moving to her dresser she set it to burn on a decorative silver plate she normally used for jewelry. Watching the flames the room began to fall away between them for a peek into the past. Colors, voices, people blurred into image after image of memory seen through her Mother's eyes. It began at a dilapidated Mill with the rages of a drunken father and abandonment of a mother. Of kneeling on cold marble at the feet of snickering royals. Straw spun into gold after a deal was made. And on and on it went to one betrayal and humiliation and hurt after another until the moment her Mother was standing in front of the imp with a box in hand and in that moment when Regina realized whose heart was in that box she turned away.

"Enough." And the image blurred back into the nothing from which it had come. Smoke from two tapers billowed up from a pool of melted wax now mixed. Shaking her head and more than freezing Regina hugged herself and turned to regard her Mother. "Did you show me this as some kind of excuse for what you did to me and mine? Because there is no excuse _Mother_."

"I showed you so you would have some understanding when I ask what I am about to now." Cora waved a hand and the candle remnants vanished.

Regina chewed an inner cheek. "And why should I answer any of your questions?"

"You shouldn't, but you should answer one for yourself."

A dark brow rose as Mother took the last step separating them.

"When are you going to stop blaming yourself for my wrong doings?"

Red lips parted under misting amber. And closed in a firm line as water spilled down her cheek.

"If death and the return of my heart have taught me anything Regina it is the power behind one thing. Love, your love and for your children, is anything but weakness. It is _your_ strength. One I never had. So I ask that you forgive me for my weakness."

Bitterness spoke. "Why would I ever forgive you for what you did?"

Cora reached to touch that cheek and the flinch there made her eyes a sea of mirrors. "Because when you do, not for me but for yourself, you will be free of me entirely Regina."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Regina and Snow have come such a long way, don't ya think?
> 
> Next time: A bit of school mischief leads to a deeper talk and new understanding between Snow and Regina.


	14. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A Mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking.”
> 
> -Helen Steiner Rice-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – We are nearing the last set of chapters. About three more after this including the epilogue.

Freedom.

It was all Regina had ever truly wanted. She sighed as she took another sip of iced scotch. The numbness felt good on her tongue and throat. Numbness she needed to soothe the ache of feeling. She had always felt too much. A fault Mother had once said would be her down fall. Now those same lips that use to speak with such scorn at her had said something else she had never considered entirely.

But forgiveness was not that simple.

Her heart wouldn’t let it be and in that Mother was right. Her fist closed around the glass so hard then Regina felt it want to give under the pressure. Letting loose after the heat passed she set the glass on the coffee table of her Study and shook her hand out as she stared at the fireplace. A point of her finger and stone morphed the gas one into a waiting grate stacked with cedar logs. Then she held her hand palm up. Calling forth that heat again and watched it rise from a flicker to a ball of spinning fire in her hand. With a roll of her wrist it went crackling into the grate and sap on logs began snapping as a knock sounded on her door.

Regina’s eyes closed. Tired from more than the effort of summoning her awakened powers. “Come in Snow.” And opened them with the sound of the door from behind. Turning she tried for a reassuring smile that she wasn’t sure came across that way for the uncertainty on the child’s face.

“I had a dream and…” Shrugging as Snow wiped her eyes and stepped into the room. “Your bedroom door was open, but I saw the light on down here.” Not wanting to be in trouble for wandering at night when she’d been told explicitly not to.

“It’s alright.” Regina patted the couch welcoming the warmth the little girl brought. Even with the fire she was still chilled to the bone. Snow trotted over and hopped up to settle right by her. Together they watched the flames dancing until Snow broke open the silence.

“How did it go with Grandmother?” Little one asked and leaned into a shoulder as she tucked her feet up under the hem of her nightgown.

“Let’s just say she won’t be bothering you again or anyone else but me for that matter.”

“Did she say sorry for scaring us?”

Such an innocent concept and Regina’s lips cracked into a brief smile over it. If only the world worked on the childish idea of the magic that one word supposedly held. “Not in so many words no.” Deciding to share a bit of the conversation she thought the child could understand. “But she did ask for my forgiveness on a few things I am still thinking about.”

Snow pondered that word. One she was still trying to figure out the meaning of. She didn’t know what to say to that so she said nothing, but gave her hand over to take up the one fisted in a lap.

At the willing touch and Regina softened, squeezing once in return. “It’s not that easy though and I am trying to sort through the why of it.”

“I could help.” Snow chimed in eagerly. And the top of her head was kissed for her efforts.

“Yes, I suppose you could.” Then the clock chimed announcing the one o’clock hour. “But that is a talk we will have another day.” Standing Regina pulled Snow along with her.

And as most children do when sleep is nearing they ask some of the tougher questions in life. “Why did she hurt us so much?”

Regina gripped the banister firmly as they ascended and tried to answer when she wasn’t sure she fully understood herself. Both of them had felt Cora’s ringed hands in a way no child even should and it was in that shared experience Regina found her words. “She was not a warm person and carried a lot of hate for how people once treated her. She locked a lot of her life away from me and what I thought I knew and understood I don’t think I really do.”

Snow padded along with a pair of gray slippers to her room. The covers came back and she was once again tucked in. “But you’re her daughter.”

Little mind struggled to understand what her big half had heard the Queen say the other day about being their Mother when Cora had appeared. Shouldn’t Mothers know their daughters and in turn the same? As much as she had fought and still sometimes fought against the woman sitting on her bed tucking her in, little Snow had no doubt how well Regina knew her. And she thought she was getting to know the woman who had saved her life in more ways than one, once more.

“I am, but as she admitted title or not, she was never really a Mother to me.” Tucking dark curls behind little ears as she pondered aloud. “Still I thought I at least occupied a part of her heart even if it was out of her body my whole life.”

Then needing to know for certain Snow asked. “Am I in your heart?” Licking her lips as they wanted to roll inward. “By Henry?”

Regina pulled up the duvet under a little chin and stroked the little finger tips peeking over the top with hers. Green eyes began to close. “Right by Henry.” Kissing a cheek as the child yawned and standing with one last look. “Rest now my little Snow Bunny.”

 

**::::::::::::::::::::**

 

Snow sat on a bench outside of her classroom door waiting as the parent teacher conference that was supposed to be had Monday was being had now. She wondered what was being said as she kicked her heels against the bench rung. Regina had come and met her on the steps. After a hug and kiss hello in greeting she was taken inside and told to work on her homework. She had finished that quickly enough since it was reading. Thoughts of going outside to the playground came and went as their talk from earlier in the week had her remembering what had been said about being where she was expected to be.

Both sides of her had been trying hard to listen and be open to the Queen’s direction. Both were also finding contentment and comfort in the easy affection Regina gave. Longed for more of it now that she was coming to better understand the woman who had raised her. They had talked more in the last several days about feelings and real things than they had in the years living together since the day at the stables. Snow was enjoying the attention and she sensed the Queen was more than enjoying giving it to her too.

The door opening had her looking up and she wondered over the straight red mouth. She knew that look and the trouble that usually followed her from it. On instinct she stood up, hugging her backpack to her chest wishing it was Mr. Thumper.

“May we go home?” Snow asked carefully and frowned when a hand was held out for her to take along with a head shake.

“There is something we need to discuss with your teacher first and we both have a few questions for you. Come along.”

Snow took that hand and followed behind heels into her classroom where her teacher Ms. Potts sat at a round table with a bunch of papers fanned out. She was directed to sit across from her teacher and next to the Queen. Dropping her bag on the floor, Snow perched on the seat, running her hands over the length of her skirt in wonder.

“What’s wrong?” Snow braved a question and was glad when Regina took her hand in comfort. “I’ve been doing my work and trying hard.” She assured thinking that is what the adults wanted to hear.

“All of your work on your own?” Regina asked.

Snow’s brow furrowed as her teacher slid a stack of math sheets across the table. “All of these,” Ms. Potts began, “are your math homework sheets and every single one has every problem correct.” Another pile was scooted forward. “This is your class work in the same subject. What do you notice?”

Child took in the red marks there and scribbled notes with examples from her teacher on the class work sheets and the single mark of an A on all the homework sheets. Her cheeks turned pink and she ducked her chin at the striking difference. Regina squeezed her hand.

“You are being asked a question.” Regina prompted in wait for an explanation. She had helped Snow enough times with math homework to know it was not Snow’s best subject and some of those sheets they had done together and she expected them not to be perfect marks. The fact that all of them in this pile were, even the ones they had worked on together, had her wondering over how they were that way.

“I’m sorry.” Snow tried and bit her lip as her eyes went back and forth between the piles. “I only wanted to do well.” She had only aimed to please.

“How did you manage to get these all correct?” Regina helped to refocus the girl whom she could tell was on the verge of tears. Tapping the papers twice in prompt and when no words came forth she went to lift Snow up under arms and moved the child to sit on her lap.

“I made a mess again. I didn’t mean to be bad.” A big sniff. She had been trying so hard not to be difficult, to listen and blend in. It was hard with everything going on and none of it she could share with anyone except Regina.

“You are not bad little one. Far from it. Your teacher and I just want to understand your thinking so we can help you.” Regina affirmed and bent to pull a tissue from her purse and wiped Snow’s tears. “Talk to me please.”

“I used the number box.” Child began. She found speaking easier in these arms holding her.

Patient and with a similar curious look at the teacher Regina asked. “What number box?”

 “I found it in the kitchen drawer a while ago and I played with it, but _she_ told me what it did and so I used it on my math homework.”

Regina understood just who _she_ was and that the number box was probably the calculator she kept in the kitchen junk drawer. “You know you are supposed to do your own work, don’t you. That if something is difficult you may always ask for help?” The ready nod she received didn’t add up to the actions done. “Then if that is the case, why did you use it on your homework?”

More sniffles and Snow tried to tuck her chin, but it was lifted. “You are so busy with everything and I didn’t want to do bad in school. I was trying to help by not being in the way.”

Regina’s eyes closed for a long moment, now understanding the logic there. The rest of her upset over the matter left and it seemed to be enough of an explanation for the old woman, now stacking the sheets of paper to put in Snow’s folder. She rubbed Snow’s back and gave a nod to the teacher. “Going forward I assure you I will be checking her homework every evening and would appreciate a note or a call if there is any further concern over her academics.” The fact that there had not been either since this meeting did not sit well with her. “That way this will not happen again Ms. Potts.”

“I did send a few notes home, but I did not get them back.” The older woman folded her hands primly on a lap. “Snow said you couldn’t be bothered.”

Snow squirmed under the two pairs of eyes now on her as that truth came out. Her teacher had done that and she had said as much in return when asked the following mornings. She could feel the question wanting to be asked from the Queen, but it did not come. Instead she was lifted under her arms to stand up and her hand taken up once more.

“I need to speak with my daughter further on that, but at home.” Regina explained as she looked down at the top of Snow’s head. Child was shuffling feet, little eyes locked on the carpet. “To avoid any more miscommunication going forward I’d appreciate a call or an e-mail.” Then to Snow she asked. “What did you do with the notes?”

Snow stared at her toes.

Tisking the Queen prompted. “Snow?

A mumble, but still unclear.

Understanding and patience Regina had given the issue of the math homework, but the notes and the fact they had been kept from her knowledge was not sitting well with her. Regina was done with hiding. Too much hiding had been done in their past and within this new connection forming between them she wanted to keep lines of communication wide open. She leaned down to be eye level as she turned little shoulders her way. “A clear response please and I will not ask you again.”

Snow tried to hold the gaze on her as she answered. “They are in my desk at home.”

First use of that word from her little one had Regina softening considerably. They had a few things to discuss it seemed. She straightened up. “You owe your teacher a proper apology and then we may go.” She waited for Snow to make amends and shook the teacher’s hand before picking up the backpack and leading the way to the car.

Snow stared out the window at the passing houses and wondered over just how much trouble she was in. Back in the Enchanted Forest any upset over her lessons or lack of effort more often than not earned her a stern talking to, sometimes more if she had been deceitful in some way. Here her actions seemed to add up to quite the mess in her mind and she wondered how Regina was thinking on it.  Once the car parked and they were walking up to the house her tummy began to dance. Inside she took off her coat and shoes. Taking extra time to hang and line up her things neatly in place in the foyer closet. Queen seemed to be doing the same and done with her task she started to fidget as she waited for directions.

“I would like to see the notes.” Queen crossed her arms as she regarded the girl looking very much like a nervous bunny. “Fetch them and come meet me in the Study.”

Pink lips parted. “Am I in trouble?” Thinking she was, but still hoped not.

“Not how you are thinking little one.” Regina began vaguely and took a step forward dropping her arms. “We do need to talk though.”

Snow’s shoulders slumped and with heavy feet she went upstairs. Calculator and notes in hand she went back down stairs and right to the Study. Stopping at the threshold she saw the Queen sitting on the couch. Beckoned forth she went to put the calculator on the coffee table and sit on the empty cushion. She handed over the three notes still in their sealed envelopes.

Taking them from Snow, Regina read the fluid script addressed to her on the outside of each envelope, glad to see they were still sealed. She opened one and read, slowly doing so to the other two. Eyeing Snow’s wiggling form over the top of the last note she folded it and set them all aside on the table behind her.

“Are you mad?” The little girl couldn’t tell and she never could with Regina in moments like this.

“I’m not mad, though I am unhappy with not knowing about the notes and of your answer to your teacher about why I was not seeing them. I am also concerned with your thinking about your home work and your feelings behind why you didn’t come to me for help.” It was clear then, that is where she needed to start.

Little eyes looked up. “Am I in disgrace then?” That concept she understood and could work through. This gray area she seemed to be in did not make sense and was something she’d not experienced before. In their world it did not work like that. There was right and wrong and she knew where wrong actions got her, but here that seemed to work differently and she was not sure why.

“It is not that simple little one.” Regina patted her lap and Snow crawled over to sit back in her arms. “This whole thing seems to have started many weeks ago.” The dates on the notes indicated that much. “And weeks ago things were different between us. Would you agree?”

Snow nodded and then remembered to answer. “Big me was mad at you all the time and sometimes I was too.” More than sometimes she realized.

“And I know I have said more than once, especially early on when we first got here, that I expected you to help by going to school and trying your best there. You were only trying to listen to my instructions on that matter and I more than understand that you meant well with your math homework.” Regina felt Snow relax in her arms under that affirmation as little hands began playing with the gold ring on her right hand. She allowed it and found that the motion did not cause her the distress it once had for just who had given her that ring.

Regina knew her words said weeks ago in frustration over their circumstances of being here had been taken to heart and too much so it seemed over what she’d said about the need to use her free time to work on breaking the spell. While she was still working on a solution to that the last few weeks being with Snow had turned into something different. Something more and her focus shifted to mending the broken past and present between them. To be more of the Mother Snow had known and even now still needed her to be. Regina didn’t fault the child over the homework in the least. Snow had been following her instructions, misinterpreted as they had been.

“I’m sorry for using the number box or cal-cu-lator.” Trying for the correct word for the object, Snow thought it an odd one.

“I understand why you did. And again I am not upset over that. Weeks ago I…” Taking a deep breath when she reflected on just how chaotic things had been between them. How raw both of their nerves had been scraped with emotions strong in misunderstanding and hurt crashing together from two worlds. “I owe you an apology.”

Snow’s head snapped up, almost catching the Queen’s chin. She wriggled around to better see the eyes on her and those amber eyes were full of an ache she thought she just may understand.

“When we first got here I didn’t understand a lot of things and I was very angry to wake up here without Henry or knowing why you were as you are.” Regina tried to explain her feelings and felt she was doing a terrible job with the way her throat kept catching words. But Snow was listening and so she focused on that. “I let my frustration over our situation out on you and I shouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t help matters any.” Big words from a little mouth. Snow’s adult mind pushed in. “I baited you and knew I was doing it at the worst possible moments… especially over my Father’s death.” Remembering that fight well and the venom with which she’d spoken about it to the Queen. “I know now it wasn’t your fault.”

Heat burned behind her eye lids and Regina swallowed them down. “Still, I am and have been the adult the entire time. You are my responsibility and I was less than patient with you when we arrived.” The smirk very much her adult daughter’s on Snow’s face threw her. “Something amusing?”

“I was a brat.” More big words. “Here and in the past and I don’t feel like you were impatient with me.” A pause and quieter words. “Then or now.”

Regina searched the adult eyes she’d not seen in a long while and then they went away for little ones returning. “Even so, I’m sorry.” The child reached up and wrapped arms around her neck. She returned the hug easily.

“I’m sorry too.” And Snow was for how she’d acted early on and more so recently. Regina was trying and now that she was too there was a significant difference in her mind, both of them, in how she felt about the Queen. Holding tight for a moment more, she pulled back. “May I go and play now?” Hopeful this was the end of the matter on school.

Regina chuckled at the childish hope and shook her head. “Not so fast. We still need to discuss the notes and your lack of telling me about them. I think I understand why, but I would like to hear it from you.”

“I didn’t want to bother you with them.”

Nodding. “You said as much at the school and I would like to know why?” The answer would drive the next part of their conversation and her response to Snow’s original question of being in trouble. As she thought, child wiggled on her knee and Snow’s hands began to twist at the uniform shirt. She put one of hers over them, running her thumbs along knuckles to soothe.

“I didn’t want you to know I wasn’t doing well. Ms. Potts said to give them to you and you needed to sign them.” Snow dropped her chin as she spoke. “You are, were, always so busy everything and with breaking the spell too and I didn’t think you would want to be bothered with it. That’s why I used the calculator.” Then shrugging as her words left her.

With that connection between the two issues Regina sighed, needing one more piece of information. “Did you not tell me because you didn’t think I would help you or was it for another reason?”

Curls shook. “I knew you’d help, but I didn’t want you mad at me for hiding them… Like I hid knowing about the letters between you and Daniella.” Snow buried her face into a chest as her back was rubbed. “You were mad when I told you about the letters and I didn’t want you mad at me like that again when things are better now.” Tears welled and fell fast down her cheeks soaking the Queen’s blouse.

There was the root exposed and in it Regina held Snow close as the crying intensified. She petted and soothed, kissed the crown of curls under chin as she thought on what to say. Deciding to begin with the past. “I was upset about the letters when I first found out, but I am glad you told me because I needed to understand your side of things and how you were thinking back then when you told my Mother about them.” She pulled Snow back so they could see each other. Lifting a chin she summoned a few tissues and gently began clearing Snow’s face free of upset. “I never wanted you to feel like you couldn’t tell me your feelings or thoughts.” Realizing along the way that is what had happened.

“So you do understand why I told?” Snow asked what she’d been wanting to for a long time as she sniffled.

“I do and I’ve forgiven you as I hope you will forgive me at waiting so long to really talk about that with you. I was hurt and I didn’t know how to share that with you other than keep it to myself.” She took up little hands and held as her eyes shined. “I don’t know how to show my feelings very well and for a very long time I thought I was doing right by you in keeping them to myself. All I ever wanted was to protect you and raise you with the kind of love and affection I was never shown. I didn’t have the best examples. My Father tried with me, but he was not the parent I needed him to be. And with you…”

At the long pause little Snow helped. “You didn’t want to be your Mother.”

In her daughter’s clear understanding of what she had been trying to explain in many more words than necessary Regina let her tears go, dropping her head for a moment to breathe before she brought her wet eyes back up. Allowing Snow for the first time truly to see her heart unveiled. “How did you become so wise little one?”

“You taught me well.”

Regina’s heart pulled and she gave a small smile for the gift from that pink mouth.

“Are you still mad at big me?” Snow asked the other question that was not her own, but pushing against her mind to come out. “She wants to know if you forgive her for…” Trailing over the adult words she didn’t quite understand about her Grandmother’s heart, a two sided candle, and the vault. Little one tried to push the adult hiding forward to speak, but wasn’t able to.

Regina waited to see if the adult in Snow would come back out. Seeing that was not going to happen she lifted Snow up to stand between her knees. “She and I must speak on that matter.” Then Queen took a long moment to be sure of her next words and when she was she cupped Snow’s chin so their eyes met. “She thought she was doing the right thing and following her heart like I taught her, taught you to do long ago.” Tone thick with grief she didn’t try to keep away. “I never wanted blood on her hands or for her to use magic, but I understand why she felt the need to do what she did.”

And Regina did truly, especially since the realization that she had kept too much of the truth tucked away from her daughter growing up. It was a fine line—keeping the hard facts and truth of their existence away from her daughter in the name of protecting and not being open enough with her feelings to explain why she did so as Snow grew up. Mother hadn’t helped matters by taking her heart, but Regina still felt some sense of responsibility for Snow’s clouded understanding on things of past between them.

“Do you though?” This time little Snow asked. “Forgive her?” Needing to know for knowing what she did about her Grandmother’s death. Her big side had kept those details and images well hidden away from her, but she knew that somehow her adult side felt responsible for that death.

Regina cupped two white cheeks under wide worried green eyes. Her daughter’s eyes. For their strangled history torn through by the winds of Mother’s lies and the sharp manner of their world as it was and for the now of being here with her child again when she never thought it possible, Regina drew Snow close. She gave her daughter an answer she knew would be understood without the words her emotions had tied up.

 Regina kissed between furrowed little brows, feeling them release to knowing tears under her lips. Lingering there as her answer of forgiveness began registering with her daughter’s duel mind. As Snow wept, Regina rested their foreheads together in quiet care for the tender bud blooming once again between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N –They are finally getting to a good place! But the big talk is next….  
> As always love to hear from you!
> 
> Next time: What both sides of Snow thought she once understood about their past is anything but the truth revealed.


	15. Untold Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
> 
> -Maya Angelou-

Snow nearly lost her milk through her nose when Regina told her about having magic back in her excitement. While she didn’t like the idea of magic at all, even feared it at times, she understood it was how they got here and was more than certain that’s how they would get home. But as she let that word settle little one began to question just where home was; Enchanted Forest for her or Storybrooke for her adult side and if somehow they made it out of here to one of those places where did that leave _her_?

“What about me?”

Regina turned off the stove and turned to regard the child sitting at the kitchen counter. It was just after breakfast on Saturday morning and she’d just shared with Snow a bit more of the details about her discussion down memory lane with Cora. Child looked like she’d seen a ghost with the question asked. “What do you mean?”

“I mean me right now. Not big me but _me_. What happens to me when you break the spell?”

Regina’s mouth dropped. Truly she had not thought that far ahead nor did she really know how she felt about anything that could happen once the spell broke. She didn’t want to scare her child and she also didn’t want to lie either. And then something hid away in Snow’s eyes as she thought these things. Little one she knew she’d miss terribly when they did return, suspecting when they did Snow would be an adult once more.

These ideas made her heartache and also fill with a kind of anticipation. While she knew little Snow well, she longed to learn the heart of her grown daughter. Regina looked forward to getting to know the little girl she raised as a woman she could be friends with. Under two anxious green questions Regina searched for answer. She set her coffee mug down and reached across the counter for a little hand resting there. “I don’t know everything, but I do know that when it breaks we will be together.” Too much had changed between them for that not to be the case. For both sides of Snow.

“You won’t go away again?”

Regina shook her head. “Nothing and no one will keep us apart any longer.”

“What about when we do go back. Everyone is still mad at you. They don’t know…” A lot of things, Snow realized as her adult mind pushed in and some things she still had yet to understand, but had a feeling by the way Regina was looking at her now that was soon to change. The adult stepped back then for her child side’s wondering thought.

“We will explain the truth.” Regina began and paused over her next words. “I will need your help with that I expect. But as for us… I will do everything in my power to make sure we keep working things out between us.” She knew it would take more than the five weeks of being in a spelled reality or however long they were here to mend the years of hurt between them. It was a start and one she knew Snow wanted to keep on with too by the way her daughter was looking at her.

Child thought on those words and peeked up through lashes. “Do you promise?” Regina always kept promises made and the one she had thought to be broken at the stables in their past had in fact never been.

“I do.” Stroking the back of a hand, Regina easily answered. “Now, I think it’s nearly time for someone’s riding lesson, hhmm?” That got the grin she’d been waiting for and she watched as Snow scampered into the foyer to get shoes and coat on as she further contemplated another talk they needed to have.

One that had been decades in the making.

 

:::::::::::::::::::::

 

Regina watched from the stable benches as her old Master of the Horse led Snow’s horse in a canter in the frosty meadow. She pulled the collar of her coat up higher against the chill on the breeze coming in. Snow was all smiles and waved to her every chance had and Regina waved back.

It was strange being here at the stables so similar to the royal ones of past. Ones where a promise seemingly broken through little eyes and a secret told for the _right_ reasons began the tear on their relationship. She thought back to their conversation that morning on the spell breaking and just what would happen once the spell was no more. She thought maybe they were close to breaking it. Well closer since Cora’s revelation that they needed to work together. At least she was trying and the little one too.

Regina was unsure of where adult Snow was on the road of the matter and had been the last several days. Little one rarely spoke for that one anymore and any appearances by the adult were brief. She thought she might know what would bring her adult daughter around and knew if she was correct it would spark another conversation they needed to have.  _The_ talk long brewing. Regina suspected big Snow was avoiding her for some reason and she’d had just about enough of that for a lifetime.

Or two.

“Did you see me?” Snow scampered over and right into the arms waiting for her.

“I did and you were wonderful.” Regina praised and undid the chin strap of the riding helmet. “Go and thank Mr. Jettson if you haven’t already. You’ve been riding for hours and it is near time for lunch.”

“Good, I’m hungry! May we eat at Granny’s?”

“Not today little one.”

“But I hoped to.” Begging once more then pouting some when the answer did not change. A dark brow rising got her feet moving. “Oh alright.”

Standing Regina waited until Snow returned from saying thank you to take up her hand.

On the drive home Snow filled with chatter about WinterStar and of things she wanted to do the rest of the day and tomorrow. Snow followed Regina back into the kitchen once they’d sorted their things away by the front door. She sat back at the counter, completely lost in her musings and Regina’s occasional clarifying question or comment as lunch was made.

Regina reached into the fruit bowl and began slicing an apple. She put half on her plate and the other half on Snow’s next to a chicken salad sandwich. When she put the plate in front of the child the chatter all but died down as she expected it would. Rounding the counter, Regina sat in her place on the stool next to Snow’s and picked up an apple slice pointedly taking a small bite and chewing.

Little Snow stared at her lunch for a long minute as her big side conversed with her in mind and then back to the Queen. She cleared her throat and as politely as she could she pushed her plate away. “No thank you.”

“I thought you were hungry.” Easing into the talk they needed to have. “And I know for a fact that _you_ like everything on that plate.” The child Snow was certainly did. They used to share plenty of apples in the past and the aversion now was not from the child in front of her. She saw a flash then of the adult inside and nodded to the plate in a silent prompt, relying on her connection with the little one to help bring that adult mind forward.

Snow tentatively picked up an apple slice as memories of taking such slices from the Queen’s hand as child smaller than she was now in the orchards flashed backwards. Then forwards from taking a spelled apple from such a hand too. _‘But had it been Regina’s hand truly?’_ Such a big thought and suddenly little one was baring witness as her adult side took over.

“Was it you or Cora masked as you with the apple at Daniella’s grave?”

Regina set down the slice she’d bitten into and wiped her hands on a napkin. Two very adult green eyes watched her every move. “I was under one of her compulsions. She had my heart and was controlling what I said and did. I knew it was happening, but I had no way to stop it or the words that were coming out of my mouth giving you the ultimatum to take the apple.”

“Cora?” Asking again to be sure.

A nod. “By then she had almost full control and I couldn’t stop her from making me give it to you, but I was able to reach for sleeping curse drought next to the poison bottle she had me infuse it instead.” The spell protecting what emotions and control she had fought to have had near worn off, but she still fought the compulsions whenever she could.

Snow felt the edges of the room dim within her vision as nausea bubbled up. Once the first question had been asked her mind began overflowing with all the ones she’d wanted to ask but never did. “And Graham that day in the woods when I was picking flowers before my birthday… When he said you ordered me killed I didn’t let him finish speaking before I ran... That was her too?”

“It was. He was supposed to tell you about the compulsions once he had you far away enough from Mother’s wards and spies. To get you to safety.” Regina explained what she had been wanting to for years. Her side of the untold story her daughter was now ready to truly hear. “We had worked it out to transport you to a safe house along one of the hidden routes Graham used to get prisoners free from the re-education camps. By then having you tucked away from my Mother for good had become my one priority, but getting you out of the castle until that point had been impossible until she gave that order.”

Dawning crossed Snow’s tight face as she remembered being a teenager and never being alone. Always under guard or watched by a spy of her Grandmothers. More too on the mention of the re-education camps. She remembered the day in court when she had been very young and the two women had been charged with treason for loving each other. How also Regina had found a way to convince her Father to spare them.

Snow stammered. “You were trying to get me away from her. Even when I…” How had she not put the pieces together before now? Unable to answer that question for herself she asked another. “You were trying to protect me?”

“Always.” The Queen promised. “That is also why I insisted on you learning archery among other things. So if something ever happened to me you would not be completely defenseless.”

Snow further paled as other pieces of the puzzle of her childhood began to come together. The subtle way Graham also added to those archery lessons stuck out bright in her mind. How he had pointed out the flora and fauna around the Castle archery field that could be eaten or used for medicine. The few times too he had taught her to make a fire when they had sought shelter in the stables from afternoon storms. To make a bow and arrow should something happen to hers and the way to filter rain water to drink or find shelter in a storm. All of it woven in so subtly in the twice weekly lessons with the Queen’s Huntsman for many years.

Without that knowledge when she had run away from him and the Castle for good that day Snow realized she would not have survived the forest. Too terrified at the time to question anything other than running for her life. But now looking back with new knowledge and fresh eyes she had the beginnings of understanding when she had misunderstood so much. And in it she began to drown on her own breath.

Survival techniques she had never forgotten for the careful way they’d been taught to her. Memories rushed in of the conversations Regina and she had had about those lessons after and the careful way that knowledge had been reinforced with questions and expected answers of what had been learned. Cora had not known about the additions to the archery lessons and if the old witch had surely they would have been stopped as unbefitting a lady.

Then it clicked.

Regina and Cora had been occupied when she had those lessons. With what she thought she knew and for the reason of Regina studying magic, Snow was not sure how she felt about it. Magic scared her. Always had for the price it carried. Then she found she didn’t know as much about the price of such things as maybe the one who had told the Huntsman to teach her those subtle lessons. The feel of Regina’s dark eyes on her now, said as much.

Snow looked up at Regina and then with another pushing question. “Why did Cora want my heart?”

“For the strength it possesses. She never said what it was for exactly, but I suspected she had other curses to cast.” Regina was sick over the very idea and memory of her Mother’s orders that day. “Yours she said had to be procured in that manner and not the usual way she was used to taking them.”

More questions spilled from Snow’s mouth as her mind spun every which way. “And my wedding after your exile and the dark curse… all of what you did was actually her?”

“It was.” Regina answered bitterly and then correcting her daughter’s thought. “Up until the curse was cast and I was able to subdue her, yes.” Regina took a deep breath for what she knew was coming with that truth.

Snow bit her lip to blood. So much pain and wasted time between them. Too many misunderstandings and over them she’d lost her Mother and all of it had been Cora’s fault… then Regina’s last words registered. “Up until…” And her brows furrowed. “Wait. _You_ cast it?” Memories of her and a bleeding Charming clinging to each other and staring at the tree they had put their daughter in for safe keeping flashed in mind as purple smoke had engulfed them.

“I did.” A hard truth.

And the room was too bright in Snow’s confusion. Temples pounding and she needed to ask to be sure. “So _everything_ between the stables and before the curse was Cora’s magic forcing your hand?”

“Yes, especially after your Father’s death. I had cast a protection spell over my emotions to try and fight it off as long as I could, but that didn’t last long once she’d taken my heart.”

The curse that had cost her Emma was not something Snow thought she could ever... If everything else was Cora then… But if _the casting_ had been _Regina_ … Then one last time Snow confirmed as her mind teetered on the edge of complete understanding and utter devastation. “Not for what it took to do so, but the casting of the dark curse after you stopped Cora was _your_ choice?”

Regina’s mouth burned around her next words. “Yes. The actual casting in the moment was my choice.” And as she thought would happen Snow was off that stool and storming towards the door quicker than she could blink. “But not for how you are thinking. Snow—” Regina just as quickly moved to block the Princess’ exit.

Snow huffed in anger, cheeks reddening as she began trembling with it. A trick, a lie, it had to be because she sensed the rest of the truth was going to hurt way too much. Hurt like it had putting her infant daughter minutes old in a tree. As devastating as the years of living in cursed memories not her own without her family. Why had Regina done it if the woman claimed to have loved her so much? What had been worth the price of that lost time?

Snow didn’t understand.

So as she had once before when they were in the Study fighting over Cora’s spell book Snow pushed. “Let me pass!” And pushed physically, growing sore in heart as her wrists were caught by Regina hating how she began calming under that touch.

“Not until you hear me out.” Firm that they would finish their talk Regina caught little shoulders then that tried to storm past her once more. “Snow. Listen to me.”

“No. I ca—n’t…” A child’s voice cracked around adult emotions.

Snow was sure she couldn’t bear to live with herself if what Regina would say next was true. What her heart was saying was the hard truth that needed telling. That she had not seen or recognized for what it was growing up because of the strength of the arms holding her now. And the truth she suspected would actually come from that mouth would make the last twenty some odd years of her life’s heartache too hard to face for the price they had both paid in distance that shouldn’t have been. If what Regina said next was true, she’d have to own the choice of putting Emma in the tree, of a lifetime separated from her daughter because she had been a daughter who pushed her Mother away.

Snow couldn’t do it.

She did not have this strong heart pushing to spill out of her chest screaming. Screaming as she wanted to do right now. So she begged. “I can’t. I can’t, please.” And she began breaking in tears as she fell hard against the woman who raised her. The woman who held her up from the fall coming.

“You can. Come here.” Lifting the woman child to her hip and grateful Snow let her Regina cradled the back of Snow’s head massaging the tension there. Big tears rolled down little cheeks as she soothed. “Take a deep breath… that’s it, now another…”

Snow did and tried to calm down. When she was sniffling Regina went back toward the stools they’d vacated and she was set in hers again as a napkin came to wipe her cheeks. She stared at amber eyes so concerned over her. “Tell me.” A whisper for what she was not sure she was ready for, but had to know.

“I was able remove certain aspects of Mother’s crafting of the curse to make sure no was killed in the casting, but I couldn’t remove everything, only mask it.”

“Charming’s coma?”

“He was not supposed to make the journey alive. Mother wanted him dead as a punishment to you.” One last one in that world Cora had said before Regina had been able to get her heart back in her body. Graham had helped with that and the distraction to get it back from the vault.

“Why?” Snow struggled to breathe, but the hands on hers made it a little easier. “Why did she want to cast the curse?”

“To get her own happy ending. To be the Dark One with absolute power in a land without magic to counter her. She’d found a way to awaken it for herself here without anyone else’s magic doing the same. It was her way to corner Rumple and to take his power without his knowing.” Regina searched for understanding in green eyes before she continued. “The real Storybrooke would have been a world of puppets she would have been the mistress of and she could have done anything she pleased while bending a knee to no one, Rumple included. The moment she was able to cross the realms after the curse broke she picked up right where she left off and sought out the dagger.”

“How did you stop her from casting it?” One question closer to asking the one chewing her heart out. Wiping her eyes as they leaked again and letting Regina take up her hands fully Snow listened.

“Graham was able to get my heart from her vault. She got wind you were giving birth and wanted to make sure the Savior would not be able to break the curse. She was coming to get my heart to bid me go after Emma, but Graham got it to me first. Then I trapped her in the vault.” Regina took a deep breath herself as the weight held for two decades began coming off her shoulders and for the ears that were finally listening.

And the asking was here. Trembling Snow was as Regina’s hands squeezed hers. “If you had stopped her _why_ did you cast it?”

“Because by the time I had her warded my mirrors showed you had already put Emma in the tree.” Eyes stinging. To save everyone she’d had to appear cruel in the moment to be kind. “You’d have never seen her again and I didn’t…” Regina pushed past tears as they leaked. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you losing your daughter and with Charming dying from the guard’s attack it was the only way I saw to make sure he’d live and so you had a change to have both of them again one day. The vault wouldn’t have held Mother for long and for everyone to finally be rid of Mother’s influence for good I made sure she was left behind and separated from the Dark One.”

Snow folded in on herself. A hard lesson she’d learned in past of service and responsibility to the people Regina had all but embodied and too managed to put her first along with the people of the Kingdom. “Em-ma…” A crack in the middle of a missed life and time lost, but not the fault of the one she’d thought it had been all this time.

 “Emma is your daughter. She has _your_ strength.” Regina affirmed. “And I had hope one day she would find a way back to us, if we were in the same world as she, to break the curse and free us all.”

She’d had no idea it would be though her adopted son. With Henry’s growing interest in the mysterious storybook that appeared in her daughter’s closet last year that told lies spun by dark magic, Regina knew Cora had found a way to bridge the realms she had once thought impossible to do. Had been horrified that her children, once again, were being influenced by that evil woman. Then Henry found Emma and the lies her Mother wove on paper awakened to a reality that set to destroy her family once again.

“And the price of the curse?” Always Snow knew well there was a price to magic and she suspected the price of the dark curse had been great. Knowing Cora’s twisted ways as she did now, she thought the dark woman would have done anything to do so.

“Mother forced me to cut out the heart of one of the things I loved most.” Regina shook her head as tears fell fast. “At the time, you were my heart and so was my Father.”

Green eyes widened with horror and shattered with realization. “Grandfather. She made you choose—” Pink lips parted and a wounded cry as if from a small trapped animal escaped.

“You are my daughter.” Regina stated, resolute. “And you were pregnant. There was no choice.”

And there had not been when it came to a Mother’s love for her child. It knew no bounds or moral law. This love, Regina was sure, answered to no power higher than the little heart here and one in another world connected to hers.

Snow broke wide open with clarity as truth of an untold story woke up feelings she never thought she’d have again. The dark curse cast so their kingdom could remain intact and she’d have a chance to regain her happiness. Price to save her life was the life of one person she knew Regina treasured beyond a shadow of doubt. And when Snow had her own doubts about the Queen’s love so long ago Regina had truly loved her. Sacrificed, protected, and long suffered in silent bearing.

For her.

For their people.

The jaws of pain chewed Snow’s throat and eyes and promptly spit her out. She doubled over in sobs and was lifted up into the arms of the one that had truly saved them all from a hell she could only imagine.

And she couldn’t imagine.

That was always her problem. Near sighted within her little own world and selfish she had been and still Regina had loved her this whole time through it. Sacrificed so she could live and have a chance to be happy. Snow was sure she didn’t deserve this love. The unconditional kind holding the pulsing fragments of her heart together right now.

Yet Regina was here holding her just so.

Lunch more than forgotten Regina moved them upstairs and right into Snow’s room. Right to the bed she laid down with the little one curled up into her chest with Mr. Thumper as she began soothing. Snow fisted her sweater tight with one hand around the stuffed comfort as another rubbed at green swollen orbs.

“I didn’t know. I should have _known_ you… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” Trailing as Snow’s throat closed and she buried her face into Regina. No not Regina she realized and she cried more for the realization of just who was holding her. Who had never actually left her and who she hoped would forgive her greatest trespass that had kept their hearts apart forever to long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – I’m crying, they are crying, you’re crying… Thoughts?
> 
> Next Time: Regina and Snow…..??????????????????
> 
> Also life got super busy on me—so I won’t be posting until next Saturday 2/9. Hugs until then!


	16. Full Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Once I was my Mother’s daughter. Now I am my daughter’s Mother.”  
> – Lisa Gardner—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Last chapter before the epilogue ...

Regina poured two white tablets into her palm, then thought about it and added a third from the bottle and threw them back to swallow without water. Her body ached from holding Snow as long as she had that afternoon since turning her heart inside out. When the girl had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep after their talk Regina had tucked her in and went to clean up the kitchen from their untouched lunch. As she cleaned, Regina’s mind drifted to the talk she’d had with Snow and her Mother prior. It settled on the highlights of each as she trashed the uneaten food.

Mother.

_‘What the hell does that word even mean?’_ Regina thought as she scrubbed verbosely on a permanent crack in the marble counter. She paused after a moment in realization that she asked that very thought before. Mind flashed back to the past. A question she had almost forgotten, but that now seemed so much more important in the asking for the answer just out of reach…

 

 

_It was the eve of Snow’s seventh birthday and Regina had been making preparations for the last few weeks with Leopold’s permission for a small party to be had mid day tomorrow. He hadn’t understood the fuss, but she had insisted. She told the kitchen staff to prepare a cake and with presents wrapped she was near ready for the little celebration. A few more details left with the dress Snow would wear and the child’s first coronet Leopold had ordered the royal jeweler to have made for the Princess for a different reason than the party._

_Both were in her chamber waiting to be tried on for a final fitting beforehand. Snow was to meet her there after lessons today to do such along with a review for what was expected after the party. A ceremony was to follow immediately after to properly announce Snow as Leopold’s heir now that the child was old enough. There would be a huge reception to follow, but it was more for show and ceremony than anything and Regina wanted Snow to have a personal celebration of a sort._

_Regina had heard the commotion well before she came across them in the corridor outside of her chamber. Snow’s plea for understanding clashing with Mother’s harsh tenor made her steps quicken to a run. Then another voice began pleading in different kind of strangled cry. Regina rounded the corner and her heart caught in her throat._

_Snow was clutching Mother’s skirts from behind in a begging fashion as the child’s maid, Johanna, knelt on the stone slab at the rim of the same dark skirts. Mother’s hand was hovering over the woman’s chest as the other was trying to detach Snow. Both maid and child were in near tears and the small coronet, a simple gold band with rose buds fashioned from white gold glittered against the stone floor between them. Her chamber door wide open and Regina thought she understood what might have happened._

_“What is going on here?” Regina asked, approaching quicker as three chins snapped her way. Snow ran for her, but was caught by the wrist to stand in front of dark skirts._

_“Mother!” Snow began. “Johanna did not—”_

_“Quiet.” Cora snapped and stood straighter as Regina neared. “I found these two inside your chamber going through your things and this thief was wearing the royal coronet.” Nodding to the maid. “I was about to show this woman what happens to a thief in this Castle, but your daughter was interfering.”_

_“Please your Majesty I would never...” Johanna bowed as low as possible in deference at Regina’s feet. “The little Princess was only curious.”_

_Regina took a careful breath more than aware of the life and the white skin that would pay if she did not manage this well under Mother’s eye. She gave her eyes to Snow. “Come here to me.” Phrase she knew Snow well understood for what to do, especially in public. She was pleased the child moved immediately under her direction to curtsy and stand the deferred three paces in front of her. Back straight with eyes properly level along with little hands clasped exactly as she had taught followed._

_“Is there a reason for you and the maid to be in a state of disgrace?”_

_“Only for me Mother.” Snow answered._

_Cora cut in. “I’ve already determined they both are at fault.”_

_Regina dipped her chin in acknowledgment as was expected, but she kept on with daughter. “Explain yourself please.”_

_Snow spoke about waiting outside of the Queen’s chamber after Johanna had fetched her for lessons and how the maid had tried to stop her, but she was excited and curious to try on the new dress. More so to see the coronet that she simply couldn’t wait. In her fun she had tried on the gold band and then had placed it on Johanna’s head in jest. “That is when Grandmother passed in the corridor and…” Snow trailed as her chin fell to her chest._

_“Eyes.”_

_At that prompt Snow moved them right back up. Regina held that gaze and spoke to the maid. “Do you have anything to add Johanna?”_

_“No your Majesty.”_

_“If Snow does not heed your prompts in the future come and find me immediately. You are not responsible for the Princess’ choices and not coming to me with her misbehavior near cost you your good name.” Regina paused for the bob of a bonnet covered head and let her words sink in. “And your life.” She wouldn’t have passed a death sentence for something so trivial especially since the maid was not at fault, but had she not intervened her Mother would have and Regina wanted the maid to understand that difference. To heed the protocols she set in place for her daughter’s sake._

_For all their sake._

_“Yes, your Majesty.” Johanna spoke clearly even through a trembling tenor._

_“You are dismissed.” Regina gave direction. “Return to the nursery and ready the room for the Princess to rest. I will bring her shortly.” And waited for the maid to scamper off. She didn’t miss the steam rising in the corridor, nor the way her Mother’s eyes flashed at her order._

_“Mother?” Snow asked and waited for direction._

_“Pick up the coronet and bring it to me.” Hand outstretched in wait as Snow did as asked. Regina examined the gold band and noted there were no scratches or damage. A small relief for Leopold had yet to examine it and she wanted no reason to add on to the talk she and Snow would have._

_“I was only curious and playing.” A small huff._

_Snow’s teeth found a bottom lip at the look of warning Regina gave. A warning to wait until they were alone to speak further. They had discussed going into her private space more than once without permission and with Mother’s eyes on them Regina was left with little choice but follow through._

_“Go into my library. Wait on the rug. I will be there shortly to finish speaking with you.”_

_Regina was anything but upset with the childish display of excitement over the coronet and new dress for what it was, but Snow needed to understand that such actions affected others. And that Cora would call in payment every single time in her wake if she did not lay down boundaries now. Boundaries that included waiting to enter her personal space until she was present. Snow promptly curtsied and stepped back three steps before crossing the hall. Alone with her Mother finally Regina now wished she wasn’t._

_Blue pierced as Cora spoke. “You are too soft. She will never learn how to rule if you do not model how she needs to behave. If she were mine she would well know that by now.”_

_And Regina responded firmly in her own belief. “Yet she is not yours Mother. This way I have with her works just fine for us and this will not happen again, so you needn’t worry.”_

_Cora took a step closer. “A little fear is healthy Regina.”_

_“I do not want my daughter to fear me. Snow learns more from a discussion to logically think through her choices than she does from the latter.” Regina kept her voice steady and sure, lifting her chin in her certainty._

_“Time will tell Regina, but let me make one thing clear in the mean time for you.” Another step._

_And then Mother’s hand was around her throat pushing her into the stone wall. Regina’s hands wanted to claw for air instinctually, and rose to do so and that hand only squeezed tighter. Remember. Then Regina_ remembered _and ceased any counter at all. The moment after she did, that hand eased pressure to choke, but to merely hold firm._

_“See. You do remember that lesson and it only took once.” Wicked spoke. “Fear works wonders my dear daughter.” Then darker. “Do not ever contradict me in front of staff or that child again.”_

_Regina nodded best she could, but that was not enough._

_“Regina.”_

_“Yes—Mother.” Almost breaking in the middle as that controlling hand released, but she held her own and that gaze strong._

_“Yes **Mother** indeed.” Cora confirmed. “The sooner you learn how to embody what that means the less we will need to have these talks of ours.” _

_Queen massaged her neck and coughed to get a full breath. As black boots clicked away down the corridor Regina began questioning just what that title meant based on her experience under that rule. A harsh hand and eye she’d been subject to since birth and title used for the woman who bore her. She and her Mother—Cora—were different. Oh so different. While she wanted to be nothing like the dark woman they still had that word in common. One Regina had been struggling to understand, to define for a softer side of it herself._

_Maybe that was what it was about. Self definition. The young Queen wasn’t entirely sure, but she was sure of one thing. Of one powerful thing still within her control; her love for Snow. Regina vowed then and there to do everything in her power to make sure she was worthy of that affection from her daughter._

 

 

Regina opened her eyes to the present moment and subconsciously rubbed her throat as the memory left. Mother as a word was more than an affection Regina realized, but a calling and responsibility wrapped within the never ending promise of unconditional love. Cora had said herself that she had been anything but that title to Regina growing up.

The price paid was a lifetime in missing and misunderstanding just who she was supposed to be. And who was she if not her Mother’s daughter? That is the role Regina was born into and the one she had been raised and later forced to play. But Cora hadn’t loved her for her efforts. In life, nothing and no one had been enough for the darkness Cora had become. In death, her Mother had said she _‘would have been enough.’_

_‘But just what did Mother mean by enough?’_ Regina thought to herself as she sighed.

She’d spent far too long trying to understand just what that word was supposed to mean. The maternal affection had such power in so many different ways and power was something she had never wanted. But that particular power she had been given when she married Leopold. Then chosen when she’d found Henry. Both of her children had called her a form of that word growing up and Regina reflected on both of them for a moment.

The difference in her children’s childhoods was striking. She’d raised them both in completely different worlds, under different methods and yet both had turned into the kind of passionate and morally sound people she’d always imagined they’d be. Young as he was, Henry was on the way there anyway and Snow… Snow had the same demons she did to overcome. They were more alike in many ways than she and Henry, and all of them just as stubborn. Snow would have done well raising Emma, Regina decided with a small smile of pride. Charming too had a kindness about him that defied the hard masculine norm of their world. Both of them together would have made excellent parents.

Regina wondered then if knowing how to parent was something you were born instinctively knowing or conditional based on how one was raised. She suspected it was a combination of both experience and instinct. With Snow she had relied on instinct, with Henry more so on experience. But neither defined the maternal word truly.

While she was flesh of Mother’s flesh, as that woman had put it, Cora was not her Mother. No Mothering had been done between them and with that realization Regina felt something permanent shift in her heart. A wound closing on a past spent looking for approval and love where she would never find it. And that wound’s festering and very existence had nothing to do with her.

At all.

But with Cora entirely. Regina realized then she did not own her Mother’s legacy nor was she to be defined by it any longer going forward. Perhaps this was what that sharp mouth had meant by forgiveness and freedom.

And Regina was more than ready to be free and let go of the chains of Cora for good.

As Queen thought these things she felt a chilly hand grace her cheek. A tender caress she had waited for her whole life. Then it passed right through her skin to fade. Knowing just who it was saying a final good bye and for what she had come to understand about the owner of that hand, she dipped her head in one last nod of acknowledgment as was custom. For one last lesson well learned for both of them about that word. In acceptance too, that there would be no more grief between them going forth. Regina was done with grief and darkness.

Little feet stood hovering in the corner of the kitchen doorway ever watchful of the quiet moment. Snow observed Regina standing frozen over a sink with eyes closed; clear to her in some kind of deep thought. Wanting to be respectful of the moment, she waited until she saw those shoulders drop the weight of something unseen. Then her adult mind pushed through and Snow cleared her throat to step into the room. A long missed affection slipped from her lips cradled carefully within a question she needed an answer to.

“Mother?”

Regina turned at the voice as warm salt rolled down her cheeks, searching green for just who had called her that. Big eyes took her in.

Snow felt heat at the corners of her eyes pushing again and then they shifted to little ones and she tried again with an affection that felt completely right to the child she now was. “Mommy?”

Regina readily crossed the room and knelt drawing Snow into her arms with a kiss. “Yes, my little one.” Pulling back she rested their foreheads together. “ _Mommy_ is right here.”

A small sniffle. “For always?”

Regina hugged tighter. “For always. Nothing and no one will ever separate us again. I promise.”

And the room gave such a shudder with that finality of heart Regina rocked back sharply nearly losing her balance. Snow clung to her neck as thick black ropes of smoke began spiraling in from the corners of the room. And she pulled that little heart tight into her own and kept her hand on the back of Snow’s head as the child let out a cry of fright.

“Mommy has you. Hang on to me Snow.”

And Snow hung onto her Mother with everything she had. Trusted those arms not to let go as the light went away and her mind began shuffling, sorting, and placing things into right how they should be in her head. She felt lips against her temple murmuring comfort before she lost consciousness entirely in the promise of safety within that embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Yeah… I did that thing again where I leave you wanting more. Epilogue will wrap up your questions. Short but sweet. See you Tuesday. Please Review. Any guesses as to how this comes together?? :-)


	17. Untitled For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Here we are at last… This chapter is for a few people.
> 
> For FrumiousBandersnatch15 who expects a ‘Dinosaur’. Well, here is your ‘Raptor’ in the kitchen. *Smiles*
> 
> For RollyJodger – Hope you are well.
> 
> For everyone who has ever felt rejected and like the whole world is against you. Don’t let go of hope. It will find you when you least expect it.

Regina came to with a start as her eyes snapped open. The razor edge of past and present she had been riding for several weeks suddenly slammed together into the proper timeline of now. She blinked, but nostalgia blurred the boarder of this new fusion by bringing tears to her eyes. A gasp for breath as if she had been underwater for a long time and her mind began to slow down from its journey across time and space.

The room was spinning and Regina was spinning in endless circles of time, but her body was still. Laying still somewhere, she realized. A woven antique rug came into her vision as the colors began to take shape into solid things. It felt rough against her cheek. She realized she had seen that rug before, just not while lying on it and then the room registered entirely. Gold’s Pawn Shop. She could hear the Imp clearing his throat and feel him standing over her near exactly where he had been before the black smoky ropes of magic had coiled in to whisk her and Snow away. Regina tried to still the feeling of vertigo and suddenly more blurry figures became sharper. David was just behind Rumple and even Emma and Henry were here.

 _Henry_.

Regina’s heart flew towards him, but her body remained frozen. She blinked up at them and they appeared just as stunned as she. Then she felt the weight in her arms and closed her eyes for who it could be. Remembering how she had left the present world and the why. Braving the light Regina opened them again and looked down to the person in her arms.

Big green eyes fluttered open looking up with an adult body to match and the eyes of her daughter met her gaze. Not the dead sea of blue of Cora’s eyes as she had been suspecting. And then the lack of the dark woman in any form didn’t matter. On instinct she helped Snow sit up, but for her action feet moved quickly in on them as David and Emma joined loud voices in worry. Regina’s head hurt with the crashing of them together. Her throat was as dry as cotton and she couldn’t speak to their upset if she tried.

Emma went on about black smoke, passing out, lights flashing and Cora’s body disappearing. How she and Henry were near the shop when they saw the smoke pooling in the street and had come in to investigate in time to see them disappear and now reappear minutes later. All the while David tried to tug Snow free of her arms, but Regina held on tighter to her daughter instinctively. Then the barrage of questions Regina had been dreading began raining down like hail stones.

What had Regina done this time? Why wasn’t she saying anything? Why and why with blame pounded those stones to dust in between the beats of Regina’s heart. Before. Just like before the accusing tones beat down on her. From Emma and from David.

Regina focused on the quiet in the room to try and quell her rising anxiety. Snow safe in her arms, trying to find a voice as she was. Then the Imp. He just looked on at her with a disturbed curiosity mixed with the faintest hint of sorrow firmly planted on his features as if he understood her silence. As if he understood _exactly_ what had happened.

And Henry.

Her son didn’t say anything. He looked like he had been doused with a bucket of icy shock laced with confusion. He looked lost. Like Snow had in the beginning of Cora’s spell. That was what made Regina’s heavy heart begin breaking open. But before it broke completely Regina found she didn’t need to respond to any of it.

“It’s alright.” Snow began clearly, hands going out in a pacifying gesture to her missed husband and daughter. It effectively silenced the room. “We’ve been on a trip to the past. It’s complicated, but I’ll explain.”

“But she’s—” David countered in worry pointing to the Queen.

“My Mother.” Easy and sweet the affection slipped from Snow’s pink lips. Sure of the words leaving her mouth as they are to be home. “She’s my Mother.” Snow readily took Regina’s hand and squeezed reassuringly. “She won’t hurt me, or you.” Looking at Henry who peered on with a question in his eyes as he watched them closely. “Not any of us and she never has. She has been wronged in the worst possible way.”

“What do you mean?” Emma’s superpower was naturally on high alert due to the situation, but no misused words rang in mind to do anything but believe what her Mom was saying. No magic or spell was making those words come out. Unsure because of what she knew to be true in the past and this new truth she felt coming Emma backed up to wrap an arm around Henry’s shoulders.

“I mean exactly what I mean.” Getting to her feet Snow helped Regina up too. Grateful when the woman’s arm encircled her waist in support. A gesture she returned. She glanced over and could see Regina’s throat working and amber eyes filling and while they were on her they also moved to the boy across the room. “Cora. It was Cora, all of it since I was a little girl. The curse is not what we thought. Regina saved me. Protected me and all of us. We owe her our lives.”

Henry took a few steps forward. Trusted his Grandmother and truly still did the woman who had raised him, he realized. His mind was somehow now clear of the dark fog that had taken over his thoughts the last year since the storybook had come into his hands. Magic, a dark magic he realized was now leaving his mind free of lies and half truths. The black voice pushing him to distance himself from his mother was gone.

He blinked to clear the last of it away and only saw the absolute adoration and love shining from amber eyes on his. How could he have doubted that it ever was anything less? “So she’s a hero.” Not a question, but his hurtful actions the last year rested on his shoulders heavy and in that weight he asked to be sure. “Mom?”

And when he broke the silence as his voice broke with uncertainty Regina moved for him. Took her little prince tight into her arms in answer. Kissed his sweet cheeks and held tighter still. Her heart filled with an unspeakable joy when his arms in turn wrapped around her neck. Crying, Regina was crying and holding her son. Just as she had held her daughter before the spell broke. Henry, like Snow, wasn’t pulling away from her or calling her evil and hugged her like he meant it.

Snow approached them as they pulled back to look at her. She reached both her hands out. One for each of them and together they all joined hands. “Better than a hero Henry she is your Mother. She always has been and Emma too.” A fond look to Emma who joined them and David too approached to rest his hands on her shoulders. “I’ll explain more. We both will and there are a lot of misunderstandings we all need to clear up. I know the truth now. The whole truth.”

And nothing but the truth would really and truly set them all free. Hope or something else had Emma extending a hand toward the Mayor and Queen she’d spent the last several months battling and trying to understand. In those wide knowing amber eyes was a story untold and a longing to be well read like a favorite book. Emma thought she may need to dive in between the lines of Regina head first to find all the answers to her questions. But for now, for the delicacy of the moment, she rested her hand over Regina’s in truce. Both blonde and brunette tried a small questioning smile between them that only time would have answers too.

 

**::::::::::::::::::::::**

 

“ _Mom._ Do I have to?”

Regina looked quickly over her shoulder with a raised brow and smile as she finished dusting the last bit of cinnamon over the pie she had taken from the bottom oven as her child came barreling into the kitchen. Ever since Cora’s spell broke and they returned home things had been different. So wonderfully different it still made Regina pinch herself on occasion to make sure this fairy tale she found herself living was real.

“You do need to clean your room if you want dessert after dinner.”

The child seemed to be thinking about it and asked. “What kind of dessert?”

Regina chuckled. “As if _that_ should make a difference.” She wiped her hands on a cloth and took a step toward the door way where her child hovered.

“It does! Trust me, but they will be here any minute and I want to answer the door. Can I do it after dessert? I promise I’ll do it then. Please?” Two hands clasped together under a chin with pleading eyes.

Regina pretended to think about it, but had already given in. Especially when said doorbell rang and those little eyes she loved so much brightened at the sound. “Alright. Now go play host for a few minutes while I take dinner out of the oven.” She sent her child off with a playful towel flick and a shake of her head.

“Yes!” Henry cheered and scampered off toward the foyer.

Regina watched him go with a light heart. One she never thought she would feel or have again. But Cora’s spell had changed that. After they had got back home and many talks had been had Henry moved back home with her. He had wanted to from the first day, but Emma and David still had had reservations. Regina had been patient however and understanding of them. Time travel was a lot to swallow and Snow had been patient too. Together they were redefining what their family meant. Little by little at first and much more quickly lately trust was being regained and now that everyone knew the truth Regina was being hailed as a hero.

When she walked down the street people greeted her with genuine smile and well wishes. Flowers began showing up on Regina’s doors step the first week as the truth spread. Then a flood of them on her porch the second week. And more still all along the walk to the gate on the third. At Granny’s her favorite booth or bar stool was always waiting for her with coffee and her favorite dish on the house. The townspeople came to her with their needs, praises, and squabbles to help settle. The dwarfs had even surprised her one morning at Town Hall by adding _‘Our Queen’_ to her office door. Regina was respected, not feared and that, along with having her children’s love was enough for her.

Almost, or so she thought.

Her heart still hurt over the loss of her little one. The time in the spell now precious for what it had been, had left Regina wanting more of it that no longer existed. While she was grateful to have Henry back and her adult daughter’s love and trust, she missed little Snow something fierce. Heart skipped a beat over her promise to the little one about them not ever being separated again. In a way she had kept that promise with her adult daughter. They talked everyday on the phone and made it a priority to spend time together during the week. A lunch out or a walk by the pond after work. They were reconnecting and becoming fast friends as she had always hoped they would be one day once Snow had grown.

Regina had even taken to joining Snow at the stables on occasion to watch the young woman ride. She was almost ready to get back up on a horse herself, but not quite yet. Henry wanted to learn and she’d promised him she would teach him soon. A promise she intended to keep and would continue to do for the one made in the spelled reality to Snow. As she moved to get the pot holders Regina heard the front door open and hoped tonight, their first dinner as a family, went well.

Henry nearly crashed into the front door sliding across the tile on his socks. He unlocked the bolt and threw it open with a huge grin. His eyes sparkled. “This is ssoooo weird. Cool, but still weird.”

Emma raised a brow and smirked. “Kid we live in a magic town with a bunch of fairy tale characters and you find _this_ weird?” She reached to tussle his hair. It was long and shaggy, but so suited the kid. Even if it blocked it eyes. Maybe Regina had been right. It was time for a haircut. Or a tiny trim at least. She was getting used to sharing Henry with the Mayor—with Regina, sharing decisions and the kid’s adventures. When he’d wanted to move home, Emma had been upset, but also understanding. This was where he had grown up and it had more space than the loft. Henry needed his Mom and since Regina was not the monster she thought, Emma would not stand in the way of what he wanted. The whole joint custody thing wasn’t so bad and Regina had been adamant about making sure Emma had adequate time with Henry.

Still, she missed having him around all the time.

He shrugged with a lopsided grin and gave his eyes to the other person standing on the porch. “Are you ready?” A smile from that bright face was enough of an answer for all of them and he ushered them into the foyer.

As Regina pulled the lasagna out of the oven she heard Henry chattering in the entryway and many feet making their way over. She set the hot dish down and smoothed her hands over her apron. A ready smile for Emma when the blonde gave one in return from the door way and then her jaw dropped.

“Hi Mommy.” A little wave and little Snow found herself suddenly wrapped up tight once again.

Regina cradled her daughter’s head against her shoulder as tears streamed down her cheeks. Her little one. Here. Now. “How?” She managed to choke out as she lifted Snow to her hip and kissed that long missed white cheek. Months since she had and now here like it was yesterday. Henry and Emma looked at each other with knowing grins and high-fived.

“Operation _Mr. Thumper_.” Henry lifted his chin, proud of the code name he’d come up with from his Mom’s stories about the spell.

Regina sniffed and wiped her cheek as little one pressed a kiss to her other one. “Who did this?”

“Mr. Gold.” Henry said as if it was obvious why his grandmother was now a little girl again.

“He helped us.” Little Snow chimed in.

“Helped you _how_?” Regina wasn’t sure how she felt about the Imp’s involvement in anything. She didn’t trust him and did not want Henry or even Snow as an adult around him. Her less than pleased tone over the idea had an immediate effect on her children. They looked properly chided. “Henry?”

“Mom it’s okay. Ma took care of everything and was with me when we went to his shop.”

A dark brow rose. “ _Miss Swan?_ ”

Green eyes rolled over a half smile. “ _Regina_ —we’ve been through too much for you to keep calling me that don’t you think?”

Regina shifted on her heels. “Fine, _Em-ma._ What were you thinking letting our son around that Imp, never mind making a deal with him?”

Emma’s heart fluttered over the use of _our_. “I didn’t make a deal. Gold offered a charm as his way of apologizing over his role in your past. It works as long as she’s wearing it.” Nodding to the silver bunny necklace little Snow was holding up. She did not miss the way Regina held the child version of her Mom closer at the mention of Gold. “He knew you wouldn’t accept it from him or ask Snow to do this so Gold came to me. I talked to my Mom and she was more than for it and I knew there was no way to keep the kid out of the loop. Henry picked out the charm and Mom and I picked it up on the way over here tonight. It can be used as long and as many times as you both want.”

“Emma I…” Regina began and promptly lost her words as little hope filled eyes shined on hers. Ones she didn’t think she would ever see again.

“You both have said more than once that you didn’t get enough time in the spell to be together knowing the truth so…” Emma shrugged with a cocky smile to Henry and both of them said, “Surprise!”

Regina’s eyes misted and she turned back to look at her daughter. “Do you remember everything?”

“It’s strange. I have all my memories, but I don’t hear big me’s voice like before.” Little one explained as her fingers played with the pearl buttons on a silk blouse. Then her tummy rumbled. “May we eat now? Please Mommy?”

Regina lips formed a watery grin as both Henry and Emma echoed that sentiment. With another kiss to Snow’s cheek she sent both Snow and Henry into the dining room with a bundle of silverware and napkins. As she cut the lasagna, Emma held up plates for her to put servings on. “Tell me,” Regina began as she put one particularly cheesy piece of lasagna onto a plate she knew would end up in front of Emma for the way the blonde was practically drooling over it, “Where is your Dad tonight?” Asking in some worry that David was somehow not pleased with this _surprise_. A far as they had all come since the truth came out Regina still had some inclinations to doubt it would last. “Is he okay with this?”

“He is okay as long as my Mom is okay and he wanted to come but something popped up. Literally a beanstalk popped up right through Main Street so he and the dwarfs are investigating it, and he refused to let us miss this dinner. He knows how important it is to all of us.” Emma assured.

“I see.” Regina said, not sure she really did, but that was a safe answer.

One Emma saw right through. She put her hand on Regina’s, effectively stopping avoidance from being dished on a plate. “I know this is still hard for you to believe and I know I didn’t help matters when you and my Mom first got back, but no one thinks badly of you anymore Regina. We’re all so sorry.”

Regina shook her head somewhat bitterly. “I am still getting used to that idea. It’s not easy after so many years of being blamed for everything.”

Nodding Emma squeezed that hand once. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you to go through by yourself—not having the people you love believe you. To believe _in_ you. But I do know what it feels like to be rejected. Over and over again.” Emma paused as decades of hurt washed across the Queen’s face and she reached out her hand to cup Regina’s cheek. Her thumb wiped away a tear falling. “And I promise your family, _our_ family, will never reject you.” A slow smile grew for the one hinting at the corners of a red mouth. Emma gestured to the dining room. “Especially those two rug-rats. Between them and me and Dad, we have your back like nobody’s business.”

Chuckling as Emma’s hand left too soon, Regina asked. “You do realize you called your Mom a rug-rat?”

Emma’s nose wrinkled. “Yeah. Kid was right. This is cool, but soooo weird. We have one fucked up family tree.”

“Language.”

Rolling eyes Emma started. “Yes _Grand_ —”

“Don’t even—” A finger shot up effectively stilling pink lips.

“Yeah sorry.” Emma agreed, now more than done with her own joke as she rubbed the back of her neck as she blushed. “I mean we share a kid and…” She shrugged as her eyes lingered on parted red lips before she busied herself holding up another plate. “I don’t think I will ever think of you _that_ way. Like ever.”

Regina was quiet for a long moment as she plated the last slice of lasagna. “If I’m being honest, me either.”

Emma licked her lips and felt her stomach flutter. “Then how—”

Then said rug-rats ran back into the kitchen to help carry plates into the dining room. Regina poured wine for her and Emma and milk for the children. She sat at the head of the table with her family and watched as everyone laughed and enjoyed the meal. Henry and Snow made a game of who could stuff the biggest bite of food in their mouths. Emma joined in the contest, but abruptly shut it down when Regina raised her brow.

Henry began to tell a story about the time Emma made milk come out of her nose that had them all rolling and little Snow trying to understand how that was even physically possible much to everyone’s amusement. “But how does it get up _in_ there?” She asked, looking between the adults and then sourly at her milk as if the idea of drinking it now disgusted her.

That look was not missed by Regina who put a stop to Emma’s next teasing comment about ‘ _special_ _milk glands in nostrils’_. She suddenly felt like she was sitting at the table with three children, not two. “Honestly Emma. You’ll give her nightmares.”

“Fine.” Emma rolled her eyes as she chewed her food. After swallowing she gave a half smile to the child her Mom was. Still unable to help joking. “I apologize for your delicate sensibilities your highness.”

Little one lifted her chin and crossed her arms. “You don’t have to tease me so much you know. You’re a _Princess_ too.”

“Snow.” Regina set down her wine, eyeing her daughter and couldn’t help gently chiding over the brass tone used.

“Sorry Mommy.” And Snow reached for her milk to take a sip to show as much, but her eyes remained on Emma.

That hot little look had Emma sobering her laugh. “Sorry kid. This is new to me too. Sometimes I joke when I don’t know what else to say.” She shrugged.

Regina added. “Something you picked up from your Mother, I’m sure.”

“No doubt _she_ got it from you.” Emma snorted and made a face, only hiding her smile by taking another bite of food.

Snow wiggled in her seat softening considerably under the genuine lighthearted banter between the adults. “It’s alright.”

“Is it time for dessert yet?” Henry asked, his fork scraping his plate.

“Yes.” Regina more than thought it was time. “You and Snow both clear your plates and you may bring the pie over from the side board for me to cut.” She gestured to the apple one sitting there with dessert plates ready to go. Both children didn’t need to be told twice and hopped up to clear their plates and hers with Emma’s.

Emma reached for the half empty bottle of wine and topped off Regina’s glass before her own wondering over the soft edges of the unsaid between them. Before she knew Regina was technically her step grandmother she had found the woman, what she knew the woman to be because of Cora, insufferable. But also a beautiful storm she longed to get soaked in. Regina was still that way Emma realized; a quiet storm in its perfect glory rolling through the thunder of her heart. A heart she felt pounding blood to her ears and her cheeks turned bright pink for the why and not from the wine.

Regina watched the Savior blush wondering if the wine had gotten to Emma. She thought it was rather sweet when the blonde had refilled her glass and grew warm over the fact with a feeling she had been trying to understand. She had not felt this way in longer than she could remember. Not since… She reached for her glass as her own cheeks grew pink and sipped. Before she had realized Emma was the Savior and not just Henry’s birth mother she had admitted to herself how beautiful the blonde was. Striking actually and Regina felt a piece of her heart long dormant wake up. Then she realized exactly who Emma was. And well… Regina took a bigger sip of wine as the children brought the pie over for her to serve.

Dessert, like dinner, was delectable and all forks scrapped plates clean before Henry suggested they all watch a movie. He was reminded about his room and ran up to tidy that as everyone else got settled in the living room. Little Snow picked out a DVD from the basket of many under the TV stand and happily snuggled up on the couch with her Mommy. Henry joined them quick enough and a half hour later just as the movie plot was getting going both children were asleep.

Emma looked away from the TV screen and fondly took in the sweet picture on the couch next to her. Little Snow was lying right on top of Regina. Head against a heart and Queen’s fingers were stroking long dark curls. Henry snuggled into that same lap, curled up against Snow with Regina’s other hand resting on his head. Both children’s feet were in her lap. Somehow Regina’s had found their way there too. Emma smiled over the fact and began to gently massage those royal feet. She felt Regina’s eyes on her for the gesture but only for a moment before they returned to the movie.

This.

Between them.

Was something newly tender neither one had yet to define or comment on to the other. Regina didn’t know what it was exactly, but it felt good and she could tell it felt that way to Emma too for the way that pink mouth turned up. She looked down then at the love sleeping in her lap.

Regina held onto both of her children. Looking back and forth between them in this dawn of hope once upon a time when she thought her ending had been written already. Though, every end seemed to have a way of beginning another chapter.

Emma looked over then with a soft smile and Regina held that gaze with one of her own. Perhaps this chapter held some uncertainty too. But Regina was ready to move forward into this beautiful unknown with her family by her side. She leaned down to kiss the foreheads of her children, resting her lips against Snow’s temple.

And while this chapter to be written would tell the story of many types of love, it would highlight the never ending story of one most profound; a love of daughters and mothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N – Thank you for exploring this side to Snow and Regina’s tale. I hope you found some insight, as I did, within this journey on the complexity of the mother daughter relationship and on this one mother daughter duo that did not quite get their second chance on OUAT. Please consider a review or comment for this work.
> 
> Best always & until next time,
> 
> LittleSwanLover
> 
> For fans of Special Delivery – I am currently 2/3rds of the way done writing part two. Posting for that will happen, I am hoping, at the start of March.


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